Chapter 34
“I feel weird going on a date when I’m carrying another man’s child,” I admitted, talking on the phone with Laiti and Tamia.
“Women do it all of the time. What are you feeling weird about? It’s not like Bryce isn’t aware of your condition,” Laiti reasoned.
“Don’t even pay her any mind, Lai. The only reason her ass feels weird is deep down, she wishes her date was her baby daddy.” She wasn’t completely wrong, but I didn’t want to admit it. Dinero had been very hands-on concerning me and the kids, but I wanted more.
“Speaking of baby daddies... Does he know you’re going on a date tonight?” Laiti inquired.
“No. Should I have told him?”
“Hmm, I don’t even know how to answer that. On one hand, I want to say it’s none of his business, but then again, you are carrying his baby.”
“I don’t think you need to tell him anything. You are going out to dinner. I could see if you were going to have sex with the man. Then I would say hell no. You don’t owe him an explanation. Besides, isn’t he engaged or something?” Laiti pointed out. Dinero refused to speak on the situation with Harper. All he kept telling me was that I needed to trust him. It was easier said than done because I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling it gave me.
“You know what? I think you should tell him. Let him know you may need him to pick the boys up from my house because you’re not sure if you’re gonna be home tonight.”
“Tamia, you’re crazy. Then he would probably try to cuss her out.”
“Which is why I’m telling her to do it. Rae, I love you so much, and you know I’m always in your corner. However, I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t keep it real with you. You’re a coward.” I jerked my head back in surprise from the harshness of her words.
“Damn, Mia. Tell her how you really feel.”
“I am. From the moment Money came back into the picture, anyone with eyes could tell he wanted you. You pushed him away because you were afraid to let your guard down with him. Now you are sitting here with a belly full of that man’s baby, talking about going on a date with a man you don’t even want to be with. Why? Because you’re too afraid to go after what you want. It’s like you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t deserve to be happy, so you self-sabotage.”
“I don’t know what to do. When we first started back fucking around, I thought it would be something casual. He was someone familiar who knew how to please my body. Then I got pregnant and found out about his engagement. I swore I would leave him alone, but I can’t. He makes me feel seen. When I’m with him, it’s like nothing else matters except us and our little family.
“Dinero has always been the one solid person I could depend on, and then he left me like everyone else. My trust is fucked up, and while I know I’ve made mistakes, too, I’m afraid to let him in. Losing him the first time almost broke me down, and I don’t ever want to feel that low again,” I reasoned.
“Money loves you, and you love him. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that. You told me out of your own mouth that he’s always been there to rescue you. He’s put you above everyone else in his life. Don’t you think it’s time for you to make some sacrifices? Open your mouth and tell that man what you want, or get ready to watch him marry someone else.”
“What if it doesn’t work? What if I pour my heart out and he rejects me?”
“Then at least you can say you laid your cards on the table.” I took their advice and decided to text Dinero. It may have been a little on the petty side, but I wanted to gauge his reaction.
Me:
Hey, are you busy?
Baby Daddy:
Not for you. What’s up?
Me:
Would you mind picking the boys up from Tamia’s house tonight?
Baby Daddy:
I can, but where are you going?
Me:
I have a date tonight, and I’m not sure what time I’ll be coming home. I don’t want Tamia to have to keep them overnight because she may have plans.
It took a few minutes for him to respond, but when he did, my heart sank.
Baby Daddy:
Alright. I’ll get them.
My chest ached from his reaction, but I guess I had to own my part in it. Had I not pushed him away, I probably wouldn’t be going through this.
“I texted him.”
“What did he say?”
“He said he’ll get them.”
“Talk to him! The two of you have already missed out on so much time. Stop holding your feelings in and be honest with him.”
“You’re right. We’ve played enough games, and I don’t want to do it anymore. I want my man back.”
“Period. Let that man know what it is.” I’d spent my entire life being cautious, and I didn’t want to live like that anymore.
“I’ll talk to y’all later. I don’t want to cancel on Bryce because he’s a really nice guy. I’m gonna go on this date and go talk to Dinero.”
“Okay, boo. Let us know how it goes.”
“Love you!”
“Love you too.”
An hour passed, and Bryce should have been here by now. I picked up my phone to text him when I noticed an incoming call from him.
“Hey, are you here?” There was silence on the other end of the line, so I pulled the phone back to make sure the call hadn’t got disconnected.
“Hey, Charae. I’m gonna take a raincheck on our dinner date.” His voice shook, causing me to grew concerned.
“Is everything alright? Did something come up?”
“Uh, yeah. I t-think you’re a really beautiful woman, but I don’t think we should see each other.”
“Did something happen?”
“N-no, I just don’t think this is a good idea anymore.”
“Oh, okay. No worries. Well, I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for letting me know.” Something felt off, but I had no idea how to address it. There were no hard feelings on my end, but it seemed very odd that he called me the way he did.
Shrugging my shoulders, I debated whether I should change my clothes. I didn’t want to let the night go to waste, but at the same time, the idea of ordering tacos and settling in my bed sounded much better. Before I could walk back up the stairs, I heard the sound of my front door opening. I was stunned to see Dinero sauntering into the house. When I checked behind him, I noticed a car speeding away. My eyebrows dipped as I tried to figure out what was going on.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to take you on a date.” He shrugged as if his statement made all the sense in the world.
“Wait, what?” I stood there, genuinely confused.
“Oh, you really thought I was gonna let you go on a date with another nigga while my baby is in your stomach? You’re crazy as hell.”
“I don’t understand. Are you the reason Bryce canceled on me?” It would have made no sense because I never told him who my date was.
“Yeah. I pulled up here as soon as you mentioned the date. I explained to the young man that there were safer options for him, and I thought it would be in his best interest if he drove away while he still had the opportunity to do so.”
“Are you insane!”
“Behind you and my kids? Absolutely. Now, are you ready to go, or do you want to order in?” Baffled didn’t even begin to describe my feelings. The man had run off my date and then had the nerve to ask if I wanted to go out with him.
“I don’t even know what to say right now. Actually, yes, I do. Before you showed up, I talked to my girls, and I realized that I’ve been making a lot of stupid decisions and wasting time that neither of us has. I’m tired of running, and I want to be happy. Like really happy.”
“What are you saying?”
“I want you. I want our family. I’ve made a lot of decisions because of fear, and it has cost us so much. You’ve been more patient than you should have been, and I’ll always appreciate it. However, I don’t want to co-parent. I don’t want to watch you and the kids take family trips together while I sit at home, staring at the pictures. I used to feel like you were too good for me, but I don’t think there is anyone who could love you the way I do. I don’t want to be loved by anyone else.”
Dinero’s eyes peered into my soul, and I wanted to know what he was thinking. I’d known him for a long time, and he’d never been the type to react to things without thinking. It used to bother me, but I understood why he did it. He was intentional about everything, and when he finally spoke, that was law.
“You didn’t have a choice.”
“What?”
“Being loved by someone else. I would never have allowed that to happen. When I told you that we needed to focus on the boys, I didn’t mean I wasn’t coming back. There were so many things happening at once, and we needed time to adjust. I sat back and realized that we fucked a lot of shit up because we failed to communicate with one another. I’ve been spending all of this time with you because you’re the only person who brings me peace. The only reason I hadn’t made my intentions clear was because I knew you wouldn’t agree to be with me with this wedding bullshit. When you told me about your date, it put a lot of things in perspective for me. I wouldn’t be able to sit back and watch another man do what I was made to do, and that’s love you.
“I don’t want to dwell on the past because nothing will give us that time back. All I want to do is make things right so you’ll never feel like you have to keep things from me, and I’ll do the same with you. ’Cause either we’re gonna be together, or it’s gonna be a lot of sleepless nights and innocent lives hanging in the balance.”
“Dinero! You were doing so good, and then you had to fuck it up.” His arms wrapped around me, and for the first time in a long time, I felt whole. I never wanted to let this feeling go.
“I meant what the fuck I said. Then you had the nerve to have that square ass nigga pull up to the house. You really didn’t care about his life at all.”
“I thought you would have calmed down with time, but I see you’re still the same crazy man you’ve always been.”
“Only for you. I haven’t gotten into a single fight since college, and then here you come, and now I’m back to pulling my guns out. I’m not the problem here. It’s really you.” He shrugged, and I ignored him, then kissed him on the lips.
“How come I didn’t get any alerts when Bryce showed up to the house?” It dawned on me that I never knew he was out there.
“I turned it off. I wasn’t sure how things would go, and I damn sure wasn’t about to incriminate myself.”
“Dinero!”
“Don’t Dinero me. I saw the way you were biting your lip. Don’t try to pretend like you don’t like that shit.” My jaw dropped when he called me out. It’d been so long since we’d been around each other like this that I almost forgot how much he knew about me.
“Whatever. Since you ruined my date, you need to feed me. I think your daughter wants steak and a loaded sweet potato.” I removed my dress since I no longer wanted to go outside. I would much rather sit in the house and relax for the weekend. Tamia texted me to inform me that my baby daddy sent her four thousand dollars to keep the boys for the weekend, so I might as well enjoy the time.
“You gon’ fuck around and be hungry taking your clothes off in front of me like this.” The hunger and desire in his eyes made me blush, but we had plenty of time for all of that.
“If you don’t feed us, you’re gonna be right outside those doors looking crazy. I don’t play about my food.”
“You know I would never let my girls go hungry. I need to get you good and full so my baby can go to sleep. I’m about to do some nasty ass shit to her mama, and I don’t want her to be awake for that.”
I covered my mouth to hide the smile on my face. Pregnancy had increased my sex drive times ten, and I needed some dick in the worst way. I thought about asking him before since he was the only person I would be able to be with anyway.
When our food arrived, we sat on the couch, talking and reminiscing about the past. I had so many regrets about the things I could have and should have done better. However, there were no regrets when it came to being with Dinero. He never liked for me to say it, but he was the biggest blessing I’d ever received outside of our kids. Being here with him brought back so many memories, and I couldn’t believe how many times he stepped up and saved the day for me. He never hesitated to defend me, and our boys had the same heart as him.
“I’m gonna have to work on Moolah’s temper before he goes to middle and high school. I don’t have time for him to be beating ass on the first week of school.”
“Don’t talk about my baby. He’ll be just fine as long as nobody messes with him.”
“Yeah, alright. You’ll be singing a different tune when you’re visiting your little baby in prison. Folks don’t fight one-on-one like they used to.”
“Well, I’m sure you’ll get him together.”
“Damn right I will.”
After we finished our dinner, Dinero wasted no time at all. He had my legs over his shoulders while he slurped and sucked my soul from my center. For the rest of the night, he declared his love for me. He promised he would fix everything and that we would be together for the long haul. Through moans of ecstasy, I vowed to be his forever and never allow anyone or anything to come between us. This was where my heart belonged, and this was where it would stay.