38. In Which a Caring Gesture Gives Strength
Chapter 38
In Which a Caring Gesture Gives Strength
E vander spent most of the next two days either out training or wandering past her door an obscene amount. She hadn’t budged. Hadn’t opened the door the one time he got up enough courage to knock. He knew she needed to process this in the only way she could. Logic told him to give her space, and she would eventually seek him out. Maybe. Possibly. Their friendship was so fragile and new that it could shatter easily. And ultimately, he realized he wanted to be her friend first. The person she came to, even if it meant that whatever attraction they had on the ship was gone. When the light faded from her eyes and sheer panic, followed by terror, replaced it, everything in him screamed. The way the word trapped fell to the ground from her lips shattered his heart, leaving him helpless. The only thing he thought to do was keep her breathing. Keep her focused on him and keep out whatever darkness lurked behind those fear-filled eyes. He hadn’t known if it would work until she responded with her particular brand of sass and annoyance. He ached to follow her, making sure she was truly alright, but he knew she needed room to be alone.
Alone, but not.
When she didn’t come to the dining hall for the evening meal, he resolved to bring a tray, but now, standing outside her door, he was quickly losing his nerve. He had been standing here for a while, tray in hand, second-guessing himself.
You are a damn warrior.
“Bullocks,” he grumbled under his breath; balancing the tray on his forearm, he knocked.
Silence.
Knocking again, this time a little harder in case she might be further into the chamber.
Silence.
He stood for a few more breaths, staring at the wood grain, observing the swoops and patterns sanded smooth and varnished to enhance their appearance. With a swift breath, he grabbed the doorknob a little more forcefully than he meant to and turned. Evander half-expected it to be locked, but it opened on silent hinges, and he stepped inside.
Her room was dark and cold. The fireplace left unlit. Candles sat unburned. He set the tray down on the side table nearest her fireplace, next to the one from lunch. When he came to live on Olympus, Maximus had given him the choice of rooms in this wing. Not being much for stuffiness, he kept his rooms simple. While his home in England had decorations, they were all furniture or paintings left by relatives. So, when given the opportunity, he didn’t want to complicate things. This room had the same oversized four-poster bed as his, slightly smaller than his own. It had the same desk and chair, the same two red, oversized chairs with the same table between them. The only difference between the two rooms was the expansive window seat on one side of the impressive windows that ran floor to ceiling at the far end.
That’s where he found her. Sitting with her back to him, curled under a blanket, looking out over the woods.
“Go away,” Ellie grumbled to the window, refusing to turn around.
He cleared his throat and held up the tray. “I brought you dinner.”
“I’m not hungry.” She sniffed, and the sound ripped at his heart.
He watched her take the edge of the blanket and wipe her face; she sniffed again.
“Ellie.”
The sight of her unhappiness was like an arrow piercing his chest.
“Go away!” she snapped at him, shaking her head. “I don’t want you.”
She turned and looked at him, her eyes flashing in the moonlight that bathed her in an ethereal glow. “If I’m going to be kidnapped, the least you could do is leave me alone.” She waved her hand at him and returned to staring out the window.
“This isn’t a kidnapping.”
“So, I can leave?”
“No.”
“I’m being held against my will. I dunno what kinda of laws there are here on Olympus, but in Texas, that’s kidnapping.”
He sighed and came to sit on the seat near her. She didn’t move or brush him away.
“Will you please eat something?”
She compressed her lips. “I’m not hungry.”
Resting his head against the glass, he gave her a pointed look. “You haven’t eaten. You must be a little hungry.”
Glaring, she shook her head. “I’m not being stubborn, Evander.” The corners of her eyes crinkled, and one side of her mouth quirked up. “At least not about eating. Whenever I . . . whenever my powers become . . .” Her eyes flitted to where her magic had left its mark on his shoulder. “I’m not hungry for days afterward. The thought of food turns my stomach.”
“The power of gaia.”
Seeking to comfort her, he reached for her hand, but her icy stare stopped him. The offending appendage retreated into his lap.
“It’s a potent magic.”
She said nothing but returned to staring out at the forest beyond the edge of the grounds. The moonlight danced in her hair, leaving streaks of silver playing among her copper curls. Her face was sullen and swollen from crying. Her bottom lip trembled, and a silent tear made its way down her cheek. She sniffed and took in a shaky breath.
“Why don’t you look like them?”
Her question catching him off guard caused his breath to catch. She gave him a sideways glance from the corner of her eye.
“You mean wings?”
Nodding, she faced him. “And the armor. Why do you look like . . . you?”
It was his turn to stare out the window, trying to devise an excuse better than you saw me as a monster. He shrugged.
“Because I didn’t want to scare you.”
“Show me.”
Her frustrated growl greeted the emphatic shaking of his head.
“I’m surrounded by men who look like warrior angels, and you won’t show me who you are. You want me to trust you’re here to protect me? Lying isn’t protecting me, Evander. It’s protecting you.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Refusing to show me who you are is lying.” She crossed her arms.
His jaw clenched, and he knew the muscle ticked. She deserved to know the truth. The truth about what he was, what he looked like, but he couldn’t get her shout of “ monster ” out of his head. It rang with the same intensity and fear as when she uttered it. Grunting in annoyance, he rolled his eyes and stood, lowering his cloaking powers and revealing his true form. His warrior form. The form he hated most of all. For several moments, he didn’t dare open his eyes. He wouldn’t be able to handle the look of disgust she would hold for him after this, until he felt her finger poke him in the chest.
Her gaze traveled the length of him, from his sandals to his greaves, to the straps that sheathed his swords, to his armor, and finally his wings. The avian part of him arched overhead. Horns at the apex stood several feet above his impressive height. The light that emanated off his wings reflected in her eyes.
“Am I frightening you?” He desperately wanted to know if she saw the monster Athena made of him.
Her gasp caused him to shudder.
“You have fangs!”
Wordlessly, he stared down at her. Curling his lip, absentmindedly, his tongue found the pointed tip of one of his fangs.
“And your ears are”—she made a motion with her fingertips at the tops of her ears—“pointed.”
His teeth hurt from clenching his jaw, but he remained in this form under her scrutinizing gaze. Ellie touched him, sweeping her hand along his collarbone, running over the leathers of his swords and arm. She extended her index finger and poked him in the middle of his chest once more, pushing at him.
“You feel real.”
A single laugh escaped him. “Was there ever any doubt?”
Keeping her eyes on his chest where her finger still pressed against his tunic, she shrugged. “Momentarily.” She looked up and cocked her head to the side. “Why did you think I’d be scared of you?”
“You called me a monster. I am one.”
She let out one of her nervous laughs. “Monster? What makes you a monster?”
“Wings, fangs, ears, hidden swords. Take your pick.”
She frowned. “You aren’t. Not to me.”
“I’m not fully a man,” he breathed, “not anymore.”
He clenched his fists at his sides, holding them still, resisting sweeping her into her arms and pressing her to him. He had been terrified he had scared her so badly on the ship that she would reject him. Or worse, hate him.
“You don’t stay like . . . what are you?”
“A nymph. A warrior of the Celestial Legion.”
“You don’t stay a nymph like the others?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I prefer my human form.”
She nodded and flopped onto the window seat. A quizzical look passed over her face as her eyes darted to the bed and then back to him as if she was sizing him up.
“Do you sleep like that? Swords and all?”
“Wings, sometimes; swords, no. I take my armor off at night.”
“So, on the ship, in my bed . . .” she trailed off, and he fought a grin that threatened to erupt. He could see her calculating his sheer size against the bed they shared, realizing there would have been no room for both if he had been in this form.
“I can conceal that which I don’t wish to show. My armor and swords were off, hidden from view. My wings, however . . .”
“So, when we fought the daemons—”
He nodded, and that time, a smile did pop out. Her mind was impressive and one of the many things he was coming to admire about her.
“You were right. I have magic swords.”
A twitch of her lips at being right.
“Do your clothes stay on when you shapeshift?”
He snorted a laugh. “I’m not a werewolf, Ellie. Yes, everything stays as it was when I transform .”
She nodded and fell silent again, leaning against the window. He changed back into his human form and sat closer to her, there if she had any more questions. He was determined to prove to her he was trustworthy. That he wasn’t going anywhere. She wiped a stray tear with the back of her hand and sniffed.
“Talk to me, Ellie.”
“No one will know I’m gone.”
Silently, she swiped the tear with the blanket. Her choked words left cracks in his heart.
“In a few weeks, when I should have returned, and I don’t, my friends will get worried. They’ll contact the ship. No one will know where I went. I’ll have just vanished into thin air. I’ll never see my home again.”
When she looked up at him, he could feel her heart breaking from its place inside her chest. Tears glistened in the moonlight on her cheeks and lashes. She was right. He hated to admit it, but when they decided as a company to keep her here, to protect her, to lie, they never once considered the repercussions of what that would put on the people in her life. He had watched his mother and sisters grieve when he became a warrior. They never knew what happened to him, just like those important to Ellie.
Standing, he reached for her, and when she didn’t bat him away, or refuse his touch, he scooped her into his arms, holding her close to his chest. She turned her face into him, her fingers grasping the strap of his arm. He walked her over to the bed and pulled the cover back.
“What are you doing?” Her voice sounded hoarse from unshed tears.
“Putting you to bed,” he said, planting a gentle kiss to the top of her head, lowering her to the mattress. “You need sleep, my darling.”
She scooted under the sheets. He pulled them over her shoulder and stepped back when her hand shot out.
“Please stay. Don’t go,” she whispered.
Grasping her hand in his, he gave her a reassuring smile. “I wasn’t.”
He walked over to the opposite side of the bed and in a few minutes, had released his arm from his shoulder and gathered her to him. Her body pressed close to his as he held her tight.
“I’m mad at you,” she said into his chest.
“I know.”
“I’ll never see my home.”
The floodgates opened then, and she shuddered as all the worry and stress poured out of her. The sound of her strangled sobs, the jerking of her shoulders as she let herself finally fall apart against him tore at him. He desperately wanted to make all this better for her, to take away the ache she felt. The only thing he could do was be here for her now. To hold her as she fell apart and keep reminding her she wasn’t alone. It seemed so small a gesture, but he didn’t know what else to do. After several minutes of heart-wrenching sobs, she shuddered again, and the cascade of worry and heartache slowed to a few tears. Evander stroked her hair, pulling strands through his fingers like a copper waterfall.
“I never meant to lock you in there. To leave you. To make you feel like Penn did.”
She raised her tear-streaked face, shaking her head and rustling the pillow. “You couldn’t have known. You aren’t Penn.”
He squeezed her tighter, wanting her as close as possible. “You are not trapped here, Ellie. I will never lock you up. You will always have free rein unless you decide to lock the door. You are safe.”
She nodded and let out a shaky breath.
“I’ll make this right,” he said to her temple as he felt her body relax and finally drift off to sleep.