RAGNAR #2
"Lucky us, we found common ground," Sun grins, nearly baring his teeth.
It’s rare to see him smile like that, and damn, it only makes him more charming.
The political convo was worth it. For a moment, I catch myself staring at his face, those red lips…
I simply can’t look away. I must be forgetting myself because suddenly Sun’s expression shifts. He stares back just as intensely.
The silence gets more loaded.
"You’re very handsome," he blurts out, then blushes like he’s ashamed of his honesty.
Shit. I freeze, unsure how to respond. It’s a nice compliment, sure, but that’s not the point. Am I supposed to toss him a generic ‘you too’? He’s probably heard that a thousand times. I mean, would that even help, or would it just make him feel the loss of his old life even more?
"You shouldn’t say that, Sun. Let’s not shift our relationship like that."
"Shift it how?" he mutters, turning his head, and a wave of bitterness spreads over his face. The light, pleasant mood is gone.
"Dangerously."
"You know, if I weren’t here, if I were outside, free, I’d say the exact same thing."
"Thank you. And I’d say it back. But you are here. Don’t make this harder on yourself."
His lips press together in defiance.
"I told you, I just want to feel normal. Even if it’s pretend. For my sanity. And…" he hesitates, "at least when I’m around you, I feel that way, even if we barely know each other." His lashes tremble slightly.
There’s something devastating in his words, and I have to steel myself against the surge of emotions rising inside me. Emotions that could make me do something stupid.
Like hug him for the second time.
He seems to think about something too, his hand moves slightly up, then falls down again. Does he want to touch me again? But we’re in plain sight here.
"I’m glad this interaction felt normal to you. But… I really have to go now," I say, clearing my throat. I sound drier than I intended. Drier than he deserves.
But I’ve already stayed too long.
So, I turn and walk away, promising myself, yet again, I won’t come back here. Ever.
I can’t talk to him. I can’t afford to drown in the green of his eyes or the orange scent that surrounds him.
Because I realize one upsetting thing.
For the last two days, I didn’t even think one time about my brothers!
Sun eclipsed them completely. Pun intended.
I can't be like this, I'm here for a reason. My distraction means less chance for them. I'm a soldier on a mission, for fuck’s sake!
***
The next day, I manage to stick to that for the entire morning. I see Sun’s on the patio, playing the harp for a while, but I fight the urge to give in to the spell of his music, and I win. I don’t go over.
Then, after lunch, which I spend in the kitchen listening to soldiers talk shit about some omegas, I escape to the garden. I plan to trim the lawn on the side and prep it for the banquet tables.
But then I see Sun walking toward the pool.
And the pool, as I mentioned, connects to the garden… So soon enough, I’m way too close to that dangerously beautiful view again, and I can’t stop staring.
What’s he doing now?
I switch on the trimmer. Sun shrugs off his towel-robe.
And for the first time, I see him in nothing but tight speedos.
Holy hell, what a sight. I can't help thinking: playing the harp felt like it was just for him, but this? This swim feels suspicious.
Is he doing this on purpose? Is he trying to seduce me, like a mantis luring me in?
Wait. Did I really forget my suspicions already? That this might be a test from Anzo? Am I really that easy, flying straight into the flames like a goddamn moth? But after a second, I decide it’s not very likely he’s testing me. Still, maybe that’s just wishful thinking…
Sun raises his arms to tie his hair into a golden bun high on his head.
His body is smooth, except for the bruises on his ribs and hip.
I stare at his slim waist, at the perfectly carved abs, and for one dangerous second, I imagine myself dragging my tongue across that orange-scented skin…
For fuck’s sake, I need to focus on mowing.
Grass, grass. Touch the grass!
I repeat it over and over in my head, trying to push through the unwelcome tightness in my pants.
Then Sun turns his back to me, and… yes, he definitely knows what he’s doing. His speedos are cut in a way that perfectly shows off his ass, with both round cheeks peeking out from underneath. For a moment, two conflicting thoughts fight in my brain:
One, maybe Anzo gets to bury himself between those golden cheeks every night.
And two, I want to be the one in that spot.
These thoughts are messed up. So wrong! I’ve never been the kind of guy to go after someone else’s lover.
But my eyes? That’s a whole other story. They tend to wander where they shouldn’t… ready to ‘slip in’ between people. Or cheeks.
Wrong! Six years younger, remember, Ragnar!
Sun dives into the pool. And I think about diving into— okay, enough of that!
I take a deep breath and tear my eyes away, trying to focus on the thrilling plain of the lawn. If anyone’s watching us right now, there’s no way they wouldn’t notice how often I keep glancing in his direction.
I’m risking my mission more and more, drooling over this boy like some depraved creep, while Summer and Moon are suffering?! What kind of brother does that make me? What kind of horrible soldier?
I swallow hard and glance at the wall of the building.
I know there are several cameras watching the garden.
The question is: how often does anyone actually review the footage?
If ever. I stupidly hope no one notices anything.
Though honestly, I think it’s my lower brain doing the risk assessment right now.
This question keeps bothering me, circling back: Am I really some kind of sick pervert?
He’s eighteen! He looks mature, but that’s a terrible excuse. He’s still a teenager, and I’m twenty-four! That’s fucked up.
That thought is increasingly unbearable, so I try even harder to look away, to stop watching him swim on his back, stretching himself out like that, fully exposed to my gaze.
Frantically, I keep mowing, cutting, pushing through my frustration, and finally, Sun rises from the water.
And once again, I can’t help but soak in the sight. Sun-rise. Sounds so… fuck.
His wet body glistens gold in the light, water droplets sparkling across his skin like he’s something magical, something unreal, not meant for the world of ordinary people.
God, this beautiful boy is trapped with Anzo… Hello, Ragnar! Just like Moon was. Just like Summer still is. You should be thinking about your brothers, not sporting a hard-on for some hot young alpha!
Madness. I have to make a choice.
Sun steps out of the pool and, without even grabbing a towel, walks straight toward me.
I glance around nervously, half expecting Anzo to jump out from behind the hedges.
Seriously, anyone could see us right now! We’re just off the edge of the lawn, a few dozen feet from the patio and maybe a hundred from the kitchen doors.
My whole body tightens, not just with danger, but with something electric.
Sun is basically naked. That tiny speedo hides almost nothing. My eyes drop to his crotch, and I see the shape of his dick, full and swollen.
He stops right in front of me, and I just stare, scrambling for a good excuse to look away.
Why? Why can’t I find any?
I’m grateful I’ve got the trimmer in my hands. I angle it so it blocks my own crotch, which is reacting way too much.
His eyes search my face, probably flushed. From the heat, but mostly from arousal.
His nostrils flare; he can definitely smell it. My pre-cum is giving me away. I’ve been hard since the moment he got in the water.
And then he says it:
"You want me."
There’s something in his face, maybe it’s supposed to be seductive, inviting, but it doesn’t land.
What I see instead is something vulnerable. Maybe even scared. Unsure. Is he afraid of what I’ll say? Afraid I’ll reject him? There’s a silent plea in his eyes.
"I told you not to do this, Sun," I manage, my voice tight. "But I can see it cost you something to say that, so I’ll give you the answer you want. Yeah. You’re attractive as hell. It’d be hard for any healthy man to deny that.
Pun very much intended. But you shouldn’t be saying this while standing next to me in the open, where anyone could see us: soldati , cameras, whoever’s watching from the fortress windows…
They’ll kill us for it, do you understand? "
Sun trembles slightly, maybe from the cold water, maybe from nerves.
"I want him to kill me," he says, voice cracking, desperation seeping through. "I want it to end."
I stare at him. God, this boy is teetering on the edge of real despair.
"Sun… don’t say that. There’s always hope—"
"No! You don’t understand. I’m trapped here!"
Instinctively, I raise my hands to stop him, almost as a defensive gesture.
"Sun, please, don’t lose hope. And I’m sorry, but I need to say it: my case is different. I want to live. That’s why I need you to stop putting us in risky situations. If you don’t care about yourself, which is tragic enough, then think about me."
That came out terribly. Like I only care about myself. Which isn’t true. Summer and Moon are the ones who should matter most, but… somehow Sun matters too. It hurts me to hear his words, his wish to die…
Sun makes a small, almost sobbing sigh. "Forgive me, I didn’t mean to endanger you, I just… I want to feel something. Like I did before he brought me here."
I’m quiet for a moment. "Sun, I couldn’t want anything from you anyway, not when I know you’re being raped daily. Don’t you get it? What kind of man would I be if I ignored that?"
Sun closes his eyes for a second and nods slowly.
"I know. I understand how it looks to you. But it doesn’t hurt, not physically.
It only hurts here." He taps his temple with his finger.
"And I never finish with him. I’m basically his sex slave.
He takes everything, and I just… I want to take something back.
Anything." His voice is barely a whisper, trembling.
I take a deep breath because I finally realize what he’s actually asking of me!
Sex. He wants to have sex with me.
Talking is getting harder, my chest tightening with pressure.
"Knowing that he’s abusing you, only proves that I can’t take a single step closer to you."
To emphasize my words, I take a step back and say, "Please, Sun. Don’t risk your life. Or mine. Around here, the walls really do have eyes. And if we don’t stop this now, it’s going to end horribly. And death itself may not be the worst thing. Keep that in mind."
Then I turn the mower back on, face away from him, and get back to work.
It takes everything I have. Mental strength, emotional control.
I know I hurt him, maybe even broke something in him. How many more times will I have to say go away when it’s the last thing I want?
But I shouldn’t be getting involved, ending up failing the people who are my own flesh and blood, my innocent brothers.
And Sun… he should understand that I’m a stranger to him. He’s not supposed to trust me. Hell, for all he knows, I could be part of one of Anzo’s twisted loyalty tests, because it works both ways.
Doesn’t he see that? Or is he really that set on self-destructing?
As I work on trimming the grass, my thoughts won’t stop.
The pace at which our connection, our chemistry, is developing is unnerving, some kind of instant-lust-crush or whatever you wanna call it. Not my usual thing.
I fail to understand why it’s getting harder and harder to ignore him. Something, like real magic, is pulling me toward him. Silly, immediate attraction thing.
I’m not someone who gets easily interested in other guys, anyway. I’ve always kept my sex life to the bare minimum, careful not to get distracted, focused on my job.
Some guys in the military fuck in storage rooms on the daily as a stress relief. But I was always picky about who I took there.
And one thing's for sure: I never went after someone just because I liked the way they looked . That's just not me.
As the trimmer eats up acre after acre of grass, I reset myself firmly back to default settings.
I came here as a soldier on a mission. And instead of focusing on that, my head is full of pink bubbles and my dick keeps getting hard for someone who’s off limits.
And for what? I don’t do emotional attachments anyway. I don't get into relationships. I don't let people get close. For many reasons, but one sticks out the most.
I’m a monster.
Not like Anzo, but still a monster. Made of flesh and blood.
People should stay away from me.
Especially Sun.