Chapter 8 - Insults #3
In any event, that was the day I first encountered Georgiana.
Upon learning that I was one of Mr. Wickham's victims, she felt an immediate connection to me.
Georgiana was the one who attended to me, nursing me through my fever during the two days of my stay at Darcy House.
Fitzwilliam initially expressed concern about her spending time with me, but her determination prevailed.
When I departed Darcy House with Colonel Forster, who was instructed to keep Fitzwilliam's involvement a secret, Georgiana approached her brother, requesting permission for us to correspond through letters after my marriage.
She argued that once I was wed, I would no longer be considered ruined.
Fitzwilliam agreed, with the condition that he or Colonel Fitzwilliam would read every communication between us.
Thus, following my marriage, I received my first letter from Georgiana, and we became friends.
Georgiana now resides approximately three miles from my home, effectively making us neighbours of sorts.
For the past five years, whenever Georgiana has journeyed to Pemberley, she has visited me en route, encouraging me to accompany her.
I have now become a regular visitor here, coming at least three times each year.
Fitzwilliam consistently pays me a visit when he comes to see Georgiana.
By the way, now you know why we named our son William.
I still recall Mama going on and on about it, berating me for naming my son after that foolish cousin of ours.
Lizzy, I have often wondered why Fitzwilliam continued to care for me even after my marriage.
He could have easily chosen to ignore me.
Instead, he elected to visit, spend time with me, and engage with my son.
I once believed it was because Georgiana had not yet borne a child, and he considered William as his nephew.
However, I now understand that he saw you through me.
He loved you through me. I was the vessel through which he felt your presence and cherished your memory.
Oh, Lizzy, never doubt for a moment how fortunate you are.
Fitzwilliam is indeed a treasure. I already consider him a brother, and now, it's official. I am overjoyed.”
Darcy
As soon as Darcy entered the front parlour, he was nearly toppled to the floor as Georgiana rushed into his arms. Behind her, he noticed Lydia. Glancing around, he discovered all of his guests, except Elizabeth.
Oh no! Where is she?
As he stood there contemplating his next course of action, Lydia approached and warmly embraced him.
In a hushed tone, she confided that she had disclosed everything to her sisters.
Jane, stepping forward, conveyed that Elizabeth awaited him in the very spot as the day prior, compelling him to excuse himself and swiftly make his way to the lake.
There was nothing more pressing to him now than speaking with Elizabeth.
Reaching the lake, he found Elizabeth seated in the same spot as the previous day. To his relief, she ran into his arms as soon as she heard his approach.
"So you are not angry with me, thank God," he expressed gratefully.
She looked up at him, appearing puzzled. "Why should I be angry with you? What have you done?"
"I should have spoken to you about Lydia yesterday. I still cannot fathom why I abstained from doing so. It weighed on my mind throughout my journey today," he replied as they both settled on a bench.
"Never mind that. I have one question, Fitzwilliam, and it has been on my heart since my conversation with Lydia. Why did you not come to me after rescuing her? Was it because of my cruel words at Hunsford?" she asked in a voice filled with trepidation.
He was surprised by her uncertainty.
"No, Elizabeth. My intention was to come to you immediately after seeing Lydia returned to your home.
However, the day before my planned departure to Hertfordshire, an express arrived from Rosings that informed me about Anne being gravely ill.
I travelled to Rosings with Georgiana the next morning, but Anne passed before we reached there.
For the next month, I remained at Rosings to mourn for Anne and to assist Richard with the transfer of the estate.
I would have travelled to Hertfordshire immediately after the month was over, had I not learned from Mrs. Collins about your betrothal to someone from your childhood," he explained.
Elizabeth
If only I had waited a month, he would have come for me. Jane was right. I was a fool to accept that proposal from Mr. Goulding. So much suffering could have been avoided.
"How did you become aware of Lydia’s elopement?" she inquired in a hushed tone, still smarting from the numerous missteps she had made seven years prior.
She observed her betrothed growing uneasy once again as he detailed the entire account of Lydia's rescue.
Elizabeth still had much to learn about her beloved.
However, she was beginning to understand that he was a very private man, one who became endearingly uncomfortable when discussing his noble deeds.
"So, how did Mr. Wickham manage to return from his exile in the Caribbean Islands?" she asked after learning the full account of Lydia’s rescue.
She was then regaled with the tale of how Mr. Wickham managed to return to England from his exile. Apparently, the rogue had succeeded in getting exiled to the wrong country.
"So that is how George Wickham became George William. I daresay he doesn’t deserve a hero’s death fighting for his country. He deserved to be executed as a criminal. So justice served on that count, at least," she replied after hearing everything about Mr. Wickham.
Evidently, there was more about Mr. Wickham that she needed to hear.
Without prompting, Fitzwilliam informed her of Mr. Wickham’s despicable attempt to seduce and elope with a fifteen-year-old Georgiana.
Elizabeth could no longer feign surprise at the devilry of the man.
After all, he had shown himself perfectly willing to take the life of an innocent boy to seek revenge against his nemesis.
Thus, eloping with a fifteen-year-old girl to gain access to her dowry seemed a significantly lesser offence in comparison.
"Fitzwilliam, I am surprised you mentioned Georgiana in front of me and Mr. Archer without any prompting," she inquired.
"Elizabeth, Georgiana is now happily married, and her husband is well acquainted with her past involving Wickham.
Furthermore, I have always placed my trust in your integrity and never hesitated to share such information with you.
In fact, I had contemplated composing a letter to you at one point, addressing the accusations you raised against me during that evening at Hunsford.
If I had written such a letter, this information would undoubtedly have been included.
Regarding Mr. Archer, I am naturally cautious around strangers, but there are two individuals whom I instinctively trusted upon first meeting. One is Bingley, and the other is Mr. Archer. I cannot precisely explain it, but that is the truth.”
Elizabeth never heard the part about Mr. Archer at all.
Her thoughts drifted back to the park lanes at Rosings, where she had anxiously waited for him the morning after his proposal all those years ago.
How she wished he had taken the initiative to pen that letter and present it to her at that moment.
No point going back there now. I deserve the life I had to endure as Mrs. Goulding, considering all I put him through.
“Oh, Fitzwilliam, what would have become of us if we had not journeyed to Hull and become stranded here? Would we ever have come to know about each other? Would we have lived our lives apart yet loving each other throughout our days?" she expressed with a sense of despair.
Darcy
Darcy had to stifle a groan at Elizabeth’s words. It was a disconcerting thought. So much might never have occurred. Had Bingley’s carriage not suffered damage, they would have advanced to Hertfordshire without anyone being the wiser.
He couldn’t help but recall his mothers’s words from her deathbed.
"True love always prevails, Elizabeth. My mother told me this, on her deathbed. Things happen for a reason. We are destined to be together. Now that we are here, let us forget all our troubles that started from the very first day of our acquaintance, including that insult that never happened."
Elizabeth's pained gaze met his, and she responded softly.
"Insults did happen, Fitzwilliam, not just once, but many times.
Mrs. Elliot insulted your honour by tarnishing your reputation in Meryton for her personal gain.
My father, Sir William Lucas, and Colonel Forster insulted your sense of duty and allegiance to society by disregarding or underestimating your warning about Mr. Wickham.
Charles insulted your friendship and loyalty by believing Mrs. Elliot's lies and distancing himself from you, even after discovering her deception in other matters.”
She paused briefly. He attempted to embrace her, but she withdrew, shaking her head.
"No, Fitzwilliam, I have more to confess. I haven't yet revealed my own mistakes. Do you know how I insulted you all these years? No, that is not correct. I insulted myself. Do you know when I first fell in love with you?"
Darcy had no immediate response. He distinctly remembered when he fell in love with her. It was the moment he first laid eyes on her at the assembly.
Evidently, she did not expect an answer.
“Fitzwilliam, don’t be surprised when I say that I fell in love with you on the very first day of our acquaintance.
I still remember you walking into the assembly hall behind Charles and his family, your head held high, your eyes soft but piercing.
You were different from all the gentlemen I witnessed before in my life.
You were regal and elegant. You stood above everyone else in the hall, in stature and in personality.
It was not because you wore expensive clothing and your lofty social standing.
It was because there was something about you that was grounded.
Something about you that was vulnerable.
Yes, Fitzwilliam, you were both intimidating and vulnerable.
You appeared as a gentleman in need of someone to care for you, and I longed to be that someone.
I couldn't tear my gaze from you. It was scary.
It was an animal attraction. I was ensnared by your spell before you even noticed me.
I was in love with you then. Yes Fitzwilliam, even before our first exchange of glances, I was in love with you.
I realize now that I wasn't merely waiting for your invitation to dance; I was hoping for so much more.
If you had proposed to me then and there, irrational as it may sound, I would have accepted.
Then came the alleged insult, and all my affection for you turned into disdain.
It wasn't the initial instance of a gentleman slighting me; I had often found myself under Jane’s shadow, overheard men comparing me with her.
Yet, I had never let it affect me before.
However, yours was different, as I was already deeply affected by you.
What did I do? I built a barrier of prejudice and kept you outside.
I denied any opportunity for you to know me, to discover my true feelings for you.
I nourished myself on falsehoods about you, spread by individuals like Mr. Wickham, as it provided a balm for the pain I felt within.
In doing so, I insulted not only you but also myself, my intelligence, which I had always held as one of my defining attributes.
I insulted my yearning for you, transforming it into an obsession against you.
You know what's even worse, Fitzwilliam?
Deep within my heart, I knew I loved you.
I only struggled against that love, never allowing it to blossom.
I reduced myself to a repugnant, irrational, and unfeeling woman when it came to you.
In doing so, I insulted not one myself but also my character and my heart.
What did you do during all this time? You remained the gentleman I had always wished you to be.
You continued to be the lover I had always hoped you would be.
You persisted in loving me, even after I married another.
Lydia confided in me about her realisation that your love for her was an extension of your love for me.
When you gazed at her, you saw me. Oh, Fitzwilliam, I am well aware that I am unworthy of you.
No, please do not speak; I must go on. It is the truth, and I must voice it.
I don’t deserve you. But I don’t care. I absolutely don’t care.
You are mine now, and I am not going to let you go.
You will be loved, Fitzwilliam. You will be suffocated with love.
There is nothing more important to me than my love for you. ”
With those words, she stood up on her toes, leaned in, and their lips met.
In that poignant moment, all the trials and tribulations they had endured over the years fade away.
Their love, though challenged by countless obstacles – insults, prejudices, misunderstandings, and heartbreaks – finally emerged victorious, its radiance illuminating their souls.
They embarked on a journey towards a future of boundless happiness and profound contentment.
It was a journey they would tread hand in hand, united by the unbreakable bond of love, just as Mrs. Anne Darcy had foreseen years before.