Chapter 52
Mila
I jerk awake, spotting Dash ’ s shadow lingering in the corner. Turning on my bedside lamp, I rub my eyes. “ What, Dash?” I ’ ll never get back to sleep now. It was a miracle I did, and that was only due to utter exhaustion.
He ’ s so unmoving that he looks like a planet in the night sky, disturbingly alone, unmistakable enough to be marveled at but not able to be touched or discovered by humans. Leaning against the wall, his arms are resting on his knees; his eyes are pinned to his hands as if he feels all the blood on them.
A rolling wave of stress coupled with heat tremors through my body. I sit up and push the covers off.
I ’ ve seen Dash upset, broken, used, and utterly barbaric.
I ’ ve never seen him like this. Just…confused.
I want to run to him, hug him, heal him with my lips. I cross my legs instead. “ What ’ s happened?”
Did someone else die after his uncles were killed? Is the world on fire or…no, that thought is too scary to think mentally.
After Dash grabbed me with more security guards than I ’ d ever seen surround us, he took me back to the campus house, and then he, Nova, and Titan went down into the basement with a man I had never seen before. A man who was their prisoner. I sat alone in his room and thought about my conversation with Avery. I pondered if I was a fool for trusting her or more of an idiot for thinking I should put myself last and love a man who wasn ’ t brave enough to have me standing by his side.
“ I figured out a lot of things,” his voice sounds like dust, beyond broken, no longer repairable. He examines the other side of his hands in the dim light from the lamp as if it has illuminated new grotesque details, “ and yet I know nothing at all.”
I clear my throat, “ Wh…what did you figure out?”
Does he know about Avery? I grab the sheet covering my legs again.
“ I knew someone was controlling my family. They still are.”
My thoughts slow to a dull drip drop, like an icicle clinging to a dirty roof ’ s edge.
Does he know? My shoulders curl in to keep me warm.
“ I have a name.” He digs under his fingernails as if trying to remove a pesky thorn. Picking and picking until I want to yell at him to stop so he doesn ’ t hurt himself.
I know who is controlling your family. Avery told me.
“ Apparently, I was born into a secret organization called,” he points one finger in the air like he ’ s signaling to an orchestra, “ The Rites of Passage.”
Shit! My exhalation is shaky, as if the room dropped ten degrees cooler. Is there a connection between his timing and Avery ’ s?
The dim yellow light from the bedside lamp barely fills the large room. Only the edges of light graze his form, hesitant to caress his skin in fear his darkness will snuff it out of existence. The little that does wash over him gives him a spooky appearance, full of sharp angles and shadows.
“ The man downstairs told us everything. His name is Anton. He ’ s a friend of Nova ’ s, and he works for The Rites of Passage.” He begins to crack each knuckle, taking his time and enjoying the sound that makes my heart skip a beat.
“ Does Nova work for them?”
“ No,” Dash rolls his eyes. “ They played with her life the same way they did ours. She wants revenge. An enemy of my enemy is now my friend. Plus, Titan married her, so I ’ m stuck with her now.”
“ Titan married Nova!” I gasp as I hug the bedsheet to my chest.
“ Yeah,” Dash mindlessly replies.
“ Why are you telling me this?” I curl my toes into the sheets and lean closer to the edge of the bed.
His gaze sweeps the room, noting the walls surrounding me. “ You won ’ t say anything.”
Dash has done a lot of things to hurt me. This feels like one of the worst. He ’ s perfectly fine keeping me in a cage so tight that not even the light of day will want to be called my companion.
He ’ s allowed his fear to break us truly.
“ So this is how it will be. You ’ ll come to me to vent and fuck and then leave.” Good. I sound vicious and do not feel like I ’ m wallowing in sorrow.
Sharp eyes stab me. The light finally reaches his glare.
I wish it didn ’ t.
Cold blue with flecks of hazel. A violent mixture of numbing cold and molten fire.
I straighten my spine. “ The truth hurts, Dash.”
Rather than an automated response, he resumes picking at his nails. Thud, thud! He loudly kicks each leg out, getting more relaxed. “ Titan bears the real burden. He gets the ruling seat since he is the eldest. Damian and I just get to help him maintain power.”
“ Does that bother you?”
He moves slowly, making my inhale stretch the span of some lifetimes. He scrutinizes his hands, focusing on his nails under the weak light as though he ’ s just gotten a professional manicure.
I know better. I used to see the same dirt and grime—the invisible marks that can ’ t be removed, washed off, or covered up. They linger longer than a tattoo that fades over time.
“ It makes me feel relieved.” He answers. “ And jealous.”
I push my tongue to the roof of my mouth, but I can ’ t stop my reply. “ Because you want more power?”
“ No.” An answer so firm it’s indestructible, like time, and it ’ s going to keep moving forward whether you like it or not. “ I don ’ t want Titan to suffer the weight of a crown. I wish I could take it from him.”
The devil is noble, after all. “You keep putting others wants before your needs. You want me safe and sound because you love me, so you lock me away, but that will be our undoing. In the end, you ’ re what destroyed us. You want Titan unchained, so you ’ re willing to find the key and undo his chains only to bind yourself in the iron. When will you take what you need, Dash?”
When would you have loved me?
“ Wants and needs don ’ t matter if the people you live for are dead.”
“ But we ’ re alive, and you ’ re pushing us away.” I drop the sheet, letting him see my bleeding heart.
“ I didn ’ t come here to argue.”
“ So why did you come?”
The thud of his head hitting the wall makes me jerk. “ I came to talk. You ’ re the only person I can show my pain to. Titan will try to avenge me. Damian will suffer alongside me.”
I abruptly turn my head. “ Okay, I ’ m listening,” I reply. I can separate my feelings for a moment. In front of me is a person who is suffering. Yes, he ’ s hurt others, but I want to understand why so I can try to fix him. I will try to help him sort out his emotions until the day Avery takes me away, but I will not change my mind. I am running.
He runs a hand through his hair. “ I hated my father. Now he ’ s dead, and I realize that the definition of hate changes depending on who it is attached to.”
I brace myself. Dash hadn ’ t uttered a word to me about his father ’ s death. No emotions. Nothing.He made a wall to protect himself. Now I get to see inside.
“ I hate cotton candy flavored ice cream; I hate Nova and the man we have chained downstairs. Sometimes I hate you.” The lingering scent of laundry detergent mixed with his scent on the sheets makes it feel like we ’ re sitting toe to toe. “ I hated my father, but each of you holds a different meaning of hate in my mind.”
“ Maybe hate isn ’ t what you feel.”
“ It is.” He snaps.
“ It ’ s okay to forgive someone.” I hope you forgive me.
“ Forgiveness makes you weak; it makes your enemies think they can walk all over you.”
“ Why is everyone your enemy? You forgive Titan and Damian. Not everyone is out to get you, Dash. Forgiving a friend or a loved one isn ’ t a weakness. It can be a sign of strength. Sometimes, it ’ s better to fix a problem rather than start over. Rebuilding is costly.”
“ Depends what the cost is.” He rebuttals. “ The option might cost you your life.”
“ Some risks are worth the reward.” I bite.
He lets the moment hang, choosing silence as his reply.
“ I found out how Titan’s dad died. Anton gave him poison, which he took.” He lets the news hit me, choosing not to look me in the eye. “ It was a test The Rites of Passage wanted Lucas to take. If he wasn’t greedy like his father, my grandfather, then he would give up his power, take his life, and give it to his son. If he didn ’ t, then The Rites of Passage would come to kill us all. Uncle Lucas died, so we all could live.”
Now I can understand Avery ’ s need to undermine The Rites of Passage.
Drum, drum, drum. His tapping fingers echo off the floor. “ I think my dad did the same. I think he had to die in order for me to live because that is what The Rites of Passage demanded of him. My father knew he was going to die that night. I saw it in his eyes. Relief. That ’ s what he felt, knowing that dinner would be his last. He ’ d never have to see me again.”
“ I don ’ t think that ’ s what your dad felt, Dash. He loved you in his own twisted way, just like you love me. Your father pushed you away to keep you safe. You ’ re his son, you share his DNA, and you are doing the same to me.”
His eye twitches. You did this to us! You made me cruel and heartless because you pried my heart out from my ribs and shoved it into this cage.Then you rung me dry, twisting me, forgetting I was as thin as a paper towel, soon to be ripped up and unable to survive your callous hands.
“ That ’ s a lot to digest.” I mutter in a gentler tone.
He shrugs, “ I didn ’ t eat it yet. I ’ m still staring at the plate, unsure if I should taste it and discover my dad ’ s past.”
“ You might not have the option, Dash.”
“ I know.” He whispers. “ Anton, the guy downstairs, he told me more facts about my father and grandfather. Things I ’ m not sure how to consider.”
“ Maybe I can help.”
He speaks without pausing, as if he ’ s sick and needs to purge all the information in order to feel better. “ Anton told me my grandfather, Jules King, tried to take over The Rites of Passage with a few other members. For years, the Rites of Passage was in a civil war. That is until my dad was offered something he couldn ’ t refuse. So he took it, convinced his brothers to join the other side, and go against their father.”
“ What did they offer your father?”
“ My mother.”