Chapter 12
Mila
My eyes snap open to shades of darkness that send a chill through the very marrow of my bones. I ’ m no longer alone in my dorm room.
Thump! There, in my corner, is an ominous shadow that forms the shape of a man.
I sit up in urgency; the sheet slips down, uncovering my skin to the monster lurking. My eyes are suppressed from seeing, but my ears detect the sound of his tongue lazily swiping over his bottom lip.
“ Dash,” I breathe in shock and…joy. He came.
I know it ’ s Dash. I could spot his silhouette anywhere. The room hums with a sorrow-filled symphony of heartbreak and yearning from the syncing of our beating hearts. Two hearts at war with each other and themselves.
We ’ re fatal, enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies again. A reckless sequence that has driven us to madness. We want each other so badly that we can ’ t stand it. It ’ s an ailment for which there is no treatment. If we give in and taste each other, it only makes us sicker, and the craving intensifies.
But if we resist each other, that malignancy also grows into deprivation, causing this very moment, a wild, feral need just to have one taste.
I could choose to yell at him. He deserves it because of the way he has treated me.
Maybe my greatest strength and weakness is forgiveness. I do absolve him. I want him back. I want back those years we lost, the last moment before he tricked me into thinking he loved another. I want our future in the palm of my hands so I can mold it and tuck it away in a place so hidden it can never be found and tainted.
At first, the shadow doesn ’ t move, causing me to blink to make sure it ’ s real. “ Dash.” I push the sheets back, feeling his eyes look at my exposed legs, causing the tips of my toes to curl in.
He moves, raising his hand only to blind me with a small flashlight in hand. In a second, he ’ s in front of my bed, but the light in my eyes halts me from seeing him. He ’ s the broken prince again, struggling to survive, escaping only for this moment before the tormented king takes hold of his mind and body again.
“ I ’ m sorry.” I say.
His hand wraps around my throat, catching my next breath. Instead of panic, my body ignites in a wildfire. His tongue can hurt me, but his touch never will. It ’ s healing, and sometimes that process is rougher than others. Some wounds are deeper and need more pressure.
My thighs clench from the heat of his touch. That heartbeat between my legs begins to beat again as wetness coats it.
“ I don ’ t want your excuses.” He hisses, moving the flashlight around my face.
“ Let me see you,” I reply, reaching up to grab the flashlight. He squeezes my neck tighter, causing me to grasp his wrist instead.
Maybe it ’ s better not to talk. Our wounds are still too fresh.
He leans forward as his light shines over my jawline to my neck. Then, the heat of his exhale covers my neck. I choke as his lips press against my shoulder, sliding up to my ear. “ Did you hurt yourself, little fox? I know you weren ’ t a good girl, but tell me how naughty you were.”
Holy fuck! This is new. Dark and twisted, but I ’ m drinking it down.
“ Tell me.” A hot kiss presses on the skin of my neck, then he sucks my skin into his mouth, biting it. It ’ s as if my flesh was a harp, and one touch of the string could play my entire body.
I sob, feeling the pressure of his bite reach my sex. My thighs close in, wishing they were wrapped around his body instead. Desire and misery buzz around my mind, creating a dangerous cocktail of emotions. I never felt this intensity when I was with Dom. Dom just numbed me. It was easy.
Being with Dash has always been a struggle. It ’ s like being handed a 1000-piece puzzle box—frustrating, overwhelming, and stimulating. He wakes up my demons, forcing me to endure as he purges them from my body. He scatters me, then sorts me, and then slowly assembles me, piece by piece.
Sometimes, I hate it; I want to throw the puzzle away. I don ’ t want him to see the whole picture that resembles me. But in the end, that final image might have him locked inside with me, so I let him keep going.
I release his wrist to grab his shoulders, but he jerks back, leaving a hissing coolness where his lips were. My hands are in his, a grip of possession that has me softening in his hold. The light works up and down the tips of my fingers slowly as he looks over every inch of me.
“ You think I cut myself when you were gone?” I question with a hint of shame. Does that mean he still cares?
He drops my wrist. “ I think you hurt yourself using a different tool. One that repulses me.” His tone is scorching, leaving my body feeling raw and bruised.
“ You made me think I was nothing. I ’ m not the only one to blame here, Dash. You hurt me, too!” I croak, edging closer to him.
“ I never said I didn ’ t!” He roars as he hits his chest.
Would he have apologized had I not slept with Dom?
Why do I know he would have?
I think he would have returned, having defeated the king he was meant to be. He would have shown me the side he tried to hide the last time we locked eyes. He would have been the broken prince, only not as broken.
Please don ’ t run; let me explain. “ What choice did I have? You left me in pieces that you stomped on. I felt! You made me feel, Dash, then you left, and I didn ’ t know how to handle all the emotions.You made our love feel paper thin instead of ink-deep. You ripped it to shreds.” I thrust my hand in his face, blocking his flashlight. “ I didn ’ t hurt myself with a needle. Didn ’ t cut my skin because you fixed that! And you know what?”
I shove him hard, like a wave battering against a dam, begging the walls to open so it can be free to destroy, wipe clean, and then rebuild. “ Some days, I hated that! I hated that art gave me a release rather than scarring my body because the scars you left on my heart were deeper than any I could have inflicted! The scars you left stained me like ink, and you wrote your signature in the mess.”
I feel my chest rising and falling as my shoulders move inward, trembling like a lock gripped in strong, unforgiving hands, waiting for the possessor to grant it a key to be opened. Open for me! Talk to me!
He doesn ’ t, so I continue. “ Dom made me feel nothing! It was nothing, not even a bandaid to help the aftermath you left. Nothing!” I gasp, exhausted, as my heart clings to a string above a raging fire, slowly burning away each strand until I'm left dangling by one mere fiber. Everything will snap so very soon.
“ You felt nothing?” He repeats as he moves gracefully like the moon claiming the night sky. “ Opposed to this,” He purrs, keeping the light in my eyes so I can ’ t see him. His hand slips between my thighs as his fingers brush against my silk pajama shorts. He grunts in both happiness and expectation when he feels the wetness soaking through the fabric. “ Did he make you this wet?”
I shake my head.
His hips pin me to the edge of the mattress. “ Lay down.”He roughly orders. I do; I know the only way Dash opens up is if you show him trust first.
My heart hammers as I lay back on my bed, my own mattress feels foreign. I tip my head up, hoping I can see him, but my eyes are still blinded by that stupid flashlight.
“ This,” He speaks in a deep and raspy tone. I gasp when he pushes a finger inside of me, twisting it, causing the sound of my body to play a wet melody for him. “ Haunted me.”
His thumb presses against my clit, causing my lower body to tense, ready for whatever he ’ ll give me.“The feel of your wet, hot pussy lingered in my thoughts like an apparition trying to seduce me. A sin,” He whispers with a wicked tone. “ You were a goddamn sin. Oh, how I suffered for tasting you, little fox. You have no idea.”
My back arches, slipping down my sheets to bring my lower half closer to him, forcing his fingers to sink into my body deeper. “ Don ’ t stop,” I beg him.
This is wrong.
We should be talking.
We both burned each other so vastly we ’ re just scattering more ashes around, trying to form something. The problem with dust is that it ’ s easily broken down. Just a few tears will dismantle everything you built.
But I haven ’ t felt this paramount level of pleasure since he left, so I allow it. Welcome the depravity of it.
“ I thought of you every single minute.” Another finger enters me in a hungry anger. He begins to pump his hand in and out. Oh god! With each thrust in, he curls his fingers up, hitting me deep.
“ Show me,” I whisper through erratic breaths.
The control he has snaps. “ Close your eyes.”
I do, and the flashlight goes off.
“ Open them, and I ’ ll leave you like this. Panting and begging like a fox trapped in my snare.” He slips his hand out and flicks my throbbing clit. A delicious sensation roars and then ripples through my body like a tidal wave.
“ Don ’ t leave.” I grip my sheets. “ Don ’ t leave me again!”
A sinister chuckle hits my ears. “ Is that not what you wanted? I remember you saying a hunter could catch and release you. They didn ’ t have to kill you.” No! Don ’ t play my words against me.
“ You said that would be a cruelty.” You ’ d never free me.
His hand grabs my silk shorts. Rip! Cold air touches my skin where my pants used to be. His exhale invades my inner thighs, bouncing off my wetness and generating a deep chill to ripple over my skin. My head tilts to the side.
Is this a dream or a nightmare?
“ I imagined your taste.” He swipes his tongue along my sex. I inhale so sharply that I feel like I tore something inside of me, allowing him to sink further into my soul. My thighs close around his head as my hands search for him.
He slaps my hands away. “ Put them above your head and don ’ t move. I don ’ t want your touch.” His icy reply reveals his deep grief.
Slowly, so slowly it hurts, so, so bad, he licks me, twirling his tongue around my swollen clit. Twirl, flick, lick; my heart is going to explode. A second before I ’ m about to come, he moves away. The wanting need I have for him grows tenfold.
“ I dreamed about sinking,” He pushes three fingers into me, pumping them in and out, stretching me as he scissors his fingers to prepare my body for him, “ into you so deep that we ’ d never be parted again. I was going to mark every single fucking inch of this skin, inside and out. You were mine! Every inch of you I craved, I desired. It ’ s true, little fox, you tricked me. You made me desire things that were wicked and cruel. You made me think I could enjoy my future. I vowed never to love again, but you made me think you did love me.”
“ I do.” I pant on the edge again. My eyes snap open, and I catch a glare full of pain, fury, and wrath unlike any I have felt.It ’ s all wrapped in the shadows of the night, trapped under a mask on his beautiful face.
I want to tear it off, pry his mouth open so he can vent it all right here, right now, and then we can be done with it—bury the past.
“ I don ’ t like your version of love, little fox.” He scolds me. “ Loyalty means everything to me. It ’ s in your nature to keep running and changing sides.” He pulls his hands from me, wiping his fingers on my thighs as if I were a canvas he tried to paint but would rather step away from.
“ I don ’ t like your definition either.” This was just another game.
“ It seems we ’ re at a standstill. Neither of us can stand each other.” He grabs the flashlight again. His defenses are back in place, and all his weapons are aimed at me.
“ Yet we ’ re facing each other.” I challenge him. Why do I only feel empowered to speak out when he ’ s around? “ Tell me how we fix this.” I sit up and grab his hand. His eyes follow it and ponder.
He quickly pulls his hand away, treating my touch like an infection. “ You should know me by now, Mila. I don ’ t fix things.” The shadow of his grin spreads over his face. “ I break them just like I did you.” He begins to walk to my door.
“ Liar,” I shout. We always had the audacity to call each other out, forcing one another to acknowledge the truth. “ You came to my room. Inspecting my body for scars isn ’ t breaking me, Dash. You inspect things when you intend to fix them. When will you admit it? Confess to me you want to fix us, but you ’ re just too scared.”
Seconds hang in the air as I wait for his reply. “ Nothing needs to be admitted or fixed.” He clears his throat as if his next words have to be forced out. “ You ’ re bound to me, and I have to put up with you. The last thing I want is a doll that reveals her seams to the world, displaying how she ’ s put together and can be taken apart. Make sure you keep up your end of the bargain. Act like the ideal fiancé and eventually wife,” he spits the words out like poison. “ Smile and nod when we ’ re out together; you can fuck who you want behind close doors.” He grabs the door.
“ What about when we ’ re alone, when you are behind that door with me?”
The glance over his shoulder feels like a knife against my throat. “ Don ’ t test me. You think your life has been caged?” His brow pulls taut. “ I can show you a cage, Mila.”
“ You can cage me, Dash King,” I edge back into my bed, grabbing the sheets to cover myself. “ but I know how to open the door.” I know you still love me!
He turns fully, squaring his shoulders at me. The hallway light floods the room, causing his shadow to stretch out like the rays of light escaping a beautiful storm cloud. “ Careful, little fox, opening the cage door only invites more monsters inside.”