Chapter 56
Dash
There is a density in the air that clogs my nose. Freshly cut grass and morning dew intertwine with the silence of the dead.
Each step I take crushes the newly cut blades of grass, causing a squeaking sound as the moisture is compressed under the sole of my boot.
Saturated green fills my eyes, renewing the energy in my sleep-deprived body. I stop at the stone with fresh moss clinging to the bottom edges. The etched letters are no longer pristine. Now, they have specks of dirt and the decay of time filling them. My mom is now just a solid stone, weathering the dawn of each day. Eventually, the stone will crack, then crumble, and the earth that claimed her flesh and bones will swallow her memory.
I look at Dad ’ s grave. His stone is still immaculate. The letters are clean, having not had to bear the burden of each day the living must endure.
I rub my jaw, fingers tracing over my lips. “ I…” My gulp is so loud it silences the birds chirping.
I bite my lip till it bleeds. I taste nothing. Feel nothing. Mila took every ounce of me when she ran.
She fucking did it!
I ’ m proud of her.
I hate her.
I love her.
I wish I could have gone with her.
I need her back in my life.
“ I fucked up, mom.” My whisper floats to the headstone; the porous stone slowly absorbs my words. I don ’ t know if it will reach her. Maybe it shouldn't.
“ That ’ s no surprise to you, Dad.” I avoid looking at his grave.
My head tips back to the point of pain, and a bright blue sky floods my vision, mocking me. It ’ s clear and hopeful; a new day filled with optimism, one might suggest.
Mila is under this sky somewhere.
Somewhere.
“ I ’ ve lost everything.” I scoff. “ I didn ’ t think she would ever do it. I thought her love for me cemented us together. I felt her love shackled around my ankles; some days, it slowed me down; other days, the iron grip was a comfort. It bruised me and bound me, but I knew no matter what, we were stuck together. So I kept pushing and pushing, but love has its limits.” I feel my heart now. It ’ s beating loudly. Painfully chugging along like an outdated steam train.
“ I just wanted to keep her safe.” I look at dad ’ s grave now, remembering the shock of his death. The great Marcus King was shot dead. If someone could kill Dad, then Mila would be an easy target.
In the days I ’ ve been gone, my brothers have tried to find me. Like Mila, I don ’ t aspire to be found.
My life changed. So has theirs. Titan is enduring his test from The Rites of Passage. I have to have faith that he will pass and avenge our family. I ’ m still tapped into our systems, and I know that Titan ’ s final test is the very man who is responsible for killing my father and sending us all the text messages of the people we love. His name is Franco, and he was trying to lure us out separately. I should have followed his tracks, gone to his hideaway, and killed him.
I would have if Mila didn’t run. Maybe in the end she saved me.
“ I should avenge you, Dad,” I mutter, then my eyes slide to Mom ’ s grave. “ But I have to take care of my heart first.” I have to find Mila. In the end, killing Franco isn ’ t my test. It ’ s Titan ’ s.
We found the hidden access tunnel under the auditorium and the fresh tire tracks, then we found nothing. The world is a big place; Mila could have fled anywhere.
“ I think you would advise me to let her go, Mom. Let her run wild and free." I walk around the grave, lean down, and kiss the top of it. Then I press my forehead to the hard stone and close my eyes. "I was never good enough for her.”
My hand lingers on mom’s stone before I turn my attention to my father's. “ Dad would tell me the opposite. He ’ d peel apart the earth itself, splitting it open like tectonic plates shifting, until he found what was his.” My lip tugs, and I raise my hand, kissing my fingers before I press them to the top of his gravestone.
I don ’ t know what I will do. I know I have to find Mila, but maybe when I do, I will tell her I will let her go.