18. Anastasia
I’m silent, numb, in my shock. There aren’t words to console her with what she confessed to me—not a single one that wouldn’t sound like an insult to what she’s been though. The childhood innocence she lost. Words for something like this are a Band-Aid to a broken bone. A cup of water to a house fire.
That’s what I want to do, as I stare up at this hauntingly beautiful but wretchedly tarnished manor. I want to burn it to the ground, and I would listen to Alistair scream as he went down in flames as if it were fucking music.
I don’t recognize myself with these dark, horrific thoughts. But he would deserve it. He deserves far worse.
“You ever speak a word of this to anyone, I’m not above killing you myself. I don’t care who you are. I have little to lose, Ana. Don’t test me,” Kenna says.
The flash of vulnerability is gone, and I believe her.
“He’s going to pay,” I say with renewed resolution. “We’re going to make him pay?—”
“There is no we,” she hisses, glancing around as if Alistair could be around the corner. “I only told you that because I don’t care about Rhett. If he is still alive, it’s bad fucking news to me.”
“You don’t mean that.”
For a second I think hurt, maybe even betrayal, crosses her eyes.
“You’re just like him. Fucking perfect for each other, and if you don’t stop, you’ll end up another tragic martyr for him like Sarah Carter.”
I’m slammed by that. “You knew about his fiancée?”
She doesn’t respond, but she knows she’s slipped up. Alistair could have told her, but she’s his best spy ...
“Have you been watching him all this time?” I ask.
“I have better things to do with my time.”
I can’t tell if she’s lying when her poker face is so masterful.
“Kenna.” I say her name gently, but she reacts to that tone like I’ve pricked her skin. “Come back to Lumina Lounge with me tomorrow.”
“I’m tired of that place.”
“You wound me, sweetheart.” Silas’s velvety voice joins us outside. I’m relieved Alistair isn’t following behind him. He stops daringly close to a scowling Kenna. “How might Lumina be more accommodating to your tastes?”
“With you not being there, for starters.”
“Would that make you dance again?”
“No.”
“Why not? I’ve never seen a creature so free from life’s burdens as you were when you danced for me.”
“It wasn’t for you.”
“Not personally. We’ll fix that soon enough. I’m a very patient man. But in my club, everything is for me.”
“Well, I’m not coming back. Whatever you two are up to, I want no part in it.”
“Work for me,” he says before she can step around him.
Kenna huffs, a sour sound. Their arms near brush, but he doesn’t touch her, as if he’s savoring it, waiting, though I don’t know what for. Only that if this is his infatuation with her now, I don’t think she’d ever escape him if he touched her. It’s as if he’s aware of that possessive hold that would take over him. Her. They’re like magnets, and it’s fascinating to watch their resistance toward a pull so strong that when one finally dares that fraction closer, they’ll snap together, and it will either be cataclysmic or euphoric.
“You’re all the same. Work for me, bend for me, kneel for me.”
“Let me rephrase,” he says, low and entrancingly seductive. “Work with me, bend with me, and I’ll kneel for you.”
“You want to use me against him.”
“I want to use you in ways you could only imagine, Kenna.” Her name rolls off his tongue as though he’d been savoring the taste of it in his mouth all this time. Now he delivers it coated in desire, so she’ll know it’s a fine wine he’ll keep coming back for.
“Go to hell,” she says.
“We’re living in hell, sweetheart. I’m just waiting for you to decide if you’re going to stay in the part that burns or let me show you how to craft fire into a palace.”
She shakes her head, and my gut plummets. If Silas can’t convince her either, I have no hope. He won’t be patient enough to help me without her.
“I think I’ll just watch from my front-row seat. Watch you all fight fire with fire, and I’ll walk over the ashes when it’s over and feel absolutely nothing.”
Silas’s jaw works. His arm twitches like he’s straining not to grab her by the wrist as she walks by him. “You already feel nothing,” he says quietly, not turning around, and they stand with their backs to each other. “When you’re ready to give in to your want to feel something, I’ll be waiting for you.”
She doesn’t answer, but her pause for thought before she walks away is a small flicker of hope she might change her mind.
Silas wanders over to the balcony railing, leaning his forearms on it. “For what it’s worth, it was never going to be easy,” he says.
“Where’s Alistair?” I ask, joining him and being mindful of the potential eavesdroppers.
“Likely boasting of my interest in his pitiful network. He thinks I don’t see what this alliance would mean—that he plans to grow in power with my name and yet remain at the top of it all.” He shakes his head, amused. “I’ll admit, I’m impressed he’s made such roots and maintained such an established network all this time. I don’t know what his followers see in him.”
“Fear, I guess.”
“A trainer of cowering dogs is nothing to an alpha of wolves who follow out of respect and fear. Balance makes all the difference.”
The silence stretches between us for a moment, and my heart weighs so heavy. I want Rhett back so much, so desperately, I think I’m losing my mind some days. I still have Jacob, who said he would find Rhett’s location.
“Did you meet with Forthson?” I whisper.
“I did. Honestly, it’s hard to tell them apart.”
I’m meeting with Jacob by week’s end, and inside me erupts the hope he’s found Rhett in exchange, like he bargained. Xoid may not hold Silas Balenheizer’s power to get him out, nor the alliance to tear down Lanshall and Forthson, but we’re something. We’re resilient and determined, and I believe in us.
“If she doesn’t come, do what you have to,” I say.
Silas turns his head to me.
“Forget about what I said. Forget my begs. Just do what you have to do for her.”
I head back inside and hold my chin high against everything wanting to sink me to the ground. This is just one lost opportunity, and I can’t be selfish for it. Not this time. Come hell or high water, I still have hope. I will get Rhett back even if I have to tear through the city myself.