Jenna 6.
With a heavy heart, I unlock my front door and step inside.
It’s quiet. Empty. Lonely. My feet drag as I force myself to move further into the house, shedding clothing as I go.
In the shower, I don’t wait for it to warm up, just step inside and let the cold water shock my system.
I’m awake but I feel like I’m moving through a fog, like I’m sleepwalking.
Last night…there are no words. I don’t know if I will ever come to terms with what happened at the stadium.
The way Phia’s lifeless body was wheeled away on a stretcher, her boyfriend a silent sentry guarding her against further harm.
The devastation in his expression, though…
that will live with me for the rest of my days.
To love someone so completely, their very heartbeat is all you need to survive.
I don’t know if I want something like that.
In theory, it sounds magical and like every little girl’s dream.
But the pain that comes with affairs of the heart, I’m not sure I’m built for it.
I tried once, I thought I had it in my grasp, and then like smoke on the wind, it slipped through, and I lost it.
And to find out later that I never really had it at all was a blow to my ego as well as my heart.
I shake my head, ducking under the spray to clear my mind. I don’t want to think about that. I don’t want to ponder the evil that lives amongst us. I just want to wash my body, brush my teeth, get rid of my hangover, and crawl into bed for the foreseeable future.
I’m almost asleep when someone bangs on my front door loud enough to wake the fucking dead. I throw back the covers, mumbling curses all the way through my house, adjusting my tank top and sleep shorts so I’m not flashing anyone. I rip open the door, “What the fuck—Andres?”
I’m in his arms a moment later, his big body surrounding me, making me melt into his embrace. He’s warm and smells good and he’s here. I push him back and stare up at him in confusion. “Why are you here?” He rolls his eyes, pecking me quickly on the lips.
“You didn’t answer your phone.”
“Ok?” I draw out the word, still unsure why he’s here and not hundreds of miles away at home.
“Crue’s father called me last night to tell me what happened to Phia.
” He sighs, his shoulders hunched, dark circles under his eyes.
I’m an awful person. I press my face into his chest with an encouraging sound for him to continue.
“I drove in last night, but you weren’t here when I got in.
I checked into a hotel and went to the hospital this morning to visit Phia and Crue. ”
“How is she? Is she going to be ok?”
He smiles with a nod. “She is. A bit of a recovery ahead of her, but nothing she can’t handle.” He chuckles, his eyes glittering with amusement. “Nurse Crue is on the case.” He rests his head on top of mine and asks in a low, tentative voice, “Where were you last night, Prickles?”
“At Brandon’s.” I answer absently, thinking over how lucky Phia is to be alive and well. I focus on the present when Andres’ arms tighten a little too much, it’s starting to hurt. I make a noise of protest, and he apologizes and loosens his hold.
“Why…why were you at Brandon’s?”
“We were drowning our misery with alcohol, and I am feeling it today.”
“Did you two…are you…have you two ever…?” I laugh in his face, the thought ridiculous.
“NO! Never!”
“Good. That’s really good.”
“Oh?” I look up at him through my lashes. “And why is that?”
“Because I’d hate to break his pretty face for touching what’s mine.”
“I’m yours? I don’t remember agreeing to anything, let alone being asked?”
He leans down, brushing his lips along my jaw and cheek to whisper in my ear, “The minute you bumped into me in the hallway, you were mine. And my cock in your tight little pussy was the notarized seal.”
I blink several times, trying to process what he just said. “Notarized seal?”
“It sounded sexier in my head.”
“Uh huh.”
“I missed you, Jenna. And when I got that call…I wanted to be here for Phia and Crue, but so we could be there for each other. I’m so…I’m so fucking furious that something like this happened and to someone like Phia. No one deserves that, but she’s such a wonderful young lady.”
“You know she’s like 5 years younger than me,” I mutter, teasing him a little.
“Hush, Grandpa’s talking.” I laugh into his chest, my arms around his solid torso.
He’s here. He came here for them, but also for me.
He drove hours so we could be together and help each other through this.
“I needed you, baby. I needed to hold you, breathe you in, to hear your heartbeat. When I couldn’t reach you—”
“I’m so sorry. I turned my phone off after I got to Brandon’s. I wasn’t…neither of us was in a good head space. I want to say that I would have come home had I known you were here…but Brandon was…he’s taking this very hard. He couldn’t be alone last night.”
“I understand. It sucks, but I’m glad he has someone like you.
Can we comfort each other now?” he asks and I nod.
I step back out of his arms and look up at his face.
The pain is etched in every line, especially around his eyes.
Tears sting my eyes, and I leap into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. We cling to one another, his chest heaving, painful cries tearing up my throat.
It all hits me so hard, the pointlessness of it all.
What did they hope to accomplish by hurting Phia?
Killing her? None of it would have changed Crue’s decision not to play professionally.
It was unnecessary and that’s what’s so upsetting about it all. She’s suffering for nothing.
I hiccup as my tears slow. Some of the constriction in my chest loosening. Something about Andres soothes me, heals a part of myself and I’m grateful that he’s here. I lift my head from his shoulder and realize the front door is still open. “Is that…did you get the same rental car?”
“Uh, no. That’s my car.” His voice sounds odd, tentative, nervous.
I laugh, staring at the vehicle. My cheeks heat when I remember what we did in a car just like that one. “So, when you travel, you rent the same car as the one you own? Not a fan of change, huh?”
“No. I bought it after my trip here.”
I pull back to meet his eyes. There’s humor amidst the redness of his emotions. “Why?”
“Because you came in it and I didn’t want anyone else to smell you. I’m not sharing that intoxicating scent.”
“Oh my God! You neanderthal!” My forehead falls to his shoulder again, my entire body shaking with laughter.
“It’ll be our sex car.”
I snort, unable to comprehend the turn of conversation. “Our sex car?”
“Yeah, we can save our other vehicles for non-sex times, like funerals, or doctor’s appointments or if one of us is audited by the IRS.”
My heart feels lighter than it has in more than 12 hours. “I don’t know, if I’m being audited, I’m probably getting fucked.”
Andres growls, kicking the door closed and stomping into my living room. “Not by anyone but me.”
“Andres—” I try to protest, I’m not even sure why at this point. He’s not going anywhere right now, so why fight it? I’ll just need copious amounts of alcohol, Voodoo dolls, and my bestie Lilly when it falls apart.
“No, don’t.”
“You can’t make those kind of declarations—”
“I can,” he states adamantly. Fierce determination and pure lust in his tone. He’s not going to understand unless I explain it to him, and I do not have the emotional bandwidth to rehash my past.
“I don’t want to do this right now. Can’t we just sit on the couch so you can fuck the sadness right out of me?”
He sighs theatrically, like having to fuck me is such an imposition. I dig my fingers into his side and giggle when he squawks and squirms. “I can, but we’re also gonna have this conversation. I want to know why you keep me at a distance.”
I decide to be helpful and point out the obvious. “You live hundreds of miles away?”
“Don’t be cute. You know what I mean.”
“I had phone sex with you. I’ve never done that before,” I admit, knowing that’s not what he means.
“You did, and it was magnificent, but I feel it, Jenna.” He sits on my couch, positioning me to straddle his lap. His large hands cup my cheeks, his eyes pinning me in place. “You hold yourself back, you keep it surface level, and that’s not enough for me.”
“That’s all I can give you.” And even that feels too much with him. He has more power than anyone else I’ve been with. And it’ll devastate me when he inevitably leaves.
“Bullshit!” he spits out. “You are so full of passion, warmth, you have such a big heart, and I want it.”
I dig my fist into his chest over his heart and quote Indiana Jones , “Kali ma!” I chuckle lightly, but he’s not laughing. “We just met,” I remind him; it’s been literally a week.
“We did, but that doesn’t make what we have together less.
” Dammit, I know he’s right. I also know I’m being a hypocrite considering the unsolicited advice I give Lilly and Brandon all the time.
And did I not just state a few paragraphs ago that I would stop fighting this beautiful, wonderful, sexy man?
I inhale deeply, and whisper, “Ok. Not tonight. Please? It’s been a hard day.” I stand up from his lap and push my shorts and thong to the floor. Pulling my tank top over my head, I kneel between his legs and stare up at him. Naked.
He nods, his eyes nearly black, his pupils eating up the blue of his irises.
Calloused hands mold to my tits, his palms abrading my nipples, causing my back to arch instinctually.
“Such pretty pink nipples.” I moan, spreading my legs wider as I lean forward and mouth his growing erection through his dress pants.
“Fuck, Jenna.” He grips my hair and holds me to his crotch for a few seconds. “Take my clothes off.”
He stands, his demand echoing in the room, my clit pulsing to the beat.
I unbuckle his belt, his pants, and pull the zipper down while he unbuttons his dress shirt.
As he toes out of his shoes and pants, I lick a stripe up the underside of his dick, my right hand cupping his heavy sack, tugging lightly.
The muscles of his abdomen, all 8 of them, contract, his thighs trembling when I suck him into my mouth.
I moan around him, his girth and length should be intimidating but instead it makes my mouth water.
The stretch of my lips reminding me of how he stretches my pussy to accommodate him.
“I don’t want to cum in your mouth, baby.
I want your cunt.” I nod, but keep bobbing up and down, taking him deeper each time.
“Fuck, you feel good. Stop!” His hand on my jaw stops me from sucking him deep again.
“On your feet.” I stand on shaky legs, watching him intently as he rolls the condom down his cock.
Andres meets my eyes, leaning forward to press soft kisses to my stomach, my hips, and each breast. Reverently, like he’s grateful for the privilege.
I’m too raw today, it’s too much. A tear slips over my lashes and of course he notices it.
Brushing it away, he teases my body with featherlight caresses, his hands moving down to wrap around my hips.
He lifts me up and helps me into position, his cock nosing around my entrance.
His cock head is barely inside me, already a slight burn as he stretches me.
Our eyes lock and I’m not even sure how to explain it, but something changes.
It shifts. My life is no longer my own and I feel it down to my marrow.
I’m scared, yes, but my heart and my gut are urging me to trust this man.
And I do and that’s probably what scares me the most. “Don’t hurt me.
” I whisper, afraid to break the moment, but needing to say the words.
His features soften, so much affection and want in his gaze it steals my breath.
“Never,” he promises, then pushes down on my hips and lifts his pelvis to slide inside my eager pussy.
My clit throbs, my inner walls clutching his shaft, massaging his sensitive head as I welcome him deeper inside me.
Our bodies flush together, I rock back and forth slowly, a slight swivel to my hips.
We never look away. We don’t increase our pace.
We don’t race to the finish line. We move as one, sensually, erotically.
The most humbling and life-affirming moment of my entire life.
His heartbeat beneath my hand. His breaths puffing against my nipples as I ride him, taking my time, reveling in the feel of him exactly where I want him, where he belongs.
It builds; the pleasure, the intensity, the overwhelming emotion that threatens to drown me.
How quickly a life can end, how hard the world tries to take away any happiness, snuff out the light in someone’s soul.
Why am I fighting something, someone that makes me feel complete in a way I never knew I wasn’t?
Why am I aiding the world in holding me down?
I grind down harder, rolling my hips as he thrusts up.
He buries his face in my chest, and I hold the back of his head to keep him at my breast. Desperation brings our bodies closer.
We slide against each other, a sheen of sweat covering us both as our bodies climb higher and higher until his groan of ecstasy catapults me over the crest and I freefall into blissful oblivion.