Chapter 48
Hunter
This doesn’t feel real. I keep grabbing hold of the train seat to prove to myself it’s not a dream. But no, I really am on the tube, on my way to see Max.
When they released me, nobody explained a thing. I’m not sure if they’d been kept in the dark or were mad they weren’t going to get to deport me. They just dropped me in arrivals as if I’d stepped straight off a flight. I couldn’t get out my phone and call Max fast enough.
He wanted to meet halfway so he could see me at the first possible moment. But I didn’t want to meet at a random tube station. I want to get home. I need to be behind a locked door, before I can feel safe. Max agreed to wait for me there.
Even as I hurtle towards him, I’m convinced this isn’t going to work out. Every time the train stops, I’m scared that officers are going to get on board and rearrest me. But station by station, we edge closer. Eventually, I arrive at Kennington.
I walk back from the station, passing my favorite pub and the house of the neighbor who keeps a golf cart in her front garden. She could be keeping a unicorn there today and I wouldn’t notice.
All that matters is reaching Max.
I arrive home and put my key in the lock. I let myself in and close the door behind me. Even now, I’m half-expecting Janet and Malcolm to emerge from a cupboard.
I call out for Max.
No response.
I feel a jolt of panic. Then I look down and see a trail of cherry blossom leading along the hallway and out into the garden.
My heart starts to race.
I follow the trail outside.
The garden is more beautiful than ever, dipped in the long afternoon light and fragrant with honeysuckle. I see Mr Peanut first, lying outstretched on the grass. Then, seated on the bench under the pear tree, there he is.
It feels like a glitch, like my brain needs a few beats to catch up, to believe that it’s really him getting up and stepping towards me.
But no, it’s him.
It’s Max.
Before I can say a word, he’s in my arms, crashing against me so hard it knocks the air out of my lungs. Technically, you’d call it a hug. But it feels more like being stitched back together.
The unmistakable physical reality of Max.
The scratch of his hair against my cheek, the heat of his chest pressed to mine, the weight of him, solid and unshakable.
I want to cling to him forever, but I pull back to look at his face and prove to myself that it’s really him.
He looks the same – messy, exhausted, beautiful.
But everything is different, because for a moment I was truly scared we’d been separated.
And now, impossibly, here we are.
‘Was the blossom too much?’ Max asks, blushing.
I smile. ‘Glad you found a use for it.’
Max shrugs. ‘Had to kill the time somehow.’ He raises a hand and brushes my cheek. ‘You’re here. I can’t believe it.’
But as he smiles at me, I feel a pang that causes me to pull back.
We’re reunited, yes. But for how long?
‘Hey,’ I say. ‘Congratulations on the job.’
‘Thanks.’
Max holds my gaze. ‘I turned it down.’
I can’t have heard that right. ‘Wait, what?’
‘I don’t want the job. It’s not for me.’
He explains his reasoning. At first, I almost don’t want to believe it, scared it’s too good to be true. But the more he talks, the more sense he makes. He has changed. This job isn’t right for him. Which means . . .
‘You’re staying in London?’
Max bursts into a grin. ‘I am if you are.’
Me and Max. Max and me. Here. Together.
I thought I knew the depth of my feeling towards him, but now that I know there are no obstacles standing in our way, my heart is so full that it’s impossible to keep it to myself.
‘Max,’ I say. ‘There’s something I need to tell you.’
I reach into my pocket.
‘What’s that?’ Max asks, frowning.
‘I wrote it when they detained me.’
Max smiles at me in amazement. ‘You wrote me a letter from jail?’
I laugh. ‘Kind of.’
I clear my throat.
‘“Every day with you, I discover new layers. When we first met, I sensed a beautiful innocence that I wanted to protect. As I got to know you, I saw that it wasn’t just innocence, but a willful naivety. You’ve looked darkness in the face, and chosen light.”’
Max smiles, charmed but a little shy.
‘“That day on the train, when you allowed me to relive my lowest moments, I knew you were something special. But even then, I couldn’t see how we could be together. We made a deal, and we stuck to it. We never once tried to convince the other to switch sides.”’
On hearing this, Max looks sweetly proud of us. If I keep looking at him, I might not be able to get to the end.
‘“I once read that Joan Didion and her husband walked around Central Park every morning. They didn’t always walk together, because they liked different routes, but they would always find their way back to each other by the end of the walk.”’
I bite hard to hold in my tears, remembering the place I was in when I wrote this.
‘“I don’t know if we will find our way back to each other. But I’ll always be grateful we gave each other that freedom.”’
I drop the piece of paper and look up at him. ‘Guess we found a way.’
Then we can’t help ourselves, throwing our arms around each other tighter than we ever have and letting the tears flow. I could stay like this forever, but after a while I pull back and look into his eyes.
‘I love you, Max.’
Max blinks in surprise, then his eyes lock on mine, intense and soft at once. ‘Damn.’
‘What?’ I whisper.
‘I wanted to be the first.’
‘The first what?’
Max adopts that innocent smile that makes my heart do backflips. ‘What do you think? Hunter . . . I love you too.’
The world tilts. I stumble a little. It feels magical and yet so simple.
He loves me. I love him. Somehow, we’ve found each other.
I stand soaking up this beautiful reality, still in disbelief. Then I feel my phone vibrate. It’s a text from Doily, checking I’ve made it home.
‘Oh my god,’ I say, suddenly remembering. ‘My meeting.’
With everything else that’s been going on, I completely forgot what I was flying home for. But Max smiles.
‘Don’t worry,’ he says. ‘Doily spoke to the people at the Globe.’
I look at him in intrigue. ‘And?’
Max pulls a mischievous grin.
‘You might want to sit down.’