Chapter 13 #2
Even though it was Sunday, Bess’s Place was still open.
Miners came into San Francisco on the weekends to spend all the money they made in the goldfields throughout the week.
I hated watching these young men, some of them fathers and husbands, wasting all their hard work on gambling, drinking, and women.
Even the meals they ate at Bess’s Place were exorbitantly priced and would use up all their earnings.
“Where is Sam?” Father asked as he flipped flapjacks while Paddy and I served plates of food to the guests.
“I don’t know.” I didn’t bother to tell him about Jim’s visit that morning. He’d already been concerned when Hazel had told him about the man who broke into our room the night before.
“I—I look.” Paddy opened the back door and scanned the yard, shaking his head. When he turned back to the kitchen, he simply shrugged.
“I could have done that, Paddy,” Father said with a chuckle.
Paddy offered one of his rare smiles, though half of his face remained paralyzed.
What had happened to cause such damage? And what kind of man was Paddy before?
Sam said that he and Bess had been in a relationship, but he hadn’t elaborated.
Had their relationship continued after Paddy was harmed?
Or had Bess taken him in out of pity and responsibility?
I remembered her tenderness toward him that first morning as she had served him breakfast. It didn’t seem romantic, more protective and nurturing.
Cole had seemed to love Bess, and given the information Spencer had told me about the book Cole wrote, it sounded like he and Bess had been close. Had Sam’s anger toward Cole been misplaced? Or was Cole’s book a fictional story, influenced by real people?
There were still so many unanswered questions.
As the morning wore on, my concern about Sam grew. He had never been gone this long, especially without telling us where he went. I hoped and prayed he hadn’t had another confrontation with Jim.
We finished serving breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen, and then I took off my apron. “We’re going to church,” I said to the children.
Hazel made a face. “Johnnie and I don’t want to go to church.”
“Why not?” I asked as I smoothed back my hair.
“You have to stay quiet in church. We don’t like that.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “I don’t think that will be a problem for Johnnie.”
Johnnie’s eyes lit up with humor, and he put his hand on his lips as the faintest giggle escaped.
The sound was so pure and unexpected that Hazel, Father, Paddy, and I stared at him—and then we began to laugh.
Johnnie’s laughter joined ours, and it was so sweet. Tears gathered in my eyes as I watched him.
The door opened, and Sam entered, his curious frown slipping around the room until his gaze fell on Johnnie and his lips parted in surprise—and then joy.
He crossed the kitchen and lifted Johnnie into his arms, a grin spreading across his face.
The little boy’s laughter died down as he became serious again.
“Don’t stop,” Sam said, shaking his head. “Don’t ever stop, Johnnie.”
Johnnie hugged Sam’s neck, their cheeks pressed together, and his gaze landed on Hazel.
She was still grinning, which made Johnnie smile.
“What was all that about?” Sam asked as he turned to me.
I wiped the tears from my eyes. “I told the children I’m taking them to church.”
Sam’s joy disappeared as his shoulders stiffened. “Why?”
His response made me grow serious. “Because church is good for our souls. We need fellowship with other believers and to hear the Word of God.”
“I can’t stop you from going, but I don’t want Johnnie at church.”
I put my hands on my hips, tired and frustrated and surprised after what I’d heard Sam say during Bess’s burial. “Why?”
“Because it’s no place for people like us.”
“On the contrary,” Father said as he stood and put his hand on Sam’s back, “church is for everyone.”
“Not criminals.”
“Johnnie’s not a criminal,” I reminded him. “And if church isn’t for criminals, then who is it for? Jesus didn’t come for those who were perfect, because they don’t exist. He came for the sinner—people just like you and me.”
“That might be true,” Sam said, “but there’s no church in Sydney Town, and I’ve seen the way people look down on us from other parts of the city. They wouldn’t let us in the building.”
“I think you’re wrong.” My gaze didn’t waver. I decided to say the one thing I thought he might like to hear, but it cost me dearly to say it, because it made me vulnerable. “Even if no one else wants you there, I want you to come, Sam.”
It was the first time I’d used his given name.
He studied me for several seconds, and I couldn’t read his emotions. Finally, he said, “I’ll go for you.”
Father watched me from behind Sam, and his jaw tightened just enough for me to notice. His warning returned to me, and I had to wonder if he was right. Was Sam developing feelings for me?
“I want you to go for you and Johnnie,” I said, not wanting to be the reason he did anything. I turned to Paddy. “Will you come?”
Paddy glanced from me to Sam, a question in his eyes.
“You can stay here and watch the place,” Sam said.
That seemed to relieve Paddy as he nodded and left the kitchen before I could stop him.
“Do you think you can walk there?” I asked Father.
“I’ll do my best.”
I had heard about a church on the other end of Montgomery Street, which was at the foot of the hills and wouldn’t require any climbing. It was still a distance, but we had time.
As we left the building, we gained attention from those in Sydney Town, and I realized how much we looked like a family with Hazel and Johnnie skipping ahead.
“You go on at your own pace,” Father said as he motioned us forward. “I don’t want to keep you waiting. I’ll catch up when I’m able.”
I knew better than to argue. He could be stubborn at times.
As we walked with the children ahead and Father behind, Sam and I had a little privacy. He had told me he wouldn’t go to the Yuba River, but I wasn’t convinced that was his final answer.
I could be stubborn, too.
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?”
“For giving Johnnie a reason to laugh again.”
Hazel held Johnnie’s hand as she talked incessantly. The little boy watched her closely, almost in awe of her.
“Hazel deserves your appreciation.”
“All of you have my gratitude.” He glanced behind us and then said, “Your father has opened Johnnie’s imagination, Hazel has opened his world, and you have opened his heart. I see the way he watches all of you. You’ve been a breath of fresh air for him—and for me.”
I nodded and smiled, but I didn’t want to let him know how much his words meant to me.
I couldn’t, because I was afraid if I did, I would encourage him.
And though I was attracted to Sam, I couldn’t trust him.
His past was riddled with complications and questions—and more than that, I couldn’t risk my future.
The Annals of San Francisco was never far from my mind. What if it was true? What if I was meant to fall in love with Sam Kendal and marry him? But then that meant I was also supposed to die in a fire, and that seemed just as preposterous.
It would be better not to encourage Sam.
The street was littered with men, some standing upright, others leaning against buildings and door frames, and still others who had seemingly passed out and were left right where they’d fallen.
A group of night workers sashayed past, women I had never seen before.
They stared at me as I tried to avert my gaze.
“Where did you go this morning?” I asked Sam. “You usually tell us.”
He was quiet for a moment as we continued down Montgomery Street, then said, “The less you know, the better.”
He’d said the same thing earlier when I asked him about Rose. I looked at him quickly, and he met my gaze, offering a slight nod. I didn’t need to ask him again. He’d been helping her.
At least, that’s what he claimed. And I suddenly realized I had no reason to mistrust Sam. He’d never lied to me or done anything, to my knowledge, to harm me.
We walked slowly. I kept one eye on the children and another on Father, who stopped often to take a breath.
“I’m sorry for leaving abruptly,” he said, kicking a rock with the toe of his boot, squinting into the distance. “Money isn’t a subject I like to talk about.”
“I’ve realized that.”
He was quiet for a moment and then let out a breath.
“My father was the president of Barclay’s Bank in London, and he lived and served it his entire life.
My mother, brother, and I were appendices in his life, and he often let us know that we were not essential.
On the contrary, I often felt like a bother.
He looked upon his mistress with more worth and value. ”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s why I’ve always struggled with the love of money.” He shook his head. “I know it is important and necessary, but there’s so much more to life.”
“You sound like my father.”
“He’s a wise man.”
I smiled, agreeing wholeheartedly. “I know money isn’t everything, but it’s still very important.
” I glanced back and saw that Father was quite a ways behind us and Hazel and Johnnie had stopped at a public well to take a sip of water.
Sam and I paused, too. “I don’t know if I will be here past November,” I told him in a quiet voice.
“And I need to make sure Father and Hazel have everything they need. It’s the only reason I risked our lives coming here, and I would hate to know that Father suffered for no reason.
I have knowledge about the gold strike, and I want to use it to help them. Is that wrong?”
Sam lifted his hand to his neck and rubbed it as he looked past me. “I don’t know—”
“I’m not chasing it for the love of money, or even for riches or material gain. I’m doing it to ensure my family is safe. But I can’t do it alone.”
He briefly closed his eyes and lowered his hand, as if in defeat. “Will I regret this, Ally?”