Chapter 14
“I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you think, Rae. I mean, you said it yourself that he’s a good guy. If you explain what happened to you, I’m sure he’ll be understanding.” Tamia reassured me while I was having a complete meltdown. I thought I had buried my past when I packed my stuff up and moved for the second time. Now, here I was, face-to-face with the one part of my past I never wanted to relive.
“Mimi, this isn’t about him being understanding. I know Dinero, and he’ll want to get to the bottom of things.”
“As he should. If the boys are his, he has a right to know.”
“But what if they aren’t?” I could barely bring myself to say the words. It was the reason I never spoke about the twins’ paternity to a soul outside of my girls. After Drake attacked me, I went into a deep depression. For weeks, I sat in my room and cried for days on end until I finally became numb. I had lost so much in life, but after losing Dinero, the emptiness inside of me grew unbearable.
I withdrew from school because I couldn’t bring myself to continue living in the same state as the two men who broke me in one way or another. My girls convinced me to take a semester off and then enroll in another school when I got ready. However, after I missed my second period, my plans were derailed. The moment the doctor confirmed my pregnancy, a dark cloud loomed over me. How could God allow this to happen after everything I’d already been through?
Tamia and Laiti held me while I cried my heart out. Arnessa ended up moving out of the apartment because of her guilt. In the beginning, I carried so much anger and animosity toward her that I avoided her at all costs. What happened to me wasn’t her fault, but my anger wouldn’t allow me to see it. Tamia and Laiti held my hand throughout my pregnancy and tried their best to keep me in good spirits. However, we all avoided the elephant in the room until after the twins were born.
I thought about an abortion, but my doctor made it clear that due to the scar tissue from my first one, I ran the risk of never being able to get pregnant again. I wanted to have children, so I decided to go along with the pregnancy regardless of who the father might have been.
I hoped they would come out looking like me because I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing Drake’s face every time I looked into my children’s eyes. God granted my wish because they came out looking as if I created them by myself. While that soothed some of my fears, it still didn’t answer the lingering question of who their father was.
Since Dinero and I had sex less than a week before my attack, it was difficult to determine my conception date. The easy solution would have been for me to test Dinero’s DNA, and I attempted to reach out to him when I first found out, but things didn’t go as planned. The night I gave birth to the twins, I planned to message Dinero, but I ended up on his social media page instead. He appeared to be at a birthday party for Dre, which wouldn’t have been a problem had he not been in the photo with Drake.
My heart shattered into a million pieces when I saw that photo, and I canceled any idea of telling him the truth. Since I never went to the police about what happened to me, there was no way Dinero would believe me because of the timing of things. Plus, Drake must have told him a different story about what happened, and he would probably have thought I was lying to save face. Then I started to think that maybe he was in on it. It sounded crazy now, but I was going through so many emotions at the time. I didn’t know who I could trust.
I heard stories where rapists were able to gain custody of their children, and I refused to co-parent with that disgusting human being. So, my solution was to raise my children without a father. It seemed like a much easier route than the truth. The truth had the potential to destroy me, and I couldn’t handle it. Over the years, I made one other attempt to reach out to him, but his response made me realize why I stayed away for so long. These were my babies, and I accepted the responsibility with open arms.
Tamia and Laiti were the only ones who knew the full truth, and they never pressed the issue. They encouraged me to move on my own time because they understood the damage I endured. Now, I needed to figure out the best way to approach this situation.
“Rae, if anyone understands what you’ve been through, it’s me. I’ve been in your corner from the very beginning. I understand why you’ve kept this to yourself, but now it’s time for a new plan. The man is going to want answers, and you’re the only person who can give them to him. I know you’re worried about whether or not Drake is their father, but be honest with yourself. What difference does it make now? You love your children regardless, and their having his DNA won’t change how you feel about them.
“Even if he were to find out about them and try to fight you for custody, you have the upper hand on him. You could ruin his life with your truth, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want the world to know what he did. Even if you can’t prove it, the implications alone could ruin his brand and cost him thousands. He wouldn’t want to take that risk.” The idea of having to interact with him in any way made my skin crawl.
Drake starred in many of my nightmares, and that was where I preferred to keep him. Every day, I regretted my decision not to go to the police, but I panicked. The public ridicule alone frightened me, as I saw what happened to women who went up against popular athletes. Mentally, I wasn’t strong enough to handle the repercussions of going after someone so well-loved in our community, especially with my past.
“I need a drink. I can’t even deal with any of this right now.” I groaned.
“Say less. I have a bottle in the car. You know, for emergency purposes, of course.” Tamia walked out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My sons were outside playing with the kids in the neighborhood, but I planned to sit down and talk with them tonight.
When I gave birth to Cashynn and Cashmir, they were so perfect their paternity was the last thing on my mind. They filled a void in me, a void I’d had since I was a child. They loved me unconditionally, and I loved them more than anything on this earth. They gave me a run from my money once they learned how to walk, but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything in this world.
Cashynn, aka Moolah, came out of the womb first, and he wouldn’t let anyone forget it. A born leader and a menace all in one. Cashmir, on the other hand, was my calm child. He stayed out of trouble and played mediator for his brother most of the time. Watching them grow over the years had been such an honor. They changed my life for the better, regardless of their origin.
As I walked into the living room, I smiled at all the awards and trophies decorating my walls and bookshelves. My boys were excelling both academically and athletically. Proud was an understatement. I never missed a single game or award ceremony. They were the bright light in a dark time, and I would always be grateful for them.
They’d asked me a few times about their father, but at the time, I didn’t know how to answer their question. I simply explained that he wouldn’t be around. There was no easy way to tell them their father was either the love of my life who broke my heart or his best friend who raped me. I shuddered just thinking about it. I wanted to run and hide from all of this, but I couldn’t escape it anymore.
Seeing Dinero brought back so many emotions I thought were buried long ago. I hadn’t loved anyone since him. I loved him, and it killed me to no longer be able to see him as the protector he once was to me.
“I’m back!” Tamia walked in with two bottles in her hands.
“Umm, friend. I thought you said you had one bottle in the car.”
“Yeah, I checked the trunk, and there were three. I might have a problem, but we’ll address that another time. Now, where are the shot glasses?” I stood back as Tamia rummaged through my cabinets. Once she found the glasses, she rinsed them out and then set them on the counter.
“Light or dark?” she asked, holding up the Don Julio in one hand and the Hennessy in the other.
“I’ll go with light. I still need to finish dinner.” I giggled. The last time I drank Henny, we were seconds away from being placed in the back of a cop car.
“You might be right about that What are we toasting to?”
“I have no idea.”
“Well, let’s toast that your sit-down with Dinero goes well, and we don’t have to jump him. Amen.” My jaw dropped, staring at my friend in disbelief.
“Tamia, please.”
“What? I thought that was a good one.” She lifted her glass, and the two of us downed our shots. Tamia sat with me while I cooked dinner. When I made the decision to move, she transferred schools with me. I begged her not to change her life for me, but she insisted that she wanted to be there for me. We shared a lot in common, as she was a foster child as well. She ended up being adopted by a family, but they sent her back because she didn’t fit in with their other kids.
Our bond grew from friends to sisters over the years, and I appreciated her more than I could ever express. The boys loved their godmother as well, and she spoiled them like they were her own. Tamia ended up changing her major from political science to nursing school. After graduation, she opened her own med spa, where she specialized in lip fillers, Botox, and weight loss injections, amongst a host of other services. I booked her for iron infusions monthly. She often booked celebrity or high-profile clients because we lived in a popular city.
I stuck to my dreams to become a physical therapist with a degree in sports medicine. I’d been blessed enough to work with professional and collegiate athletes. I loved my job, and helping my patients regain their strength and confidence encouraged me every day. The salary was more than worth it, especially when it came to my high-profile clients.
I was so proud of the both of us. We came out here and accomplished all our dreams. Her being here allowed me to have extra support for the twins over the years. Whenever I couldn’t pick them up, Tamia swooped right in and took care of them. When I walked across the stage to get my degree, I could only thank God for keeping me focused. These last thirteen years were rough for me, but being able to provide my children with the life I never had made it all worth it.
Moolah and Cash came in right as I finished up dinner. After we ate, they retreated to their own rooms. Although they had separate rooms, I often found them in each other’s. Biologically, they were fraternal twins, but most people assumed they were identical because they resembled each other so much. As their mother, I could tell them apart within seconds. However, they had gotten over on a handful of teachers over the years.
Tamia ended up passing out in the guest room, so I cleaned up the kitchen, then headed to my bedroom and turned on the water in the tub. I added some lavender bath salt before climbing in. My arms were wrapped around my legs, and memories from my past flooded my mind.
“Congratulations, Sunny. I’m proud of you, baby.” Nero showed all thirty-two teeth as he walked over to me with a giant bouquet of roses. My graduation commencement ended a few moments ago, and I still couldn’t believe I made it this far. I’d been through hell, but this moment held so much weight for me. I finally accomplished something I could be proud of.
“Thank you for coming.” I squealed, throwing my arms around his waist. I buried my head into his chest. My home. My safety net. Dinero came into my life and instantly became a lifeline for me. He motivated me to keep pushing when I wanted to give up. We would sit up for hours, quizzing each other on different subjects, and even when he left for college, he stayed on my ass. You would have thought he was much older from the way he carried himself, but I guess it came with the territory when you were forced to grow up fast.
“Where else would I be? My baby crossed the stage today. This is the only place I need to be.” Leaning down, he crashed his lips against mine. All the sparks and butterflies took over as he slid his tongue into my mouth. It had been a month since we’d made love, and I craved him like an addict fiending for their next fix. Sex carried so many negative memories for me growing up, but in a year’s time, Dinero filled my mind with nothing but good, pleasurable memories. His patience and gentleness made me want to do more to please him.
I watched videos on how to please your man because I never wanted him to feel like he needed to go somewhere else. He made me feel safe, and I wanted to hold onto that feeling forever.
“We’ve gotta chill because my dick is hard, and there are way too many kids around. Are you ready to go?”
“Yes, I’m ready. You still haven’t told me what we’re doing today.” Dinero paid for me to get my hair and makeup done, as well as buying my dress and shoes for graduation. He told me he wanted me to feel as beautiful as I was.
“All you need to do is sit pretty and let your man celebrate you. You know I’ll never put you in any position where you don’t feel safe, so you don’t have to worry about anything else. Come on.” Dinero kissed the top of my head, then grabbed my hand to take me to his car. He dropped me off earlier because he said he needed to take his car to be washed. He let me use his older Charger when he left for college, and I appreciated it. Being able to drive myself around made life so much easier.
I worried that I would be on my ass when he left, but typical Dinero made sure I had everything I needed before leaving for school. I loved him because of who he was as a person, but the way he loved and provided for me made me downright obsessed. It scared me to have someone so in tune with my needs and desires. He never asked for anything in return, and that alone let me know it was genuine, something I never experienced before.
When we pulled up to the house, I noticed a handful of cars in the driveway. It confused me because I didn’t have any family and neither did he.
“Come on, witcha scary ass,” he teased, kissing the back of my head before he stepped out of the car. By the time he opened the door for me, I noticed a head peeking out of the door. I assumed it was Tootie because she came by regularly to cook for us. Dinero held my hand as we walked toward the door.
“Don’t be nervous; I promise you’ll be fine,” Nero assured me. I trusted him, so I stepped into the house with confidence. The appearance of pink balloons and a large pink banner that read, ‘Congratulations, Charae’ were the first things I saw. Before I could ask questions, the sound of a bunch of people cheering and yelling “surprise” left me stunned.
“Congratulations, baby girl. We’re so proud of you.” Tootie stood in front of us with her arms outstretched.
I’d grown to cherish her overly affectionate nature because it filled a void in my heart. She possessed a kind and gentle spirit that reminded me so much of Dinero. Even though Roman was his biological family, Tootie behaved more like it. She never missed any of Nero’s games or any events he was a part of. She included him in her family celebrations and posted about all his accomplishments.
“What is all of this?” Most of the people here were strangers to me with a few familiar faces sprinkled in.
“It’s your graduation dinner. My best friend and I were up last night cooking up a feast for your special night. I hope you brought your appetite.” Her smile was so infectious I couldn’t help but smile right along with her. Tootie grabbed my hand and began introducing me to some of the guests. I glanced back at Dinero, and he blew me a kiss for reassurance. For the rest of the night, I laughed and enjoyed the company that showed up to celebrate me. I lost count of how many cards and gifts I received, but it was more than I’d ever gotten before. Of course, Dinero had to be extra by giving me the most.
Tootie’s family embraced me as if I was a part of their family. We ate, danced, and sang to the music blaring through the speakers until we were tired. Tootie and her friends set me down and gave me the rundown on everything I would need in my first year of college. She even gifted me a care package with enough snacks, bedding, cleaning supplies, and feminine products to last for the first two to three months.
Once the night ended, Dinero helped me carry all my gifts upstairs. I sat in the middle of my bed in amazement at the amount of money in the cards. I didn’t even know it was customary to give money to the graduates until Dinero and Dreis had their dinner together.
“This is crazy. There is over two thousand dollars here.”
“Aww, yeah. Graduation dinners are lit. It’s the reason I didn’t want you to miss out. You deserve to be celebrated.” Butterflies filled my belly as I stared up at him.
“Thank you so much, baby. You and Tootie went above and beyond for me today, and I’m so grateful.” Tears were threatening to fall, but I held it together. Dinero noticed my struggle as he walked over to kiss my lips. He stood me up so he could take my spot while I sat on his lap.
“You don’t need to thank me, baby. My job is to make you smile and celebrate you at all times so you never forget how special you are. You’ve overcome a lot of shit and never let it get in the way of your education. Now, you’re about to head off to college and make more steps toward making those dreams of yours a reality.” His lips pressed against my temple, making my insides melt.
“How did I get so lucky to have a man like you in my life?” I nestled deeper into his arms, winding down for the day.
“Ain’t no such thing as luck when it comes to us. Our love story was already written in the stars before we knew each other. You were destined to be mine, and when I make it to the NFL and win my first Super Bowl, I’m gonna dedicate my win to the only woman I’ll ever love. Charae ‘Sunny’ Sutton.” I snickered at the name he created for me. I dreamed about us being together for the long haul, but the idea of us getting married seemed like a fairy tale. I stopped believing in those a long time ago, but he made me want to believe in the impossible.
My eyes shot open, and I realized I was still in the tub. The water had turned cold, and my fingertips were wrinkly. Dinero had only been back in my life for a few seconds, and he was already infiltrating my mind and shaking things up. My only hope was that my boys wouldn’t end up hurt by the return of my past.