Chapter 55
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
Lily
Song- MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, Elley Duhé
It’s three in the morning. The moon shines bright through my window, and I stare at it like it might give me answers if I wait long enough.
The longer I lie here, the louder my thoughts get, the tighter my chest feels. So instead of staying trapped in my head, I sit up. Rather than phoning Hallie, I decide I need to journal. Or something. Anything to clear my mind.
My anxiety is unpredictable. Some days, I hardly notice it’s there. Other days, it’s all I can feel. It consumes every breath I take. I have a whole host of coping mechanisms, which sometimes work, other times don’t even scratch the surface.
I’ve spent five years learning the different parts of my anxiety and how to coexist with them. It’s a full-time job, just trying to ‘be normal’. Except, since I’ve moved in here, that nagging voice that says ‘what if’ is quieter.
Even though I may have ended things with Drago, he is still the man keeping me safe.
As I stop by the dresser, I remember the white sage tucked into the drawer. Maybe there’s just too much negative energy in this house right now.
Plus, it’s a full moon. Perfect timing. At the very least, it’s a distraction.
I grab the sage and head downstairs, searching for a lighter. There has to be one somewhere in this kitchen. I flick on the lights. The house feels strange when it’s silent. My dad must have gone to bed. And Drago? Who knows. I wouldn’t even know if he came home.
I start rummaging through drawers when the front door closes softly.
My heart pounds.
Footsteps follow.
I don’t look. I don’t move. I wait until the steps stop and force myself to breathe.
“Lily, what are you doing up?” Drago asks.
I run my tongue along my bottom lip, finally finding the lighter. I close the drawer before turning to face him.
He looks exhausted. His eyes are bloodshot, glasses still on. Fuck. I squeeze my thighs together and grip the sage tighter.
“You better not laugh when I tell you,” I say.
He crosses his arms over his chest, studying me. “Try me.”
I hold up the wrapped sage.
“My house isn’t haunted,” he chuckles.
I roll my eyes. Everything is so easy between us, despite what has happened. His presence relaxes me. My mind stops swirling. All I can focus on is him and the side of me I thought died years ago that he brings out.
“There’s something in this place. I can’t sleep. The energy is off.”
He takes a step closer as I light the end of the sage, smoke curling into the air.
“Maybe I don’t want to get rid of my ghost friends. They keep me company,” he says with a grin.
“Well, I don’t want to live with evil.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “No. Not many people do.”
My breath hitches as the smoke laces around us. I take a step back from him, chanting my mantra in my head as I waft the smoke around the kitchen.
Evil out. Positive can stay.
I can feel his eyes on me the entire time as I move into the living room, then the hallway, careful not to miss a single corner.
When I return to the kitchen, I stop behind him and wave the smoke around his huge frame.
“Demons be gone,” I joke.
He spins to me, and the smoke blows straight into his face.
I can’t help laughing when he starts coughing.
“Jesus, Lily,” he splutters.
I bite back a smile. “I knew it. The evil entity in this house is you, Drago.”
His eyes darken as he leans over me. I freeze. Having him this close again has the opposite effect of something evil.
It feels like safety.
“Save me from the darkness then, baby,” he whispers.
“Do you think you can be?” I ask.
He nods, tipping my chin up. “The evil will never leave me. No matter how much sage you blow in my face. But, you can save me from my sins.”
I open my mouth, then close it again. His words echo in my head. Save me. “You don’t need saving from anything. That isn’t how sage works.”
He blows out a breath, and I inhale the sage, closing my eyes.
“See, there is only good in you, Lily.”
My eyes snap open and meet his. “There is good in you, too.”
He half-smiles. “Only you see that, lastochka.”
His gaze flicks between my eyes, then settles on my lips. “It’s a full moon, Lily. Haven’t you forgotten something?” he asks.
I raise an eyebrow. “Forgotten what? Don’t you dare start talking about me getting on a broom. I’m not actually a witch, unfortunately.”
He chuckles, and my cheeks heat.
“No. Your crystals, they need to go outside, right?”
“H-how do you even know?”
He leans in, his mouth brushing my ear. “I like to learn everything that makes you happy.”
My heart hammers as he pulls away and picks up the ceramic plate of crystals from the dining table.
I blow out the sage, set it aside, and follow him as he slides the doors open to the yard.
“Wow. She’s pretty,” I murmur, looking up at the bright moon.
“Yeah. Yeah, she is,” Drago mutters.
He drags the table across the patio until it’s in direct moonlight and carefully places the crystals in the center.
“Is this okay?” he asks.
I nod, suddenly lost for words. This man feels too good to be true. I already know how quickly things can crumble.
We stand side by side, staring up at the moon in silence. It’s soothing. Enough that I yawn and rest my head against his arm.
He sighs, wrapping his arm around me and tugging me closer, resting his head on top of mine.
“Maybe you don’t have evil entities in your house,” I whisper.
“Oh, yeah?”
I nod against him.
“Maybe the negative energy is coming from us.”
I look up at him. He turns to face me.
“I don’t want it to be like this, Lily. In fact, I can’t fucking stand a single second of pretending that you’re not the center of my universe. It’s not even been a day, and I can’t do this.”
I let out a breath.
“Then why did I see you kissing another woman? And why haven’t you tried harder to explain yourself? You seemed fine with this ending.” The words sting the second they leave my mouth.
He shakes his head and gently laces his fingers through mine, placing them over his chest. His heart pounds beneath my palm.
“That woman is dangerous, one that we need to end this war before it starts. I have something she wants, and I’m using it as leverage. She kissed me to seal the deal. That’s what you saw.”
The moon shines down on him, trust blasting from his eyes.
I believe him. The way he looks at me tells me everything. “Okay. If she’s that dangerous, why is she kissing you? Is she an ex?”
“Fuck no. No. I used to work for her. She’s head of a powerful mafia family in Russia.”
My eyes go wide. “She’s a mafia boss? Wow.”
“Yep. A fucking evil one.” He guides my hand to his side, where his scars live. “Her family is responsible for these on me. When she kissed me, I wanted to kill her. And trust me, if it didn’t risk your life, I would have.”
“My life?” I almost gasp.
“I’m sorting everything, Lily. Please just trust me. There is a lot more to this, more to me, that I need to tell you, before you decide whether we can ever be anything more. Whether what we had in Monaco really can be our future.”
I swallow hard. “What else?”
“I promise, I will tell you everything soon. I have a few loose ends to tie up. And then, I’d like to try and win you back.”
I smile. “Win me back? I’m not a prize, Drago.”
He nods. “I want your heart, Lily. And I want to give you the fucking world in return. That’s what I’d like. But, I don’t want you to just give me your forgiveness; I want to show you exactly what you mean to me. No doubts. No pushing each other away to save ourselves.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me? You could have just told me to shut up and tell the truth.”
He runs a hand over his face. “I thought it was for the best. That I could let you go and you’d be happier without me.”
I tut, wrapping my arms around him and cuddling into his chest. He squeezes me tight.
He pulls me back into a hug, and I melt against him.
“The sage worked. We’re friends again,” I whisper.
As he starts to pull away, I shake my head and cling tighter. I need this. I need him.
“Just another minute, please,” I whisper against his chest.
His hand rubs slow circles up my back. “You can have them all, lastochka. All my minutes belong to you.”
I tip my head back, looking up at him. “You need to get some sleep, Drago. You look exhausted.”
His lips curl into a grin. “Are you looking after me?”
I drag my hands up his chest. “Someones got to, right?”
He pulls back my lip with his thumb. “I’ll make this right between us, Lily. I promise.”
I smile softly at him, resting my cheek against his palm. “I look forward to seeing you do that.” I tease.
“Oh, Mom is meeting me for lunch at my gallery tomorrow. I need to get a bit of work done while I’m there, too. Are you okay to come with me?”
He frowns, his jaw tightening.
“I’ve got to go to New York for a few hours. I’ll be back early evening, I expect. Charlotte can take you.”
I tilt my head. “Charlotte, Declan's wife?”
He grins. “She’s one of the most deadly assassins in the world, Lily. I trained her. I trust your life with her.”
“So fucking cool.”
He chuckles. “Yeah. I wouldn’t wish her past on anyone, though.” He tells me, with a sadness in his voice.
I stifle a yawn. “She’s happy now, though, right? I guess bad shit can lead to good.”
He nods, stroking his fingers along my cheek. “I hope so.”
“I’m going to bed. Night, Drago.” I say, going up on my tiptoes, pressing a kiss on his cheek.
His breath catches as I pull away. “Sweet dreams, lastochka.”
I take a step away. “I’ll see you in the morning, we could have breakfast?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “I’ll be gone before the sun rises.”
“Oh.” I look down at the ground.
“I’ll be back for you, Lily. I’ll always come back for you.”
“You'd better.” I blow him a kiss and head back to bed. This time feeling like I can actually sleep soundly. Like that happiness I found didn’t disappear. It’s still right here. Waiting for me to take it.
I need to stop running. Stop trying to protect myself from things that aren’t really trying to hurt me.
Stop letting the past rule my future.