Chapter 8
KC
Panic was hot and heavy in my chest, a poison that spread and infected every molecule it touched. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, and my hands trembled as I stared down at them. For a freaky second, it felt as if they belonged to someone else.
I groaned and fell back on my bed, scrubbing my palms over my face. How did this happen? I’d gone over to Oli’s house to give him a lift home and maybe smell food I wasn’t allowed to eat. Not get a blowjob from him.
I’d kissed him.
Gotten naked for him.
Put my dick in his mouth.
Fear flared and expanded behind my rib cage.
I slammed the heel of my hand against my sternum.
Oli wasn’t a random guy. He was practically Barber’s son.
Barber loved him and took care of him. I’d basically used him as a hole, then run like my ass was on fire.
I’d seen the devastated look he’d given me as I’d bolted. What kind of person was I?
Not this.
Never this.
“KC, are you home?” Pa’s voice echoed around the living room, loud and confident, and my stomach swooped.
Gathering the energy to use my voice, I took a deep breath. “Yeah, Pa. In my room. Relaxing.”
A few seconds later, the door opened, and Pa stuck his head in with a frown. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips pursed in a suspicious pout. “Relaxing?”
Shit. Yeah, that sounded stupid coming from me.
I hadn’t done anything close to relaxing since I’d started college.
That was one of the many things Pa had nagged me about.
He’d worried I was pushing myself too hard, not resting enough.
He always said you couldn’t be in top form physically if you were constantly pushing yourself to the limit.
“What happened?” he asked bluntly, concern etched into the slim features of his face. He shoved open the door and crossed his arms. He scanned my bedroom, searching, and I suspected he was checking to see if anything—or anyone—was the purpose of my break in routine. “Do you have someone in here?”
I groaned and sat up, ignoring my pounding heart. “Pa.”
He held up his palms, a smile quirking the corners of his lips. “I’m not worried. I’ve given you the sex talk and made sure you’re safe.”
“Pa!” I grumbled under my breath and sighed. “I’m fine. I just . . . .” The thing was that I told my pa everything. He never judged me, but he was also dating Barber. He couldn’t lie to his boyfriend.
Pa stepped into the room and closed the door. He came over to sit on the bed beside me, arm wrapping around my shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong. We’ll sort it out together.”
Sex was different, though. He was still my dad. I didn’t want to talk to him about my sex life. No one wanted to know who their kid was fucking, or in this case, getting blowjobs from. Right?
I dropped my shoulders forward and mumbled.
“What?” Pa leaned closer. “I didn’t hear you.”
I sighed loudly. “I did a bad thing and feel terrible about it. Oli, Barber’s Oli, gave me a blowjob and I ran.
Fucking split as soon as he was done.” I frowned before spewing out the rest in a rush.
“I was done? Fuck, I don’t even know if he got off.
What if he didn’t get off? I’m a terrible person.
” I threw myself back on the bed, arms spread across the mattress.
The plain white ceiling glared down at me, judging.
Definitely judging. I was a monster, and poor, sweet Oli was caught in a honey trap I hadn’t realized I’d set.
“You’re spiraling.” Pa fell onto the bed, his head resting on my arm.
He smiled, and warmth spread through me, a reminder that this was the man who’d raised and protected me.
It was because of him that I wasn’t a horrible human being.
He’d given me all the love I’d needed as a teenager and taught me how to be a good man.
“Let’s break this down. So, Oli gave you a blowjob? How did it happen?”
I exhaled heavily and told him the story. From the sexy pinup artwork to me stripping for him to Oli asking to blow me.
“Mm-hmm.” Pa grinned, amusement flickering across his face. “Sounds like Oli instigated it to me. He wanted it, too.”
“That’s not the point, Pa. I let him blow me and I ran out on him.”
Pa winced. “Yeah, not the best move, but you’re a good kid, KC. I raised a kind, intelligent young man. And you know what you should do?”
I resisted the urge to groan again. Maybe I could hide my face in my pillows and never leave my bedroom.
Ever. I’d grow old under my blankets, and no one, especially not Oli, would ever see my face.
Or hell, Oli would probably forget about what happened in a few years, right? I could just hide until then.
Pa poked me in the ribs as though he could read my thoughts, and I grunted. “Text him, KC.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Do you like him?”
“I don’t know?” My voice wobbled in uncertainty. “I’ve tried not to think about him that way. He’s hot, but he’s like Barber’s son. It just seemed like it would lead to problems.”
Pa laughed. “Well, I can tell you he’s definitely thought about you that way.”
“What?” I yanked my arm from under him and sat up, frowning at him. The panic returned, a flood of pressure pushing down on my chest and leaving my lungs heaving for air. “What do you mean?”
Pa sat up and tilted his head, studying me. “You didn’t know? The boy looks at you like you’re ice cubes in the desert.”
“He’s not a boy. He’s the same age as me and we’re adults,” I retorted before my brain could catch up. “He doesn’t like me . . . . Does he?”
Pa gave me a pointed stare. “Do I lie to you?”
All at once, a couple of things made more sense. The way Barber talked up Oli. How he made comments about Oli being good boyfriend material. I’d laughed about it previously, thinking what a good guy he was, but I hadn’t realized Barber was trying to push me in Oli’s direction.
Fuck.
“I can’t.” The words came out strangled, a weird scratchy tone that scraped up my throat. I blanched, then shoved to my feet, pacing my room. “I can’t. I have a date tomorrow.”
Pa’s spine straightened. “Date? With who? You never told me.”
Of course I hadn’t because Pa always got overprotective.
Knowing him, the moment I told him who it was, he would start investigating Ren.
Following him. Getting as much info as he could to assess the level of danger Ren was to me.
He always took things too far, especially since my teenage heartbreak.
My high school sweetheart who’d been my first, then pushed me away because he was ashamed about being gay.
“It doesn’t matter.” I stared right back at him. “You don’t need to get all Papa Bear on me.”
“Who is he?” Pa’s voice lowered to a dangerous pitch as he stood.
“No, I’m not telling you. Stop it.” I pointed at him. This was the problem with having an assassin father. He always got too intense. “Please?”
His stance relaxed and some of the danger bled out of his posture. He lowered his shoulders, his face softening. “Fine. But if he breaks your heart—”
“You’ll break him, I know.” I rolled my eyes.
“But you’re missing the point. Oli gave me a blowjob, I ran out of his house, and now I have a date tomorrow with this tattooed hottie.
” I swung my hands around dramatically, and when I was finished, I threw them up in the air.
Oli liking me made the entire thing so much worse.
I’d graduated to being a complete dick. How did I not realize he wanted me?
“Either way, I’m a horrible person and I’m screwed. ”
Pa grimaced. “If Luke was here, he’d say you are definitely getting screwed and you’d have a choice by whom.”
“Pa!” I groaned. “You spend way too much time with Barber. My Papa Bear would never say that.”
He chuckled. “You’re right. I should probably break up with him, huh?”
“Too late. He’s clingier than a bad case of herpes.”
We looked at each other, then started laughing, hard and loud and in a way that made us sound diabolical. We fell back on the edge of the bed, and he nudged his shoulder against mine when we finally settled down enough to talk.
“Text Oli. Explain. Tell him your thought process. He deserves to know. And if you still want to go on a date with this tattooed hottie, as you described him, then do it. You’re young and free to do what you want.”
“Even if Barber kills me for getting head from Oli and then running?”
Pa shook his head. “He’ll get over it, and I’m sure Oli will understand whatever you’re feeling. He’s a good boy.”
“Not a boy,” I grumbled.
“Anyone under thirty is a boy.” He patted me on the head as if I was still thirteen, then left my bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind himself.
Pa was right. I had to be an adult about this. I wasn’t going to intentionally hurt Oli, which meant being honest with him. Before my dick was in his mouth, I hadn’t known he liked me.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. My head was a mess with images of Oli sucking my dick, of the satisfied face he made when he swallowed my cum, of his wide eyes and even wider smile, which stole my breath.
I’d never thought about him on his knees for me, but now he filled my mind. I hadn’t wanted to think about this because I wanted to respect Barber, but that was in the rearview mirror.
I growled in irritation and yanked my phone out of my pocket. My thumbs jabbed the screen as I brought up Oli’s phone number. I didn’t even remember how I’d gotten it anymore. We’d probably both been helping Barber with something.
KC
Sorry for leaving like that. You ok?
It was almost as if he was waiting for my text because he responded immediately.
Oli
I’m fine. Are you? Want to do it again?
I scrubbed a palm down the side of my face and stared up at the ceiling.
This was fucked, right? Because my answer should’ve been an instantaneous no, but I wanted to say yes.
Oli was fucking adorable. Not dangerous like Ren, but he definitely had something about him that made my body go “yes fucking please.”
KC
I’m going on a date, probably tmrrw.
I hit Send, then started typing again.
KC
Listen, this is strange for me. I didn’t know you were into me. But I want to go out with Ren, too. Is that wrong?
Of course it was fucking wrong. I was being so stupid about this.
KC
Im a horrible person.
Oli started typing, then stopped. Started again. Stopped.
I watched the flickering dots appear and disappear and held my breath. My thumbs trembled above the phone screen as I resisted the urge to respond with more bullshit. I’d said what I needed to say and it was his turn. I wasn’t going to bombard him with messages.
Oli
Okay. Go on your date, but don’t settle. Date me, too. Dating a guy isn’t marrying him. Take a chance with me.
I blinked down at the message, computing what he’d said. He wanted me to date both of them? The idea was ridiculous. Except, maybe it wasn’t? He was right. Dating didn’t mean it had to be serious. As long as I was honest with Ren and Oli, I could get to know them both.
KC
Are you sure?
Oli
Yes. Please?
Damn it. What a proposition. Was I really going to do this?
KC
Ok.