Chapter 63
Dash
A few weeks later.
I ’ m going to hurl Avery out this window. It will be easy; the glass is old and brittle, and one tap of my finger might shatter it, let alone a body being tossed through it. This room at the hostel is shit; no one would notice the broken glass or drops of blood.
No, that wouldn ’ t kill her, but it would hurt. I ’ ll…
Leo ’ s exhale fans over my shoulder halting my thoughts. I glance away from my binoculars to meet his eyes. I lift a brow. He knows Avery fucked me over. That ’ s why he ’ s standing so close to me, in case he needs to stop me from killing her.
“ She ’ s. Not. Here.” I seethe. Remain calm. You don ’ t want to have to kill Leo just to get to Avery. Wait till she ’ s alone; deal with him later.
Slowly, I place the binoculars on the uneven window shelf, making sure they don ’ t fall. Each rise and fall of my chest causes Avery ’ s heart to beat faster.
“ Mila is coming. She’s just…” Avery ’ s eyes look out the window from across the small room. “ Late.” The bitch raises her hand like it ’ s a suggestion on a menu.
“ Mila is never late!” I whirl around; Leo steps between us. “ I gave you your sister!” That was a shit show. Royce was not pleased, and now we made an enemy out of one of the rare council members who thought we were innocent. “ Where is my wife?”
Avery bites her bottom lip. Her swollen lip. Leo caved fast. He already cares about her; it ’ s pathetic. “ Don ’ t,” I ’ m aware that my deep rumbling hiss sounds like a dragon rousing from slumber and that my next words will burn like fire, “ look at Leo for help, Avery. Focus on me, because you won ’ t see anything else after this if you don't tell me where my wife is.”
“ Calm down, Dash,” Leo steps forward.
Anders snickers, but Titan ’ s eyes watch me, mirroring my same worry. I gave Avery her sister, which led me here to the small town in Italy where Mila was living.
The problem? Mila wasn ’ t in her apartment when we arrived. Avery told me to calm down, so we staked out the hostel across the street from where she ’ s working. In the meantime, I have a team watching Mila ’ s apartment. Every inch of this crumbling town—I own now. My eyes and ears are everywhere, but so far, Mila has been a no-show.
And if that wasn ’ t enough… inhale, relax... Avery suggested Mila could be staying somewhere else; maybe she had found a guy and crashed there.
That comment sent me over the edge. Titan stopped me from grabbing Avery. I ’ m not sure he will again, so Leo needs to cling to me like a tick, trying to drain my fears dry. Titan ’ s jaw is blue from my punch. My balls are sore from where Nova, Titan ’ s wife, kicked her boot into them.
“ Just give it five more minutes.” Avery shifts from foot to foot.
“ Five minutes won ’ t change anything,” Nova grunts as she shoves her shoulder into me. She pushes back the curtain and looks out the window. It ’ s her version of caring, pushing, and shoving as she comes closer.
“ Pull out your phones and record this because I won ’ t admit it again,” she flicks back her hair. It ’ s blonde again. Nova is always changing it from blonde to black. She looks at Titan, “Are you recording?”
“ Just say it.” Anders grunts.
“ I agree with Dash.” She admits with annoyance, “ There I said it," She pushes out a deep exhale, "and I pray to god I never agree with Dash again.” She widens her stance; her leather boots cause the old wooden floor to squeak. “ Mila isn ’ t coming.”
Good, I have an ally. Nova would never admit it, but she cares deeply for Mila. And I ’ d never admit that a part of me is like Nova, never able to voice who we love because we are terrified the moment we do, they will be taken from us.
“ You all are insane!” Avery comes forward and looks out the window. “ I ’ ll go down and talk to the cafe owner.”
“ I ’ ll go with you,” Leo interjects.
“ I don ’ t need your help.”
“ I wasn ’ t offering it,” Leo smirks.
I look at Titan. You should have listened to me. I mentally tell him with my eyes. He dips his chin in agreement. I wanted to come alone. I should have, but Titan thought it was better to bring this whole shit show along as backup.
Leo steps closer to Avery. They need to just fuck and get it over with. “ I don ’ t trust you.”
Avery snorts. “ Then why did you kiss me?”
“ I can taste every inch of your body without needing your trust.”
Avery ’ s face burns red. “ Shut up! God, you ’ re so immature. No one needs to know that.”
“ I do. I love juicy details.” Anders snickers.
“ Me too!” Nova raises her manicured hand.
“ A partnership without trust is more hostile than enemies meeting toe to toe. If you don ’ t trust me, then just let me go,” Avery glares.
“ Never.”
“ I ’ ll make your life a living hell.”
Leo opens his hands. “ It already is; you ’ re like a ray of sunshine.”
Avery shakes her head and walks to the door. Leo doesn ’ t allow her to be more than one step ahead of him. “ I ’ ll never trust you.”
“ I don ’ t need your trust.” Leos ’ s voice dips to a low growl.“I need your submission.”
“ I ’ ll never bow down to you, you big Russian oaf.” Avery swings open the door.
“ I don ’ t want you to bow. I want you to crawl to me.” The last thing I see before the door close is Leo slapping her ass, followed by a loud thud to the wall. I ’ m guessing she shoved him into it.
“ That ’ s new.” Nova chirps in with a wicked grin as she looks at Titan.
“ This is a waste of time; Avery tricked us.”
“ No. Mila did. She didn ’ t stay, but we will find her. Avery gave us the documents she gave Mila. We will run the ID through Interpol. It ’ s going to come up. Mila isn ’ t smart enough to cross borders without going through customs.” Titan pats my shoulder. “ We will find her.”
Titan heads towards the door. “ Let ’ s go check her place.”
Anders jumps off the dresser and follows, but Nova comes closer. She takes my hand, squeezing it gently.
“ Don ’ t touch me.”
“ Then shake me off.” She challenges.
I don ’ t. Don ’ t ask me why.
“ Mila is strong, Dash. She ’ s out there and we will find her.” One more squeeze, a lingering look from her cold grey eyes, and then she follows Titan out.
◆◆◆
“ I ’ ll go alone,” I tell them as I pick the lock to her apartment.
“ We can come—” Titan begins.
“ Alone!” I snap. “ I don ’ t need Leo and Avery fucking on the bed or Nova ’ s boot up my ass.”
“ What about me?” Anders taunts.
I push the door open and slam it shut. My gun is out but not raised. I already know the apartment is empty; our infrared sensors told me that much.
Mila chose this over me. It ’ s so small and old. The air is stale and moldy. The only window in this shit hole can’t open fully. There ’ s a small twin bed, a chair, a dresser and no table.
Did she eat in her bed?
The kitchen consists of a counter not big enough for a turkey dinner, a mini fridge, and an open cabinet with mismatched china.
A shiver runs down my spine as I glide my fingers over the counter. There, I touched something my wife did. How recent was it?
There ’ s a small dresser I walk towards, but I stop at the window and look outside to see what her view is. It ’ s just a small alleyway with endless windows. A flapping sound fills the air as the clothing hangs on lines to dry. Filling the air like flags of individuality.
“ I ’ m sorry,” I whisper. I lean against the wall, holding my head as I try to forget my headache.
“ I just want you back. I want to redo it all. I want to go back to that day we met and,” I shake my head, “ I ’ m not strong enough or good enough to regret meeting you. I ’ d do it again, but I ’ d change the ending. I ’ d tell you to wait for me even if death claimed me. I ’ d beg you to wait. I would have returned from Initiation 101 and bent a knee to you. I would have taken the crown off my head and given it to you because you were always the better person. I would have been your knight and not the king that imprisoned you.”
A cry from an alley cat has my hand dropping as I look out the window. “ Mila would have let you in and fed you; even if you scratched her, she would still allow you to stay. She was kind hearted like that. Foolish. But she loved monsters; she tried to tame them.” The cat meets my eyes; it must know how much of a prick I am. It doesn ’ t bother jumping up to the window for food; instead, it prances down the street looking for a more gullible fool.
Turning, I walk to her bed and lay down on it. My hands grab the sheet, and then I roll over, pressing my nose into her pillow.
Skip! Thump!
My heart skitters.
I can smell her. It ’ s faint, but it ’ s the distant note of her flesh, sweet and salty like untouched ocean mist and coconut.
One inhale gives me hope as I stand. She ’ s close. Then my hope vanishes when I see what is sitting on the dresser. I grasp it; the cold metal warms under my touch. The wedding ring I gave her sits there, abandoned.
She…took it off.
If someone had taken her, they would have sent this to me.
She left. She did this. She gave up on me. Again, just like she did when I was forced to go to Initiation 101.
“ We will find her,” Titan says gently.
When did he come in? Are they all watching my demise?
I feel his eyes on the ring. I don ’ t want him to look at it. My failure, my last vestige of my wife. I push it onto my pinky finger, forcing it over my knuckle till it sits next to my band.
“ If I weren ’ t an evil bastard, I would tell you that we can stop this search. I ’ d let her go.” I whisper as I open my fingers, then close them, relishing in the small clang of our rings hitting.
“ If you were an evil bastard, you would never have searched in the first place. You would have just replaced her.”
I ’ m happy Damian isn ’ t here because he would see through my words. “ I need to find her, Titan.”
“ We will.”
I shake my head. It hurts so bad to breathe. “ I don ’ t think you understand. I need her. She ’ s the only thing that…” It feels like I ’ m pushing chains out of my lungs. Each exhale is a struggle to clear all the grief. “ She ’ s the only thing that made me feel like I could be good. Do good. I want to. I want to use The Rites of Passages ’ s power to make Mila ’ s world better. I ’ m evil enough to do that. I will pave a path for her that is safe. If my father loved my mother and kept her safe, then I can. I ’ ll die trying. I don ’ t care how dirty my hands are. I will be the man she needs in the light, but in the shadows, I will be the monster who keeps her safe. I need her to keep that beast sane. I need a purpose, but if I don ’ t find her, you better use your gun and end me because I will destroy everyone in my path.”
When I meet his eyes, I feel like a small boy again. We ’ re sitting on the floor of his dad ’ s office, waiting and hoping to be able to claim the chairs and seats our fathers sit in. Each breath is a baited hope that we will survive. I just want to survive long enough to tell Mila I love her.
I fucked up.
I want another chance.
I don ’ t want to be like Anders, who let the love of his life go. Now he just kills and kills, pouring his enemy ’ s blood into the hole where his heart used to thump and beat sanity into him. He ’ s just a breath now, useless, machine operated, drumming through each day. He tries to convince others that he ’ s happy, but each life he takes reflects his true colors. He ’ s miserable, demonic, without his heart.
I need my fucking heart! I need Mila.