28. Kelly #2
He handed me a glass and poured us both some wine. “I know we’re both liquor drinkers, but there’s a winery on the estate that’s supposed to be excellent. I also think it would’ve hurt their feelings if I’d said no.”
I chuckled and tapped my glass to his. “It’s perfect. This whole weekend is already perfect.”
“Yeah?” A shy smile I’d never seen on Donovan before had me curious what he was thinking. I knew we still had a lot we needed to talk about, and the deadline of my next shoot hovered over us like a dark cloud.
But it was hard to think of anything other than how right it felt every time I was near him. It’d been that way from the day we met. So easy to talk to, to touch, to just be with. Even though we hadn’t known each other long, I couldn’t imagine giving him up. It just didn’t feel like an option.
I took a long sip of the wine, and it went down smooth, with hints of blackberry and plum trailing down my throat. If all wine tasted this good, maybe I’d drink more of it.
Donovan set his glass on the small table beside us and fixed us both a plate of food.
There were fruits and cheeses, but also a selection of finger foods like sliders, sushi cups, and empanadas.
Every bit of it was exquisite, and I was impressed that Donovan indulged a little, though I was the only one going back for seconds.
Belly full, I stretched out along the pillows beside him, leaning back on my hands as I joined him in looking out over the water. He’d gone quiet since we’d gotten here, and I could tell something was on his mind, something he needed to get out.
I nudged my arm against his gently. “Talk to me. Where’s that gorgeous head at?”
“That obvious, huh?” Donovan’s lips pulled tight, and he didn’t look at me as he stared out at the pond. After a long moment, he swallowed and then said, “I like you, Kelly. A lot.”
I nodded but stayed silent, knowing that wasn’t all he needed to say. But when nothing came out, I prompted, “But…?”
He let out a loud exhale and shook his head. “I want to be with you.”
I couldn’t help my wide grin, or the way my pulse kicked up a few notches. “That doesn’t sound like a problem to me.”
“It is when I don’t think I can share you,” he said, finally meeting my eyes. “I know it’s not fair, and I know what I got myself into when I met you, but I also know I’ll regret it if I don’t tell you I want you to be mine. Only mine.”
God, my heart was tripping all over itself. Wasn’t this what every person alive wanted to hear?
I was reaching for Donovan and taking his lips with mine before I could stop myself.
His mouth was soft, pliant, and tasted like rich, sweet wine.
Every time our lips met, it was electric.
Every time I touched him, I couldn’t stop touching him.
He was an itch I could never scratch, a hunger I couldn’t seemed to sate.
I kissed him until we were both breathless, until I’d tasted every inch of his delicious mouth.
I rested my forehead against his, waiting until my breathing evened out and I could speak again. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Being honest. Telling me what you want.”
“I don’t think that makes it any easier.”
“No,” I agreed, smiling a little. “It makes this complicated as hell.”
I leaned back so I could look at him, at that unbelievably beautiful face. It almost hurt to look at someone so gorgeous. I forced myself to hold his hand so I didn’t reach for him again, because there were things that needed to be said, whether or not we wanted to talk about them.
“Since you’ve been honest with me, it’s only fair I do the same,” I said, running my thumb along his knuckles. “You’re incredible, Donovan. I’m lucky you even looked my way.”
He started to protest, but I put a finger up to his lips.
“Of course I want to be with you too. That’s not even a question. It’s like since I met you, everything’s just fallen into place. We haven’t had to put a label on it because I think we both know we’re in it.”
Donovan nodded, and I caught the way he bit down on the corner of his lip.
“I hate even talking about this, but the truth about my situation is that it’s been a rough few months.
The city doesn’t make it easy to stay there.
Jobs are hard to get; everything’s expensive as hell.
Living paycheck to paycheck doing jobs I hated just to make ends meet…
I was fuckin’ over it. Once Sven moved out, I had some hard decisions to make.
Did I move back to Oregon? Should I stick it out here? What kind of life did I want?”
I took in a deep breath as Donovan waited patiently for me to continue.
“The opportunity to work with Xes fell into my lap, and I’ll be honest, my first reaction was that it was crazy. But the more I thought about it, the more it started to make sense. I’m not shy about my body. I work hard for it, and I got lucky in the size department.”
Donovan smirked in agreement.
“I guess I’ve always wanted…to be somebody.
Does that make sense? I kind of assumed when I was younger that meant something entirely different, like modeling or acting.
But this gig…” I shrugged. “It has its perks. It’s a way to put myself out there.
People know who I am. And the pay is so good I don’t have to worry about money.
It’s just a weight off my shoulders. You know? ”
“I know,” Donovan said softly. I knew this wasn’t what he wanted to hear, and I sure as hell didn’t want to actually say it. But I wouldn’t lie to him.
“Do you?”
“Yes. And I want to… Please don’t take this the wrong way, okay? But…if money is an issue, I have—”
“No.” I knew my voice came out firmer than I’d meant it to, but I wasn’t going to budge on this. “I didn’t tell you all that for your money.”
“I know, but—”
“But nothing. I won’t take it. I don’t want it. I know you’d only offer it to help, and I appreciate that, but I’ve got to make my own way, Donovan. It’s important to me. You understand that, right?”
He wet his lips, looking away. “I understand. I’m not going to hold you back from doing something you want to do.”
“Want and need are two different things.”
“Okay, then I won’t hold you back from something you need to do. I just…”
When his words broke off, I cupped his face, forcing him to look at me. When his eyes met mine again, they glistened.
“You just what?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
“I just don’t know that I can...”
“That you can what?”
Donovan shook his head as though erasing the thought. “I just don’t think I can let you go yet.”
I knew that wasn’t what he’d been about to say, but selfishly, it was what I needed to hear. I didn’t want to lose him, but at the same time, I had to be able to provide for myself. What I needed and what I wanted were in direct conflict with each other. But maybe they wouldn’t always be.
My lips ghosted over his, giving him the softest brush of a kiss. “Then don’t.”