Chapter Seventeen
Harley
G rayson and I sit together holding onto each other for a few more minutes before we both get up and leave the room.
When we got home and Gabe immediately pulled us into the kitchen where a few of the others were, he filled us in. Hearing that Tammy came here, that they all saw her and talked to her, scared the shit out of me.
I didn’t really know how to process it. I feel like I’ve always been mentally preparing for her to show up eventually, and I’m kind of glad I wasn’t here. I don’t know if I’m ready to face her yet, even though I’m sure that day is coming sooner rather than later.
Everyone had kept talking around me, but I didn’t hear them as my heart ached to see Grayson. I felt like he would put me at ease and make it not feel so terrifying. He did that and so much more.
I didn’t even realize my fear at the time wasn’t truly about Tammy. It was about everyone else falling into her trap like Grayson said.
As we walk into the main room, Nerds pulls Grayson away with him to talk about something. I can hear everyone still chatting in the kitchen, but I feel kind of raw emotionally, so I don’t join them. Instead, I find myself heading upstairs and directly into Ryker’s room.
Sitting down at the small piano bench, my fingers brush over the keys, but I don’t press any. I just want everything to fade away and play until my heart doesn’t hurt so much.
But what if when I do press these keys, and the notes sound in the room, all I will think of is Tammy screaming at me? Of playing in a room full of people terrified to have so many eyes on me? Feeling Tabby’s angry gaze burn into my face?
I quickly pull my fingers away from the keys, like they might scorch my skin. Sighing, I turn on the bench preparing to leave, knowing this isn’t going to happen today, but I freeze when I see Ryker sitting on the edge of his bed watching me.
“Tammy does not exist in this room. Your mom does. Her voice as she teaches you, her singing as you play, her matching your notes. You and her laughing. That’s what is in this room. Don’t let she who shall not be named anymore into this room. You have the power to keep her out. And if you find that you can’t yet, I’ll do it for you. But you won’t know until you turn your pretty ass back around and play something.”
After talking with Grayson, my emotions were scattered, and now it feels like my heart is beating outside of my chest. The guys know how to break down my walls and make me feel in ways I didn’t think was possible anymore.
Facing the piano again, I let my eyes fall shut and exhale slowly. You can do this. Placing my fingers on the keys, muscle memory takes over as I begin to play a piece I remember my mom always playing. The piano Ryker has is electric, which isn't what I'm used to playing on, but the same mellow tune flows out as my fingers glide across the keys.
With my eyes shut, I can see my mom's beautiful smile as she dances around the piano in our home, her hair flowing around as she listens to me play. She sings along to the melody I'm playing and eventually pulls me away from the piano, continuing to sing as she makes me dance with her until we break into a fit of giggles.
The pain in my chest is open and visceral as my fingers falter on the keys. Tears flow freely down my cheeks as a heart-wrenching sob breaks free from my chest.
Arms wrap around my waist and lift me off the piano bench before spinning me around. Ryker sits on the bench and pulls me down onto his lap. My legs wrap around him while I cling to his shoulders and tuck my face in the crook of his neck, sobbing.
He holds onto me tightly, running his hands up and down my back as he murmurs in my ear, "It's alright. Let it out now, Harley. Feel everything you've kept locked away in order to protect yourself. Your heart is safe now.”
Seconds or minutes pass as Ryker continues to comfort me and allow me to feel everything I truly haven't allowed myself to feel.
His hands stop moving along my back before he pulls them away and scoots forward slightly, in reach of the piano keys. Exhaling slowly, Ryker turns his head and places a soft kiss on my cheek.
A small gasp falls from my lips when he begins playing the piano. As the tears continue to silently track down my cheeks, I let my eyes fall shut and listen to the song he plays.
I don't recognize the piece, but he plays with passion. His emotions are raw and open as he sways us slightly. The rhythm becomes repetitive as the tempo picks up speed. My heart beats faster as the same intense feeling the piano brought my mom and I rises—a mix of love, joy, comfort, and safety.
The difference now is that this is also dark and light. Beautiful and broken. Ryker pulls our souls out of our chests and weaves them together through each note.
Sitting up straight, I watch the pained expression on his face through his pinched lips and his eyes that are squeezed shut. As his fingers slowly play the final notes, he breathes deeply and rests his forehead against mine.
“How do you feel?” he asks quietly, slowly opening his eyes to scan my face.
My hands that are resting on his shoulders move up to the back of his neck, and my fingers run through his hair. “Good. I mean, for playing the piano. It wasn’t about her. It was just feeling lost in my memories of my mom and letting myself actually feel how painful it is knowing I will never play with her again. She’ll never see me as I am now, or ten years from now. She’ll never know you guys. She will only ever know me as the bratty thirteen-year-old.”
Ryker pulls his head back slightly and cups my face between his hands as he smiles softly at me. “She still loved that little bratty Harley. I bet she loved every single moment of you being the biggest shithead of a child because she knew that you were getting the childhood she didn’t get to have. You got to be you and cause problems and be a kid.
“She loved it. And you may never get to see her again now as an adult, but I’d like to believe that she still keeps watch over you in some way. She sees you, Harley.”
Taking that in, I nod and gently kiss his lips, which he quickly takes over and deepens, stealing my breath away. He doesn’t push for more; he just silently tells me that he’s here for me.
When he pulls back, I glance back at the piano and then look at him again, raising a brow. “I knew you could play, but I’ll admit I didn’t expect you to play that well. I thought you just did it because it was your easy A class and you had to have some kind of arts credit?”
Ryker chuckles. “That’s true. But I was a huge troublemaker at the time. I think I spent more time in detention than I did in classes for a while there. Until I started piano class and had Mr. B as my teacher. Do you remember him?” he asks, and I nod. “He didn’t let me get away with shit during class. I don’t know if you remember, but when you joined our class, I was the only one sitting alone, and that wasn’t by choice.
“Mr. B quickly moved me to my own piano after I kept fucking with other students. Then he would push me really hard to learn more and be better. I may have hated school, but when someone challenged me, you bet your ass I was going to succeed. I think he saw how that actually worked, so he formed a bond with me. Anytime I got detention, he made sure to get me to his class for it, and he’d have me learn new pieces. Then he told me I could come to his class whenever I wanted to. It really helped after a while. I didn’t really realize it at first because he did it so subtly, but he got me to calm my mind and push myself through the piano.”
“That’s amazing. I’m glad you had him. He seemed like a good teacher from the few classes I got to take with him,” I beam at him.
“He really was.” His smile turns mischievous. “You know, I was coming up here to get you because Rage wanted everyone to have dinner together tonight. He ordered a fuck ton of pizza for us all. We should probably go downstairs.”
Letting out a laugh, I stand up from his lap and watch him readjust himself in his jeans. Slowly raising my eyes to his, I attempt not to smirk.
“Don’t look at me like that. I know you were having a moment and were all sad and shit, but I can’t control him around you. Your fine ass was on my lap. It’s your fault,” he grumbles and takes my hand, pulling me from the room while mumbling about hurrying up before he just locks the door.
I just laugh and shake my head at him.
Gabriel called the guys and I into the tech room where he, Colton, Noah, Nerds, Axe, and Stone are waiting. As soon as the door shuts behind us, I know something is not right. “What’s going on?” I ask, eyeing all of them.
“Tammy hasn’t left her house since she came here,” Noah says right away.
It’s been three days since she showed up at the club, and I knew that they were keeping an eye on her house, but I chose to not be involved with that because I wasn’t sure if I could handle watching her for hours on end or really knowing about everything she does.
So Ryker, Grayson, and I have been helping with watching the warehouse in shifts and continuing to document every little movement anyone makes there. While Cade has been helping the others keep watch at Tammy’s house.
“What about Richard and Tabby?” Ryker asks.
“Tabby came home a few hours after Tammy had returned home from being here. And since then, no one has left. We have kept eyes on the house, but it seems like no one is even there,” Nerds replies.
“How could they have just disappeared with people watching the house? They have to be inside, right?” I tilt my head in confusion, glancing at Gabe.
He shakes his head at me. “Because we don’t have a lot of people to keep a rotation going, there have been times when no one was watching them, but the tracker is still on the car, and the car hasn’t moved at all.”
“Everyone is stretching themselves thin, and we need to bring the entire club in on all of this,” Nerds says, shooting Gabe a meaningful look.
Gabe sighs and opens his mouth to respond, but Grayson talks first. “I finished going through everyone in the club late last night. I have all the information for you to review, but everyone checks out. I don’t think we have anything to worry about with anyone in our club right now.”
Grayson told us the other day that he was checking out everyone involved in the club to make Gabe feel better about bringing them in on everything that is going on.
I think Gabe still carries a lot of guilt about Daniel and Connor, so his way to make up for that is to be extremely cautious, but with how things are going right now, we have to let others help. Even if it’s fucking terrifying.
Gabe breathes through his nose before nodding. “I’ll go through it tonight and then hold church this week. In the meantime,”—he locks eyes with me—“we are going to go check out Tammy’s house. See if anyone is there. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to be left out of that or not. Either way, we need Ryker’s help since he has snuck in there before already.” Gabe shoots an annoyed look at Ryker, who just shrugs in response.
“Don’t give me that look when you now need me to do it again. It’s coming in handy.” He smirks at everyone.
“Anyway,” Colton jumps in before anyone can start arguing about Ryker’s very stupid choices he has made in the past. “Harley, what do you want to do?”
Taking a deep breath, I decide it’s finally time to face this part of my past that I can’t hide from forever. “I’ll go.”
Gabe opens his mouth to speak, but then he pauses, seeming to collect his thoughts as he watches me hesitantly. He eventually sighs and nods. “We’ll go tonight after it gets dark. When we get there, a few of us will go up to the windows and check for any movement. If we find none, then we will send Ryker in to check the house, and if no one is there, let us in.”
Everyone is in agreement, and we all go our separate ways besides Gabe, Nerds, and Grayson, who plan to talk about everyone in the club. Walking into the main room, an antsy feeling settles in my bones. I feel like I’m going to be restless until tonight and not know what to do.
Stone walks into the room and stops when he sees me standing there. Feeling a little uncomfortable, I say, “I, uh, don’t know what to do to keep my mind settled until tonight.” I wince.
Stone nods and gestures towards the hall where the basement stairs are. “Some of us are training. Come join us. Maybe you can help the girls out.”
Raising a brow, I shrug. “Alright.” I’m already in gym clothes seeing as it’s what I tend to wear most days, so I follow Stone right down to the gym where we find Raven, Presley, Axe, and Noah.
“Coming to join us, princess?” Noah asks with a grin.
I nod, and Stone says, “She should show the girls a few things. Maybe they’ll pick it up better from her.”
Raven cocks a brow at Stone. “I can defend myself just fine, thank you.”
Faster than I can blink, Stone is in front of Raven, gripping her neck and thrusting her down on her back against the mats in the middle of the gym. He doesn’t say a word; he just stares at her with a barely-there smirk.
Raven groans. “That doesn’t count because all it does is fucking turn me on when you manhandle me.”
A choked laugh comes out of me while Presley just shakes her head and covers her face with her hands, and everyone else rolls their eyes.
Stone jumps to his feet and pulls Raven up with him. He then turns towards me, and I can clearly see the silent question on his face. I nod, and he immediately comes at me with the same exact move he did to Raven, planning to throw me onto the mats.
I block his hand and sidestep him before spinning around and kicking him directly in the ribs. He grunts but remains on his feet. When he goes to attack again, I can faintly hear Axe talking to Presley and Raven about what I’m doing, but I block out his voice to focus on Stone.
I’ve trained and sparred with most of the guys now, but not Stone, and I have a feeling he holds nothing back. Good. I prefer it that way.
Stone makes a move to grab my arm, but I’m luckily quick on my feet and dodge out of the way. I don’t realize that Stone is just as swift; my mistake. And he gets behind me, wrapping his arm around my neck putting me in a chokehold.
I breathe deeply and focus on getting out of the hold, not letting any panic in.
Swinging my elbow back, I attempt to jab him in the ribs, but he jumps out of the way while still keeping a hold on my neck. I bring my foot up to slam it down on top of his, but he kicks out my leg that is still on the ground, causing me to lose my balance so he can easily throw me down onto my back.
Landing with a grunt, I take a second to catch my breath, not used to getting caught off guard so easily. The noise in the room comes whooshing back in, and I realize that Ryker has joined us now and isn’t happy.