3. Anastasia
Idon’t like being idle even for a moment. Silence is the key to unlock the vaults I seal my grief behind. I’m ready too early, and the fifteen minutes I have to wait for Riley make my skin itch. I don’t like to spend longer than necessary in this penthouse where I can’t stop conjuring images of Rhett. Cooking in the untouched white and black marble kitchen that occupies the side of the room. Watching movies on the cinema TV with the strip fire lit beneath it, entangled on the deep black sofa.
He’s never set foot in here, and still, it feels vacant without him.
I’m lying on the floor, against the cold white marble. It’s not a place you’d expect to find a person, and for a strange, still moment I pretend I don’t exist. Should someone walk into my apartment now, I would merely be a ghost.
I think about Riley and how excited she is to be going to Keithlington next month—her dream internship. I think of Adam and how he still holds hope to rekindle things with Henry someday—the love that got away. I think of my parents and how my father is thriving as the new president, ambitious and inspiring.
Then I think of how I’m lying here, my existence forgotten even if just for a pause of time, and how I hope no one will ever ask me what I want in the present or the future when I’m stuck in the past. I will always be there, in this endless tragedy, waiting for someone. Time passing without him is empty hope.
Maybe that’s all I’ll ever be. Empty.
At least through the agony I believe in one thing with aching certainty: there are soulmates in this world, and Rhett was mine. It’s clear to me in the way I can’t accept he’s gone even three months later. What we had between us was more than what most people discover in a lifetime together.
I hiss at the sting of my hand and curse. My moment of pretend is over. I can’t risk getting blood on my outfit for tonight. Though I suppose no one would know. I could bleed and bleed under this black dress and no one would see my pain camouflaged against the stark material. They wouldn’t know I was dying right in front of them if they couldn’t see it.
But that’s how life is, I suppose. Silent. Suffering. And a complete fucking tragedy.
Heading to the sink, I run the broken skin of my thumb under the water. I bleed onto the porcelain, remembering all the times I did so out of choice. My thigh has three scars now. Each one I gave myself when I conquered something.
The first fight I won.
The first time I finally hit dead center on the shooting-range targets.
Then when I beat five players in a chess tournament. They weren’t world champions, but I was proud of myself.
Alistair isn’t all about brute strength and killing. His most prized assets are strategists, analysts, the most cunning minds that can cut out competition or problems before you ever knew they were coming.
He didn’t demand those cuts of me, but I know he did from Rhett for his triumphs. I don’t care what anyone thinks; I did it to know what it felt like for him.
My intercom buzzes and I startle, turning off the water.
I really don’t want to go out tonight, but if I pretend not to be in, or perhaps asleep, Riley will flirt with the concierge until she gets a key pass up here, and I fear her wrath more than some of the brutes I’ve faced in a sparring ring.
Meeting Riley in the foyer, I try for her sake to match her smile at least. She’s beaming, practically hopping, before I reach her and we link arms to head out.
“We’re going to have the best night! Graduation is only weeks away, and you will mourn these missed opportunities.”
I doubt that, but I don’t say it.
“Do you even know whose birthday it is?”
She waves me off as we get into the Uber. “Doesn’t matter. We’re going to have fun and forget all oflife’s hardships for the night.”
Riley means well, but I can’t deny the thought irks me. Losing Rhett isn’t a hardship. It’s part of me now, and I wish people would accept that.
At the club the bass of the music can already be heard, and I want to call back the Uber that took off. I don’t have to look to know Tony is somewhere nearby. Alistair’s vipers are always circling. He’ll likely be the only one to follow me in, but there will be others of Alistair’s men keeping watch over his prize jewel from outside.
It’s dark, with strobe lights making me flinch so often I already want to leave. I need a drink—maybe I’ll risk two—just to take the edge off me so I can survive at least an hour.
Those intentions are great until I’m accepting a third vodka lemonade, and I think I might have had one—two?—shots of tequila.
Fuck it.
I’ll order a greasy breakfast in the morning to go with my Advil before I meet with Alistair. It’ll be worth it for the numbness that starts to take over me.
In the past, I would be buzzing with excitement and trying to pull some hot guy by now with the liquid confidence of alcohol. Now, as I dance mindlessly with Riley, every pair of hands that touches me makes me want to vomit. It feels like betrayal to Rhett, and when I can’t take it anymore I try to leave the dance floor.
I’m stopped by a firm hook around my waist, which flares my anger this time. I spin in his hold, about to do something that will likely get me kicked out of this place, but I don’t fucking care.
“Whoa, wait, please—Ana,” the guy says as if he’s anticipating my fist before I’ve even raised it fully. “We’re being watched by more than just your guard dog over there. Dance with me and trust you don’t even have the right parts for me to be interested in you that way.”
He keeps an intimate hold on me I want to rip free from, but I listen. The fact he knows about Alistair’s watchdog spikes my adrenaline and sobers me a little. I examine him closer while trying to blend in with the partygoers. He’s the same height as me in heels, and he has a slim but muscular build. He’s handsome, with dark brown tousled hair, brown eyes, and a kind face. When I see the tattoo of a serpent’s head poking out from his dark T-shirt collar, my eyes snap to his.
“You’re from Xoid?”
“My name is Rixon Bennett, but only a few know my full name.”
“Rix,” I whisper.
He nods.
My eyes widen, and I shake my head with the wave of dizziness that passes. His arm tightens as if he anticipates it. I know his name. Rhett spoke of him often as his best hacker and the one he was most regularly in contact with. The fact Rix told me his full name is a serious token of trust considering his work.
I don’t know where to begin. What to ask. My heart is racing. This feels like gaining a piece of Rhett back—something I never thought I would get again. His network found me.
They could have found me far sooner.
Now I’m clashing with anger and upset. Too many emotions turn my stomach.
“Come. I don’t think your spy will want to follow, and I’m praying I’ll keep my balls after this.” Rix’s lips press to mine suddenly—only once, but it’s long and needy, and it shocks me still. Then he takes my hand, and I can do nothing but let him lead me toward the restroom.
It’s so crowded the women barely notice Rix, who leads me into a stall and locks the door.
“Sorry,” he mutters, running a nervous hand through his disheveled hair. “Had to make it somewhat believable we’d come in here to fuck. Buys us a little time.”
We lean against the walls on opposite sides of the stall, but his proximity is unnerving.
“What took you so long?” The demand is the first thing to come out of me. Three months, and only now someone from Rhett’s network is seeking me out?
Rix hooks a brow and folds his arms. “Were you expecting us sooner?”
Yes,I want to say. I’ve thought about them often. But I’ve taken the hand of their greatest enemy, the person who took Rhett from them too, and I guess I assumed Xoid despised me for the betrayal.
“Whynow?” I amend.
Rix looks me over as if he’s wondering if his next words will pull a detonator on me. “I didn’t want to come to you until I was pretty damn sure ...” He stalls, taking a deep breath, and the music pounding in the background starts to match my growing headache.
“Sure of what?” I dare to let the slither of hope surface. It’s already pricking my eyes.
Three months. Ninety-three torturous days. What else would take them so long to come to me?
They want to be sure ...
“Rhett is alive,” he says.
My eyes blur, and I have to sit on the toilet when I’m slammed by the three words I’ve clung to all this time. Three words that are worth the agony of not falling through the deep cracks in my world since he left.
Rhett is alive.
“How do you know?” I ask. My hope is dangerous, it’s taunting, but I want to fight the demons that mock me for it.
“It’s taken a long damn time. Xoid has been a wreck without him. Everyone is lost and no one knows what to do. Who to turn to. Me and a few others have been focusing all our efforts all this time on trying to find him. He’s Rhett fucking Kaiser—there’s no way he’s going down in a car accident when I’ve seen the guy take a bullet to the chest and live.”
My brow furrows. I knew there was a reason I couldn’t fully let him go. I couldn’t accept he was truly gone.
Because he’s been out there, waiting for us.
Me.
“Oh god,” I whisper. What has he been going through all this time?
“Hey, none of that,” Rix says in reprimand as if he’s a mind reader. “We don’t fixate on anything but now. Getting him back.”
“I’ve tried,” I say, and I curse the crack in my voice.
Rix’s expression falls for a second, understanding.
“I couldn’t truly believe he was dead either. I’ve been with Alistair this whole time thinking he would slip up and I would know for sure my hope wasn’t pathetic bullshit. I’ve been through countless files every small chance I get. I’ve tried eavesdropping on his meetings. I’ve tried compliance, as if he’ll finally admit he’s been holding him, and I’ve found nothing. I failed him.”
“You did no such thing. You have an in at the place none of us have ever been able to infiltrate. You gained Alistair’s trust. Rhett would be furious to know where you’ve been, because he’s protective as shit, but he’d also be so damn proud of you.”
A dry sob escapes me. I miss him so fucking much, and it’s a pain that grows every day.
“What did you find?” I ask.
“A lead. It took all this time for one of our guys to gain enough trust to be accepted into Alistair’s network. We lost three just by trying. Any slight slipup or suspicion and they don’t take chances.”
“They found him?”
“Mention of him. We still don’t know his location, but we have confirmation Rhett is being kept somewhere alive.”
“Your guy on the inside—is he safe now?”
Rix tenses at the topic. His fists flex. “He’s my little brother, Jeremy. He was never supposed to even attempt it, but he went behind our backs, the little shit. He has no choice but to keep it up now until we can get him the fuck out.”
My stomach tightens. I know a little about Jeremy too, and my nerves sharpen for the audacious teen.
“I want in,” I say.
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
I smile, and for the first time in what seems like an eternity, I feel alive. Rhett is out there, and all my time with his uncle won’t have been for nothing. I’m stronger, smarter, and I have more knowledge of this underworld that’s shaking on the brink of war.
“I have an in with Jacob Forthson too,” I admit.
Rix’s eyes snap to me with shock. “Holy shit. How are you pulling that off?”
“He wants me to take down Alistair. I want to take them both down.”
Rix looks me over as if I’ve turned into a new person. “Well, damn, Red. It’s one thing to hear admiration about you, but I’m considering switching teams right now just for a chance.”
I huff a laugh and stand. “What do you need me to do?”
“We still have some pretty damn hard networks to get through before we can get a trace on his location. Don’t do anything yet. If Alistair finds out we know, he’ll only move him, and I don’t want to imagine what he’ll do to you if he finds you in places you shouldn’t be. Hang tight for now.”
He can’t be serious. There’s no damn way I’m hanging tight with the confirmation Rhett is out there. Pushing my guilt aside at how long it took to get the confirmation, now I’m more determined than ever. No matter what it takes.
“Can you take me to Xoid? Rhett once spoke of a den.”
“Can you shake your guard dogs? If they find our place ... it’ll be detrimental.”
That racks me with turmoil, but I have to do this.
“I’ll find a way.”
Rix purses his lips and folds his arms. “Fine. We’re trusting you, Red. Because Rhett sure as hell did.”
Pride blooms in my chest. “Have you heard from Allie?”
“Shit, I thought you knew. We haven’t been able to find her since she was taken the same day Rhett disappeared. I discovered who she really is, but her family seem to be under the impression she’s taken a five-month leave, so there’s no missing persons report on their part.”
“Shit,” I say, shaking my head.
“Yeah. If Rhett were here, it wouldn’t just be my balls I’d be worried about.”
“No trace of her?” I ask.
The shake of his head is a blow to my gut.
“She’s been harder to trace than Rhett. At least we know he’s in Alistair’s network somewhere. The guy just has a fuck-ton of real estate and other shady locations. I don’t even think we’ve found half of them. But with Allie, there’s been no talk of her anywhere, and I fear ... Shit,I don’t want to say this, but ... I fear she could have been sold to someone. The trace on the sapphire earrings turned up cold—literally. We found the body of the man who bought her, some filthy-rich lawyer who must have had a thing for her and caught wind of the sale. There’s absolutely no insight as to where she vanished to.”
My mind reels with the news, which doesn’t help my headache. I shouldn’t have had the extra drinks. While I’m not too drunk, I want to be sober as hell right now to start figuring out how we’re going to find both of them.
“We need to focus on one at a time,” I say, much as it raises acid in my throat to target all focus on Rhett.
“Agreed. If there’s anyone who’ll find Allie, it’ll be him anyway. I don’t know how he does what he does sometimes.”
My hand rubs my chest at the racing of my heart. The thought of having Rhett with us surges me alive with the need to storm from here now and raise hell to find him.
He’s alive.
My euphoria is too much. A delirious laugh escapes me and my vision blurs.
“Ana!” I jerk at the loud, deep shout of my name over the music and the chatter of the ladies’ room.
“Shit.” I unlock the door and slip out, coming face-to-face with a scary-looking Adam Sullevan.
“Christ, A. I thought something happened to you,” he says, irritable, and I wonder how long he’s been searching for me.
His brown eyes slip over my shoulder, then his expression relaxes in realization.
“It’s not what it looks like,” I say.
It’s clear from Adam’s raised brow of suspicion he doesn’t believe me, but he’s not about to shame me for whatever happened with the guy following me out the stall.
Rix says, a note of bitterness in his tone, “You, on the other hand, have the right parts to interest me, but I’ve heard a lot about you, Sullevan.”
“Who the fuck are you?”
I don’t need to suffocate in the male ego that’s about to grow between them.
“Can we get out of here before we end up spreading gossip of a threesome?” I hiss.
“Now, that would make for some interesting news,” Rix comments.
“Again, who the fuck are you?” Adam bites out.
“Not someone you wanna piss off, buddy.”
“Buddy?” Adam flares.
“I’m sure you punch like a kid too, so go ahead.” Rix indicates with his chin to Adam’s clenched fist.
Women are giving us dirty looks, and I want to be out of here.
“I’ll explain later,” I tell Adam. Then I turn to Rix. “When will I see you again?”
He drags his smirk from Adam as if he’s found a new source of entertainment. “Here.” Rix pulls out a phone. “Don’t bring yours when you come. Don’t even take any of your cars if there’s even a slight chance that shithead could have a tracker on them. This will tell you where to go and when.”
I nod, understanding the gravity of the situation.
“Soon?” I ask desperately.
Rix nods with a soft smile before he casts one last look at Adam. “Consider very carefully who you can really trust.”
He’s leaving before I have the chance to say anything.
“He’s a prick,” Adam grumbles. “Want to tell me what this is all about? Does he work for Alistair?”
I’m blinking after the ghost of Rix and resisting the urge to go after him, to not let him out of my sight at all, because what if this was all some crazed, alcohol-induced hallucination?
I say out loud for the first time. “Rhett is alive.”