Chapter Eight
Harley
L ater that night, Ryker steals me away to his room claiming he hasn’t had enough time with me and it’s his turn for the night.
I’ve never been in here before. I’ve only seen Grayson’s room, which is neat and tidy, but Ryker’s is a bit more of a mess. His bed is unmade, and he has a laundry basket of clothes overflowing, but what really catches my attention is what sits under his window.
Letting out a breath, I walk over to it and gently run my fingers over the keys. It’s not a normal piano; it’s a smaller keyboard on a stand with a little bench in front of it. But it’s still the first one I have seen in a while.
Arms wrap around my waist from behind as Ryker rests his chin on shoulder. “Do you want to play?” he murmurs softly.
I shake my head. “No, I—”
I don’t know how to explain why I can’t play right now, so I just continue to gently run my fingers over the keys but don’t press down on any of them.
The sound of my mom’s laughter, singing, humming, the melodies we would play, the times when she would leave my bedroom door open if I had a nightmare and sit at the piano playing song after song until I fell asleep…
All those good memories fade, and all I can see is Tammy’s face. Her yelling at me to win . To play my best and win the money or else. The way I could feel her eyes drilling holes into the back of my head as I played.
She made me take the class when I started at school because she wanted to use my skills to her benefit. It feels ruined now.
Ryker spins me around and tips my chin up to meet his eyes. “Talk to me, little flame.”
Exhaling, I start to explain my thoughts to him and by the time I’m done, my cheeks heat with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, it’s ridiculous I know. Don’t worry about it.”
Ryker narrows his eyes and pulls me with him to his bed. Sitting down on the edge of it, he has me stand between his legs and grips my hips.
“Don’t say sorry for telling me how you feel about something. Ever. I want every thought in your head. Every. Single. Thought. If I could connect our minds, I would because I want to know everything you are thinking and feeling. It’s okay to not be ready to play again yet. But listen to me when I tell you, she can’t take those happy memories away from you.
“Yes, she used it to get what she wanted, but all those memories with your mom will overpower what she did, and I will help you get there whenever you’re ready, understand?”
I nod, and silent tears roll down my cheeks. Gripping the back of my neck, Ryker pulls my head down to him and kisses my tears away before pressing his lips against mine. I melt against him and raise my knees to rest on either side of his thighs.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he mumbles against my lips.
We get ready for bed with me stealing one of Ryker’s shirts to sleep in. Crawling under the covers, Ryker pulls me against him and kisses my forehead.
“Part of me wants you in my clothes at all times but also not because every time I see you wearing something that is mine, all the blood in my body rushes to my cock,” he groans playfully.
Snorting, I snuggle down against him, throwing one leg over his waist and enjoying the comfort he brings me, the comfort they all bring me, especially when it comes to taking away my nightmares. Or so I thought.
My hands are zip-tied to the headrest above my head in the old, beat-up truck. David drives causally, like he doesn’t have a care in the world that Cade is fucking passed out in the back or I’m tied up in the front.
He lights a cigarette and cracks his window to flick the ashes out. He puffs smoke out of his mouth on a sigh, and a creepy smile stretches across his face.
“Your mama was the best, kid. Never gave me any issues. When she finally became mine, she didn’t fight for long. It only took a few good hits before she was submitting beautifully for me. Her screams those first few times I claimed her sweet pussy were music to my ears. There is nothing better in this world than tearing up a ripe, young pussy while she screams, cries, and begs for me to stop. It only turns me on more.” He groans and adjusts himself with one hand.
Breathing through my nose, I try to keep my mind blank. Don’t think about it. Don’t listen. Focus on anything else. The trees we pass as we drive farther away from the beach, the smell of the cigarette and some kind of oil from the truck…
Distracting my mind from his words doesn’t work when he opens his mouth again.
“But you, you won’t be that easy, will you? It makes me wonder how you ended up being Lilian’s daughter when you are nothing like her. She was weak. Let men take advantage of her. You are stronger.”
He takes another drag of his cigarette before he continues.
“That just will make it so much more fun to break you. The reward of seeing you broken and crumbling at my feet begging for my cock will be a glorious day. I wonder how loud you’ll scream. Will you cry for me? You may try to stay strong at first, but I will eventually break you down until you are nothing but my worthless little whore.”
He hums to himself and reaches toward the radio, turning it up to listen to some old country station.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I chant in my head, Don’t respond. Don’t fucking respond. It’s what he wants. He wants you to yell and fight with him. To cuss and scream. Don’t do it.
“Your mama was my girl for years. Always did what I wanted and got rewarded with my cock every time.” He lets out a throaty laugh before frowning. “But then my fucking daughter had to go and get herself in trouble at the club and the only way out of it was by giving them something they wanted.”
I clench my jaw so hard I feel my molars grind. It takes everything in me not to scream at him to shut up. I don’t want to hear any of this. I can’t—I can’t picture my mom that way.
The pain in my chest intensifies, making it harder to breathe. It feels like someone is laying boulders on my body, crushing me. And I suppose he is, just mentally.
Mentally crushing my soul. Shattering my good memories into a thousand pieces.
“I obviously couldn’t give them my daughter, so I had to send Lilian to them.”
Fucking cunt , I want to scream at him, but I bite the inside of my cheek, holding it in.
“When the club was run by a real fucking president, Killer,”—Gabriel’s dad—“we had all sorts of fun spots in the club. One of my personal favorites was the X-cross. Spread her out standing up and let anyone do whatever they wanted when walking by. Her screams and tears made my dick rock-hard, so of course, I’d have to still use her tight little pussy when I’d take her home at night.
“No matter how many men used her for their own enjoyment, she was still tight as a virgin every time,” he says wistfully.
Bile rises in my throat, and as much as I try not to, I can’t avoid imagining my mom in these situations. Being terrified out of her mind and in so much pain.
She suffered at his hands for fucking years and years. That was her life and yet she still did everything in her power to protect me and give me as good of a childhood as she could. If I could go back in time and hug her again and remind her how much I love her and appreciate her, I would. Even if I was a brat half the time growing up because I didn’t understand why she took the precautions that she did.
David finishes his cigarette silently, but my hope that he is done is short-lived as he pulls up to a dirty, decrepit warehouse in the middle of nowhere. I don’t even know if we are still in Jacksonville.
A bald man with dirty-blond hair comes out the door and walks up to the window on David’s side of the truck. He shoots me a crooked smirk before looking at David. “Grab the kid in the back and put him in her room. We’ll deal with him later,” David sneers in disgust.
“No,” I whisper, not meaning for the word to come out.
Twisting my wrists, I attempt to pull them out of the zip-ties or break them off of the headrest, but it’s a waste of energy to even try with the angle my hands are at above my head.
David’s head whips towards me, a snarl twisting his features. “So hearing all the things I did to your mama doesn’t get you worked up, but talking about that fucking kid does? She finally speaks for him?”
He reaches over and roughly squeezes my cheeks together, yanking my face towards his.
“The only man you should even be thinking about is me. Try anything to save him and I will slit his throat right in front of you and fuck you in his blood. Maybe I’ll fuck you first while he watches and then slit his throat.” He grins slowly.
To the best of my ability, I attempt to spit in his face even with him squeezing my cheeks to the point of tears forming in my eyes. His grin grows wider, and he doesn’t even bother to wipe my saliva off his face as he releases me and slowly runs his hand down the front of my throat, between my breasts, and continues down until he cups my pussy through my jeans and leans in closer to whisper in my ear.
I turn my head as far away from him as I can get and keep myself perfectly still. The sound of my racing heartbeat thrashes in my ears, and a small whimper slips past my lips before I can stop it. My terror overpowers any strength I was attempting to show until now.
Hearing the whimper, David groans. “This pussy is mine, little girl. Spit on me, yell at me, do whatever you want. All it will do is turn me on even more. It might even be mine in more ways than one.”
He breathes in my ear as he gets even closer until I can feel his lips against the shell of my ear. My breaths come rapidly, until I’m hyperventilating with no way to stop it.
“Did I tell you the best part, sweet little Harley? Rage wasn’t the only one who fucked her then. When she was home around having to be at the club, I was still getting my fill any chance I got. So the real question is, who is your daddy? Rage? Or me?”
His cackle slowly fades…
Gasping, I jolt up in the bed, blinking my eyes rapidly and wiping away the tears that are dripping down my cheeks. It’s just a dream. Just a dream, I tell myself, yet I know it’s a lie.
It’s far from a dream or even a nightmare. It’s real. It did happen, and now I don’t know if his words will ever leave my mind.
Glancing next to me, Ryker is passed out on his stomach sound asleep. Trying not to wake him, I slip out of the bed and walk over to his dresser, snagging a pair of his sweats. I have to roll the waistband and tie them as tight as I can get them, but it’s better than no pants.
As quietly as I can, I sneak out of his room and head downstairs. The clock in the kitchen reads 3 a.m. which means I got a whopping two hours of sleep. Heading out the back door, I take a seat on the bottom step of the porch and run my toes through the damp grass.
Glancing up at the sky, you can see the stars because of how far out of town the compound is. The quiet is peaceful and soothing, but at the same time it makes my skin crawl and chest squeeze painfully because all I can hear in my head is my mom.
Screaming in pain as her innocence is ripped away from her at such a young age… begging for it to stop… never getting help until the day she saved herself.
I can’t even imagine the horrors she had to face, but looking at her for the thirteen years she raised me, you would have never known she had suffered her entire childhood. She stayed strong for me. For our family.
A heart-wrenching scream rings in my mind with the sound of David groaning and cackling following. Slamming my hands over my ears, I lean my head forward in between my knees and take deep breaths. I count to ten and then exhale. Repeat. Over and over again until I feel like I can drag a full breath of air into my lungs.
Sitting up straight again, I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, letting the tears fall.
I just want to see her one more time. I want to hug her and tell her how fucking sorry I am. I want to take all her pain away. She didn’t deserve it. She was so sweet and kind to everyone.
I never understood why she didn’t date when I was growing up. I remember asking her why she didn’t have a boyfriend, and she always just said I was the most important part of her life and all that mattered.
Now I understand why she never dated.
“Harley?” someone questions from behind me. I glance back and watch Gabriel come down the few steps and take a seat next to me. “Are you okay? What are you doing out here?”
I raise a brow at him. “What are you doing out here? Why aren’t you sleeping?”
He grimaces. “I was working, and time got away from me. I was coming out to head over to the house and grab a shower before going back. Now you, what’s going on? Why have you been crying?” he asks genuinely.
Taking a deep breath, I look away from him and out at the tree line across the large yard. An easy lie forms in my head, Just feeling bad about what happened to Cade. It’s not really a lie, though, I feel awful, but that isn’t what the current issue is.
No matter how hard I try to let the lie fall from my lips and be done with the conversation, I don’t.
Instead, I open my mouth and let the truth out. The truth I thought I would suffer through alone for the rest of my life. Something deep inside me pushes me to not suffer it alone. To let him help me carry this pain.
I tell him everything. Every single word David said, how I felt, the terror when he touched me. The way I can still feel the warmth of his hand.
How I fought myself to remain quiet. To not scream at him.
Tears stream freely down my face, and when Gabriel wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close, I don’t fight it. For once, I take comfort in him. Leaning my head against his shoulder, I keep going. I let it all out.
“I have felt that hopelessness before. It’s not the first time. But there was something different this time… It’s like he was tainting all the good memories I have of my mom. The hopelessness this time was feeling like I was failing everyone here. That I wouldn’t be able to help Cade. That my demons would win and drag me down to hell. David was winning because that hopelessness was slowly taking me over.”
I gasp out a breath, and Gabriel squeezes my shoulder, pulling me tighter against him.
“Then Cade woke up and dragged me out of it by my hair, and I was—I was ashamed. That it was so easy to let myself fall back to that place. How will I ever face Tammy or help destroy this trafficking shit if something so small knocks me back ten steps?”
Allowing my fears to rise to the surface for once in a long time, I openly sob against him as he holds me silently.
By the time my eyes dry up and I am just sniffling, the embarrassment starts setting in. Weak, Harley. You are so fucking weak. He is going to think you are pathetic.
“There is one thing that I have learned over the years about pain and trauma. Nothing tops something else. Your trauma isn’t worse than mine, and mine isn’t worse than yours. Why? Because every person’s life experiences are different. The way we feel things, the way we were raised to see the world, all of those little things factor into how your trauma will affect you.
“Maybe you’ll walk away and be able to brush it off easily and move on. Or maybe you have to let it consume you for a while before you can truly move forward.”
He sighs and presses a kiss to the top of my head before pulling away so he can look in my eyes.
“The same thing applies to yourself. You cannot compare one trauma to another. They are different. You weren’t the same person when you experienced the shit with David than when you were with Tammy. Did you actually let him win? Because I don’t see him sitting here, breathing. I see you. I didn’t see you on the floor with a bullet wound to the leg, I saw him on the floor while you were holding the gun.”
His gaze softens and I see the pain and fury behind his eyes.
“The shit he said about being your father? It’s not true. When—” he hesitates, “When everything was happening back then and your mom was at the club, she was under Killer’s rule. He got to decide everything that happened to her. David was trying to fuck with you. Killer didn’t let anyone—” He shakes his head, disgust on his face. “No one until me. I promise you that.”
He’s quiet for a moment before he continues.
“You could have never prepared yourself for the things he said to you. Never. You didn’t let it truly take you over. You fought him silently by not giving in to what you knew he wanted from you. Your screams, your pleas, your tears. You stayed silent. Do you know how hard that is? I could not have done that. I would’ve let my anger take over much too easily.
“When Cade brought you out of your head, you know what makes you different from others? Myself included?” he presses.
I shake my head, biting the inside of my cheek in an attempt to keep myself from crying again.
“You came out of your head and fought back to get you guys out of there. I can honestly tell you that when I have been in some situations where I was consumed by my demons, I didn’t come out of them to focus on the main goal and deal with it later. But you did. That is tremendous strength. That, my warrior, is your mom. She was the strongest person I knew, and now you stand right there beside her. The way you both can keep going, not only just breathing, but smiling, trusting, fighting back.
“There is nothing more powerful than a woman who has learned how to fight for herself. And that doesn’t mean you never have moments like these where you need to break. That means that in the end, you get up again. You don’t give up.”
I sniffle, wiping my nose. “Mom never had weak moments. Never. She was always so happy and brave. She never showed any fear or signs of how badly her past had affected her or the fact–the fact that I must have been a walking reminder of every bad thing that happened to her,” I whisper.
“No, Harley, I know your mom had her moments of doubt, of being terrified, of breaking down and crying for hours. But…” he hesitates, taking my hand in his and squeezing it gently. “She had to do it alone. She didn’t have anyone to help her through it. Yet she still got back up every time. Why? Because of you. And not because you were a reminder of the past.
“I can tell you that with one hundred percent certainty. It’s because you are a light in this very dark world. Even now after everything you have survived, you are still a bright light in a dark room. Someday, I hope you will see that in yourself and believe me when I tell you.”
A few tears escape as I look up at him. “She was all alone,” I murmur. He nods, and a single tear falls down his cheek. “I want revenge in any way we can have it. I want to know that I did something to make up for—I don’t even quite know, but I need to feel like I helped my mom. I need to feel like I won for myself too. I want every single person involved to suffer,” I say vehemently, staring into his dark eyes.
He nods and wraps an arm around me, holding onto me tightly. “We will destroy them all, together.”