Chapter 46
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Drago
The kiss is calculated. Her lips press with intent, not desire, and the second I register it, my body locks. But it’s already too late.
For a heartbeat, I don’t move. For a heartbeat, I let it happen, and the self-loathing hits like a fucking bullet.
I shove her back hard enough that the chair scrapes loudly across the floor, my gun snapping up again, my jaw clenched so tight it aches. “Don’t,” I snarl. My voice shakes, not with fear, but with disgust. At her. At myself.
She smiles, like she’s already won something.
I taste it then. The wrongness of it. The betrayal sitting heavy on my tongue. Not to Tatiana, but to Lily. To the woman asleep in the next room, trusting me with her safety. With her heart.
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand like I can erase it. I want to be sick when I see the red lipstick marks.
“I warned you,” I say, cold and lethal now. “You don’t get to touch me.”
Tatiana laughs softly, “You let me.”
I hate that she’s right. I hate that for a fraction of a second, I froze instead of stopping her.
I step closer, gun still trained on her, fury coiled tight beneath my skin. “That will never happen again. And if you try it, you won’t walk out of here.”
Her eyes glitter. “Wow. If that was a kiss…”
“Do we have a deal? Or is this about to start a fucking war?” I say coldly.
She wipes the side of her mouth with her finger. “I’ll be in touch, Drago.” She turns and walks towards the elevator, stopping just before.
“Oh, and let's keep the kiss our little secret.” She keeps her voice low.
I feel fucking disgusting.
Relieved too, when she steps into the elevator and disappears, the doors sliding shut like a mercy I didn’t earn. The silence she leaves behind is suffocating, but at least it’s clean. At least she’s gone.
The first thing I do is lock myself in the bathroom and turn the shower on full heat.
I stand under it like punishment. Like if I let the water scald hard enough, long enough, it might burn the shame off my skin.
Might erase the feel of her mouth. Might undo the way my body betrayed me by not moving when I let it happen.
I brace my hands against the tiled wall and drop my head, water pounding down my spine. Another secret. Another fucking lie by omission. Another thing I’ll have to bury so deep it rots inside me.
And the worst part?
It’s for her. For Lily. The woman I love so completely it terrifies me.
I drag a hand down my face, fingers trembling, breath coming too hard for a man who prides himself on control. I’ve survived torture. War. Betrayal. I’ve stared death in the eye and didn’t blink.
But this? This is what breaks me.
I might have just secured the deal. The one that keeps everyone back home safe. Keeps Lev breathing. Keeps Lily out of the crosshairs. Keeps the Preacher within reach.
I did what I had to do.
That’s what I keep telling myself as the water turns my skin raw. But standing here, alone, with the truth clawing its way up my throat, it feels like I traded something sacred for strategy. Like I sold a piece of my soul and called it protection.
Because even if she never saw it. Even if she never finds out. I’ll still know. And I can’t build a future with her on top of lies and blood and secrets. I'm too much of a coward to confess.
I may have saved everyone. But I might have just sacrificed the only thing in this life that ever made me feel human.
And the cruelest part? I don’t get to keep this from her. I have to tell her the truth.
And I know there is no going back from this. Even if I didn’t ask for her to kiss me, she did anyway.