Chapter 8
eight
Groaning, I turn over and open my eyes. I swear it’s like I haven’t had a wink of sleep even though I feel like my body has been lying here for hours. My body refuses to rest, though. I tossed and turned. I got up and then down.
This pregnancy is kicking my ass, and it’s not even half over yet.
I remember thinking about pregnancy when I was a child. Not seriously, but the way most little girls do. One day I’ll be a mother, and I will carry a baby in my belly too.
Everything looks rosy when you’re a child. Pregnancy is no joke.
After the emotional overload with my parents, I wanted to ask Brett to stay the night. I didn’t want to be alone after all of that, but he stormed out. I shouldn’t have made those comments about him, but they were true.
When I met Brett, he was the campus playboy, only rivaled by his teammate Clay. Or so the gossip mill said. It wasn’t hard to believe about Brett, though. He is charming and always flirts with women. He flirted with me over and over until I finally gave in one drunken night and hooked up with him.
I don’t know why, but he kept coming back, and I had no reason to deny him really. I had urges too, and he scratched them.
Still, after the argument with my parents, I needed him there but pushed him away.
My parents are all I have ever had. I can’t stand it when they are mad at me. I don’t know how to regulate my emotions like a real person. Usually I would go to the rink and work them out, but I can’t now. That left me alone last night with nothing but my thoughts, which is a dangerous thing.
Pulling myself from my room, I go through my morning routine. When I get to the kitchen, I find Ashley there.
“What are you still doing here?” I ask her.
“I have the morning off. They are doing something at the rink. Hey, I don’t mean to pry, but we are roommates, and I feel like I deserve to know. Did I hear something about a pregnancy last night?”
I wince. I had forgotten she was in her room during our dinner. She came home from the rink, took a shower, then said she was putting her headphones on to go to bed. Then Brett showed up, and I stopped worrying about Ashley and started worrying about my parents.
“Oh yeah. Um, you did.”
She waits me out. I wish she would just ask. It would make it easier.
Taking a deep breath, I give her a smile. “I’m pregnant.”
“Oh. That’s cool. With that hockey guy, Brett, right? Or is it someone else’s?”
I frown at her comment. “It’s Brett’s. I don’t sleep around.”
She holds her hands up. “No judgment if you did. I was only asking. That’s exciting, right? I mean, it sucks that it is right before an Olympic year. I guess this means you won’t be going for the gold, huh?”
I hate how her words make me feel. I have said them myself, but Brett has me believing that we can make it work. Still, her words hurt.
“I can come back after the pregnancy and work toward the Olympic team. Maybe not here at the college, but with one of the independent rinks,” I tell her.
“Oh. That’s cool. I guess my competition isn’t quite out of the game yet then,” she teases, but it feels like a jab.
“Nope. Not quite yet,” I tell her, suddenly done with this conversation.
“Well, thanks for this. If you hadn’t gotten knocked up, I wouldn’t have my shot. Wish me luck. I’m going to bring home that gold for us,” she tells me.
My face falls. Who says something like that to someone who may have lost their dream?
It’s insensitive as fuck, but Ashley doesn’t care.
“Yeah. You go get it,” I tell her. “Hey, Ash. Please don’t tell anyone about me. I’m not ready for people to know.”
“Of course not. It’s our secret.” She winks at me as she strolls out the door.
I’ve seen Ashley skate. She’s pretty good, but I don’t see her making the Olympic team, let alone going for the gold. Still, it hurts to know that she could.
Sucking up all my negative feelings, I grab my things and head downstairs. I expect Brett to be waiting. He always is before class. I want to talk with him about last night and clear the air.
When I find his spot empty, I am disappointed.
Pulling out my phone, I see I missed a text from him while I was talking with Ashley.
Brett
I won’t make it this morning. Early team meeting that I can’t miss. Please make sure to eat something. I snuck a few things in your bag. Have a wonderful day, buttercup. I’ll see you soon.
My heart sinks. I didn’t realize until this moment how much I am leaning on Brett.
He has become an immovable rock in this whole ordeal.
I wanted to talk to him about last night, but I also was looking to unload about this morning on him too.
He takes the burden off of my shoulders for a little while to give me a break.
What if I fucked all of that up?
Placing my hand on my stomach, I take a deep breath.
It’s fine. Everything is going to be fine. I have this baby, and we are going to take on the world. Even if I don’t end up making my dreams come true, it will all be worth it when our little apple is here.
I smile at the thought.
I just gave myself a Brett Woods pep talk. It doesn’t replace him, but it makes me feel like he is here with me.
Looking in my bag, I smile when I see the cereal bars I have been able to keep down.
Opening one, I take a big bite.
Everything will be okay.
I’ve been itching to go see Emery since I left last night.
I didn’t want to leave the way I did, but if I didn’t, I was going to do something stupid. Like kiss her until she forgot her own name. That wouldn’t solve anything, though. We would have sex, then she would go back to saying it was a mistake and that we can’t be together.
No. I need to be in for the long game this time.
“Great practice, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Coach calls out, releasing us to the locker rooms.
“Man, I could eat a whole cow right now,” Kellan grumbles as we filter into the room.
“With his little chicken sidekick,” Wyatt adds.
I snort but don’t say anything.
“Yeah, laugh it up. Maybe if you’d get back on the ice, you’d be as hungry as us.” Kellan gives me a knowing look.
I shake my head, moving ahead to push into the locker room.
“Let’s go get food,” Kellan says suddenly. “Yeah. A real guys’ night. We haven’t had one in a while.”
“What? Is Cora busy tonight?” I ask, joking.
“No, but still. Let’s go,” he urges.
I frown. I don’t want to go out with them.
I want to grab food and check on Emery. Even with her texting me throughout the day, I worry about her.
Especially since I missed seeing her this morning.
Seeing that text from Coach had me wondering if I could use the baby card.
I figured I needed to save it for bigger things, so I went, but I wanted to be with Emery.
“Unless you have better things to do,” Wyatt says, looking pointedly at me.
Fuck. He knows something is up with me. He has hinted as much over the past few weeks. I think he thinks it’s getting back on the ice, but I do not need them finding out about the pregnancy this way. We told her parents, so I can tell my family now, right?
“Nope. Let’s go to dinner. I got news anyway,” I tell them, turning to shut my locker.
“Cool, give us five to shower,” Kellan says.
I wait around for them to shower and get dressed then we walk over to McGraws.
It used to be our go-to spot when Beckett was stalking Peyton.
Peyton still works here, but Beckett has been drafted to Boston.
It’s only a few hours away, but we don’t get to see him much anymore.
Another reminder that things are changing.
“Well, if it isn’t my favorite troublemakers. Water for the table?” Peyton asks as she walks up to the table.
“I would suck a dick for some of those potato skin things. Loaded the way you do. Pleaseeeee,” Kellan begs.
Peyton snorts. “Whose dick you gonna suck, because that does nothing for me? Or well…yeah, no, only in books.”
I laugh. “I want to borrow some of your books, Peyton. They sound thrilling.”
She smiles. “Anytime. Maybe it will help up your game. Do you want your usual meals, or are we going to pretend you don’t know what’s on the menu?”
“Usual,” Kellan answers for us.
“Thought so. Be right back with it.”
She leaves and we chat, waiting for her to bring the water back. Once she leaves again, I turn to the guys.
“Go on, man. Tell us why you won’t get back on the ice,” Wyatt prompts, seeing the seriousness on my face.
“Yeah, man. You can talk to us,” Kellan adds.
“I’m not sure I want to be on the ice anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I love hockey, but I don’t want to be drafted.
I was never in it for the fame or money.
Next year, if I get drafted, I won’t end up in Boston.
I’ll end up in Florida or some shit, and then I will only see you guys at the holidays when we all meet at Mama James’s house. I don’t want that,” I admit.
“Okay. What do you want then?” Wyatt asks.
“Emery is pregnant.”
Kellan whistles. “I was not expecting that. How do we feel about it?”
I smile. “Fucking ecstatic.”
Kellan laughs. “Of course you are. You’re going to be the best father. I can see it now. A little Brett in hockey pads while Brett Senior coaches the team. Dude, you were made for that shit.”
My chest puffs out at his words as I perk up. “You really think so?”
“Absolutely. You’ve been helping coach us since your injury, and you are doing amazing. You’ll kill the whole kid thing.” Kellan nods.
“I think so too,” Wyatt adds. “I’m really happy for you, man. I knew something was going on, but I didn’t consider this an option. We know how you feel, but how is Emery doing?”
I love that about Wyatt. He cares about all of us and the people we love. When he first noticed Emery was a thing for me, I saw the way he would pay attention to her when she was around. He showed her the same love and care that he does Cora, Peyton, and Grace.
Like she’s already my girl.
I guess in a way she is now.
“She’s good. I try to meet her with a decaf tea every morning. She has been sick quite a bit, but I’m trying to get her foods that won’t upset her stomach. I know she’s disappointed about having to give up skating for now, but I’m trying to convince her this isn’t the end,” I tell them.
“Good. You let us know if we can help in any way. If I need to deliver her tea, I’ll do it.
Kellan can make sure she gets to class when you are in class since his schedule is a little more open.
Grace, Peyton, and Cora can chip in too.
You know they will want to. We got your back, brother. ” Wyatt gives me a small nod.
“I know. I love you guys for that. I’m not sure she is even ready for people to know yet, but we told her parents, so I feel it’s fair my family knows too.
It’s such a delicate situation. Like she’s pregnant with my kid, but we aren’t a couple.
She lets me do some things for her, but then she pushes me away.
I feel like I can’t win with her sometimes. ” I run my hand through my hair.
Kellan snorts. “You can never win with women, but we love them anyway.”
Wyatt shoots him a glare. “Listen, Brett. This is scary for you even if you are excited, but you didn’t really have anything change in your life the same way as she did.
She had to give up something she loves. Skating means a lot to her.
We can all see it. Now her body is changing, she doesn’t feel good by the sounds of it, and she is probably scared to death to be a mother.
I think you need to give her a little leeway.
Be there for her as the father of the child, and if you are meant to be together, it will work itself out. ”
“When did you become the wise one? I’ve never even seen you with a woman,” I tease him.
“No, but I’ve watched all you idiots with yours, so I’ve learned a thing or two. That baby is our priority right now, which means keeping Emery safe, healthy, and happy too. So we do that and let the chips fall where they may.”
I smile at him. “You sound like the coach now.”
He winks at me. “Well, I learned from the best.”
“Thanks, guys. I needed this.”
“Always,” they both say at the same time.
As our food comes, I look at my little found family. They might not be blood, but they are mine.
That’s all that matters.