Chapter 7 - Salvation #2
Elizabeth divulged all - the proposal, or rather, Mr. Goulding's proposition for their marriage, and how Jemima had learned of their ruse.
She recounted her life as Mrs. Goulding, her efforts to be a dutiful wife despite his rare presence, and the story of her late husband's passing. She then went on to mention about her husband’s family, about her nieces and nephew whom she adored. She held nothing back.
Then, she went on to disclose details about her family of origin - Jane's union with Charles, Mary's marriage to Mr. Albert, the local vicar, and Kitty's marriage to Mr. Thomas, employed in her uncle Gardiner’s business.
However, when it came to Lydia, she hesitated.
How could she reveal that Lydia had eloped with Mr. Wickham, his nemesis?
How could she impart the news of Lydia's downfall?
Nevertheless, she chose honesty over deception and laid it all bare.
She noticed his discomfort upon hearing about Lydia, which filled her with anxiety.
Yet, she couldn't blame him. Who would willingly associate with such a family?
As she concluded her narrative, she expected questions about Lydia, but his inquiry took her by surprise.
“I am perplexed as to why you omitted mentioning your parents. Why is that?” he inquired.
She proceeded to explain how she had gradually grown distant from her father, how she had lost her respect for him. She was uncertain about how much he comprehended, but she revealed everything. After she finished, he remained silent for some time before inquiring further about her family.
“So do you not visit your family anymore? When did you last see your parents?”
"Yes, I visit them on occasion, unlike Jane.
I read extensively, and I require books, something my father possesses in abundance.
So, I visit him to peruse his library and return with books.
After reading, I return them to get new ones.
We used to discuss the books in the past, but that connection no longer exists.
He knows he has lost my esteem, and I know he is not the father I once admired," she replied, awaiting his response.
“You mentioned that 'unlike Jane' you occasionally visit your father. I am perplexed about that statement. Didn’t Mrs. Bingley go to Longbourn anymore?” he inquired further.
Elizabeth was not certain about the exact details of what had transpired between her sister and father. She had never asked Jane about it. Nevertheless, she was willing to share whatever she knew with the gentleman seated beside her.
"Unlike me, Jane does not read books, so she does not require a librarian," she observed his smile and continued with her account.
"Jane was away on her wedding journey when I accepted Mr. Goulding’s proposal.
She was furious when she learned about it upon her return.
She knew I didn't love Mr. Goulding and was attempting to escape the stifling atmosphere of my home.
She believed a loveless marriage was not the solution to my predicament.
After failing to convince me, she went to my father, imploring him to rescue me from my mistake.
I don't know what occurred during their conversation.
I was never present, and she never disclosed it to me.
Nevertheless, from that day forward, Jane never visited Longbourn.
My parents occasionally visited Netherfield to see their grandchildren, and she spoke with them as usual.
But she never returned to Longbourn. I understand it may be hard to imagine Jane holding a grudge like that.
However, it is the case, and I never attempted to broach the subject with her. "
She gazed at the gentleman whom she loved with all her heart.
She had just laid bare many things that might lead other gentlemen to withdraw from her company.
But she had to speak the truth. There was no way she could deceive him.
When he remained silent for some time, she sensed he was reconsidering their engagement.
The last thing she desired was for him to marry her out of obligation.
In a voice that trembled with trepidation, she addressed him, "Mr. Darcy.
" He immediately looked up upon hearing her address.
"I realize I have spoken ill of myself and my family.
If you wish to reconsider our engagement, I will allow you to do so.
After all, no one else is aware of it yet.
It would shatter my heart, I know. But I don't want you to feel obligated to marry me after all I have revealed. "
She perceived the shock in his eyes, and his voice was heightened as he replied.
"Obligation? Do you think I feel obligated to marry you?
Oh, Elizabeth, you cannot imagine the torment I endured over the past seven years.
Nothing in this world could dissuade me from making you my wife.
I will look after your family as they will become mine, but only to the extent you care for them.
I want you in my life, Elizabeth. There is nothing else I desire more than that. "
He acted on his words, promptly closing the gap between them.
Their lips met for the second time that evening.
Unlike the gentle kiss before, this one was far more intense and passionate, a true manifestation of the profound love that had been brewing for far too long.
When they eventually separated, both were gasping for breath. It was he who found his voice first.
"God, Saturday can't come soon enough. I believe we ought to return inside. We are sitting in an exposed and visible spot from many parts of the house. Besides, your sister will be concerned about you."
Elizabeth concurred. It was time to rejoin the others. She knew Jane was awaiting an explanation, but before that, she had more questions to ask him.
"Just a moment, Fitzwilliam," she saw his eyes widen at her address, causing her to blush. Yet, she continued resolutely.
“Why have you not taken a spouse in these seven years? I was no longer an option, and you required an heir for Pemberley. It is somewhat disheartening to contemplate that you might have suffered alone for the remainder of your days had fortune not granted us a second opportunity,” she inquired.
“I tried, Elizabeth, truly I did. I knew that love had eluded me in this lifetime. Nevertheless, I remained cognizant of my duty and resolved to find someone who could, at the very least, become a companion to me — someone who would regard Pemberley as a responsibility and aid me in preserving its legacy. The year following Georgiana's marriage, I immersed myself in the season. Yet, after a mere month and five social gatherings, I recognized the futility of my pursuit. When I began to compare every lady with you, I acknowledged that none could occupy the space reserved for you. Had Pemberley been entailed, perhaps I might have persisted. However, Pemberley is not entailed. Georgiana’s son can inherit it after my passing. Hence, I decided enough was enough and returned to Pemberley. My hope was to educate and prepare Georgiana’s son for the eventual stewardship of Pemberley.
Regrettably, five years into her marriage, Georgiana remains without a child.
Recently, I came to the realization that I am imposing undue pressure on her.
She is already melancholic over her inability to provide a child for her husband.
Hence, I had planned to attend the next season in London.
You cannot fathom the relief I now feel that I don’t have to endure that experience again,” he replied.
"But, if you had loved me all these years, why did you avoid me during my stay here? Whenever I approached you, you immediately walked away," she had to ask this. She had endured so much suffering from his avoidance over the past month, after all.
"Oh, Elizabeth, what can I do? I was a fool not to inquire about your husband.
One day, Bingley approached me, inquiring if there was any means to dispatch a letter to Mr. Goulding to apprise him of your being stranded here.
He even mentioned your reluctance to join them on this journey because you didn't wish to part from the children.
Little did I know that Mr. Goulding is your brother, and the children are your niece and nephew.
I departed London years ago to evade any encounter with you.
That's also why I refrained from reestablishing contact with Bingley.
While I always hoped for your well-being and happiness, I couldn't bear to know about it.
I was safeguarding my heart, Elizabeth. I only just learned about your husband's passing an hour ago. "
So that is why he kept on running away. He was scared of my presence here. Poor man. How can I fault him? After all, I also wanted Charles to think about another place to stay when we were stranded in the snow.
"So, when you proposed to me, it didn't matter to you whether I might have children from my first marriage? After all, I only mentioned my niece and nephew after your proposal," Elizabeth inquired.
"Oh, Elizabeth, even if you had children in double digits from your first marriage, I wouldn't care a whit. All of them would find a home at Pemberley. And if they wished, all of them would find a father in me," Darcy replied in earnest.
Elizabeth felt a tear welling up in her eye. This was love, deep and genuine. What had she done to deserve it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was her blessing. She was destined for this man. He was her salvation.
"How did you come to learn about my status as a widow?" she inquired further.
"Aunt Catherine informed me. She was in her usual element, assertive and commanding. She even called me a fool for the first time in my memory. I had always thought that title was reserved for Richard," he replied with a laugh.
“Well, Lady Catherine has been of infinite use, which should make her happy, for she loves to be of use,” Elizabeth replied.
For the second time that evening, he burst into laughter. She silently vowed to make him laugh in such a manner at least once a day.
"I understand you have the old Lady Catherine in mind when you say that. But she has changed considerably. She is still recovering from Anne's passing. I believe her care for Mrs. Bingley was a way to make amends for her past mistakes, as she feels she did not care for Anne as a mother should."
Elizabeth was also surprised by the transformation of the once-imperious Lady Catherine. Sometimes, it takes the loss of something precious for people to reevaluate what truly matters in life.
"Yes, she was of immense assistance to Jane as well. I appreciate this changed Lady Catherine, and I don’t mind getting to know her better," she replied as they walked toward the entrance of the house.
"She will like you as well, if I am not mistaken. She always disliked those London ladies who simper and act like they care for your opinions. You were always different," he replied.
"Oh, so that is why you fell in love with me, that I didn’t simper and acted in front of you to gain your attention.
Poor Miss Bingley, rather Mrs. Elliot, had no chance with you then.
She went about it the wrong way," Elizabeth saw his countenance darken at the mention of Bingley’s sister.
It was evident that he found it difficult to forget the transgression done to them by the Bingley sisters.
"There is no way I would have offered for her. Even a compromise would not have changed my resolve. I decided early on that I would only marry for love, and you are the only woman in this world whom I can love," he replied in an earnest voice.
They were almost there at the entrance, so she refrained from kissing him right there. It was a struggle to suppress the urge, though.
Darcy
Darcy spent the entire day in a state of euphoria. The news of their betrothal had been joyfully proclaimed to all, and the stream of congratulatory wishes seemed unending.
Mrs. Reynolds was moved to tears as she embraced him, her heart brimming with happiness for her dear master. Aunt Catherine, though still somewhat imposing, offered her felicitations with a kiss upon his cheek, a sign of her approval.
Bingley, with his tender and remorseful heart, approached him to seek forgiveness for their past misunderstandings.
There was no hesitation in Darcy's heart as he readily pardoned his dear friend, welcoming him as a true brother.
Mrs. Bingley, now Jane to him, approached him and kissed his cheek in gratitude for saving her life.
She assured him that she would cherish him as a brother for all time.
Amid this joyous occasion, Darcy realized with a pang that he had yet to write to Georgiana.
He vowed to dispatch an express the following morning, urging Georgiana to travel to Pemberley without delay.
He could not imagine marrying Elizabeth without the presence of his sister.
There was also Richard, who was well acquainted with his unwavering love for Elizabeth.
Richard would be elated when he learned of his betrothal.
Though Darcy did not expect his cousin to undertake the journey, as his dear wife was in confinement after the birth of their third son.
Then there was the delicate matter concerning Lydia.
Darcy pondered why he had hesitated to reveal his role in her rescue to Elizabeth.
He had the opportunity to speak of it but withheld the truth.
For a moment, he considered informing Bingley first, allowing him to relay the information to the others, before quickly dismissing that notion.
Elizabeth deserved to hear it from him directly.
She had entrusted him with her past, and he must reciprocate with complete candour.
Georgiana would only arrive by Friday afternoon.
There was ample time to converse with Elizabeth upon his return from Matlock, where he would acquire the special licence for their upcoming marriage.