Chapter 7 Reappearance #4
The first of these three points concerned the reaction of his family if he decided to offer for Miss Elizabeth.
The expectations were clear – a marriage aligned with wealth and connections.
While it would surely surprise many, Darcy believed his sister Georgiana would delight in his choice.
Richard, too, seemed taken with Miss Elizabeth, and Anne would likely feel relieved, free from the spectre of their supposed engagement.
Darcy could well predict his Aunt Catherine's response. Her dissent, however, would likely extend to any match besides Anne. Angry tirades would surely ensue, and Darcy foresaw the potential for a severed connection, a fate he wished to avoid.
If I distance Aunt Catherine, how can I honour my promise to my mother? I promised to support her in times of need. Will she accept my assistance after this?
After much contemplation, Darcy decided to let fate handle this one. I cannot live my life to satisfy her whims and fancies. I have my own wishes and decisions.
His uncle at Matlock would be disappointed, but Darcy did not expect any meddling from that side. Aunt Matilda, on the other hand, would be relieved, as she had already beseeched both Richard and himself, the two "overgrown" gentlemen in the family, to secure a wife for months.
Darcy struck off the point concerning his family's response, leaving him with two remaining questions.
What is my feeling towards her? Do I love her? And does she love me in return?
Darcy tried to recall all of his feelings ever since he first met Miss Elizabeth.
It was clear that he had been drawn to her from the very first moment.
Her allure was so irresistible that he, whose every action required careful consideration, had no choice but to seek an introduction to her and ask her for the supper dance.
Since that moment, she had occupied his thoughts incessantly.
Even after a separation of three months, during which Darcy had attempted to put her out of his mind, his attraction to her had not diminished.
He also remembered the pain he felt when the Bennet family humiliated themselves and Miss Elizabeth on the day of Netherfield ball. Just today, when his aunt insulted Miss Elizabeth, he felt pain on her behalf. It was as if Darcy felt the humiliation himself.
My heart already considers her as a part of itself. I just need to wake up to my heart. I am in love, and have been in love for months.
Now, what about her feelings for me?
The last thing Darcy desired was for her acceptance to stem from anything other than genuine love. He yearned for her affection to mirror his own. This notion stirred a pang of shame within him.
When did I provide her an opportunity to acquaint herself with me? I habitually attempted to evade her presence, hiding my feelings from her. Even if she felt some attraction toward me, I never allowed it to develop further. I must grant her the chance to know me, to spend time together.
However, this was no simple task. Openly courting her here, beneath Aunt Catherine's watchful eye, was implausible. Darcy's plan was to return to London in two weeks. He had no knowledge of when Miss Elizabeth planned to return to Hertfordshire.
I can’t wait for two weeks. I need to spend time with her before that.
She usually takes morning walks. What if I cross paths with her during my regular morning rides? I know not about her usual walking paths, but I can certainly discover them.
The next morning, Darcy surprised Miss Elizabeth by joining her in her walks. When she told him that it was her favourite path for walking, he was overjoyed.
My clever Elizabeth. How easily she understood my intentions.
He didn’t realize it at that time. It was the first time he used her christian name in his thoughts. From this day onwards, she was always Elizabeth in his thoughts. But he still had to go through a lot to gain the privilege of addressing her by her christian name.
Elizabeth
While Darcy was lost in contemplation, Elizabeth found herself engrossed in the latest letter from her sister, Jane. The letter contained two rather disconcerting pieces of news.
Firstly, Jane mentioned that their sister Lydia had recently gone to Brighton as a guest to Colonel Forster and his wife.
Lydia, all alone in Brighton with only sixteen-year-old Mrs. Forster as her chaperone – it's a recipe for disaster. Oh, Papa, what have you done!
Elizabeth had a clear understanding of how this situation had unfolded.
Lydia likely threw a fit, and instead of exerting control, their mother might have joined in the chorus.
With Jane and herself away, there was no voice of reason left.
It wasn't as if their father was oblivious to the impropriety and dangers of sending the barely sixteen-year-old, uncontrollable Lydia practically alone to a place filled with officers.
He was fully aware of it. But he would have been outnumbered.
And he never took an effort to curb his wife and younger daughters, giving preference to his books and solitude over his responsibilities.
There was nothing she could do regarding that matter. The deed had already been done.
Dear God, I beseech you, do not permit her to do anything foolish. She is still a child.
The second news from Jane’s letter concerned the anticipated visit from Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst. The visit did occur, but Mr. Bingley did not come.
Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst remained a mere eight minutes.
It was so brief and unkind that it left Jane with undeniable clarity – they no longer wished to maintain their acquaintance.
Jane, having come to terms with the reality that Mr. Bingley would never return to her, was now despondent.
How could this happen to Jane? She is the kindest soul in the whole world. What an injustice?
Elizabeth was angry. She was angry at Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst for taking Mr. Bingley away from Jane.
She was angry at Mr. Bingley for not having the backbone to fight for his love.
She was angry at her own family for their behaviour in public and the spectacle they made in front of the Netherfield party. She was angry at Mr. Darcy for...
What is Mr. Darcy's role in all of this? He was certainly displeased when Sir William spoke to us during our dance. Could he have influenced his friend not to return to Hertfordshire? Did he perhaps conspire with the Bingley sisters to keep Mr. Bingley unaware of Jane's presence in London?
Elizabeth had already questioned Mr. Darcy about whether he happened to see Jane in London, so she knew he was aware of her sister's presence there.
But did he know about it beforehand through Miss Bingley? He claimed to abhor disguise, but was his surprised expression when I inquired about ever meeting Jane in London a mere act?
Elizabeth found herself in a position to ask him directly. Surely, they would cross paths one of these days.
However, what purpose would it serve? He had already declared that once his good opinion is lost, it is lost forever. Is he the sort of man who can be persuaded? And what chance do I have to convince him, given how much he disdains my presence?
Mr. Darcy was the last person she wanted to encounter during her usual morning walk the following day. She told him this was her preferred path for walking, hoping he avoids that path from the next day onwards. She couldn't understand why he appeared so pleased upon hearing that.
Sunday, March 29, 2023
Brighton
Wickham
Wickham crumpled his notes into a ball and threw them into the fire.
There is no way I can endure another month here. I'll have to make my escape soon. How in the world did I accumulate so much debt in such a short span?
The time spent in Hertfordshire was utterly dreadful for him.
Obtaining funds or credit there proved incredibly challenging.
It seemed as if someone had warned every merchant in the area about his propensity to flee without settling his debts.
He knew precisely who that someone was, but he was powerless to do anything about it.
Wickham knew that Darcy would be concerned about Georgiana’s reputation and would never openly disgrace him.
But Darcy could still make life difficult for him.
Wickham could never reveal his attempt with Georgiana to anyone.
That secret was his shield against Darcy's retaliation.
Once it became public knowledge, that shield would crumble.
Darcy, and more disconcertingly, Richard, would not hesitate to seek retribution.
His hope of uncovering another vulnerability in Darcy, specifically through Miss Elizabeth Bennet, proved to be a false lead. Wickham had expected Darcy to return to Hertfordshire within a month to publicly court Miss Elizabeth. But that expectation fell flat.
I can't believe he has moved on. It's unlike him. He's not the sort to succumb to fleeting infatuations. Oh, why didn't he fall in love with her? With Lydia Bennet here, it would have been effortless to torment him.
There's nothing I can do at this point. I must prepare for my next venture, wherever it may be. I need to make my escape within a fortnight. I can indulge in stolen moments with Miss Lydia until then. Perhaps she might be willing to venture beyond mere kisses. Who knows!