Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Axel
Jade is a dead weight in my arms, her head lolling, her golden hair spreading and swirling in the water like she’s a mermaid.
I’m half-sobbing as I pull her onto my board, lying partly on her as I try to steer us straight, keeping us out of the rip.
The wind is howling now, cold rain lashing my back, salt water stinging my eyes as I angle us back towards shore.
Please, I pray, as the ocean bucks and heaves beneath me. Please. You’ve already taken someone I love. Please let me keep her.
As though it hears me, a wave comes up behind us, lifting the back of the board, surging forwards and taking us towards the shore. One sacrifice is enough, I think, as I catch another wave, coasting forwards until I can stand, floating my board in.
But Jade is so cold, so still. I can’t bear the thought of it.
Of those green eyes closed forever, of her satin skin, so warm and soft, now cold as marble.
Forget the fucking hotel, the island. Forget all of it.
Jade came into my life like a storm breaking, jolting me out of a prison of my own making.
I owe her so much. And I cannot lose her to another storm.
I push the board up the sand, my breath catching as I stumble and fall to my knees next to her.
Jade is sprawled across the board, unmoving.
I feel for a pulse at her throat, but it’s cold, my fingers sliding on her skin.
I put the heel of my hand on her chest, pushing down, sharply.
Then I put my lips to hers, tilting her head back carefully, opening the airway so I can breathe into her.
I repeat the process, feeling as though my own chest is cracking open, as though I’d give her my own heart if I could, only to get her breathing again.
Terror roils inside me, like a beast. I can’t set it free, can’t let panic take over.
All I can do is repeat what I’m doing, over and over again, as though my very life isn’t lying cold beneath my hands.
Then she coughs, her body convulsing. Water dribbles from her mouth, her eyelids flickering. I roll her carefully onto her side, rubbing her back as she coughs and spews seawater. Rain falls in cold needles, both of us drenched, as though the storm still wants to drown us both. But she’s alive.
Though not out of danger. Secondary drowning is a possibility, and she needs to get to the medical centre. I don’t want to leave her alone on the beach, but I need help.
“Axe?” Her voice is a rasp. “H-help me get inside.”
“You sure? Do you hurt anywhere?”
She groans. “Everywhere.”
I have no choice. The storm is driving the ocean to the shore, waves licking at our feet.
I sling her arm over my shoulder and help her to her feet, trying to support her head and neck as best I can.
I leave my board in the sand; either the ocean will take it, or I’ll come back for it later. What’s important is helping Jade.
“Can you make it to the house?”
She nods, but her legs collapse under her as we stagger along the beach. I scoop her into my arms, cradling her head on my shoulder. She’s drifting, her hand curling against my chest, clenching then letting go.
I get her inside, laying her on her side on the rug in the living area. I grab my phone and call the medical centre. “I need help. My… A guest almost drowned.”
A few minutes later Ahmad appears at the door, driving a covered golf cart with space for a stretcher on one side. Between us, we gently lay Jade in the stretcher, and I hop into the passenger side behind Ahmad, who takes the driver’s seat.
“Do you need to get changed, man? You can meet us there.”
I shoot him a look and he nods, putting the vehicle in gear. We’re met by a team at the medical centre, all of whom start working on Jade. She’s stirring again, protesting. But she’s soon in a bed, oxygen strapped to her face, blankets like a cocoon around her.
I collapse back into a chair, shaking. I drop my head in my hands, my entire body convulsing with ragged sobs. Not just for Jade. For everything.
It’s all coming back to me, all the terrible memories. And I want it to stop. Want to go back to how things were before Jade arrived, before I opened my heart and let myself feel again. It hurts too fucking much. I need to deal with my own shit before I share my life with anyone else.
It’s the only way I can make it stop.
Jade
I wake with an oxygen mask strapped to my face.
I’m wrapped in blankets, so tightly cocooned I can barely move.
But I’m warm, and I’m dry. And, somehow, still alive.
I recognise the calming colours and clean lines of the island’s medical centre, so unless this is what the afterlife looks like, I somehow made it out of the surf.
I can’t believe how fucking stupid I was, going out in weather like that.
But I couldn’t bear it, that Axel would look at me that way, would speak to me like that, every word like the flick of a lash.
I needed to get away and, just as I have my whole life, I went to the ocean. Except this time, it almost took me.
Everything is kind of a blur. I remember … someone … on the beach. Then I realise. Axel. He must have come in the water after me. Shit.
I don’t surf anymore.
I remember him telling me that, the darkness lurking behind his grey gaze, curling through his words like smoke. Yet he did it, for me. I get another flash of him bent over in a chair weeping, while figures moved around me like clockwork, everything dreamlike. Except for him.
Yet I’m alone, now. I wriggle, managing to free one of my arms from the blanket prison. There’s a call button next to me, and I press it.
A minute or so later I hear footsteps and a young Indonesian woman enters the room. Her dark hair is pulled back, and she’s dressed in a spotless white uniform.
“Is Axel here?” My voice is raspy, muffled by the oxygen mask.
“Mr Black has gone, miss,” she says. “He did say he’d be back, though.”
“Is he all right?”
But she doesn’t answer, instead bustling around my bed, tucking my blankets in again. She clips something onto the fingertip of my free hand, then glances at a monitor.
“Good. Your oxygen levels are normal. We can take this off now.” She unclips the mask, freeing my face. I immediately try and get out of bed.
“I’m sorry, but you need to stay here. The doctor will be in shortly. And I’ll bring you something to eat.”
She leaves the room, and I feel like screaming. Where’s Axel? How could he have left me here?
The door opens again and hope jolts through my chest. But instead of Axel it’s the doctor I saw on my first visit here, when I injured my leg.
“Hello, Jade,” she says, picking up the chart at the base of my bed and making a note.
“You do get into a bit of trouble in the water, don’t you?
” Her dark eyes twinkle, and I realise she’s teasing me.
But I’m too worried about Axel to respond.
I don’t care that we argued, I don’t care about anything.
He went into the water to save me, and he wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t care for me the way I care for him.
I just need to see him and explain what’s going on with Myles.
That I wasn’t betraying him, or the island. That it was quite the opposite.
“Is… Is Axel here?” My throat is so sore, my voice rough.
Dr Lestari shakes her head. “No, he’s not. He left, once he was sure you were safe. He’ll be back soon, I’m sure. He seemed very worried about you.”
I frown, chewing my lip, staring straight ahead. I want to jump out of this bed and go after him, but my entire body aches and my head is still spinning.
“I’ll get the nurse to bring you some coconut ice for your throat,” Dr Lestari says. “And I’m sure you’ll be clear to go home in the morning.”
“In the morning?”
“We need to keep you under observation for a bit longer. You almost drowned. I’m sure you know the dangers. You were lucky today.”
I don’t know whether or not I agree with that. It just feels as though something is badly, badly wrong, and it won’t be right until I see Axel and speak to him.
I slump back against the pillows, blankets tight around me. I have no choice, I guess. So I have to wait.
Dr Lestari leaves, and I lie there, watching the door.
But apart from the nurse bringing me the promised ice, it doesn’t open again.