Chapter Twenty-Six Audrey
Chapter Twenty-Six
Audrey
The lie burned as it left my tongue and I freed my hold on Ryder, no longer caring about calming down the bull. Because now all I could focus on was wanting to take back what I’d said, even in front of my big brother.
Ryder circled his hand around my wrist, stopping me from joining Alex. “I need to talk to you in private.”
“Which one of us?” I asked, my stomach in knots.
“You.” He pierced me with those eyes that were just like mine, the same color provided by the man who’d abandoned us both. “Secretary Chandler is due to call any minute.” He let me go and focused on Alex. “We’ll meet you downstairs.”
He didn’t push Alex to talk like I’d expected, but I wasn’t sure if dismissing him like that was even worse.
“Excuse me.” Alex cleared his throat and made his exit.
Then I watched yet another man walk away from me.
“Inside. Door shut. Privacy needed.” My brother was as good at grunting out demands as Trevor.
I decided not to challenge him, given what he’d walked in on. After heeding his orders, I dropped down on my bed, waiting for the full impact of the lecture I felt coming. “Please don’t be mad at Alex.”
His shoulders slumped, the opposite reaction I’d been anticipating.
“I’m not mad at him. I’m worried about him.
And you.” He slowly walked over and dropped down next to me, the bed shifting under his weight.
“I’ve known you were my sister for a few months, but that man’s been my brother for fifteen years, and he has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met.
” He glanced at me, half smiling. “Well, now that I’m getting to know you more, probably tied with you in that department. ”
Was he waving the white flag here? Giving us the green light? Not that we had plans to actually go anywhere and explore this obvious thing between us. We both had quite the baggage at our feet. “What are you trying to say?”
He hung his head, resting his elbows on his legs. “That I feel stuck in the middle.”
I set my hand on his back. “That’s the last place I want you to be.”
“I’m supposed to protect you from getting hurt, but I also have a duty to protect him.” He kept his gaze shielded from me. “You’ve both been through a lot. I don’t want either of you . . . You know?”
I filled in the dots. Not hard to do. “You don’t want to see us hurt.
” I was on the same dog-eared (okay, bookmarked) page.
“I’ve had two failed marriages. I was adamant I’d never let myself feel anything for anyone ever again.
You should see the number of texts I said exactly that to Hollis in the last year.
” My mom, too, before I’d found out my life had been a lie.
“And now? Do you feel like it’s possible again?” He glanced at me without lifting his head.
“I honestly don’t know. I never expected fantasy to become reality.
” I cringed at the realization of what had just come out of my mouth.
I let go of his back to cover my face in embarrassment.
“Anyway.” Doubted that awkward-killer word would work right now.
“All I know is, we seem to understand each other. Maybe we have a connection because we know what it’s like to survive betrayal. ”
“And how long have you two been in the same boat?”
At least he didn’t press on my fantasy remark.
But was that him asking if we’d hooked up?
“My boat is sinking. There’s a hole in it.
Ship’s going down.” My hands returned to my lap, and I stared at my ring finger, which had been bare ever since the morning Mitch deployed, the last time I saw him.
“As for his boat? I don’t know. You’d have to ask him. ”
Talk about taking the long way to not actually answer his question. I hoped he wouldn’t notice.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Neither. Do. I.
“I take it that means you two haven’t actually . . .”
“You could just ask me instead of letting me roam into vague boat metaphors.”
He lifted his head, cracking a small smile, and it was good to see.
“I’d rather not ask my sister, who I’ve only known since Christmas, if she’s sleeping with my best friend.
” He covered his eyes as if realizing he’d kind of just gone there anyway.
“Guessing it’s a no, though, based on the conversation I accidentally stepped into. ”
“It’s a no,” I confirmed. “Very innocent. Like, first-base territory.” Though had the man asked me to get naked and on the bed for him last night, I would have Yes, sir’d the heck out of him, easily forgetting where we were and why, just to have one perfect night with him, one free of pain and both our pasts.
“I prefer hockey references,” he said with a half smile.
“Okay, okay. No goals made. We only kissed.” And I nearly had an orgasm from rubbing myself against his erection while we kissed. Points for keeping that to myself. “Please don’t kill him. Or me.”
He shook his head, sitting up taller, not yet giving me his eyes. “I’m pretty sure it’s not my place to tell you what you can or can’t do with your life. As much as I’d love to step in for our asshole father and protect you like that, I know I shouldn’t.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “You’re doing a great job at being an overprotective big brother, which is all I both want and need.”
“And are brothers allowed to tell their younger sisters what to do?” His gaze slipped my way, and he smirked.
“Yes, and it’s my duty to not listen and do the opposite.”
He laughed, and some of the tension seemed to lift off into the ether along with the sound. “I love ya, Audrey. You know I do, right?”
“And I love you.” It occurred to me that it was the first time I’d told him that, and based on the grin on his face, he’d enjoyed hearing it. With my hand off his shoulder, I nudged him in the side. “But if you could tell me what to do, and I’d actually listen, what would you say?”
He lifted his eyes to the ceiling. Cue change in the air and mood. Shit.
“Alex’s ship isn’t sinking—it’s already at the bottom of the ocean. That’s what I’d tell you. And I don’t know if he can ever resurface.” He peered at me again. “Sorry, I went back to the boat thing. Not sure I made sense, either.”
“You did. And I think you should know that Alex came up for air last night. It felt that way, at least. And I’m pretty sure I did, too.”
“Which means?”
“There’s hope?” I shrugged. “I think?” Maybe. I had no clue. First, I had to repair whatever damage I felt I’d done with my “nothing between us” comment, which had come out of my mouth like a bad reflex.
“I can’t handle your heart getting broken after what you’ve been through, and I can’t watch him get hurt after what he’s dealt with, either.
” He stood. “Just promise me you’ll take things slow.
” He rested his hands on his hips. “Please don’t do the opposite because I said that,” he added with a small smile.
Before I had a chance to respond, even though I was unsure what I planned to say, Reed called out from somewhere, “The secretary’s on the line.”
“Coming.” Ryder offered me a hand to stand. “You ready for this?”
“Talk to the secretary of defense about why my husband is back from the dead? Not to mention, he tried to recruit Trevor to work for him? Sure, no problem. An absolute walk in the park after this awkward conversation with you.”
His expression turned glum. “I forgot to ask you how you’re handling that news about Trevor.”
How was I handling it? Clearly not well. “Not sure what to think about it, to be honest. I feel bad that he turned down what sounds like a dream job for an operator because of me.” Maybe I’d lied to my brother and my ship wasn’t sinking. It was already at the bottom of the ocean, alongside Alex’s.
“Do you think Trevor wants to get back together?” He frowned. “Better question for me to ask is if you do.”
“I’ll always love him, but not in a romantic way. Maybe I was too young when we met. We rushed into things, and I don’t know . . .” I forgot he didn’t know my backstory yet. “I’m not a bad person for not wanting to get back together with him, even though Chase could have—”
“Chase needs his mom happy, that’s what he needs.” He pulled me in for a quick hug as Reed called out again.
“Yeah, yeah, we’re coming,” Ryder hollered, releasing me from his comforting bear hug. “Let’s get this over with.”
I followed him out of the bedroom and down the stairs, hating the fact I wouldn’t have a chance to clear the air with Alex before the call.
I wasn’t sure what I planned to say other than to apologize, but that felt like the best place to start. I just need to get through a secure call with everyone first and pretend like there isn’t a war going on inside me.
When we entered the den at the backside of the cabin, Secretary Chandler’s face was already being broadcast on the TV screen. I barely acknowledged him, my attention shooting straight to Alex.
Alex was standing off to the side of the room with his back to the wall, one hand loose at his side, the other resting over his heart.
Two wounds. I felt responsible for both.
“What can you tell us?” Ryder’s voice cut through the fog in my head, snapping me back to why we were there, and I took a seat on the couch, folding my legs underneath me.
“Before I say anything, open your email and have Audrey electronically sign the NDA. What I’m about to share can’t leave this room, and she doesn’t have classified status.
” Secretary Chandler motioned to Ryder’s laptop sitting on the coffee table with a sense of urgency.
“My daughter told me she already shared a little too much in her presence as it is.”
Yeah, like about Trevor.
Ryder quickly followed orders, handing me the computer. I didn’t bother to even skim-read, but I did catch a word or two while scrolling to the place to sign. You know, like prison and treason, so that was great.
Ryder took the laptop from me once I’d basically signed my life away and returned it to the coffee table. “It’s done. Now, please, explain everything.”
Chandler put on his glasses and leaned forward as if verifying he now owned my life; then he removed them and sat back in his leather chair.
“Mitch reached out to JSOC last year in January, demanding he speak to me. He said he had sensitive information provided by a credible source that’d do serious damage if it got out. ”
I was going to be sick.
“Mitch thought I’d help, given his connection to Audrey and Trevor’s ties with my family.
He may have also known I knew Trevor for even longer than that.
Mitch wouldn’t share anything until I had him protected.
And by protected, I mean faked his death.
He believed he’d be killed, along with anyone he loved, if word got out that he was handing over the intel he had to us. ”
My hand instinctively lifted to my cheek, haunted by the memory of that “love.” My thumb slid across my lower lip, tracing where Mitch had once split it open.
“‘Love,’ my ass,” Ryder hissed, resting a protective hand on top of mine as if remembering what I’d shared with him yesterday. “Only loves himself.”
Chandler let the tension sit for a moment before continuing. “I told him the US government’s not in the business of faking deaths.” He worked at the knot of his tie next, then slipped it off and set it on top of his glasses.
“But he manipulated you into agreeing, right?” I took a guess, and from his nod, I was clearly right.
“Mitch threatened to upload everything he had online if we didn’t cooperate. And to prove he wasn’t bluffing, he showed me a video of something that’d be damning if it were ever to see the light of day. He also said good men had been wrongly branded as traitors.”
“Like Arlo?” Alex asked, and now the dots were starting to connect. “Was he his source?”
Well, I thought they were starting to connect. I was still in a bit of a daze.
“I’m familiar with that name, but not because Mitch shared it. He never had a chance to give me any names, because he was killed on the way to the safe house.”
“What the hell did Mitch drag my sister into?”
“Stratos,” Chandler replied as if that was supposed to mean something. “When I said we’re not in the business of faking deaths . . . I meant not anymore.” He slowly looked around the room, landing lastly on my brother. “But the government used to be.”