SUN #12
He’s carrying a bag—food, probably. Poor guy doesn’t know I won’t be needing it right now.
"Sun!"
Earlier I didn’t feel like hugging him, but now I throw myself into his arms and hold him tight.
His body is much smaller than mine, he’s an omega, after all, but it’s warm and familiar.
He represents everything good in my life.
Love. Softness. Carefree childhood memories.
All those hours I spent time curled up on his lap while he read me picture books or purred to soothe me.
Evenings I fell asleep to the sound of his voice singing.
I used to love that voice, so melodic, so comforting.
I never appreciated the good he gave me. And now I have to live with the evil I’ve brought on myself.
He pulls away just enough to look into my eyes.
"Sun, sweetheart… tell me what happened?"
His turquoise eyes bore into me like he’s trying to see straight through to my soul. But I can’t let him. I can’t tell him the truth, precisely because I love him too much.
"It’s nothing serious, Dad," I lie, my voice shaky. We sit on my bed, and he takes my hand.
"I can feel something’s wrong. I know you’re hurting."
I sigh, hating that I have to lie again. "You know how breakups go."
Then I decide to tell him something that is true.
"Since Dogger left, I haven’t been able to connect with anyone. I keep looking, but always in the wrong places," I mumble. "I’m just tired… of always failing."
Dad listens closely, watching me attentively.
"Martin once told me that all the problems in my life stem from the fact that I never dealt with what happened. That I never tried to heal. Never let go of the anger I’ve been carrying since Dogger killed Hanson."
"Sweetheart, you’re eighteen. It’s only been two years.
You’re being way too hard on yourself. I know how much you loved Dogger.
It felt like you two were soulmates. It’s hard to find someone like that again, at least until you meet your True Mate.
Until then… well, you’ll have to kiss a lot of frogs. "
Suddenly, a thought strikes me, something I can say that’ll make my pain seem even more real to him.
"I found out something… about Dogger."
"What is it?"
"He fled to another country. One that doesn’t have an extradition agreement with us. He’s running a bar over there. Got together with some omega. They’re having a kid. For him, that whole chapter—me, us—it’s over. In the past. But for me… I guess it’s not."
Dad pulls me into another hug. I barely stop myself from groaning when his arms put pressure on my bruised shoulder.
"Don’t lose hope, Sun. Someday you’ll meet the special one. Someone you click with the way you did with Dogger. I truly believe that. I’ll pray every day to Fate to bring that person to you."
I press my lips together so I don’t show him what his words are doing to me. I have to keep some part of me intact. If I change too much, even that might start to seem suspicious to him.
"Would you want to come home for the weekend?" he asks. "Skye’s there. He’s not doing so great, something about a boy who broke his heart. Maybe having you around would cheer him up?"
I let out a bitter laugh.
"I’m the last person who can cheer anyone up, Dad. I’m the one who needs fixing. But thank you for coming. I just… I need to handle this on my own."
"That’s what adulthood is, son. Facing every challenge life throws at you, step by step. Learning from it. Growing."
"And sometimes those lessons are brutal. I just hope I can learn something from this one," I mutter. "And that I can heal."
He tilts his head and smirks a little, though I have no idea why.
"I’m pretty sure if you put your mind to it, you can heal anything, Sun."
"Dad… I really can’t. I’ve been trying for the last two years. And I keep falling into the wrong relationships, still running away from the one I had with Dogger."
But he just shakes his head.
"You just need to choose it, Sun. Make the decision and focus on healing the wound. There’s nothing that can stop you. You’re very strong. Always have been."
I peer toward the window, feeling a wave of melancholy wash over me.
Because he is so wrong about me.
I’m just a pathetic little brat, screaming in pain, hung on Anzo’s hook.
Dealing with the consequences of my own stupidity.
***
After talking to my dad and saying goodbye, I head back to the parking lot. The three of Anzo’s soldiers are gone from the car. I wait a good fifteen minutes before they finally show up. I wonder if they spent that time removing the cameras from the room, but I don’t feel like talking about it.
We get into the car in silence.
I don’t ask if I did well, because I know I did. I know I managed to calm my dad down.
The question is: how long will it last?
The longer I stay in The Sun’s fortress and the worse my situation gets, the more my dad—who’s incredibly intuitive—will sense that something’s wrong with me.
For his sake, I need to pull myself together.
Get a grip on my emotions. Find something to hold onto, something that’ll give me even the smallest bit of strength.
Something that’ll help me feel in control again.
Maybe even let me take a small kind of revenge on Anzo?
By the time we reach the fortress, I already have the outline of a plan. It’s not a nice one, but maybe I need to start doing even more crazy shit to balance out the stuff that’s already wrecking my life. That counts as a strategy too, right?
I could, for example… fuck with one of his soldati .
Yep, they are supposedly super loyal, but if one of them had a slip-up, he would most likely be too scared to tell Anzo, and I could have some kind of leverage over him, correct? Maybe then he would be more willing to help me… somehow?
And Matteo definitely checked me out more than once. He is a good candidate.
This new plan seems promising, so I just decide not to think it over too much. So as not to find any unnerving holes in it. Sometimes it’s better this way, to just test things as they go, using the momentum.
When we get out of the car, I mumble to Matteo,
"I feel like shit. I wanna lie down."
"I’ll take you to your room. The boss won’t be back until tonight."
Massimo and Franco hang back while Matteo and I head toward my room. But once we hit the stairs, I fake a stumble and drop to one knee.
"Help me," I say, reaching out my hand.
With a flicker of uncertainty on his face, Matteo helps me up. For a second, I lean into him, letting my head fall against his shoulder. My mouth brushes close to his neck, and I murmur quietly,
"Can you help me feel better?"
Matteo jerks back like I’m contagious.
"Don’t try that shit with me. The boss warned me, and you’re exactly what he said you’d be!"
I stare at him. Fuck. Didn’t go as planned. I need to get out of this somehow.
"You don’t understand," I say, making my voice sound desperate. "I just want some medicine. Or alcohol. Or anything that'll help me forget this nightmare for five minutes."
Anzo was ahead of me, again. Of course he predicted I’d try to seduce his guards.
Matteo, apparently, doesn’t have a mind like Anzo’s, because he buys it.
He sighs. "I can’t get you alcohol. Anzo would have to agree. But I’ll ask the kitchen if they’ve got any painkillers."
"I’d really appreciate it. I can barely move my arms," I mutter.
We keep walking toward my room. Inside, I’m seething. I just hope Matteo doesn’t tell Anzo, because the bastard would see through my act in a second.
Matteo opens the door and shuts it behind me. Ten minutes later, he comes back and tosses a pack of painkillers onto the bed.
Then he leaves.
Right away I can tell. Matteo might be an asshole, but he’s not the same kind of psychopath as Anzo.
But even if I could get through to him, he’s too obedient.
That might be the weak link in my plan, his blind devotion.
With soldiers, it usually takes a lot to buy them off.
This attempt might have been a stupid move. I just hope I got away with it.
I take two pills, walk over to the window, and stare out at the garden again.
Once more, I see the gardener. This time he's removing small patches of lichen that have grown on some of the patio stones.
Weirdly, almost as soon as I approach the window, he lifts his head. Our eyes meet again for a moment.
My heart speeds up just a little.
It’s a stupid, meaningless thing, but somehow the thought that someone out there knows I’m here… it brings the tiniest flicker of comfort. Barely anything, but still.
I sigh and back away from the window.
Then I lie down on the bed and close my eyes, clinging to some pointless dream that maybe I’ll come up with a way to gain even a shred of power over Anzo. One small win. Please, Fate!
***
I wake up to the sharp yank of being dragged upright by my hair. It’s Anzo’s mechanical hand.
But that’s not all; his other fist, the human one, slams into my stomach. I double over from the blow.
"You fucking whore," he growls. "You really don’t know how to learn the most basic goddamn things, do you?"
I drop to the floor, curling up, arms and knees shielding my gut.
"You seriously thought you could drive a wedge between me and my men? What, by spreading your legs for them? Sucking them off? Matteo told me everything. He’s my most loyal soldier. He wouldn’t risk shit for a cheap little slut like you!"
Oh, wow.
And yet, despite the pain, I feel a strange flicker of satisfaction.
Anzo looks more pissed off than when I spit in his face.
That time, his anger was cold, controlled. He punished me, sure, but now? Now he's lost it, he’s genuinely furious.
The only question is, why ?
WHY?
Why does the idea of me hitting on his guards piss him off this much? What nerve did I strike?
It slips out before I can stop it, typical me:
"What’s the matter, Anzo? Scared their dicks are bigger than your sad little micro-cock?"
The next thing I feel is white-hot pain ripping through my body.