Chapter 87
CHAPTER EIGHTY-SEVEN
Drago
We’re back at my place, and I told Lily to stay downstairs. Not because I didn’t want her close. Because I couldn’t bear to let her see what was waiting for us upstairs.
I keep checking my phone for updates from Finn.
Lev’s in a coma.
They got the bullet out and repaired as much as they could. A blood transfusion. Finn kept spitting medical terms at me like facts are supposed to soften grief.
Every single one just fucking broke me more. But I’m doing what Lev asked me to do.
Protecting his daughter. Keeping her safe.
Even if it’s from more trauma.
The hot water in the bucket steams against my hands. The smell of soap barely cuts through the metallic tang clinging to the hallway.
Blood.
Lev’s blood.
I shove the sponge back into the water, squeeze it out until it’s heavy and red again, and press it to the wood.
Scrub.
Scrub.
Scrub.
It just smears.
Like the house won’t let me erase him. Like I’m cleaning the last parts of him that are left.
My throat tightens as his broken voice replays in my head.
Was that the last time I’ll ever speak to him? There are so many things I didn’t get to say. So many things he didn’t get to experience.
Lev never got a life outside of this. He never stopped fighting, never stopped running. He never just… lived.
And I vow I will. I promised him I’d save his baby. Now, I have to make her happy.
That just surviving shit stops for me today, because the other half of my soul is downstairs, and she deserves all of me.
Not just the parts I can give her. Not just what I think I’m capable of. She deserves my whole heart. She deserves the man I promised myself I’d never become. She deserves peace.
And I owe her my damn life.
I sit back on my heels and blow out a breath, staring at the blood on the white walls, the streaks where my hands have wiped and wiped and wiped, and it still looks like death.
Maybe I should just burn this fucking place down too.
Like Inferno.
Because no amount of Lily’s sage is going to burn these memories from my brain.
What if I never brought him back here? Would he still be alive? What if I didn’t give Maria permission to enter Decadence?
I failed him. I failed Lily.
Fuck.
How did we miss it? How did we underestimate her?
I drag a hand down my face and scrub harder, like I can grind the grief out of the floorboards. Like I can punish myself into making it right.
My chest tightens, like I can’t breathe. Even when I force my lungs to work, all I see is Lev dying in my arms. I can’t run away from that. I can’t outfight it. I can’t outshoot it.
I suck in a deep breath and stop, my fingers trembling around the sponge, water dripping from my knuckles.
Focus on the good.
Lily is alive. Maria didn’t take her. I did what Lev told me to do. I did what he begged me to.
My heart splinters, and the tears finally fall. They’ve been threatening to since I stepped foot back in this house, but I’ve kept them locked down like everything else.
Until now. Until this hallway. Until this blood. Until the silence.
“Drago,” Lily whispers.
I don’t look at her.
I can’t.
I don’t want her to see my pain. I don’t want her to see the blood. I don’t want her to see that even monsters bleed on the inside.
“Go back downstairs, Lily,” I whisper, my voice rough. “Please.”
“No,” she replies simply.
One word.
No fear. No hesitation. No fucking leaving me.
And then she’s on the floor with me. “When you hurt,” she whispers, resting her head on my arm, “I hurt. Remember? And when you want to sit on the floor and cry, I’ll sit on the floor and cry with you, moy zashchitnik,” she tells me.
The way she says it makes my breath hitch.
“I failed him, Lily,” I choke out, staring at the smeared blood like it’s proof of my sins. “I brought him here to keep him safe… and instead he gets shot in my fucking hallway.”
“Hey.” She sits up and grabs my face, forcing me to look at her.
Her hands are warm. Her eyes are steady. Her expression is fierce in the way only someone who’s survived hell can be.
“You didn’t fail him, Drago,” she whispers. “He’s proud of you. You did everything you could.”
My jaw tightens. A tremor runs through me.
“If you left him in Russia,” she continues, voice firm, “he would’ve been dead weeks ago. You know that.”
I swallow, the lump in my throat too big. My hand drifts to my chest like I can physically hold my heart together.
“It fucking hurts, Lily. And it’s killing me that I can’t fix this.” I look up at the ceiling, blinking back the tears.
But she doesn’t let me hide.
“I know it does,” she whispers. “I know.” Her thumb strokes my cheek, catching a tear like it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
“But we’re going to get through this,” she says. “Whatever happens. I’m always going to be right there next to you, just like you are for me. You’re going to be a great dad. A great husband, Drago. You are everything to us.”
Her voice trembles just slightly, but it doesn’t break. “Whether a miracle happens and he pulls through… or whether we have to honor his memory… we will do that.”
She leans closer, forehead brushing mine. “I’ve got you, Drago.”
And fuck.
I never knew how much I needed someone to tell me it was going to be okay, until I had Lily in my arms.
To treat me like I’m human. Like emotions don’t make me weak. Like love doesn’t ruin men.
Because they’re wrong. It doesn’t.
Lily’s love has fucking saved me.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, baby,” I whisper, pressing my nose to hers, letting my eyes close.
And for the first time in twenty-four hours, I don’t see blood.
I don’t see Lev on the floor. I don’t see Maria’s eyes.
I see the sea. The art gallery. Her laughing under sunlight like she never belonged in the dark at all.
“You need to get some sleep, Drago,” Lily whispers. “Let me do this. I’ll be okay.”
She glances at the sponge, the bucket, the hallway, like she’s willing to clean every stain if it means I’ll breathe.
“And then we can cook some food,” she continues softly, “and call Finn to see if we can get into the hospital to see him. Does that sound okay?”
I shake my head, not trusting my voice. Because if I speak, I’ll crack open again.
Instead, I wrap my arms around her and pull her flush against me, holding her like she’s the only thing keeping my heart beating.
My hands slide into her hair.
I breathe her in and anchor myself.
“I promise you,” I whisper into her temple, “we will never have to live like this again, Lily.”
She nods against me. “I know,” she murmurs. “We just have to get through this first.”
“You’re not cleaning this. Neither of us is. I’ll speak to Declan, get someone in.”
She blows out a breath like it’s a relief to her, too.