Chapter 18
Chapter
Eighteen
SUTTON
I wake up on my side to a dimly lit room with music bumping off in the distance. It’s faint enough where I can’t hear the lyrics but close enough to feel the bass. The basic, plain off-white wall definitely isn’t the same wall I have gotten used to seeing.
The last thing I remember is Zach leaving my motel room. Everything I worked so hard for is gone in the blink of an eye. He was always good at kicking me when I’m down. I don’t know why I expected this time to be any different.
A body moves next to me, making me tense, scared to move another inch.
Where the heck am I?
These aren’t the motel sheets.
“I know you’re awake,” Ink’s gravelly voice says from behind me.
Shooting up in bed, I wince as all the blood rushes to my head, causing my vision to go black.
“Whoa, easy there, darlin’.” Ink’s large hand gently touches the middle of my back, as if he’s trying to steady me while I lie back down. I blink my eyes rapidly, trying to clear the fog, but my brain has no recollection of how I got from the motel to here .
What would ever possess me to climb into Ink’s bed?
All I know is I feel like I’ve been run over by a massive truck that reversed back over me to do it again for good measure. Every muscle has a deep ache that I know is going to be there for days. I’m drained beyond belief.
The memory of Zach waiting for me in my room comes rushing back to me. Him throwing me against the wall. My head taking the brunt of everything. Him taking everything I’ve worked for.
Oh god.
The money.
I close my eyes in an effort to get the room to stop spinning as the anxiety from everything that’s happened threatens to attack.
Oh god.
I lost it last night.
And to put a cherry on top, I lost it in front of Ink.
I shouldn’t feel embarrassed because I didn’t do anything wrong. But I’m mortified. Never in a million years would I have wanted anyone to see me in that state, let alone any of the guys at the shop.
Zach has always been a trigger for me, though.
“Why am I in your bed?” I wince at the sound of my scratchy voice. My throat is so dry it feels like there are a million little needles sticking out on the sides.
“Here, drink this.” Ink hands me a bottle of water, unscrewing it before fully handing it over.
The first few sips feel like life is seeping back into my body. I chug the bottle in four gulps, finishing it on a long sigh. “Thank you.”
“You never need to thank me for takin’ care of you, bunny.”
Bunny?
Now I’m really starting to feel like I missed a few episodes.
I clear my throat, trying to get rid of the awkward tension that has settled over me. “Can you please tell me what happened?”
Ink studies me for a long moment, his face unreadable.
“I was hoping you could fill in the gaps for me. You didn’t show up for work and weren’t answerin’ your phone, so I came lookin’ for ya.
What I found wasn’t what I was expecting.
You were out of your mind and weren’t making a lot of sense.
It freaked me out, so I took you back here.
All I gathered was some guy named Zach took your shit and left. ”
I let everything he just said digest for a minute.
Ink was freaked out over me?
I know Gage has been telling me the version of Ink I met isn’t who he really is, but I can’t say I one hundred percent believed him. Until now. It’s been so long since I’ve had someone actively try to help me that I’m not exactly sure what to do with it.
“I’m sorry I freaked you out,” I murmur, not able to meet his eyes.
My eyes are zeroed in on a tiny bleach stain on his dark blue comforter.
I’m studying it so hard, feeling his rough hand lightly grasp my chin has me jumping.
He turns my head to face him in a way that lets me know if I even slightly resisted, he’d let go right away.
“What did I tell you about apologizin’?”
I give him a sad smile. “It still doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t need to see all of that.”
Ink’s face hardens at my comment. “Let’s clear somethin’ up real quick, bunny. I’ll be the judge of what I do and don’t deserve to see. And I’ll always put in the effort to make sure I deserve to see you.”
Ink looks just as shocked as I feel at his admission.
My eyes move to the ceiling.
What is happening? Where is my asshole boss who couldn’t stand the sight of me? I don’t have enough experience to deal with this type of whiplash. If there’s one thing I knew with Zach, it was always where I stood.
Completely beneath him.
“I came from a… situation of sorts,” I say softly, finally giving him what I know has been eating him alive since the moment he met me.
“I gathered that.” Ink’s hand moves to play with my hair, twirling and twisting the ends around his finger.
“I’m from a small town. Growing up, my parents were strict and what my dad said went.
No one dared to speak out against him, not even my mom.
It was very much a speak when spoken to upbringing.
And along with that came with holding a certain image.
” I trail off. Every time I think back on everything, I relive how toxic it all was.
A toxicity that’s unfortunately so easy to get swept up, if that’s all you ever knew.
“Everyone knows everything about everyone. You couldn’t go to the grocery store without someone knowing about it.
Which means they would definitely notice if you slip up.
With my dad being the preacher at the church in town, I needed to keep up the perfect image. ”
Ink doesn’t say anything as he continues to play with my hair.
I always hated when Zach touched me, but Ink’s touch makes me feel at ease.
Like I could give him the world, and he would protect it the best he could.
Which is crazy because a huge part of me still hates his guts for how he treated me, but the ease is overpowering that emotion, too strong to ignore.
“Anyway, the perfect daughter obviously needed the perfect husband to keep up with the perfect reputation my dad had spent most of his life creating, so insert Zach,” I say sarcastically, flicking my wrist out in a duh motion.
“He had just graduated law school and moved back home to work at his dad’s law firm in town.
Dad thought it was the perfect addition to the family.
It didn’t matter how he treated me or how miserable I was.
None of it mattered.” I pause again, an internal war is going on in my head. How has my life come to this?
“You know you matter, right?” Ink says after a few moments of silence.
My mouth opens and closes as I try to find words to say.
Do I?
I think at one time I thought I mattered, but as the years passed, each one bringing new wounds before the old ones had a chance to heal proved that I didn’t.
“Bunny.” Ink’s rough voice rakes over my skin, sending a chill down my spine. The heartbreak can be heard clear as day and I know it’s breaking for me .
Deciding I’m not ready to give Ink this vulnerability by answering just yet, I continue on.
“Anyway, none of that really matters now. Zach is my ex. I left him before coming to Ravenna Heights. He didn’t agree to the ending of our relationship and was upset, obviously. He came to tell me to come home.”
“And to do that, he beat the shit out of you and took your money, which would probably be the only way you would be able to get home if you even wanted to go back? Forgive me if I’m oversteppin’ here, bunny, but please, for the love of god, tell me that you’re not thinkin’ of goin’ back?”
A big ball of emotions that I’ve never experienced before gets stuck in my throat, making it hard to breathe.
No one has ever told me not to go back before.
“I’m not going back,” I whisper.
It feels good to finally admit that out loud.
“Good,” Ink rumbles.
“Will you take me back to the motel in the morning? I want to change rooms.” It probably won’t do much considering he already knows where I’m staying, but I also can’t afford the other hotels in the area. I know because I checked when I first got into the city and was shocked.
“You’re not goin’ back to that shit hole.”
“And where do you think I’m going to go? It can’t be lost on you that I don’t have friends or family waiting for me with open arms.”
Why is he so concerned about where I go, anyway? I get walking into what he did would rattle him because it would freak me out too, but there’s no strings here. Nothing keeping him in this position. My last boss could have cared less if I ended up in a ditch somewhere.
“We’ll figure it out, but for the time being, you can stay here,” Ink says like it’s the most obvious answer in the world.
Stay here? Has he lost his mind?
Looking around, I take in the dimly lit room. Besides the off-white walls, everything is decorated in dark blues. It’s not lost on me that my newly dyed hair matches his vibe .
“Do you have a guest room?”
I should punch myself for even entertaining this option, but it’s not like I have other people in my life holding out their hand waiting for me to take it. Plus, there’s also the minor issue with Zach taking off with every last dime to my name.
I could tough it out here for a couple of weeks until payday again.
The corner of Ink’s mouth turns up as his eyes crinkle slightly. “A guest room?”
Why do I feel like he finds this amusing?
“Yeah, you know, where people you have visiting stay for the night?”
“I don’t have a guest room.”
“What about a couch?”
“No.”
“How do you not have a couch?”
Isn’t that a staple in a bachelor pad?
“I have one.” Ink’s amused smirk hasn’t left his face.
“Okay…” I trail off, growing more and more confused by the second. “If you’re not going to let me go back to the motel, why can’t I sleep on the couch?”
“Because you’re not sleepin’ on the fuckin’ couch?”
“Why?”
“Bunny, I know you were out of it when I brought you back here and you probably don’t remember much, but this is a fuckin’ clubhouse.
You hear that bass? It’s because there’s a party goin’ on downstairs.
Random guys and girls who are wasted off their ass.
Anyone can come and go within reason. Most of the guys are not good guys.
The last thing I want is for one of them to see you sleepin’ on the couch and think they can have their way with you. It’s not goin’ to fuckin’ happen.”
“This is a clubhouse?”
“Yeah.”
“How many people live here? ”
“Got five brothers that live here and Evan. Prez and Evan only stay here half of the time, though.”
“Prez?”
“Our president.”
“President of your club?”
“The way you say ‘club’ makes it sound like we’re a kids’ sports complex or some shit. It’s an MC club, babe. It can’t be lost on you that I’m a biker.”
“Obviously, I know you have a bike.” I roll my eyes.
I’ve been forced on it more than once. Is it considered forcing if deep down I wanted to ride but was just too scared to give in?
“Gage mentioned the club once, I think. I just didn’t realize it was a thing you live at. I thought it was just a hangout.”
Ink’s eyes are glimmering with amusement. “We hangout wherever the fuck we want to, babe. We all live here because we’re one big family, so why the fuck not?”
One big family.
I’ve always wondered what that would be like.
To have people in your life that love you unconditionally and have your back no matter what happens.
From an early age it was engrained in my brain by my dad that jealousy is a sin that can only lead to evil, but right now I can’t help but feel a little envious that Ink has this.
My mom tried the best she could to show love in a way that my dad wouldn’t catch on to, but that all stopped when she got sick.
Maybe one day I’ll have that again, but only better. In the way I want it.
If I ever get my life together. And let’s be honest, at the rate I’m going, it probably won’t happen until I’m on my deathbed. No matter what Madame Salem told me my cards said.
“Look, it’s been a long day. I don’t want to freak you out or make you uncomfortable. Let me talk to Evan and see if she has a room ready at her place you can crash at.”
“Is Evan one of your brothers?”
“No.” Ink laughs. “She’s goin’ to love when I tell her that. Evan is my Prez’s woman. She owns the giant ass house next door. They’ve been fixin’ it up. She’s the one that got you changed and into my bed.”
My face flushes with embarrassment that I know I shouldn’t have at my breakdown being brought up again.
I don’t remember much of anything after Zach left.
My body started doing that about halfway through my relationship with him.
It doesn’t hurt as badly the next day when I can’t remember what happened.
“I need to thank her,” I say, my voice just above a whisper. I sharply inhale as my gaze casts downwards towards his hands, unable to hold his eye. Bruises and cuts cover Ink’s knuckles. “Is that from me?”
Please say no.
I won’t be able to face him ever again for as long as I live if I caused that. I’ll have to find a new place to work and probably sleep on the street. It’s all I’ll think about anytime I see them. And Ink will tell the guys at the shop about it. The looks of pity alone will eat me alive.
Ink looks between me and his hand as he flexes his fist.
“No,” he replies. His brow furrows, the lines on his forehead deepening as he hesitates. “I lost it when I saw the scars on your back.”
My world just stopped.