Chapter 68
Mila
Cillian pushes me to the ground and covers me. No hesitation or shock.His weight feels like a boulder; it ’ s crushing me and forcing me to become part of the pavement.
I tried to wiggle free. I want to switch places. This is my fault. I deserve to take the bullets, not him. It was me who ran, not Cillian.
I don ’ t know how Cillian does it; he covers me, shoots back, all while he ’ s moving, crawling with me closer and closer to the car, like I ’ m a kangaroo in his pouch.
“ Let me help!” I scream, but the sound of gunfire claims my cries.
Suddenly, Cillian picks me up and shoves me into the SUV. He turns, firing off his gun, as he shoves himself inside and slams the door shut.
Silence. The thick bulletproof glass of his car makes the outside feel like a nightmare I just woke from. “ Go!” Cillian slaps the driver ’ s seat.
Jerk! I slide forward, but strong arms slam me back into the seat, and then the seatbelt is placed over me.
“ Are you hurt?” It ’ s the first time Cillian sounds panicked.
“ No.”
Cillian grabs his phone. “ We ’ re under attack. Change your flight. They knew we were coming. Yeah, I ’ m…”
The bullets hitting the window are louder. Bigger! I stare at the glass, wondering if it will hold as the cars behind us begin to chase. Crash! One of Cillian ’ s SUVs filled with his men diverts and plows into the car on our tail.
“ I ’ ll call once we ’ re safe,” Cillian shouts, then drops the phone. He sounds confident.
“ She ’ s going to kill me,” I mutter.
“ They were aiming for me, not you, Mila. I think you were bait.”
I hang my head. “ I think you ’ re right.” I viewed Camilla as a pawn I could use, bleed information from. But she used me as her bait. She was waiting till I ran, hoping she would catch a king.
“ It ’ s not your fault.”
It is.
“ Hey,” Cillian tugs me closer to his side, testing the limit of the seatbelt as he hugs me. “ I would die for you happily. You ’ re part of my family. We have a lot of issues to work out. We all made mistakes, but we ’ re going to be together again. That ’ s all that matters.”
◆◆◆
There are so many people with guns and weapons; they all dip their heads as I pass like I ’ m a queen. We drove until we reached a private airstrip, got on a private plane, and flew back to Cillian ’ s castle in Ireland. Literally a castle. On the way home, I told Cillian everything, every detail. Then he led me to a room and told me Dash would be here soon.
A maid came and placed fresh clothes on the bed. She showed me the bathroom, but I was too scared to move. I knew I should shower and try to wash away everything I had done.
Instead, I sit on the edge of the bed, staring at the door. What am I going to say to Dash?
Then it happens. Footsteps come rushing down the hall. I stand and sway. I ’ m going to pass out before I see him.
Maybe that ’ s a good thing. I ran, tested his power, and almost got his friend killed. He ’ s going to hate me. Divorce me. Give me up. I plucked the final straw and destroyed it.
The door swings open.
There he stands. My dark knight. An ominous shadow covers his face, stretching out and wrapping around me.
Oh, Lord. He looks terrible. Sleep hasn ’ t been kind to him; the dark circles support that. He ’ s thinner, and his platinum blonde hair looks more ashen than the shiny silver it usually is. His cheekbones are sharper because his face is hollow. Thinned. No longer plush with our twisted love.
He looks like a weapon of mass destruction, nuclear, but he ’ s not just hurting others; he ’ s destroying himself. I see it coating his skin like radiation.
He can ’ t survive like this forever. It ’ s killing him.
I ’ m killing him.
I did this, but he forced me. Our actions chain us both; the only way to unbind us is forgiveness. I don’t think he will forgive me.
I destroyed a King, and now he ’ s going to punish me.
“ I…” My throat dries up as his eyes look me up and down; his knuckles turn white as he grips the door. “ I…” Where is my voice?
Slowly, his hand drops from the door as if he ’ s scared the lack of support will cause him to tumble down. “ I love you,” Dash says.
“ What?” I choke.
He steps forward, but the distance between us is still vast. “ I love you, Mila King,“ he repeats with tears in his eyes.
“ King?”
He nods as some blood rushes to his cheeks, staining them with life again. “ If you ’ ll still have me?” He blurts out, and I struggle to blink away my tears.
“ Shouldn ’ t I be the one asking for forgiveness?” I ran because I wanted to hurt you. And I did, I see it.
He moves so suddenly; I blink, and he ’ s right here, touching me and pressing the tips of his shoe against mine. “ No,” he cups my cheek, and I fracture as goosebumps spread over my body.
“We are falling back into our pattern. We lash out, then love each other, only to lash out again.” I whisper.
“I’m breaking the pattern,” Dash states without hesitation. I feel his lips kiss the top of my head as he holds me. “ I know why you ran. I ’ ve always known. The first moment we met, you were honest with me. You wanted freedom, and I promised to grant it to you. I ’ m the liar. I don ’ t blame you for running. I blame myself for not helping you.”
I ’ m too scared to raise my arms and hug him back.
“ I know we have a lot of shit to work out; I know you might not forgive me, but I need you, and yes, that is me guilting you into staying.” He cups my face, gently wiping away my tears. “ I was dead when you met me, hollow, nothing but flesh and bones and anger. So much hate.”
For a moment, my vision clears, and that ’ s when I see it, tears cascading down Dash ’ s face. “ But then I saw you, this fragile small ballerina who faked a smile and tried so fucking hard to hold her chin up high.” A pressed smile tugs at my lips. “ You gave me a purpose, twisted and sick, but I wanted to break you, to remold you; I wanted you to find your legs so you could run, but once you did, I had fallen for you; I felt alive again. So I trapped you in a maze that always led back to me. I didn ’ t want to die again, Mila. Loving you kept me alive, but it ended up killing you. I don ’ t know how to stop that or how we can find a middle ground, but I want to try. I want to try with you, Mila, if you ’ ll let me.”
His hands set me free as he steps back and watches, each breath labored and pained until I reply. “ You ’ re giving me a choice?”
He nods. “ If you want a divorce, I ’ ll give it to you; if you try again with me, I promise you I will change. Whatever you want, I will do.” His lips tremble.
I wipe the tears off my face. “ You made me feel like a caged butterfly. You touched my wings, and they withered away, forcing me to learn how to walk and no longer fly, no longer dream of freedom. I hated you, hated that I loved you so badly.”
“ I ’ m sorry.”
“ It wasn ’ t good enough.”
He hangs his head.
“ I tasted freedom, Dash. I learned who I was, what I hated, and what I wanted to change about myself.” He bites his lip and stares at the floor. I step closer. “ I also learned that when someone threatened you, all I wished for was one more chance to talk to you, to yell and shout, to kiss and hold. I wanted one more chance to be a queen and not a treasure. I love you. But we ’ re toxic.”
“ I can fix us.”
I snort sadly. “ A relationship takes two people trying. You tried to do things alone, and look how that ended.”
“ So try with me.” His chin remains low as he looks at me through hooded eyes, making me feel like I ’ m the most powerful person in the room.
“ You won ’ t let me, Dash. You fear too much. It killed us.”
“ No!” He snaps. His fingers bury themselves in my hair as he holds my face. “ I was deaf before. I learned how to listen. I…I want to be like my father. He loved my mother and showed the world he loved her. If he could do it, then I can. I can keep you safe.”
“ Keeping me safe is what sickens us, Dash. You can ’ t keep me safe, and you have to accept that. Your father did, so he just loved your mother. Every day, he showed the world he loved her in case the next day he couldn ’ t.”
He looks away so suddenly it ’ s like a bullet flying out of the barrel of a gun.“You can ’ t do that, can you?” My whisper is a painful cry.
“ I can.” He admits, surprising me. “ I ’ m just scared.”
I reach for him, grabbing his hand. My touch makes him jump, and then he curls his fingers tightly around me. “ I ’ m scared, too, but I know how to make our fear less loud.”
“ How?”
My fingers touch his jaw; he closes his eyes like a sailor about to be consumed by a wave that will claim him. “ We make our love for each other louder.” My lips spread into a timid smile.
His throat rolls as he opens his eyes. I push up on my toes, but he ’ s too tall; he has to meet me in the middle. I wait for his lips to lower. I can see my words dancing in his head until…he bends and kisses me. It ’ s slow at first, hesitant as if he ’ s not sure his love can outshine his fear.
“ Let ’ s start over,” I whisper over his lips.
He nods as he presses his forehead against mine. I take the lead, holding his hand as I walk us to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and wait for the hot water to begin to steam.
“ I don ’ t deserve this,” He whispers, eyes downcast.
“ I don ’ t either.” I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it up over his head. The first time we met, he showed me his vulnerable side. He allowed me to peel back his armor and help him.
I unbutton his pants and slide them down his legs, seeing the scar from surgery where his bones broke.I glance at his torso; reaching out, I start to touch all his other scars; some are almost invisible, others angry and red. “ My scars are hidden,” I admit as I lean down and kiss his chest.
“ I always saw them.” He mutters as he brings my fingers to his lips and kisses each one. He undresses me, taking his time to inspect every curve I have for injury.
“ We ’ ll talk more after,” I tell him. “ Just make it all stop, Dash. Silence my fears with your love.”
Maybe rushing into sex is a mistake, but his eyes are different. He ’ s changed, and deep down, I know we will never allow one another to break again.
He nods, grabs my ass, and lifts me as he walks us into the hot shower. My legs wrap around him as I cup his jaw. “ It will be different this time,” he promises me. “ I ’ ll listen, little fox. I always saw you as this small little creature that stole my heart. I failed to realize that in order to be strong enough to claim my heart, you had to be sly. You were always the strongest of us. I ’ m sorry I never acknowledged that. I ’ m sorry I broke us. I ’ m sorry I forced you to run.”
“ We had to watch each other crumble so we could rebuild ourselves together this time,” I tell him.
“ I love you, little fox,” he gently walks us under the hot water. His lips roam over my mouth to my jaw, then neck, back and forth like he ’ s trying to lick a plate clean and savor the taste.
The droplets drip down his body as he presses me against the cool tiles. He lifts me up, and I widen my legs as I feel his hardness press against me. Everything is slow, unhurried; “ I need you. I was so scared you died. I know how it feels now, Dash; I know why you did what you did.” I say as I roll my hips up, allowing his thick cock to slip inside of me.
“ I want to cage you, Dash King. I want to keep you safe; I want to make sure you will only be mine.”
“ I am only yours.” His vow is as honorable as a knight from days of old. Sincere. Unbreakable. A devotion of love and passion promised to his queen.
I know the water is hiding our merging tears. “ But I want to be free with you, free to run and live.”
“ God, Mila!” He presses his forehead to mine like I ’ m his equal, and he ’ s sharing his crown with me. “ I ’ ll never treat you that way again. I ’ m so fucking sorry I let my fear outshine my love. You were right; at first, our love was as thin as paper, but it never mattered how strong we were because our devotion to one another is like ink; it seeps into anything, whether it ’ s as strong as concrete or as thin as paper. The world can tear us apart, rip sections of us away, but our desire and devotion is not something they can erase. I ’ m devoted to you, Mila King. I always will be. I was born a king, but it was you who taught me how to bow down.”
“ I don't want you to bow down to me. I just want you to let me stand beside you.”
“ I ’ ll do both. I'll bow down to you and press my lips against your thighs, kiss my way to your sweet sex as I worship your pussy."
"Stop," I giggle. Wow, it's been so long since that sound left my lips.
"Stop? That's not a word in my vocabulary. Let me show you.”
He sinks his hard thick cock into me like I ’ m a mold he is pouring himself into, making sure every part of him fills me. Deeper, he keeps edging deeper and deeper, trying to ignore the fact that our hipbones won ’ t allow any more distance to be reached.
“ See?” His eyes are hazy with lust. “ This means stop.” He pulls out, then pushes back in. It stretches and burns in the most delicious way possible. “ And that also means stop.”
“ What does go mean, then?” I tease.
He leans forward and sucks my bottom lip into his mouth. “ Hold on to me,” He warns with an excited flare. He hoists my hips up and then brings them down as he thrusts up. Controlling us in perfect succession. Oh lord, help me! The added weight of my body falling onto him has him hitting my G-spot with each thrust. I don ’ t last. No woman could. My body clenches as I moan my release.
“ That ’ s it, little fox, keep coming.” He keeps pounding into me, pushing and nudging that secret spot deep inside of me. It ’ s the longest orgasm of my life. My breath? It ’ s gone. My sight? Black and dizzy. My sex? Oh, she is so happy she has redefined delirium now.
“ I ’ m not done.”
I goofily smirk, “ I ’ m not either.” I squeeze inner muscles, gripping his throbbing cock till his mouth parts.
“ It ’ s never enough. I can never get enough of you. Never be deep enough. I need more and more. Every single inch of you, little fox. I want it. I need it.”
“ It ’ s yours.” I circle my hips, rubbing my clit against his lower stomach as he moves his cock in and out of me.
“ Fuck, I missed this.” He breathes as he slows his movements. “ Just let me feel you before I fuck you thoroughly.”
I giggle.
“ You think I ’ m joking?” He curls his lips up; he slides his cock out, leaving behind a burning emptiness my body aches for him to fill again.
“ Dash!” I gasp as he sinks inside of me so deep I surpass the stars and go straight to seeing the heavens.
His fingers dig into my ass, holding me to him. We ’ re so close that even a drop of water can't slip between us. “ I ’ m going to punish you every night, wifey. You ’ ll ride my cock until you ’ re sore, and even then, I won ’ t stop because I can ’ t.”
“ I don ’ t want you to stop.”
“ I know, you pretty little devil.” He grins, then he lifts me, making sure to drag my pussy along his hard abs so my clit feels his movements. It starts to become too much, his thick cock deep inside of me, his hard body rubbing my clit.
“ Oh god.” I tip my head back.
“ Not god; your husband. You call my name, little fox, because I caught you, no one else. Me.”
I clench around him till his body shakes. “ Liar. It was me who caught you.” I correct him.
He smiles as his eyes dance with the memory of our past. He hoists me higher, takes a deep inhale like he ’ s about to dive over a cliff, and then he really begins to make love to me. “ Look,” He demands as he watches where our bodies combine. “ We ’ re perfect.” He exhales.
I watch mesmerized as he slides into me, stretching my walls; he ’ s so thick and big he shouldn ’ t be able to fit, but he does, deliciously so. He fills me, not just with his cock, but his soul buries into my emptiness, making me feel whole.
I feel my insides begin to scream for joy, “ That ’ s it!” He purrs. “ I love watching your body break when I’m inside of you, little fox. You break only for me. I ’ ll put you back together again.”
I scream his name, and a breath later, he shouts mine. Together. We ’ re going to make this work because we ’ re willing to do it together this time.
“ It ’ s not enough.” He whispers as droplets of water frame his face.
“ I know.”
He ’ s still buried inside of me as he exits the shower, carries me to the bed, and lowers me onto it. The sheets cling to my wet skin as Dash looms over me. He bends down, licking my nipple, sucking it, and then biting it.
I arch my back, feeling him harden inside of me again. His eyes are harder than steel. “ I ’ m going to have to fuck you relentlessly. Every. Single. Day. That ’ s the only way I can ’ t hear my fears, little fox.”
“ That doesn ’ t scare me,” I smirk.
“ It should.” His eyes darken as his lips curl up.His hand wraps under my thigh as he lifts my leg and places it over his shoulder. My exhale is heavy and sharp. It ’ s all too tight now; I can feel him growing harder, struggling to fit inside of me. He slides out, looking down as his tip almost slips out of me before he forces me to take it again. “ Beautiful,” he mutters.
The force of his thrust knocks me back into the mattress. He lowers, trapping me. I wrap my arms around him. “ I can take it.” I pant, “ Give me everything, husband. Give me your fear, anger, joy, and desire. Give it all to me.” I stretch my leg higher, doing a split and allowing him to sink even deeper inside of me,
“ I fucking love you.”
“ I love you too.” I reply, “ Don ’ t come yet. I need more of you.” I press the tips of my fingers into his hips as I guide him into me again.
“ I don ’ t know if I can wait.” His cheeks flush from his exertion.
“ You will. You ’ ll wait for me.”
A spark glimmers over his skin at my controlling words. He pulls out of me, his strong, hot hands pressing against my inner thighs as he spreads them wide. The cold air tickles all my wetness, making me squirm. Then he lowers his mouth to my sex; his hot breath chases away my chills before he licks me. My legs try to close on reflex, but he keeps them open, like a monster that just sank his claws into its prey. His tongue slides in and out before it circles my clit, sucking it deep.
“ You taste like all of my dreams and nightmares. You haunt me. You give me hope.” He glances up at me, his mouth slick with my wetness. Then he bends down and kisses my stomach. “ I want this body to give me more. I want my child here,” he kisses my stomach again. “ I want everything, Mila. I ’ m selfish, and I won ’ t stop.”
His child.
He wants a future that will erase our past.
“ I want that too.”
His smile spreads easily, like a ray of light breaking through clouds, forcing the rain to evaporate.
“ You ’ re going to come on my tongue, then my fingers, then my cock. Understand?”
I nod.
He pushes my legs wider, inhaling me before he kisses me again. I bury my hands in his hair, forcing his mouth deeper without any embarrassment or shame. All I can do is whimper as I begin to climax; he ’ s stolen my words and taken them to be redefined. I come on his tongue, but I get no reprieve.
“ That ’ s it, little fox,” He swirls his fingers inside of me, coaxing out more.
I need more! I begin to meet his movements with my hips. “ Greedy, little fox. You take it this time. Fuck my fingers.” He stops moving his hand but keeps his fingers buried inside of me. I do as he says, and I begin to stir, pumping my hips; I grab his wrist, holding his hand where I need it.
“ Fuck!” Dash moans as his eyes watch me take exactly what he dared me to. He ’ s about to move, too tempted not to contribute.
“ No!” I tell him. I grab his cock with my other hand, and I stroke him and myself in sync.
“ I ’ m coming,” He warns me.
I shake my head, “ No. Not yet. You ’ ll come inside of me. Oh, Dash, Yes, that’s it!” I grab his wrist so tight I fear I might break his bone, my body spasms as I come on his fingers.
“ My little devil.” Dash groans. This time, he flips me, pulling my ass into the air. I ’ m so weak from the ecstasy that I ’ m more rag doll than human. Then he shoves himself inside of my swollen walls.
“ Oh…” Why the fuck did I run?
Because it got you this. All of him, not just his fear.
He reaches around my body, his hand finding my clit as he pumps in and out of me. “ Mila,” he purrs, then sinks his teeth into my shoulder and moans. It ’ s like a match to an oil spill. I erupt. Explode. I ’ m forced to be reborn as I feel every spasm.
Dash and I are not perfect, and sex can ’ t fix our past. We have a lot of problems we need to work out. Some days we will fuck like animals, and others fight like them. The difference is we ’ re fighting on the same side now.
I always knew my love was not conventional. Simple, happy endings never attracted me. I needed more, a love story that shocked the masses. I needed all hope to be lost. This way, the love that survived could endure anything that dared to challenge it.
There was a darkness I called tragic that dwelled within my heart. I thought tragic love had to be short-lived, but tragedy can mean something else. It can mean Dash and I ’ s love for each other is so fierce that no one else could even dare to imagine what it feels like.
That ’ s tragic…for them.
They will never know what loving someone so deeply feels like. Our love is so intense that each breath is baited, a pendulum swaying. We don ’ t know when our time will be up, so we live in the moment.
I choose to love Dash more than I hate him. I ’ m strong enough to do that and survive. I found my backbone, my voice. I made the devil listen.
But there is still one thing I have to confess to Dash. It will be the final test to see if he has changed,
I found my purpose, and I need to convince him to help me fulfill it.