Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Lily
When I wake up, the panic hits first.
The ceiling is wrong. The light is wrong. The air feels unfamiliar in my lungs. For a split second, I don’t know where I am or why my chest feels tight, then I remember last night.
I need a coffee, and I need air, so I force myself upright, swing my legs over the bed to untangle from the sheets, open the door, and hold my breath as I head down the stairs, straight to the kitchen. I don’t look toward the living room. I don’t want to see him there. I’m not ready.
But I can smell him.
That familiar mix of smoke and something sharp and masculine that drags me backward through time, whether I want it to or not. My pulse skids.
I busy myself with the cupboards, my hands moving on autopilot as I find a mug and pour from the freshly brewed coffee pot. My fingers tremble just enough that the liquid sloshes close to the rim.
Then he clears his throat, and I freeze.
“Lily.”
The world goes quiet. Not silent. Like everything slows just enough for the pain to catch up.
I turn slowly, and a sob breaks free before I can stop it.
He looks so different from the man I remember. Still powerful, still commanding, but worn down by years, choices, and regret. The edges are softer, and the cost is visible.
And suddenly, I’m not an adult woman standing in a kitchen. I’m a little girl again. Crying. Begging. Terrified of being left behind. But I’m finally connecting with that lost part of myself.
“Dad.” The word barely makes it past my lips.
The mug slips from my hand and shatters on the floor, coffee splashing across the white marble. I don’t even flinch.
He’s there instantly, arms around me, crushing me to his chest like he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go.
This is what I’ve needed for five years.
“It’s okay, solnyshko. I’ve got you.”
My body betrays me, melting for one heartbeat before reality slams back in.
I shake my head and push myself out of his hold, hands trembling.
“You think you can just stand here and tell me it’s okay now?
That throwing me money over the years gets you a pass for abandoning me?
” my voice cracks under the weight of it.
He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.
He’s crying. “I thought I was saving you.” The words are quiet.
“I thought you would be happier here, safer. That my evil life would ruin yours, too. It fucking killed me, Lily. Every single day since.”
My gaze drops to the floor because if I look at him any longer, I might break. Everything is too much, but I don’t want to run. Not this time.
“You didn’t save me, Dad. I just needed you. Not your money. Not your random text messages. Do you know how many times I actually thought you’d died?” My throat tightens, and the memories sting.
I sniffle and look back up at him. My chest aches for both of us now. He’s shattered, too. I can see it in the way his shoulders sag, in the way his eyes won’t quite meet mine.
“I’m sorry, mnya ochyn’ zhal.”
“Why now? Why are you here? Why are you demanding that I be here too? Uprooting my life yet again!” I throw my arms up, overwhelmed.
“Everything I’ve ever done is to keep you safe, Lily.”
I scoff. The words hit too close to home.
He sounds just like Drago. I still can’t believe he is the kid Dad took in, the one I barely remember.
But I know the day. I was only five. I heard Mom demanding that he keep him at another property, not this one.
I felt sorry for him. He was a kid, too.
And I thought it would be cool to have a friend.
I was lonely in that big mansion with two parents who hated each other.
“Yeah, that’s what I keep hearing. Safe but not loved.” I brace myself against the kitchen island, needing the support.
“Always loved, Lily. I never stopped. I did this because I love you. Please don’t think otherwise.” His voice breaks as he says it. Like he’s begging me not to hate him.
My lip trembles. “Why now?”
“The specifics aren’t for you to worry about. There is no direct threat, I’m being cautious.” He grabs a cloth and crouches to clean up the broken mug and spilled coffee. “Drago hates mess.”
Despite everything, my mouth twitches.
I can tell. His house is immaculate. But, part of me is jealous that Drago knows my dad better than I do. That my dad knows all these little things about him that he wouldn’t know about me.
“Nice of you to take him in and keep him.” I don’t mean for it to sound so snappy.
I can’t help it. Deep down, it hurts.
He looks up at me. “Drago is like a son to me, yes. Just yesterday, he threw himself in the line of fire to save me. But that’s the difference. I’d do that for you and him. You are my daughter.”
The words land heavier than he realizes. But it also makes me look away, because he’s making it sound like we’re siblings. When we really aren’t. And thank God we aren’t. Cause I’ve had many thoughts about the things Drago could do to me. Really naughty thoughts at that.
“Funny, I haven’t seen my parents in years, and now I see them both in the same damn week. You couldn’t even write this shit.” I rake my fingers through my hair.
“How is your mother?” his tone turns sharp.
“Still as vile as always,” I joke.
He chuckles, and to my surprise, I smile too. “What happened to Maria?”
“Wasn’t she always a money-hungry whore?”
His eyebrow lifts. “What did she want?”
“Lunch. To apologize. It’s a long, traumatic story that I don’t want to talk about. But, it’ll take a lot more than food to make up for it.”
“That’s my girl.”
Warmth spreads through me despite myself. “I was taught my fire from somewhere, I suppose.”
Silence settles. I thought it would feel like staring at a stranger. That the love would be gone.
It isn’t.
“I can kill her if you want?” He suggests with a smile, tugging at his lips.
I blink. He was never one to be subtle.
“Uh. Maybe not just yet.”
I don’t think she deserves to die. But she does need to earn her way back into my life.
He laughs. “Fine.”
Then, softer, “But, just know, you say the word, and it’s done.”
I roll my eyes, a shaky laugh escaping. No wonder he wanted me far away from this world.
“I’ve been a terrible father, Lily. I regret that. But I am happy to see you looking healthy. That’s all I ask for. I just wanted my little girl happy and healthy.”
I swallow. “Yeah. I’m doing fine.”
He steps closer, resting a hand on my shoulder. Solid. Grounding. “You’re strong, Lily. No matter what, never doubt your strength.”
He taps the side of my head.
I almost laugh. What the hell does he know about the woman I became? “Y-you don’t know me anymore, not really, Dad.”
“I’ve always been around, Lily. You might not have known it, but I was. I tried my best. I tore myself in half, making sure you stayed out of my messy world.”
“I wish it could have been different.”
“Me too.” He wipes a tear from my cheek gently.
“But, I’d like to get to know who you are now… if you’d let me?”
I pause, looking at him. He’s aged a lot since I last saw him, and with his life choices, who knows how long we have left. I want a future with him in it. I need it.
“Okay.” The word leaves me before fear can stop it.
I wrap my arms around him. He holds me tighter, like he’s making up for lost time in a single moment. My tears soak into his shirt.
“You gotta stop smoking, Dad.”
“Bossy still.”
I pull back as he reaches for the vodka bottle.
“Drink?” he asks. “Please don’t tell me you drink the fancy stuff now. You haven’t lost all of your roots?”
I laugh, grabbing two glasses.
“Don’t be ridiculous. But, Dad… It’s like nine a.m.?”
He chuckles, throwing his hand in the air. “Ah, it’s five o’clock somewhere. You got plans today?”
I bite my lip. To hell with it.
“Fine. Only a small measure,” I tell him.
He raises an eyebrow, muttering under his breath. “No chance. You drink properly.”
And I smile, just how I remember him. The man who gives no fucks about rules. About ‘normal’. My father does what he wants, when he wants.