Chapter 25
Hunter
Why didn’t I lie? Why did I have to tell him I sleep naked?
There he was trying to bond us, and I had to ruin it.
Not that there’s necessarily anything sexual about sleeping naked, but who am I kidding?
This is me we’re talking about. Just the thought of it sends a rush of heat through me.
My mind is racing with images: stripping down in front of Max, sliding under the covers, turning over in my sleep and pressing into him.
There’s no way I can lie next to Max in bed and be normal about it.
But I have to try. We managed to share a bathroom the other day. I can do this.
I’m convinced Max knows exactly what I’m thinking, but luckily he’s focused on Mr Peanut’s first night alone, fussing with his bed under the kitchen table, coaxing and soothing him.
I worry I’m incapable of walking naked across the room in front of Max without getting turned on, so I decide to get ahead of the problem by getting into bed first. I head into the bedroom, slip off my clothes, and jump under the covers.
I pull a random book from the shelf, as if Max is going to believe I have a sudden interest in The Complete Works of Shackerley Marmion.
I switch it for my phone and scroll aimlessly, absorbing nothing.
This is my worst acting performance in a while.
Moments later, Max enters. Neither of us says a word. He drops his trousers and gets into bed in a Snoopy T-shirt and boxer briefs. Damn, he looks adorable.
‘Should I turn out the light?’ I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.
‘Do whatever you normally do,’ says Max.
‘Cool. Night.’
I turn out the light and roll onto my side.
I really didn’t think this through. I can’t do what I normally do, the thing I’ve done every night since I was fourteen.
Even if I waited until Max was asleep, it would feel wrong, because I know what I’d be thinking about: the man lying inches away from me.
God, what I would do to him if given the chance.
Sliding down those briefs and pleasuring him every way I know how until he was ready to take me.
My breath quickens at the thought of it.
I could go to the bathroom to knock one out, but I’d better wait until Max is asleep.
I roll onto my back to check and see that he’s wide awake, staring at the ceiling.
‘Are you OK?’ I ask.
Max hesitates. ‘I’m fine.’
But he seems to want to say something. I wait.
‘It just feels weird,’ Max says eventually. ‘I got Mr Peanut a few weeks after my mum died. He’s been a bit of a comfort blanket.’
I feel a rush of guilt. Here I am having dirty thoughts while this is what’s on his mind.
‘Oh my god, Max. You should go sleep with him.’
‘No,’ says Max firmly. ‘Thank you, but no. I want to do this. It’s good for me.’
I feel so grateful that he would share this with me. I’m no longer thinking about wanting to fuck him. I’m seeing the boy who lost his mum and has been searching for comfort ever since.
‘Do you want me to hold you until you fall asleep?’ I ask.
Max looks a little surprised, and I guess I am too. Rafferty never liked to cuddle, but with Max, it just feels right. He pauses, then smiles.
‘Actually, yes,’ he says. ‘I’d love that.’