Chapter 23
San Francisco, California
We were supposed to be at the church by ten.
I woke up that morning at the San Francisco Hotel, sleeping on a large bed next to Hazel in a second-floor room that Sam and several laborers had enclosed the day before.
There were four rooms walled in—one for Father, one for the children, one for Paddy, and one that was meant for Sam and me.
I lay for a moment looking out the window that did not yet have glass, staring at the back of a large wooden building that faced Jackson Street. The sun hadn’t risen, but the darkness was fading. There was a chill to the air, though I was warm under the quilt.
It was a little quieter up on the hill, and the sound of birds could be heard twittering in the distance while the shouts of men from a nearby saloon broke the relative silence.
It was comforting to be on the second floor and inside wooden walls, instead of canvas ones.
Once the glass was put in place, which would happen after the wedding, the hotel would be fully enclosed.
Hazel was still asleep on her side next to me, her hands clasped under her rosy cheek.
She was so young and innocent and deserved the best future I could possibly give her.
Motherless, and in a chaotic and dangerous town, she was already facing hardships that other children didn’t have to face.
Father was right; it wouldn’t be long before society caught up to San Francisco and the Victorian era would usher in a whole new set of principles and standards.
The last thing I wanted to do was saddle Hazel with a questionable name and family.
Protecting our family’s reputation had driven Sam and me to get married, but I wasn’t angry or disappointed. I wanted to be Sam Kendal’s wife, more than I’d ever wanted anything before.
I turned onto my back and stared at the rough boards of the ceiling.
Sam had been in such a good mood yesterday, his excitement hardly contained as he worked on the hotel.
Every time I was with him, my heart pounded hard with anticipation and happiness—yet, I couldn’t allow myself to fully embrace our wedding plans knowing we had less than a month left together.
How much harder would it be to say good-bye to him after we had spent time as man and wife?
My heart cried out to God, not even sure what to pray for.
I had never had a normal existence and knew that my twenty-fifth birthday would be the hardest day of my life, but nothing had prepared me for this.
I tried to keep busy to forget what was coming, but it was getting harder to ignore my reality.
I wanted to hope and believe that I could have everything my heart desired, but I knew I would have to sacrifice something.
I just wasn’t sure what it would be yet.
Add to that my disappointment about the gold and how Spencer had tricked me into going to the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, and my heart was heavier than it should be on my wedding day.
The only good that had come from it was that my feelings for Spencer were no longer complicated.
I cared about him and wished him well, but I had no desire to see him again.
Today was about Sam. I wanted to make it as special as I could for him, and that meant leaving all my troubles behind, at least for today.
Stepping out of the large bed that had been built inside the room, I felt like a new woman. The night before, I’d enjoyed a hip bath and washed my hair for the first time in weeks. Now I put on my nicest dress, which I had taken out of my trunk the night before and hung up to let the wrinkles out.
I spent a little extra time getting ready and looked at my reflection in a large mirror that Sam had somehow procured for me.
I didn’t even want to know how much money he had paid for it, since almost every luxury cost an astronomical fee in San Francisco.
But it was nice to have, and I wouldn’t deny him his pleasure in giving it to me.
When I left the room, Sam was just exiting the bedroom that would become ours tonight. He and Johnnie had slept there the past two nights, but Johnnie would move into Hazel’s room once we were married.
It was dim in the upstairs hallway, though there was enough light for me to see the smile on Sam’s handsome face.
“Good morning,” he said as he gently closed the bedroom door behind him.
My pulse picked up speed, and butterflies filled my stomach at the sight of him.
It wasn’t just his good looks or kindness that drew me to him.
He was intelligent and strong and more loyal than any other person I’d ever met.
I had not spent a lot of time dreaming about the man I might marry someday because I had never been certain of which path I would choose.
But if I had dreamed, Sam would have been the man that filled my heart with hope.
“Good morning.” I also closed my door, then met him in the middle of the hall.
He took one of my hands and kissed it. “Do you know what my first thought was this morning?”
Shaking my head, I searched his gaze, loving the way he looked at me.
“You.”
I smiled.
“And the fact that tomorrow,” he said, drawing me into his arms, “when I wake up, you’ll be lying next to me.”
He kissed me then, and everything inside of me melted as I clung to him.
“I don’t want this to ever end, Ally,” he whispered as he moved his kisses to my neck. “Why would God allow us to fall in love and not let us have more time?”
My heart ached at the longing in his voice. Was it right to give him hope? I hadn’t wanted to disappoint him more, but I couldn’t bear to hear his pain.
“There might be a way.”
He immediately stopped kissing me and pulled back. “How?”
“Let’s go downstairs, where we can have a little privacy.”
Taking my hand, he led me down the wide staircase and into the room that would become the front hall of the hotel. It was a little cooler on the main floor, so we went into the kitchen.
“I’ll start a fire,” he said, “and then we can talk.”
I went to the rough-hewn table encircled by three-legged stools and took a seat, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake. Sam already knew more than he should, but we were starting a life together, and I needed to trust him with everything.
He worked quickly and then closed the firebox, before taking the seat next to me. “What is it, Ally?”
“I wasn’t sure I should tell you. I don’t want to get your hopes up only to disappoint you all over again.”
“I don’t want us to keep things from each other. Good or bad. You shouldn’t have to shoulder anything alone. Whether we hope together or mourn together, I want to do it as one.”
“I love you, Sam.”
“I love you, too. I am choosing to believe that God has a purpose for all of this.” Pain and frustration strained his voice as he took my hand into his. “Though I can’t fathom what it might be.”
I couldn’t begin to fathom it, either.
“There might be a way,” I said, “but we’re trying to find someone who can tell us if it would work.” I explained Papa’s suggestion and that Grace and Maggie had already told us they didn’t know the answer, but we were waiting to hear what Hope and the Howletts had to say.
Sam was pensive as he listened, and then he let out a long breath.
“Let’s decide to hope. To believe that God will make a way where there seems to be none.
” He gently squeezed my hand. “And if we learn otherwise, we’ll face the disappointment later.
” He straightened and said, “Let’s get married and not think or worry about the rest of it for now. ”
I nodded and blinked away my tears, trying to smile.
Our wedding was small but heartfelt in the little canvas church on Montgomery Street. Reverend Green performed the ceremony, and Father, Hazel, Paddy, Johnnie, and Mrs. Green bore witness to our vows.
Sam faced me and took my hands in his. He was wearing a new suit, and he and Johnnie had visited the barber right after breakfast. Both were sporting new haircuts, and Sam’s beard had been trimmed close to his face.
The scar in his eyebrow rarely drew my attention anymore, nor did the M branded into his thumb.
They told a different story than the one I’d first imagined and were the very reasons I’d fallen in love with him.
He didn’t talk about the scars on his back, but I knew they also had a story to tell. One I hoped I would learn in time.
Reverend Green said, “Samuel Robert Kendal, do you promise to love Ally Jean Adams, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her as long as you both shall live?”
Sam’s loving gaze found mine as he nodded. “I do.”
My heart felt like it might burst from joy and sorrow as Reverend Green asked me the same question.
“I do,” I whispered, my voice weak with emotion.
“The ring seals the vows of marriage and represents a promise for eternal and everlasting love,” Reverend Green said.
“Samuel, repeat after me. I, Samuel Robert Kendal, take thee, Ally Jean Adams, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish forever, according to God’s holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge thee my troth. ”
Sam repeated the reverend’s words and slipped a solid gold band on my finger.
“I hope you don’t mind,” he said after it was on my hand. “I had our first nugget melted and turned into a ring.”
“Our gold?” I asked, admiring it.
“From our little bit of heaven on the Yuba River.”
I ran my thumb along the smooth metal, marveling that I had fallen in love with Sam right where the gold had been found and it was now on my finger as a constant reminder of his love, sacrifice, and devotion.
It was my turn to repeat after Reverend Green, and since it wasn’t customary for men to wear wedding bands, I had none to put on his finger.