Chapter 20
Jo
Adam Carter had kissed me four days ago.
And when I said kissed, I meant kiiiiiiiiiiissed.
I sighed and my eyes shut, mind filling with flashes of memory from the minutes we’d stood there, kissing like it was the end of the world.
I did not particularly want to remember the way he’d stepped away and slowly came back to himself, then apologized.
He’d apologized for kissing me like our lives depended on the pleasure generated between us and he’d done the valiant work to save the whole city, and then apologized.
I’d stared at him, too dazed to fully comprehend his words.
“I’m sorry, Jo. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I’d laughed because it’d seemed so wildly wrong. “I’m glad you did.”
He was shaking his head before I’d finished. “I’m—I really shouldn’t have done that.”
“Explain why.”
He’d run a hand through the hair I’d just had my fingers in, holding him close to me, pulling him closer.
“I can’t give you what you deserve. And I…” He’d reached out and stroked my cheek. “I’m so damn sorry.”
And then he’d left—no running out, just quietly going while thoughts swirled and nearly drowned in my head, nothing coming out of my mouth. I’d thought he’d just disappeared again, and anger started at a low simmer as I ping-ponged around my house and tried to figure out how he knew what I deserved.
What did I deserve? I couldn’t say what he thought I did, but it must’ve been something truly fictional if he thought he wasn’t it. He was kind and thoughtful and generous and a bossy nurse who cared about everyone in his life so much. He was gorgeous and engaging and willing to help me even though it did nothing for him.
All of that was wonderful, but if he didn’t want me, or want to want me, then it didn’t matter what else he had in mind, because for that reason alone, he was right. And that was crushing.
But then, he’d texted me.
“Can we hang out Wednesday?”
And since then, I’d been waiting for today. Tonight. To have time with him and finally pin this man down and make him tell me what he meant with all of that. If he really didn’t want to start anything then… then I’d figure out how to move on.
But you don’t kiss a woman like that if you don’t want something with her. It’s just not possible. And until he told me straight out with full sentences and fewer apologies, I wasn’t going to assume anything.
The bell on the door rang, and I snapped out of my reverie slash machinations and waved at the customer entering All Booked Up.
“Welcome in,” I said cheerily.
When my eyes focused back on my computer, I saw the top email in my Josie Wade inbox waiting there.
From Jessica Korbel. Subject: Invitation to Small Town Release Party
I shut my laptop to avoid any of the now three patrons from catching a glimpse. Not that anyone was looking over my shoulder, but Adam had found me out easily enough.
I hadn’t written Jess back. She’d invited Josie Wade on behalf of the Silver Ridge Romance Readers Club and All Booked Up, an “adorable indie bookstore serving the small but avid mountain town reading community” to a book release party on the release day of my next book.
I needed to respond. I always responded to reader e-mails, and I hated the thought of letting that one be neglected. But what could I say? If I agreed, then that was it. The anonymity I’d had, the freedom I’d had, and the lack of judgment from Elizabeth when my dad inevitably crowed about it to her, would evaporate like so much water on a desert afternoon.
Of course, they didn’t expect Josie Wade to show. I could easily say I was already committed to another event. It wouldn’t be hard to do. So why did I hate this idea, too?
The door jingled again and, speak of the woman herself, Jess wandered inside, along with Elise and Sarah Saint. Sarah came straight to me and gave me a hug.
“Hey, you. Are you coming to family dinner this week? It’s been way too long,” she said, her sweet voice and lovely smile always so warm and welcoming.
“I’m planning on it! I can’t wait for some baby snuggles.” Her son was a little over a year now and the cutest thing on the planet.
“If you can catch him,” she said, beaming at the thought of her little wild man who was so much like his dad, it was ridiculous.
“We have a nice new collection of rom-coms that just came in yesterday for release day if you’re looking,” I said, winking at her. She was an honorary member of the Silver Ridge Romance Readers, as were several other locals, like Dahlia Wallace, who couldn’t usually make our Saturday night book club meets for one reason or another but still read along with us.
Jess and Elise approached as Sarah slipped away to browse.
“You three out for lunch?” I asked, delighted to see their faces.
“We all need new books,” Elise said, then winked and disappeared into the romance section. Normally, she’d stay and chat a while but again, lately, she’d been quieter. At some point, I’d need to ask her what was going on. Maybe she and her on-and-off boyfriend were off again? Or, on? I couldn’t keep track.
Jess leaned on the counter. “And I’m here to check on you.”
“Me? Do I need checking on?”
She gave me a kind smile which just made her prettier. She was so entirely gorgeous, I didn’t really understand how she didn’t date more, although I knew it was a matter of choice.
“Well, we saw you talk with Adam on Friday. Then I’ve noticed this week he’s…”
My heart sank. “Is he okay?”
Her smile deepened. “He honestly seems great. Happier and lighter. And I know part of that is because one of his friends is doing better, but I’m also suspecting it miiiight have something to do with you.”
Tiny wings fluttered in my belly. “Happier?”
She nodded, studying me. Good grief, the woman had an intense gaze. “Yes. And I want to know how you are, if you want to tell me. If not, I’m just… checking in. Making sure you’re good.”
I glanced around, confirming everyone was happily browsing and didn’t need help. Once I saw they were, I lowered my voice and spilled my guts. “Um, so, we kissed—like really kissed—and then he apologized and told me he shouldn’t have done it and then he left.”
Her expression hardened, and if I had to guess, this was a sliver of what one would see if faced with Jess in a professional setting where you were on the wrong side of the scenario. The woman was fearsome when she needed to be.
“Please tell me Doc isn’t out here acting like a man-child and can’t handle his feelings.” The level of unimpressed on her face was practically nuclear.
“I don’t think so, no. It’s honestly why I’m not more upset. I’m not exactly thrilled by what he said, but he initiated hanging out tonight, and I’m hoping there’ll be some explanation.”
“Good. If not, let me know and we’ll find some truth serum and get it out of him the old-fashioned way.” She winked and I cackled, enjoying her reference to a scene in one of the earlier Josie Wade books.
“I do love that scene,” I said, grinning with her.
She sighed. “If only such a thing would work in real life. I have a few people I could use it on.”
Interest spiked. “Yeah? And who would make that list?”
Her eyes cut to me. “No love interests. Mostly just a brutish, idiot man who makes my life miserable.”
“Beast?” I mouthed this for some reason, like anyone in the store would overhear and understand what I was talking about.
“Tell you later,” she whispered, then patted the desk. “Keep me posted on how things go. Oh, and I haven’t heard back from Josie Wade, but we’ll still throw a party here, right? Can you get the all clear from Mr. Darcy?”
I snickered at her calling my dad, Darcy Malcom, Mr. Darcy. “I’m positive we can. And I hope you hear back soon, but if not, hopefully it just means she’s busy writing the next book.”
Hopefully, she’ll figure out how to stop being such a coward and tell you all the truth.
Each of them checked out with a few books in tow and left me feeling warm and fuzzy about life here in Silverton. I really did love it here, and the idea that I ever wanted to move back to the city was just ludicrous.
The afternoon wound down, and I found a few moments to work on brainstorming my next book. My current project was with the editor as of yesterday, and in another week or two, I’d be sending off advanced copies. I was sad to see the book Adam had helped me with come to an end, but the possibilities of what could go right—or wrong—between us tonight and in the future made the book seem less essential. We were friends now, independent of the Josie persona knowledge and the help with my work. We had a relationship rooted in friendship.
Maybe tonight, he’d finally explain why he refused to let it change into something more even though he clearly wanted it as much as I did.
My phone buzzed in my hand—Elizabeth. Ah, nothing like another evasive conversation with Lizzie to keep me distracted until I saw Adam again.