Chapter 31
Rowan
Holy fuck.
Natalia’s body is coiled so tightly I think she might just break a few bones. Her face is red, the tendons in her neck stretched out, her stomach caved in, and her mouth frozen open as she takes every ounce of pleasure I give her.
“Fuck, Rowan!” Natalia cries. “Rowan, I can’t… Shit.”
“Yes, sweetheart,” I purr as her back bows and her leg trembles against my thigh. “You’re doing so well.”
Between her legs, I can see her pretty pussy pulse as she comes—as she gets wetter and wetter.
I need to be inside her, all the time. I want to be utterly wrapped in her being, suffocated by her.
I want her to swallow me whole and devour me, rip my heart to shreds if she has to just so I can be hers.
Natalia pants heavily as her body drops back onto the bed, unsteady and sporadic.
“More,” she whimpers, her body squirming and back arching again, searching for more. Her hips undulate against the vibrating, stealing the pleasure for herself. “More.”
“Sweetheart,” I start.
Her spread legs tremble, more violently as the seconds pass, her body lacking oxygen. Fear fills me and I pull the vibrator back until it hovers.
“Breathe, Natalia,” I whisper gently. I lean over her, leaving the toy to the side, and gently hold her jaw. “Breathe, sweetheart.”
I kiss her cheek where a rogue tear rolls from her eye. “I’ve got you.”
“Mhhm,” she hums. “Rowan.”
“Too much?” I whisper as I kiss her swollen bottom lip where she’s been biting it.
She shakes her head. “More,” she breathes. “I want you inside me.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes,” she pants. “Yes, Rowan, yes. I’m okay.”
“You’ll tell me—”
“Yes, sweetheart,” Natalia breathes heavily, pulling against the hand cuffs. “Let me touch you. Please.”
I reach over for the tiny key on the night table and release her. Natalia doesn’t give me the time to set them aside before her arms come around me and pull me over her, her lips latching onto mine like a magnet.
“No one,” she breathes on my lips, “makes me feel this.”
I kiss her back with the same fervor, perhaps more than what she’s giving, and roll my hips into hers, my cock slipping between her folds. I hiss, my body twitching.
“Me either,” I whisper.
“Inside me, Rowan,” Natalia whispers in reply. Her limbs wrap around me, suffocating me in the best way, my chest pressing into hers. “God, Rowan.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know,” she sniffs. “I’m just…”
“Natalia—”
“Fuck me,” my sweetheart breathes and the tip of my cock nudges her entrance, pulling a moan from the both of us. “Yes, Rowan.”
Fuck, I want to tell her. I need to tell her.
“Natalia, I—”
She lifts her hips and I slide deeper into her.
I love you.
I bury myself inside of her, the words stuck on the tip of my tongue like a splinter I need to pick out. Words I just need to get the fuck out of me and into her.
Her nails burn, probably breaking through the skin of my back as she drags them down. Her hands grab my ass, pulling me in further with each of my hard thrusts. Her moans come breathier, faster.
Her lips kiss my shoulder, scattering soft kisses across my clavicle and up my neck, and I swear it’s one of the best displays of affection she’s ever given, especially when we’re like this.
We don’t just fuck anymore. And right now, I’m making love to my sweetheart and I want to do it for-fucking-ever.
A million times over until the only thing she can think about me is how much I love her.
Until the only thing she can feel is how much of myself I’ve given to her, and the weight of it in her possession.
This girl has my heart in her back pocket—I left it there years ago, really—but I don’t want it there anymore, I want my heart inside of hers. I want her to feel it beat to the same song, same rhythm. Same lyrics and melody. I want her to hear it sing her name while she sits in the front row.
No one has ever stood a chance against her.
“Rowan,” Natalia cries quietly against my ear, her lips brushing the shell. “I’m close.”
Her smooth hands move up my spine, fingertips burrowing into my shoulder blades, holding me to her. I never want her to let go, and I hope she never wants to either.
I’m hers, I’m so fucking hers I don’t think I’m my own anymore.
“Nat, sweetheart.”
“Yes. Yes.” Natalia arches and I bend to lick her nipples before taking each of them into my mouth, sucking hard. “Hmmm.”
I give her all the pleasure I can offer, using the map I’ve drawn for myself by her moans and arches, her breaths and twitches, to guide me. I’ve had her memorized since the day I met her. Since the first night she let me touch her.
Natalia clenches around me. “Rowan.”
“Me too,” I groan. “Fuck, you going to come on my cock, sweetheart?” I purr. “You gonna come for me like a good girl, Natalia?”
“Mhmm…”
“Come,” I demand with a grunt. “God, let me die in this perfect cunt.”
My hips move faster, harder, jerking with no direction.
“Oh…fuck… Rowan,” Natalia mewls, her hips bucking and undulating against mine, her fingers tightening in my hair. “Rowan, I’m—I’m coming… Oh god.”
“Fuck,” I growl. “Fuck, that’s my girl. So good, sweetheart.”
Natalia tightens around me like she never wants me to pull out of her body, and I don’t.
I want to tell her I love her. Every time I’m inside her, I need to tell her, but I never do.
She should know. I should not be inside of her, claiming her, her claiming me, without her knowing that I’m in love with her.
Natalia Mae Davis-Jeong.
“Natalia.” With her name on my lips, I come, my body tensing and coiling until it snaps, relief flooding through my entire body until I’m breathless and boneless.
Natalia sinks into the mattress and I sink down beside her, my body and hair damp—hers, the same. We pant, our breaths filling the room, side by side. Hip to hip. Shoulder to shoulder.
“That was…”
“It was,” I agree and feel her hand dancing it’s way closer to mine, getting closer and closer until her pinky is nudging mine. I turn over and take her hand in mine, fingers sliding together.
“Is it always going to be like that?” Natalia whispers. “So intense? Too much.”
“Too much?”
“A good too much,” she clarifies. With a small breath, she turns onto her side and faces me, putting a hand beneath her cheek as I bring our hands to my chest, giving me those hazel-green eyes. “I’ve never… I’ve never felt anything like you, Rowan.”
I release my grip on her hand and my arm comes around her. I use all of my strength to pull her into me.
“That face,” Natalia says, tossing her leg over my hip.
“What face?”
Her finger tips brush, as light as a feather, across my lips. “This face. This look.” Her lips stretch into a small smile, her eyes sparkling. “This smile. You always look at me like this.”
“You’ve finally noticed,” I breathe.
“I’ve always noticed.” She traces my lips with the tip of her finger. “I’ve just been scared to acknowledge it.”
“Why?”
“Sometimes… Sometimes I’m convinced I don’t deserve to be loved or liked.
Sometimes I just feel like no one loves or likes me.
I know that isn’t true, most of the time, but it doesn’t change how my head or body reacts.
My mind thinks that if I get ahead of it, I can save everyone. I didn’t, though—Not this time.”
“There isn’t anything to save me from.”
“I’m embarrassed,” she breathes.
“Why?”
“I came to your place raging with jealousy,” she murmurs. “It wasn’t a good look.”
I kiss the base of her neck. “It was an incredibly sexy look.”
She laughs and I continue to pepper kisses up and down her neck. Then we sink back into comfortable silence, exhausted and spent. I hold her close and tight, hoping this is exactly how I die.
“Natalia, are you okay?”
“I honestly thought I was doing something helpful,” she says. “I thought that it would be good for you to see that you have options beside me.”
“I don’t want options.”
“Let me finish,” she mutters. “It wasn’t a good idea, I see that now. I hurt you. I hurt me. I’m sorry I was so… stupid. If it makes you feel better, I told my therapist what I did and her reaction was professionally unpleasantly truthful.”
“You know, I’ve never done that before,” she whispers, her finger tips brushing up and down the length of my arm.
“Which part?”
“The…” Natalia shrugs, her face flushing nearly red. “Boob thing.”
“Boob thing?” I laugh softly and she turns her body away from me.
I pull her back around with my arm around her waist until she’s facing me again, a slight pout on her lips and brows low.
“It’s okay. If you never want to do it again, we won’t.
I only want to do what you want, Natalia. If you feel good, I feel good.”
“Really?”
“Yes, sweetheart,” I say. “I don’t expect you to do something with me that you don’t enjoy.”
“The same goes for you,” she tells me.
I smirk. “I enjoy everything with you.”
“Hmmm,” she hums and brushes her lips over my jaw. “I should go.”
“You don’t have to,” I say.
“Okay.” She smiles. “Okay, I’ll stay for a bit.”
“You never have to leave.”
Natalia nods, a frown trying to dominate her face.
“Are you still mad at me?” she whispers.
I exhale through my nose. “A bit.”
“I’m really sorry,” Natalia says, her lip beginning to quiver. “For making you go on that date. I shouldn’t… I don’t know why—”
“You really hurt me, Natalia,” I say, my hands searching for hers and pulling her leg over my hips. “I didn’t want that. I only did it for you because I thought that it was what you wanted.”
“I thought it was for the best,” she says. “But I don’t think it was.”
“It wasn’t,” I whisper. “It hurt. I know you. I know your mind. I know your reactions. I know why and when you shut down, and I know you’ll come back to me.
I know that you sometimes control your reaction to things, but I also know that you’re genuinely sorry afterward and eat yourself up with guilt. But this hurt me.”