15. February 5, Saturday #2
“It’s…something,” Zoey hedged. “I keep thinking about the version of me a kid would see. Whether that version is someone I’d want them to copy.
” Her mouth twisted. “Right now, this version stress-eats Nutella and lets my ex-husband’s press blurbs live rent-free in her head.
So, maybe not. I’m trying to get back on track.
Feel more like my old self. Pulling a ‘Stella.’”
Thea snorted, short and inelegant. It made Zoey oddly fond of her.
A flicker of something—recognition?—crossed Thea’s face.
“Plus,” Zoey rushed on, words tumbling faster than her feet, “I haven’t worked out consistently since the Stone Age.
And now that I work in sports, every time I’m around the players or staff, I feel like this…
” She gestured down her body without flinging herself off the treadmill.
…soft, frumpy extra in the background. The person you crop out of a photo because they ruin the vibe. ”
She swallowed. That part still caught her off guard.
She hadn’t felt it this sharply until Nina’s careful, corporate-soft comment about perception weeks ago.
Zoey couldn’t remember the rest of the conversation.
Just the aftertaste—the implication she didn’t project health, didn’t look in control.
Somewhere along the line, her brain translated that into: You’re embarrassing. You don’t get to take up space here.
“So if other people think I look unhealthy,” she rushed, “the foster people definitely will. Dating’s a joke.
And my therapist-friend-roommate keeps saying I should work out for me, not anyone else, even though…
” She cut herself off, briefly picturing the catastrophic physics of tripping and launching off the treadmill.
Anything to shove the words back down. But they stayed—humid, raw, embarrassing.
Thea whistled low. “That’s a lot of shitty assumptions for a first date.”
Zoey almost stumbled. “I…sorry. That was…intense. You don’t know me. I promise I’m not usually this unhinged.”
Her stride faltered. Was that even true anymore?
“Oh, no worries.” Thea waved away Zoey’s rambling apology. “I’m nosey. Occupational hazard. I opened the door and invited you in. It’s all good.”
“Yay for being neighborly,” Zoey muttered.
Thea’s lips curved. Her eyes mostly tracked the numbers ticking on her display, fingers tapping in a staccato rhythm, but her attention felt…
present. “Okay,” Thea said. “Before we even get into men—which is honestly the least interesting part of this—you’re taking every fear you have and treating it like hard evidence. ”
Zoey opened her mouth.
“You feel out of place here,” Thea went on.
“At work. In your body. Around men. So now everything gets filtered through that. One comment sticks. One bad feeling sticks. Suddenly it all means something bigger.” She glanced over, quick and matter-of-fact.
“That’s not always reality. Sometimes it’s just your brain being an asshole. ”
Zoey slowed to a walk.
Thea absently adjusted her ponytail and gave Zoey a small smile.
“And for what it’s worth, you’re also doing that thing women do where anything that isn’t thin automatically becomes bad.
” She tipped her head. “You don’t look unhealthy.
You look like someone who used to feel strong, got knocked out of the habit, and misses that version of herself. ”
Zoey’s throat tightened. Damn it.
“My body defaults lean,” Thea added, flicking two fingers at herself. “That’s not virtue. It’s just my body. Yours looks different. Different is not the same thing as wrong.” Her gaze dropped briefly, assessing without cruelty. “You look solid. Like if you trained again, it’d come back fast.”
Zoey swallowed.
“And health isn’t just a look.” Thea shrugged lightly. “It’s whether you can show up for your life. Keep going. Recover when things get ugly.” A beat. “From where I’m standing, you’re doing that part already.”
The treadmill hummed beneath Zoey’s feet. Steady. Unforgiving.
“Now,” Thea added dryly, “attraction is a separate conversation. And you’re also very wrong about that. But one existential crisis at a time.”
Zoey took a swig from her water. “Thank God for small miracles.”
“But for the record,” Thea went on, “there is no one acceptable female body type. Trust me. I spend my life around players, trainers, front office dudes. I’ve seen more badly hidden crushes than I can count—minus, apparently, my own guy’s—and if there’s one constant, it’s that their tastes are all over the map. ”
Zoey thought of the attention Kayla drew when she walked across the bar and snorted.
“Easy for you to say,” Zoey muttered. “When you look like…” She flapped a hand at Thea’s whole person. “That.”
“Enh,” Thea said noncommittally. “You’re seeing the highlight reel.
Gym face, cute clothes, good lighting. You didn’t see me last week, eating cold pizza on my apartment floor in a ratty hoodie, ugly-crying into tissues because I finally finished A Tale of Two Cities.
Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. You practice it.”
Zoey eyed her skeptically. “Not buyin’ it.”
Thea nudged her treadmill speed up a notch, still breathing easy. “You don’t wake up one day able to squat your own bodyweight. You start with the bar. You might feel stupid. You might feel weak. You do it anyway. Confidence is the same. Flirting, too.”
Zoey nearly flew off the back.
“I…I don’t flirt,” she stammered. “I mean, I tried last night, but I complimented a man’s ice cube, so the universe and I agreed that’s not a viable life skill I possess.”
Thea choked on a laugh. “Oh my God, that was you?”
“Wait, what!”
“Jason texted my boyfriend about it,” Thea admitted, grinning.
Bobby.
Relief hit so fast Zoey almost laughed. Thea was still with Bobby. Phew!
“I panicked,” Zoey admitted, mortified, heat flooding her neck. “My brain bailed. Left my mouth unsupervised.”
“It’s fine,” Thea claimed. “You’re rusty. Flirting’s just another muscle. Theoretically. You haven’t used it in a while; it’s going to cramp.”
“I haven’t used it in a decade,” Zoey muttered. “And even then, mostly spilling drinks while Mitch thought it was cute.”
She didn’t think about Ilya, college-aged, broad-shouldered and quietly stepping around her spills, frequently handing her napkins without a word.
Thea’s fingers drummed faster. “You want to feel sexy again?”