Chapter 13 #2
‘There are two reasons I’ll obviously remember what you said it was about, Sie.
Firstly, it was the first time I met you and, secondly, Infinite Ghost is still one of my favourite songs and albums.’ He shakes his head.
‘And it’s not about that. I know you.’ He opens and closes his mouth, unsure whether to continue. ‘I’ve been at the receiving end.’
I look away, hit another key on the piano and hope that it’ll get him to stop talking.
‘I’ve seen it get progressively worse over the years. I know it’s you. You’re the infinite ghost,’ Luc says.
‘Okay, ouch.’ I hit the highest key, and it barely makes a sound over Luc’s voice.
‘I’m not trying to be mean, Sienna. It’s just the way you are.’
He crosses the room and perches on the other side of the piano stool. I move over to make room for him. Half my bum is hanging off, and I’m sure his is too. Neither of us are comfortable.
‘I mean, you ghosted me.’
I wince. ‘Can we not talk about this?’
‘You like to avoid talking about things you find uncomfortable, don’t you?’ He cringes and bows his head. ‘But, Sienna, we’ve been dancing around this for weeks.’
I don’t reply.
Luc continues, ‘You still haven’t told me why. We can’t just keep going on like we’re friends and we don’t have history.’
I still stay silent, but I refrain from hitting another key on the piano. I file away his line for a song later.
‘You still haven’t told me why.’ His voice cracks. ‘You stopped replying one day, and I never got an explanation. I thought I’d done something wrong, but I couldn’t work out what.’
‘You hadn’t.’ I fiddle with the skin around my nails.
‘After six months of racking my brains and then later on putting it together with the Infinite Ghost reference, I realised that.’ He runs his hands through his hair and pushes his glasses up his nose. ‘But it’s not fair. You can’t treat me like that.’
‘I know.’
‘I realise there’s probably a reason why everyone in your life is on your team or your family, but we’ve come this far now.
’ His throat bobs with the effort it takes him to swallow.
‘There is a reason that Mimi reached out to me for this arrangement, and no one else. I know there is.’ His eyes search mine.
‘I haven’t figured it out yet, but I will. ’
‘I don’t know why she reached out to you either,’ I offer quietly.
‘So, why did you stop replying?’ He’s gentle with his words but it feels like he’s poking at an old bruise with a cattle prod. ‘Why did you ignore me and then treat me like nothing had happened?’
I don’t reply again but I widen my eyes. They brim with tears, and I swallow, looking away.
‘Sienna, I’m not having a go at you,’ Luc repeats.
‘I only want to understand so that we can support each other going forward… now… especially now that we’ve been thrust back into each other’s lives.
’ He pauses, probably waiting for me to reply, but when I don’t, he adds, ‘I need an explanation. I need to know why.’
I fiddle with a hairband on my wrist, pinging it against my skin over and over.
‘We met ten years ago now, and I’ve always come back whenever you’ve called.’ He gets up from the stool. ‘And if that doesn’t mean anything to you, I don’t know what else I can say.’
He starts towards the door and my heart leaps into my throat.
‘Because everyone leaves.’ I clasp my hands over my mouth, the words bursting out of me before I can stop them. The true, real explanation.
He stops walking and comes back, brow softening.
‘Is that really what you think? That I’m going to leave?’
My ears are ringing. A singular tear slips over the edge of my waterline. He brushes it away.
‘Sienna, it’s been a decade.’
I look away again and press a few keys on the piano.
‘From the day you walked onto Eric Lancaster’s Laughs to now, I have never left. You have. But I haven’t,’ he continues.
A sob escapes the back of my throat.
‘Through all those tours where you all but disappear because you’re in survival mode and when you go down a writing hole for days at a time. Or when you’re being just generally shit on your phone. None of these things are bad things, but I’ve never left.’ He pauses.
A chill rolls down my spine and I don’t fight it.
‘What makes you think I’m going to?’
I shake my head.
He takes my hand, encouraging me to get up, to follow his lead. And then he wraps his arms around me, holding me against his chest.
Alarm bells. Touching. Not in public. It’s against our rules. But the way his body envelopes me makes me feel safe, his breath in the crook of my neck… I never want to let go.
‘I’ve got a new rule to add to our fake contract,’ he whispers. ‘No leaving without notifying the other person of why.’
I nod against his shoulder. ‘Okay.’
He’s crowbarring his way back in, and I’m powerless to stop it.
He lets me go. ‘I’m going to pop home to freshen up, but then we’ve got plans tonight.’
‘What are we doing?’ I swallow the lump of emotion gathered in my throat. ‘Please don’t say it’s another surprise.’
‘It was going to be…’
‘Please, Luc. I hate surprises.’
‘Really? Huh, I don’t know why I didn’t expect that.’
A smirk on his lips tells me that was exactly what he expected from me.
‘Is it because you hate surprises or because you hate feeling out of control?’ he asks.
I frown. ‘Will you tell me where we’re going?’
He looks like he’s thinking about it, but only for a second, his eyes locked on mine. I’m waiting for him to back down, to tell me of course he’ll give me back control. He’s probably waiting for me to say, yes please, Luc, I’d love for you to surprise me. I call his bluff and wait.
‘I’ll see you in a few hours,’ he tells me as he’s walking out of the piano room and downstairs to the front door.