Chapter Twenty-Five #2
But then again, secrets were a burden we all carried.
In the morning, June was back to her usual self, grumbling through her routine, the vulnerability she’d shown the night before nowhere to be seen. Nick still hadn’t emerged from his room when the siblings headed out for groceries.
I brewed a fresh pot of coffee and began scrolling through my phone.
My mom had texted, asking where I was. I replied vaguely, saying I was still on a trip with friends.
We hadn’t spoken since our last call, right after Nick and I went into the woods, and now her texts felt suspiciously neutral.
But I knew she was holding onto her irritation, saving it for when I walked through the door.
Nick shuffled into the kitchen, bleary-eyed, distracting me from my phone.
"Morning. Coffee?" I asked, holding up a mug.
"Yes, please," he replied, taking stock of the space. "Where’s the dynamic duo?"
"Grocery shopping."
I handed him the mug, but instead of taking it, he set it aside and pulled me into a kiss.
The suddenness of it stole my breath, though I didn’t hesitate.
My hands slid up his chest as he stepped closer, his mouth warm, insistent.
In one fluid motion, he lifted me onto the counter, fitting himself between my knees, his grip firm at the backs of my thighs, holding me in place.
We pressed into each other, and I kissed him like I meant it. But even then, with his hands on my skin and his lips against mine, something felt off. There was a quiet ache threaded through it, like chasing the shape of a memory that’s already slipping away.
"I fucking knew it," June said from the doorway.
I hastily pushed Nick away and jumped off the counter, as if I could undo what had just happened and erase what June had witnessed.
She grabbed her wallet and stormed out without a word.
"Shit," I muttered, pressing the backs of my hands to my burning cheeks.
"They won’t care," Nick assured me.
But of course, they would. We’d been searching for my missing boyfriend together, and now I’d hooked up with someone else right under their noses.
A part of me tried to justify it—two years was a long time, after all—but it was the way it happened that made it hurtful. We had actively lied about it.
Nick tried to comfort me with a hug, but I pulled away.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It’s... everything!" I exclaimed, my voice trembling. "We really messed up. We shouldn’t have been sneaking around. We shouldn’t have done it at all."
Nick’s eyes narrowed. "What are you saying? You regret it?"
I nodded, the word tumbling out before I could soften it. "Yes!"
Nick’s expression turned cold. "Good to know," he mumbled before turning and leaving for his room.
"N-Nick, that’s not—" I started, but his door closed before I could finish.
"Shit."
And there I was, alone once more.
Lunch was a pressure cooker, tension crackling like electricity.
Mitchell, the only one oblivious to what had happened, was trying to discuss matters as usual.
But the rest of us were trapped in an uncomfortable silence.
Guilt swirled in my stomach like a snake as I picked at my food, my appetite gone. I prayed to disappear into thin air.
June sulked, her stare pinned to her plate as she ate mechanically, occasionally shooting accusatory glances at Nick and me. Nick, however, refused to meet her eyes—or mine, for that matter. Earlier, he’d exchanged a few words with Mitchell, but he and I hadn’t had a chance to talk.
"Pasta’s good," Mitchell said to me.
I forced a weak smile. We’d been living off pasta every day because no one had the energy for real cooking.
Mitch let out a heavy sigh and put his fork down.
"Alright, what the hell is going on? Why are you all acting so weird?"
June’s gaze darted between Nick and me. I looked down at the cold food on my plate. Finally, unable to contain herself, the girl blurted, "Nellie and Nick were kissing in the kitchen!"
Mitchell paused mid-chew and let out a low, amused chuckle, clearly thinking June was joking. But then our tense silence registered, and his expression faltered as he realized she was serious.
After a beat, he said, "It’s none of your business," and went back to eating, seemingly unfazed.
"Whatever," June muttered, rolling her eyes.
A lump formed in my throat. "Excuse me," I choked out, getting up and heading for the door. Once inside my room, I sank onto the bed and let the tears come.
The next day, Nick and I still hadn’t talked, and it felt like everything was unraveling.
Mitchell tried to give out tasks, pretending nothing had changed, but no one followed through.
All I could think of was that my mother was right.
I was self-centered and irresponsible, always thinking about my own good.
And that’s precisely why I was better off alone.
However, despite Mitchell’s attempts to smooth things out, the situation only worsened. June was still moody and agitated. She sat straight as a stick in the armchair. Nick was holding a book, as if hiding behind it. I was nervously toying with my phone.
"I’ve been thinking on what you said," Mitchell threw a careful look at Nick, who lifted his eyes from the book without a hint of surprise, as if he’d always known he was right. "And maybe it’s time we broaden our scope a bit."
He checked we were all paying attention, and then continued.
"What about that book June borrowed?" he turned to me. "You find anything else useful in it?"
I cringed internally at his attempt to include me; it was so poorly veiled. He kept trying to diffuse the tension, but it wasn’t working.
"No, but I also think we’re in over our heads," I replied, unsure where my thoughts were leading. "Maybe we need to step back a bit."
"Easy for you to say," June crossed her arms, her voice pure poison. "You’ve got your replacement boyfriend there. But I don’t think a replacement sister is an option for me."
"Hey!" Nick snapped, slamming his book shut. "Cut it, June."
"You two started it!"
"Enough," Mitchell intervened, rising from his seat to position himself between them. "If this is gonna be a problem, we need to rethink our approach. We’re this close," he pinched his thumb and index finger together, "to finding out what happened to Amanda, Lucas, and Nick’s Mom."
The mention of Lucas’s name hit me like a slap. I had been betraying him all along. I didn’t even know if he was actually dead, yet I’d been acting like it didn’t matter.
"I’m not staying," I blurted, the words escaping before I could reel them back in. But the thought had been simmering in my head all day. There was no point in staying. I would only make things worse. Thankfully, we still had the rental car, sparing us the awkwardness of a tense ride together.
"Nellie," Mitch called me in a soft voice.
"No. I’ve thought about it." I stood, resolute. "I found what I was looking for. There’s a reason for Lucas’s disappearance, but nothing we could take to the police. At some point, we need to accept what’s happened and move on."
"If it’s about what June said," he hesitated, "then it’s nothing. I mean, that’s your personal business, and June and I will stay out of it. Right, June?" He gave his sister a stern glance.
"Great," June scoffed. "So, you got yourself a new boyfriend, and now you’re done with us. And I’m somehow at fault?"
I stared at her for a few seconds and slowly shook my head. "This isn’t about that," I said, trying to keep my frustration in check. "It’s about facing reality. I’m sorry about your sister, June, but I’m leaving in the morning. You guys can stay and do what you need to do."
"We’re just five days shy of the full moon. You’re really planning to take off?" Mitch said, trying to convince me.
"I am. And I’m sorry—for everything."
"Nothing to be sorry about," he threw his hands in an I give up gesture, finally letting it go.
It might look like I was running away, and maybe I was.
I had backed myself into a corner, and the only way out was to leave.
But it wasn’t just about escaping the mess I’d made.
This discomfort had shown me something I hadn’t been ready to admit: I had to stop chasing ghosts.
Besides, our search had taken a strange turn.
The witches, the sigils, the grimoire, the woods with a life of their own.
It was too much to take in and far from what we had expected to uncover.
Maybe it was time. Time to walk away from the search for Lucas, the mystery that had consumed so much of my life.
Time to stop clinging to the idea that finding out what happened to Lucas would finally let me move on.
Chasing answers wouldn’t change the past, and I couldn’t keep risking everything for a chance at them. I had to let go. I had to do it now.
Nick stayed silent, re-immersed in his book, as if he hadn’t even heard us.
It was time to close this chapter of my life.