Chapter 12
Longbourn, Hertfordshire
Jane
Jane found herself so overwhelmed that she could not muster the strength to lift her gaze and look at the gentleman standing in her presence, a gentleman whom she adored with every fibre of her being.
What shall I do? If I don't apprise him of Lydia's transgressions, I am essentially deceiving him. But if I do reveal the truth, Papa will be furious.
She had conferred with Elizabeth on the matter, and her sister had counselled her to withhold Lydia's situation from Mr. Bingley.
Elizabeth believed there was no merit in alarming Mr. Bingley prematurely, before Uncle Gardiner and Colonel Forster had an opportunity to redress the situation to everyone's satisfaction.
However, for Jane, it was easier said than done.
She was never at ease with pretence, and she lacked confidence in her ability to maintain a composed facade in Mr. Bingley's presence.
"Miss Bennet, I have already spoken with your father and sought his permission to court you.
He was taken aback and inquired about my abrupt departure last time.
I offered him an honest explanation. My flight had nothing to do with you, Miss Bennet.
It was purely due to my own cowardice. I assured him of that, and he granted his permission," Mr. Bingley revealed.
Those words were enough to bring tears to Jane's eyes. She tried unsuccessfully to suppress them.
"Forgive me, Miss Bennet. Have I said something wrong? Would you prefer me to leave?" Jane heard the tremor in Mr. Bingley's voice. Though he offered to leave, he made no move to do so.
Jane wiped her tears and sat on a fallen log. She saw Mr. Bingley hesitating nearby, uncertain if he should join her. She gestured to him, and he quickly took a seat beside her.
"Mr. Bingley, I have been attempting to withhold something of great importance from you because I wished to prevent you from leaving me once again.
However, I now realize that I cannot keep this secret from you, even though its revelation will undoubtedly bring an end to our courtship.
I am about to disclose something that our family has been striving to keep concealed for as long as possible.
My only request is that you respect our efforts and refrain from sharing this information with anyone else.
Our reputation teeters on a precipice, and it will surely crumble the moment this becomes known.
Please assist us in preserving our reputation for as long as we can," Jane spoke earnestly, her gaze fixed upon his eyes.
"What is it, Miss Bennet? What troubles you so? You are beginning to frighten me," he inquired.
"It is indeed a frightening matter, Mr. Bingley. It fills me with dread. But I do not wish for you to be tainted by it. I will accept your decision to end our courtship and distance yourself from me. I shall not protest," Jane said.
She then proceeded to disclose everything about Lydia—everything she knew. Afterward, both of them fell into a silence, until Mr. Bingley turned his gaze back to her.
"Would Mr. Gardiner allow me to join the search for the couple? I am familiar with many parts of London, and I have gained some knowledge of that scoundrel Wickham from Darcy as well," Bingley inquired.
Jane had to resist the overwhelming urge to run into his arms. Oh, you dear man. How I adore you.
"No, Mr. Bingley. I do not wish for anyone to know that you are aware of our predicament.
I have never informed my father that I would disclose this to you.
I am not at all happy about keeping secrets from my father.
Yet, how can I deceive you into courting me while our reputation hangs in the balance?
I will not complain if you decide to distance yourself from me as much as possible," Jane said, mustering all the composure she could.
"Is that what you think of me, Miss Bennet? That I will run away from you again? I will admit that the situation with Miss Lydia is concerning. But I love you, Miss Bennet. And my decision is this: I will continue to court you, hoping that Mr. Gardiner can resolve the issue with Miss Lydia. The day we hear about Lydia’s safety, I'll propose.
That's my decision," Mr. Bingley took her hand and kissed on it.
Jane had nothing further to say. She knew she didn't require any more courtship. If their reputation was no longer under threat, she would accept his proposal now. She knew that she would never love anyone else in this life.
Stupid, stupid Lydia. Please God, keep her safe.
Deadman’s lane, St. Giles, London
Lydia
Lydia Bennet was indeed feeling stupid, her thoughts entangled in a bewildering haze.
Why does I continue to feel as if I am in a dream? A harrowing dream in fact?
She walked aimlessly, her steps leading her nowhere in particular. It was all she did since the morning. It was all she did the previous two days as well. She was walking ever since she ran away from that filthy place in the middle of the night.
Lizzy would surely be envious. She had always claimed the title of the walker in the family.
Hunger gnawed at her stomach, for she had scarcely consumed anything substantial in almost four and twenty hours.
The bitter-scented water she had stumbled upon, drawn from a weathered stone fountain, remained her only sustenance.
Thirst once again clutched at her, and she had no knowledge of where to find nourishment.
Lydia was still only sixteen. Her understanding of societal conventions barely surpassed that of a child. However, by now, she was aware of one very important thing.
She was irreparably and irreversibly ruined.
Sunday, April 19, 1812
Darcy House, London
Darcy
Darcy gazed intently at the note in his hand. He was in no disposition to receive visitors, yet he couldn't turn away Colonel Forster, especially when Wickham was under the colonel's command.
It had been ten days since that evening in Kent.
Darcy had been alone during this time. Georgiana still resided with their aunt, a suggestion put forth by Richard.
Georgiana had already endured much and she need not suffer further by living with her heartbroken brother.
Darcy accepted it as a sensible suggestion.
Upon his arrival at his residence from Bingley’s town house, Darcy promptly instructed the housekeeper to remove the knocker from the door.
He also requested that regrets be conveyed for all social invitations.
He was unfit for company. All he yearned for was solitude, and for nine days, solitude was his sole companion.
Yesterday, for the first time since his return from Kent, he ventured out to meet Georgiana.
Georgiana's countenance no longer brightened upon his presence, a change that had persisted since that ill-fated day at Ramsgate.
Yet, yesterday, for the first time since Ramsgate, he had witnessed Georgiana's smile in response to something Richard had said.
At least she was beginning to rebuild her life.
It was high time for Darcy to do the same.
Upon returning home after visiting his sister, the housekeeper informed him of Colonel Forster's visit and handed him the note.
The note conveyed the colonel's intention to return today to discuss a matter of utmost importance.
Darcy had a fair idea of what this "important matter" entailed.
The only remaining question was the extent of the money Wickham had absconded with this time.
Footsteps echoed down the hall, and Darcy expected Colonel Forster to enter through his study door. To his surprise and disappointment, it was Richard who walked in.
What is he doing here at this time? Is he going to talk about her?
Richard
Richard’s original intention was to give Darcy a month. However, Darcy's recent actions, particularly his visit to Georgiana, indicated a desire to emerge from his self-imposed exile. So there was no point in waiting further.
The disappointment in his cousin’s countenance on his arrival was not lost on him.
"Well, well. Not the welcome I expected. Pray tell, Darcy, whom were you anticipating? Someone from my acquaintance, perhaps?" Richard inquired.
“What brings you here, Richard? Don’t you have anything else to do?” Darcy retorted.
“I indeed have numerous important matters on my plate. Nevertheless, extending care and support to my grieving cousin takes precedence," Richard remarked, adding a touch of sarcasm.
"But what if I am not in need of your concern at this moment?" Darcy's anger was evident.
Why is he angry?
"Tell me, Darcy. It was apparent that you were waiting for someone's arrival. May I know who it was?" Richard asked.
Richard observed Darcy let out a sigh before responding, "Colonel Forster paid me a visit yesterday, but I missed him. I am expecting him to call today."
Colonel Forster? Is he not Wickham's superior officer?
"Goodness, do you know the reason behind his visit? Could it be related to our mutual friend, by any chance?" Richard swiftly inquired, momentarily forgetting his initial purpose for coming here.
"The note only mentioned 'important business.' Your guess is as good as mine," Darcy gruffly responded.
"Would it be acceptable to you if I join in that discussion?" Richard asked.
Darcy waited on his reply. Richard noticed his cousin lost in thought.
Is this the moment? Is Darcy finally going to see Wickham for who he truly is?
Darcy
Darcy immediately realized the significance of Richard's question. If Richard became involved in any matter concerning Wickham, it could spell the end for Wickham.