Chapter Four
“Are you going to tell me why you left the party so early?” Charlotte sits up in bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with the back of her hand as she lets out a loud yawn.
“I already told you.” I tie my hair up in a messy bun, using the mirror on the back of the door to make sure it looks satisfactory before turning back to face her. “I wasn’t feeling well.”
Not technically a lie. I actually wasn’t feeling good. I just don’t mention the almost nuclear meltdown I had or the part where Kai Elliot was in any way involved.
I still haven’t fully wrapped my head around it. I spent most of the night replaying it on repeat. Every look. Every touch. Every word. I dissected it over and over again, probably reading way too much into his actions.
Just because he’s a bit of a womanizer doesn’t mean he’s an asshole.
And just because he helped you doesn’t mean he gives a shit about you , my inner voice reminds me, trying to keep my expectations fully in check.
I know better than to expect things of men, especially men who look the way he does.
“I was convinced you’d left with Owen when you texted, but then I saw him a few minutes later with some brunette in his lap that definitely wasn’t you.” Charlotte’s words plant me firmly in the present.
“He was with another girl?” Unease settles in my stomach. Not jealousy per se, but a similar feeling. Or maybe it’s relief...
“Practically swallowing her whole face on the futon.” She grimaces.
“Well, it’s not like we’re dating or anything.” I shrug, trying to act completely unaffected by the news that the guy I’ve been talking to the last few days hooked up with someone else so casually, like it was just another day in the life.
Though, if we’re being fair, I did kind of leave with another guy. It wasn’t like that, of course, but how the hell would he know what it was like? Though, given how drunk he was, it’s unlikely he even remembers that I left the party early, let alone who I left with.
“Fuck that. He invited you to the party and then ended up hooking up with someone else? I’d be pissed.”
“Well, I did kind of bail on him.” I shrug.
“And that gives him an excuse to fuck someone else?” She throws her long legs over the side of her bed and hops down to the floor with ease.
“Do you know for sure that they slept together? Or were they just kissing?”
“Because that makes a difference?”
“We’re not dating. He has every right to make out with someone else if he wants to.”
“If you think that, then you must not like the guy very much.”
I consider her words, realizing she’s not exactly wrong. I mean, I do like him. He just doesn’t excite me like a certain tattooed distraction has as of late.
“Well, after last night, it probably doesn’t matter anyway.”
“Why? Did something else happen?” She flops down in her desk chair, grabbing an open water bottle before taking a long pull.
“No...” I shake my head, kinda wishing I hadn’t said anything. The last thing I want to do right now is explain my anxiety or the crippling panic attacks that sometimes accompany it. And I definitely don’t want to get into who actually helped me through it. I still don’t know how to take any of it. He was just so surprisingly... sweet.
“Definitely something.”
My face must give me away.
“I just wasn’t feeling well, and he was more concerned with beating someone in some drinking game than making sure I was okay.” I deflect. It isn’t a lie. It’s just not the entire truth either.
“What a dick.”
“To be fair, he was really drunk.”
“Perhaps you dodged a bullet then.”
“Perhaps.” I sigh.
“Where are you off to anyway?” She gives me a quick once-over, gesturing to my black leggings and oversized blue tee that I paired with, you guessed it, blue Converse.
“I have a massive paper in English that’s due at the end of the week. Thought maybe I’d head to the library and get a head start on it.”
“It’s Saturday.” Char points out the obvious.
“And?”
“And you always go to the library on Sunday. You’re just going to leave me here with no one to hang out with?” She visibly pouts.
“You have Maisie.” I gesture to her bunk.
“Maisie isn’t here.”
“She’s not?” I take a closer look at her bed, realizing that while her blankets are messed up, she isn’t actually under them. “Where is she?”
A smile tugs at Charlotte’s lips. “Where do you think she is?” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.
“She went home with someone? Who?”
“Some hottie from the football team. Mac or Max. Something like that. All I know is the two were all over each other all night.”
“Damn.”
“I know, right. I’m so jealous. I haven’t gotten laid since I got here and I’m starting to have withdrawals.”
“What about Erik?” I grab my bag off the floor and sling it over my shoulder.
“Let’s just say Owen isn’t the only one who showed his true colors last night.”
“Uh-oh. What happened?”
“Nothing I care to rehash.”
“Are you okay?”
“Me? I’m great. I mean, other than the fact that you’re abandoning me.” She runs her hand through her thick, auburn hair, trying to brush out some of the tangles with her fingers.
“I won’t be gone too long. A couple of hours maybe. Then we can go have lunch or something. Deal?”
“Okay, I guess I can live with that.” She concedes. “Maybe Maisie will be back by then and she can come with us and fill us in on last night’s sexcapades. If I can’t get any myself, maybe I can settle for living vicariously through her.”
“If you wanna get laid that badly, just find a hot guy and hook up with him. I mean, look at you. Ain’t no man in his right mind going to turn you down.”
“I know I give off the impression that I’m a slut, but I’m a little more selective than that.”
“I didn’t... I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to imply...” I ramble.
“Jesus, Lyric, relax. I’m fucking with you.” She drops her head back, her laughter filling the room.
“You’re an ass,” I tell her flatly, tugging open the door.
“An ass that you just happen to love,” she calls after me.
“That’s debatable.” I chuckle, pulling the door closed behind me so that she doesn’t have a chance to reply.
The door across the hall opens almost at the exact same time, and I swear, every ounce of air is sucked from the building when I glance over and my eyes land on the person who exits the room adjacent to mine.
Kai freaking Elliot.
And what’s more... He’s shirtless...
Any words I could possibly say die on my lips as I drink in the sight of him. The ripple of his muscles. The deep cut of his abs. The ink that covers not just the full length of his arm but also travels over his shoulder and down his left side, covering almost the entire left half of his torso.
I blink once. Twice. A third time before sense seems to return.
“I should have known,” I finally say, not having to fake the anger in my voice. Because I am angry. How dare he treat me the way he did last night, with such care, only to lie to me about why he was even coming to my building in the first place, which was clearly for a booty call.
Just when I was starting to think maybe he wasn’t exactly who Maisie warned me he was, he goes and proves her right.
“Pardon?” He arches a thick brow, amusement tugging at his handsome features.
“That’s why you were leaving the party.”
“Maybe.” He lifts his shoulder in a half shrug before throwing the shirt he’s holding over his head, tugging it down his body in an action I find impossible not to watch.
“Why pretend that you were going home? Why not just follow me up if you were going to come up here anyway?” I gesture to the door behind him, trying to remember the girl’s name who lives there. Clara or Claire. Something like that.
“It seemed in poor taste, given everything.” His eyes soften, which only serves to irritate me further. I don’t want his pity.
“You really are everything they say you are, aren’t you?” I adjust my bag on my shoulder.
“That depends. Who’s they? And what do they say?”
“Everyone.” By everyone, I mean Maisie, but I’m obviously not going to tell him that. “And they say you go through women like it’s an Olympic sport. Here you had me thinking maybe there was more to you.” I do my best to seem indifferent.
“Sorry to disappoint.” He has the audacity to grin.
“Do me a favor and next time you see me, melting down or otherwise, just keep walking, yeah?” I take off down the hall, hoping like hell he doesn’t follow me.
“Are you mad at me?” His long stride makes it easy for him to catch up with me.
So much for him not following me.
“Why on earth would I be mad at you?” I take the stairs faster than I probably should, pushing my way outside moments later, Kai still fast on my heels.
“You tell me.” He’s next to me now, keeping up with me with infuriating ease.
“Look.” I stop abruptly, turning toward him. “I appreciate what you did for me last night, truly. But if you’re the kind of guy who lies and sneaks around, I’m not interested in knowing you.”
“I never lied.” His dark blue eyes flare in challenge.
“You weren’t exactly forthcoming either.”
“I didn’t realize I had to be.” He steps into me, his large frame invading my very small bubble. “You know what I think?” He dips his face so that we’re eye level, so close I can smell the toothpaste still fresh on his tongue. My stomach hollows. “I think you’re jealous.”
“Jealous.” I choke on the word.
“You’re upset because you wanted it to be your bed I ended up in last night.”
My instinct is to curl in on myself. To tell him to go screw himself and run away. But I can’t give him that satisfaction. Because if I do, I’ll be giving him exactly what he wants.
“If you think that, then you’re not nearly as observant as you claim to be.” I stand my ground.
“On the contrary... I see the way you look at me. You can deny it all you want. We both know the truth. You want me, Lyric .”
God help me, I do. Even with him goading me, all I want to do is close the small distance between us and kiss him the way I’ve fantasized about doing more times than I’d ever admit. But that’s all it is, a fantasy. He’s a beautiful man that I’m sure half the damn campus has fantasized about at one point or another. But beauty will only take you so far, and if he thinks I’m the kind of girl he can toy with, he has another think coming.
“What I want is for you to leave me alone.”
He stares at me for another long moment before he finally steps back. I draw in a deep breath, like it’s the first one I’ve been able to take.
“She’s learning.” He smiles, stepping past me. “Good girl.” I hear him say as he walks away.
Good girl?
Good girl?
Did he seriously just call me a good girl like I’m a freaking dog or something?
The interaction leaves me more than a little agitated and whole hell of a lot confused.
I don’t get it.
Last night... The way he held my face. The way he looked at me as he was trying to help me breathe through the attack, there’s no way that was the same man. That man was sweet and surprisingly gentle and... caring. But the asshole I just encountered, he was none of those things.
Talk about a case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It’s like he has two warring personalities.
I try to shake off the interaction as I continue to the library, but it sticks with me for way longer than I’d like. I can’t help it. It’s just so... Frustrating .
I attempt to work on my English paper for the better part of two hours, but when I finally call it quits, I’ve got less than a page written.
I don’t know why I let him get to me. It makes no sense. I don’t even know the guy. I can count every interaction we’ve had on one hand, and yet, I’ve let him rattle me in a way only one other person has ever rattled me, and it took him screwing my best friend to do it. Which leads me to the only acceptable conclusion I can come to. I need to stay as far away from Kai Elliot as humanly possible.
“Lyric.”
I’m crossing the courtyard, headed to class, when I hear my name. I turn toward the voice, not realizing it’s Owen until I spot him jogging across the lawn toward me.
I haven’t seen him since the night of the party, which was nearly a week ago, though he has texted me a few times. I’ve been distancing myself from him after what Char told me she saw, so I’ve kept my replies pretty bland and basic, not really giving him much.
“Hi.” The smile I’ve perfected over the last few months slides into place.
“Hey.” He huffs, a little out of breath. “Where you headed?”
“Calculus.” I tilt my head toward the building to my left.
“Oh, fun.” He crinkles his nose.
“Yeah, so fun.”
“I was, uh, hoping I’d run into you at some point. Are we good?” He runs a nervous hand through his blond curls, which is weird because he doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who gets nervous.
“Fine. Why?”
“It’s just... Well, I was kind of an ass the night of the party. I invited you and then got black-out drunk and uh... I don’t even remember if you were there or not,” he admits, not able to meet my gaze.
So not only does he not remember seeing me, but he clearly has no recollection of what happened after I left him on the dance floor, which does give me a small sense of relief. It’s bad enough that Kai knows about my panic attacks. I don’t want anyone else to find out if I can help it. Not that he would have known that’s what was happening when he came outside, but still.
“I was there. And it’s totally fine. It seemed like you had a lot of fun.”
“Fuck. I messed up bad, huh?”
My expression must give me away.
“Well...” I hesitate, not sure if I should even say anything. “You did kind of hook up with a girl on the futon in front of everyone.”
His face pales.
“I didn’t?”
I nod.
“Shit, Lyric. I’m so sorry. I can’t even make an excuse that would justify that kind of behavior because there is none.”
“It’s fine, really. We’re friends. Not a big deal.”
“Friends...” he repeats the word like it tastes bad on his tongue.
“I really should get to class,” I tell him, ready to escape this conversation like three minutes ago when it started.
“Yeah, okay.” He takes a step back, failing to mask his disappointment, which does make me feel mildly guilty.
I mean, I really did like Owen at first, but I’m really not interested in dating someone who gets so drunk they don’t even know who they’re hooking up with. I’m not about that life. And honestly, after his behavior at the party and then the stuff with Kai, I think I’m better off just focusing on school right now.
“I’ll see you around.” I throw up a little wave before walking away.
“Yeah, see you around,” he calls after me.
I make it to class a few minutes early, so after dropping off my stuff, I decide to head down to the vending machines to grab a drink and a quick snack. I was so busy trying to finish my English paper earlier that I never got the chance to eat lunch. But I got it done and turned it in on time, so the sacrifice was worth it. But that still doesn’t change the fact that now I’m starving.
“I don’t give a fuck what she told you.”
I freeze at the sound of the very angry voice coming out of the classroom on my right.
“It’s your job to make sure she takes the fucking medication. Or do I need to find someone else who can actually do what they’re being paid for?”
Kai?
My heart rate instantly kicks up in speed, like it always does whenever he’s near. Or when I think about him. Or when I dream about him. It’s like I’m a junkie and he’s a drug. I know I shouldn’t touch it, but damn if every bone in my body isn’t telling me to do just that.
“No, you listen to me. I pay you to take care of her. If you can’t do that, I’ll find someone else who can. Now give her the fucking medication and you better make damn sure she takes it.”
Deciding this is not something I should be eavesdropping on as it seems incredibly personal, I move to sneak past the classroom, but as soon as I start walking again, something whizzes in front of my face, damn near taking my nose off as it slams into the wall beside me, little pieces skidding across the floor.
My heart slams against my ribs as I look down at the phone now lying at my feet, the screen completely shattered. Another inch and it would have hit me right on the side of the head.
“Lyric?”
My wide eyes go to Kai, who looks about a hundred shades of green.
“Fuck. Are you okay?”
It’s been five days since I’ve seen him and God, if he doesn’t look even more beautiful today than the last time. Angry but beautiful.
Get. It. Together. Lyric. We don’t like this guy, remember? Bad news...
“It didn’t hit me,” I say, just in case it wasn’t obvious.
“What the fuck are you doing back here? There’re no classes in this area until this evening.” He steps in front of me, his eyes tracking from my head to my feet as if he needs to see for himself that I’m okay.
I hold up the water and crackers clenched in my hands in lieu of answering.
“You sure you’re okay? Fuck.” He blows out a hard breath, dipping down to pick up the remainder of his phone.
“Are you okay?” I ask him the same question, given that he just shattered his phone against the wall after cussing someone out.
“I shouldn’t have thrown it,” he says, rising to his full height. “I’m just glad it didn’t hit you.”
“Is everything all right?”
I shouldn’t ask. Hell, I shouldn’t care. But for reasons I can’t even begin to understand, I do.
“Yeah, just a personal matter.” He shoves what remains of his phone into the front pocket of his jeans.
“Why are you back here?” It’s my turn to ask.
“What?”
“You said there’re no classes back here until this evening, so why are you back here?”
“I’m a civil engineering major. I practically live back here.”
“Oh.” I nod slowly. “Okay, well...” I start to step around him, but he cuts off my path.
“What are you doing right now, Converse?” He glances down as if just remembering to check my shoes. “I think those might be my favorites so far.” He gestures to my bright pink low tops, a trace of a smile tugging at his lips.
“I have class. Why?” I ask, not letting him distract me.
“Skip it.”
“What?” I look up at him like he’s grown a second head.
“Skip it.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because I need a distraction.”
“I’m sure you have plenty of girls who can help you out with that.” I move to step around him, but he’s quick to move with me, blocking my exit.
“What if I don’t want them?” He snags my wrist, tugging me closer. “What if I want you?”
It takes everything in me not to melt right into him and give him exactly what he’s asking for, but I know I can’t. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.
“You can want me all you want.” I look him straight in the eyes. “But unless you earn me, you can’t have me.” I tug my hand out of his grasp, and this time, when I move to leave, he lets me.
I’m shaking so badly by the time I reach my classroom that I’m not sure if I want to scream, pass out, puke, or a little of all three.
Kai Elliot is one confusing, infuriating, maddening man. And somehow, I have to find a way to shake him, or it might just be the death of me.