13. Anastasia
The room hosting the live performances in the White House is packed full. I stand behind a curtain, and for once I’m not nervous about the crowd. I’m pacing and struggling to get my thoughts in order, but it’s all to do with Silas and Xoid and Alistair and Rhett. Playing my violin in front of people is the least of my problems right now.
“You okay?” Adam asks. He must have talked his way back here to where only the performers are supposed to be.
“Fine.” My answer is short, but not for lack of wanting him here.
I’ll be the last to perform as requested, and I’m bubbling with adrenaline knowing it’s soon as a beautiful singer entertains the crowd.
“You’re making me dizzy,” Adam says, taking my arms to stop my pacing.
“You know how I get for these kinds of things,” I say.
“I know. Deep breaths, okay? I’ll be right here.” I appreciate his comfort. Among everything that was broken in me, Adam and Riley have remained the only things that aren’t sharp and cutting.
Riley left for New York a week ago, and I miss her here, though she swore she was tuning in to watch and would call right after.
“Distract me with something else,” I say, watching the beautiful singer onstage.
“Henry and I are finished.”
That steals my attention, and I whip around to him. “What happened? You were only just rekindling.”
I’m sad for him. Adam seemed so taken by Henry. I never met him, but he sounded kind and charming.
Adam shrugs, but it does little to brush off his dejection. “He met someone else. It seems pretty serious, or at least it could become so, whereas I come with the caveat of, ‘Please be patient, because I’m still locked in the closet and don’t know if I’ll ever get out.’”
My face falls. “You deserve someone who can be patient for you.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
He speaks like he’s already given up hope. I can’t bear the thought of him settling for someone just because he doesn’t believe anyone will understand his life and why he’s not ready for people to know about his bisexuality.
“Have you been getting into any more trouble?” he asks. “What was the deal with that asshole in the bathroom at the club who claims to know Rhett’s alive?”
“He’s, uh, Rhett’s friend. His name is Rix,” I say.
While Adam knows Rhett’s credentials as Secret Service were fraudulent, I haven’t gotten around to telling him the whole story yet.
“Be careful, Ana. You’re vulnerable to exploitation when it comes to him,” he says.
“I know that,” I snap. “I’m not na?ve. You don’t know what I do.”
“Then tell me, please. I’ve been trying to make up for last year, and I’m being patient as fuck, but you still don’t trust me.”
I sigh deeply. “It’s not that. It’s just ... it’s dangerous shit I’d rather no one else was involved in.”
He gives me a pleading look. “I want to be involved. If it were me, you’d want in too.”
I purse my lips at that, remembering how it was with me and Rhett. I wouldn’t have accepted his refusal to keep me out of his affairs once I knew about it.
“Fine. It starts with this,” I say.
A round of applause breaks out as the singer finishes and begins to walk offstage.
“With what?”
“Just watch.”
The host announces me after a short speech and a brief interlude. I take a deep breath, thinking of Rhett, his confidence in me.
Then I walk on with a bright smile and my chin held high.
“It’s a pleasure to perform for you all tonight,” I say. I can make out most of the rows of seats, especially my parents sitting at the front. Even my dad is smiling with a warmth I’ve missed dearly.
I’m doing this for them. And for Rhett.
Wherever he is, I hope he sees this broadcast. Alistair might be making him watch me if only to make him suffer, to make him think I’ve moved on and I’m happily living my life without him.
When my accompanying pianist begins, I lift the violin to my chin, and I play.
For a few minutes I forget the crowd and pretend it’s Christmas Eve again. I’ve chosen to play the same song as that night, and Rhett will know it’s for him. Even though he’s alive, grief still holds a tight fist in my chest, and it won’t release until I see him for myself. Hold him for real. Our future together balances on a fragile thread, and I try to wrap more promise and determination around it as I play this song.
I feel the cold and the snowfall. I feel Rhett’s eyes on me. Then, as I finish, I expect to find him pulling me into him, and instead the hall of strangers and the buzz of applause shatters the dream.
I don’t move, glancing over the crowd, who are pleased and clapping and joyful. I watch them all as their attention is stolen by the screens around featuring the feed of my performance. I look too as the image of me on this stage flickers with an interference. I bow as it changes from me to a black screen.
Then the animation plays—a serpent that weaves its way across, loops around, and crosses over itself, forming the infinity symbol. Xoid.
Then I smile at the addition, at the little bird that flies over and stops at the serpent’s head.
The little bird can survive in the pit of serpents.
The crowd is restless, confused, and scared as the image keeps flickering from me to the mysterious advert. Security dart around the place as if the interference is the warning of a live threat. One comes for me while others escort my parents out. I reach Adam, who puts his arm around me as we’re instructed by security on where to go, and my adrenaline races with triumph.
Adam leans in, speaking quietly. “Shit, did you have something to do with that?”
I’m giddy as fuck inside, but I try to keep it from my face to appear as shocked as those around me. “You sure you want to know?” I ask, giving him one last chance to back out.
He blows out a breath. “At least it’ll be a party in hell.”
Adam is the one pacing now, in the room the two of us were dumped in while security clear the house and try to figure out what happened. I explain what I can to him about Alistair and Jacob and Xoid. I leave out a lot about Silas for now.
“How do we know he’ll see it? Shit, all this time ... Who knows what he’s been going through? Fuck, sorry, I know you’re probably thinking that too. But has Forthson not found him yet? And fuck, it’s all over if either of them get even a slight tip-off about your secrets.”
“Adam—”
“And this Balenheizer guy sounds real slippery. But Xoid, now that’s impressive. Kaiser always seemed intimidating as fuck, but a whole underground network of illegal crime-fighters?!”
“If you would just?—”
“I mean, I have to see the setup. You can take me, right? Trusted advisor of Kaiser’s girlfriend and all. This is some wild movie shit. I’m still not certain you’re not just pulling my leg here—I wouldn’t be surprised after the dick I was to you last year?—”
“Adam!”
He stops his rambling then as I massage the tension he’s building in my head.
“Don’t make me regret telling you. If you can’t handle it?—”
“Of course I can,” he says. “It may be twisted of me to find excitement in this, but it’s been so dull lately with postgrad shit over and nothing to do but stare into the face of my father’s disappointment.”
“I know the feeling,” I mumble.
He gives me a look of understanding as he throws himself into the armchair. “I bet they compare disappointment scores over presidential whiskey.”
I’m leaning against the windowsill, surveying the guests leaving and security still being excessive.
After all that was exposed by the anonymous tip-off I knew was from Jacob early this year, Gregory Forbes was put behind bars. Adam’s father, Rolf Sullevan, stepped in as vice president. The nation called it the most amicable partnership in American history given they’d run as competitors in the presidential election.
“What do you plan to do when we manage to find steady ground in a sane life?” I ask.
Adam groans. “Not you too. Do you have a plan?”
I huff a laugh. “Not exactly. The tragic woes of rich kids.”
“Do you think it’ll ever feel like we earned it? That we can decide on a career and belong in it for what we offer, not for who we are?”
“I think it depends how much we lean into our name, I suppose. Use it for gain.”
“It’s a gain without trying.”
I understand what he means. I’ve often wondered the same, and it’s why the dream of opening a school felt right to me. My name could be used for good, for someone else. I don’t tell Adam about it. It feels too fragile right now.
“There’s a woman in Xoid—she’s absolutely brilliant. She comes from a very high-profile family, like us in a way, but she helps Xoid with her talent and connections for nothing in return.” My chest constricts as I think of Allie.
“Yeah? Can I meet her?”
“She’s missing,” I whisper.
Adam’s look turns grave. He’s starting to see the gravity of what we’re up against. It makes him think. “Have you still not heard from Liam?”
“No,” I say with a heavy heart.
I’ve read the last text message he sent me just before Rhett’s accident many times: Meet me at Twilight.
He’s been missing for more than three months since, and no one has been able to find him. I’ve been tormented that I didn’t see the text to go to him, not even knowing where he wanted to meet me. There’s a warrant out for his arrest now, and for that I’m glad he’s not here. Maybe they’ll find him innocent of his father’s crimes, but I’m too afraid there’s something that will land him in prison to rot with Gregory. I wouldn’t be able to live with that. I believe he’s in hiding. I just wish he would have told me, trusted me, before he left.
“So,” Adam says, pushing up and wandering over to me. He looks at my earring and his mouth curls. “When do I get my serpent?”