Jenna 4.
Andres: The woman sitting next to me keeps farting. I’m afraid the smell is getting worse. One or two farts more…and they will have no choice but to make an emergency landing and treat us all for methane gas poison.
Andres: You ever been to Nebraska? There’s corn, wheat, a football field, and a few tractors.
Andres: I am so fucking pissed at you right now, Prickles.
I’m sitting in this stuffy college conference room, talking to a player, his parents, coach, and an unofficial agent and I have a fucking hard on!
The coach offered me a donut, and my cock started drooling!
I will never, EVER, forget the sight of you covered in powdered sugar, jelly on your pretty pink nipples, your mouth full of tasty pastry.
I guarantee you that pastry didn’t taste half as good as your pussy.
I lick my lips hoping to catch a hint of it even days later.
Thank you for ruining breakfast foods and early morning meetings!
Sitting in my office chair, I slink down, my body heating as I remember our second morning together.
Yes, you read that right. My one-night stand turned into two.
And they were the most glorious two nights of my life thus far.
Never been fucked so good, so thoroughly.
He reduced me to tears, yearning, and a clawing need that throbbed between my thighs and robbed me of speech or reason.
Super Bowl, Schmuper Bowl, Andres Abbott is the MVP of my bedroom.
My pussy is demanding a repeat performance.
He left my place Monday morning and has kept up a constant stream of text messages.
I try not to encourage it, but he’s hard to resist, even over text.
This last one is the raciest by far. I’m not sure what to do with Mr. Abbott.
But it’s been less than a week, he’ll get bored soon.
Distance is a relationship killer, and we didn’t have a relationship to begin with.
He’s just riding the high of exemplary sex, like I am, and it’ll fade within a couple weeks.
He’ll meet someone else on his travels and forget all about the college cheer coach he fucked one weekend.
Whoever this bitch is, she won’t be nearly as flexible and inventive as I am, but whatever. Who cares? I don’t. Not at all.
I want to claw her imaginary eyes out!
“UGH!”
What sucks the most is that I like him. I actually, genuinely like Andres Abbott. He’s funny, smart, generous, passionate, and harmful to look at for long periods of time, like staring at the sun. The sun that fucks like a machine.
Is there solar system smut? I shake my mouse and wake up my computer, open the web browser and type in my question.
Huh. There really is a market for everything.
I’m wandering down the interplanetary and inanimate object rabbit hole, adding books to my kindle willy-nilly, when someone knocks on my door and then bursts through it like the Kool-Aid man. Oh, I found a book about him too.
“Lilly. Quite the entrance.” She curtseys then makes herself at home in one of my office chairs.
“Hypothetically,” she blows some hair out of her eyes, rests her arms on my desk and looks me in the eye imploringly, “let’s say that someone in the public eye was…oh, I don’t know…drawn and quartered then choked with their entrails—”
“What kind of public eye are we talking about?”
“Like if the public had glaucoma. Like people know they’re there, but it’s kind of hazy on if they should care about this person.”
“Proceed.” I wave her on, my hands in front of me, my fingers steepled in thought.
“Drawn, quartered, choked with entrails…do you think whoever did that to them would be convicted and if so, will you visit me in prison and bring me gems to bedazzle my orange jumpsuit?”
I consider this for a moment. “I will definitely visit you. I’ve never been in a prison before and Orange is the New Black set expectations high for the type of people currently being incarcerated. Let’s say you befriend someone like Crazy Eyes , I’m there every open visitation.”
Lilly dips her chin in acknowledgement. “Naturally.”
I lean forward, narrowing my eyes threateningly. “You start hanging out with someone like Alex or Piper , I will not smuggle in a bedazzler. I’ll drop off some glue and a bag of dick glitter and wish you the best.”
She gasps theatrically, her hand over her heart. I blink and she’s nodding her head with a thoughtful expression. “That’s fair. Those two are the literal worst. I’d try to get in good with someone like Red . A detached Russian motherly figure who can get me shit.”
“Lilly. Why are you considering medieval torture techniques and legal consequences?”
“Heacock.”
“That’s not surprising.” I sigh as I close my eyes and lean my head back. “Is this because of his ridiculous attempt at getting Prib to enter the draft again?”
“It is…and more. And we’ll get to that in a sec.
” Shit. I drop my chin down and instantly recognize my mistake because of her eager expression.
Lilly is like a dog with a bone. And while normally, I’d tell her about a date or sexscapades, neither of which happen often, I really don’t want to talk about my time with Abbott.
I joked about being bowlegged, and I was because that man is a beast, and planned on telling Lilly all about my rendezvous with a former NFL quarterback.
Inconveniently, however, as he walked to his car and drove away, I realized that I don’t want to share this with anyone.
It’s private. And special. And I’m a fucking idiot for thinking that about a man who travels the country for a living and probably has hookups in every city.
I glance at my phone, knowing the text message thread is filled with daily, sometimes hourly reminders that Abbott hasn’t forgotten me yet.
And maybe I’m holding on to the hope that he doesn’t.
So, I’m keeping it a secret. For now.
“How did you know about the conversation?”
“Brandon,” I answer without hesitation. Her salacious grin drops and she pouts, crossing her arms over her ample chest with a harumph. I chuckle at her disappointment. It shouldn’t please me so much, but eh, like Andres said, I’m an evil woman.
“Fine.” She plays the recording of the meeting Andres attended for me. My eyes so wide they are starting to dry out. “He’s got to go. I’ve got an emergency meeting with the board.”
“Good luck. They aren’t gonna budge, though. I hate to burst your righteous bubble. While grotesque, he didn’t do anything illegal or immoral on that recording.”
“Don’t be a party pooper.”
I shrug. I do feel bad, I know Heacock is a thorn in many a side on campus, but Lilly has had a hell of a time over the last few years trying to keep the damage to a minimum.
Her hands are tied, so to speak, and I hate that for her.
I hate it for the university and its students.
Those of us who care do the best we can to mitigate and shield our students as much as possible.
I think about Shaye, Lindsay, and Jillian.
Those three are awful, no redeeming qualities between them.
I can’t kick them off the squad, though.
I have no grounds, since being a bitch isn’t prohibited in the school’s by-laws.
Deciding to change the subject, I perk up.
“Hey, did you know oral sex is supposed to be pleasurable for the woman?” Lilly chokes on her own spit, coughing as she glares at me.
“I had no idea! I feel like that kind of information should be in a PSA or a The More You Know commercial. The kind of skills that should be taught when boys become men at 18 years old. Change a tire, cook pasta, hot or cold water depending on what you’re washing, and cunnilingus.
They should have to pass a test. An Oral License!
” I slap my hands on my desk and stand up as idea after idea bombard my brain. A bar-mitzvah…a Lingual-itzvah!”
Lilly’s laughter fills the room. Her head moves around as her eyes dart over every inch of my office. “Are you drunk?”
“No. Yes. I’m drunk on the disappointment of women everywhere!”