Chapter 31 #3
“I know, it’s okay.” She kisses my temple this time.
I swallow. “When I visited you, it was because you were the only person I knew who would understand what I was feeling. You were the only person who knew what it was like to want to die and I know that sounds horrible and dark… But you were the only person who understood that part of my mind that I couldn’t show anyone else. ”
“Rowan…”
“I know what it is to hate yourself, sweetheart,” I rasp, my throat sore from holding back my tears. “And when I went to see you—when you came through that door in those weird pajamas and your hair in messy french braids. Natalia, you made me feel like I wasn’t alone. You gave me so much peace.”
Her lips find mine this time and it’s all consuming, earth shattering, and healing, all in one. I moan quietly against her mouth and slowly, together, we lower onto the mattress again. Her body presses into mine from above and between her legs I grow hard.
“You aren’t alone,” Natalia whispers on my lips, the promise sealed with a kiss.
“No?”
She shakes her head. “You have me.”
“I do?” My heart.
“You know you do.” Her lips find mine is a soft touch.
“I do,” I say and sigh. “Natalia, you can’t keep doing this.
” I pause, gauging her reaction. She remains quiet.
“We can’t keep doing this. I love you, Nat.
I love you and I’m a patient man. I love you.
Don’t let your head ruin this. Don’t let it tell you what isn’t true because I’m here for good.
I’m not going to give up on”—I inhale sharply before I whisper—“the love of my life.”
Her beautiful eyes water.
“But, sweetheart, you’ve got to let me in.
” I kiss her sternum, lingering there long enough that I think I feel her heartbeat.
Then I pull back and look up at her, my chin against the bone and her hands brushing through my hair.
“I’m here. You want to talk? I’m here. You want silence?
I’m here. I just want you to let me in all the way.
I can’t… Sweetheart, I can’t keep fighting my way in, and you have to stop shutting me out. I’m begging you—”
“I think you are in,” she whispers. “I think that’s why I was—You are in, Rowan.”
I kiss her heart again.
“You’re in,” she echoes as she turns onto her side to face me.
“Promise me?”
“I promise I won’t shut you out anymore.”
“You don’t have to do it alone,” I whisper.
“Neither do you.”
I smile. “I don’t.”
My hands roam over her body, inches of flawless skin that I have memorized.
With her lips moving on mine, my tongue grazing hers, I count each vertebrae of her spine.
I measure her waist and hips in my hands so I can mold her from memory and pretend I’m holding her when I miss her.
And I kiss her harder to imprint myself on her lips and hope that she leaves her own on mine.
Natalia rolls her hips and swallows the small moan that comes out of me.
“Rowan,” she breathes, her hand wrapping around my length. “Can I fuck you? Slow.”
I nod, wetting my lips as she gives me one hard, slow stroke. “Yes, sweetheart,” I breathe as she comes over me, her lips brushing mine. “You can do whatever you want to me.”
This time, it’s slow. Languid. Lazy. And so fucking good.
It’s her and me, breathing life into each other, reviving and restarting each other’s hearts.
It’s her lips on mine, never straying and always brushing or kissing.
It’s my hands on her hips or her ass, guiding her over me so she can find her release before I find my own.
It’s me turning her over so I can properly show her how profoundly I belong to her. It isn’t rushed or loud or angry or rough. It’s only us, blissfully together, trading pieces of ourselves. Then it’s starved and possessed and I’m utterly consumed by her.
Natalia comes first with breathy moans and sighs, her body writhing and bending and arching.
Her nails dig into my back and arms while her legs tremble around my torso.
Then I follow her into the sea of pleasure, my body bending to her will.
My teeth skin her neck, my lips kiss her pulse, my body trembles and shudders, and I’ve never had anything better than her.
Nothing is better than her.
Her delicate hands are splayed on my back, ankles resting against my backside, keeping me close. I sink onto her, not dropping my full weight, but enough, with my forearms planted on either side of her head.
“Natalia,” I pant.
“Rowan,” she moans, gently scratching my back.
“Stay, please,” I beg and kiss her collarbone. “Sweetheart—”
“I can’t, really, it’s—I didn’t leave enough food out for Binx,” she says. “I didn’t think—”
I kiss the corner of her mouth. “It’s okay.”
“No it’s not, I’m sorry.” She frowns. “I want to stay.”
“It’s okay.” I press my lips to hers. “Will I see you tomorrow?”
“You see me every day, you stalker.”
“Yes.” I chuckle. “But I want to see you tomorrow.”
“What’s special about tomorrow?”
I shrug. “I get to see you.”
That earns me a shove at my shoulder and an eye roll. She tries to turn away from me but I keep her beneath me with my arms and my hips pinned to hers. “Shut up.”
“Tomorrow,” he says. “And every other day.”
“You’ll find a way to see me no matter what I say.”
I grin and run my hands up and down the slender curves of her body before settling on the swell of her ass. “Correct.”
“Will you be coming in for your usual then?”
“Obviously.” I chuckle and nip at her neck. “And for you.”
“You’re so corny.”
“You love it,” I whisper, “and I love you.”
“Never stop saying that,” Natalia breathes.
“Never.”