Into the Deep

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Edinburgh, Halloween 2012

The month of October sped by. When I didn’t have my head buried in my laptop and fogged with energy drinks, I was hanging out with Claudia, sometimes our roommates, crashing mini-parties in the apartments in our block, or hanging out with The Stolen and attending whatever gigs they’d managed to line up. Things with Jake were better, especially when it was just the two of us. I had coffee with him at least once a week and we went to the gym together three times a week. There was still that distance between us, but we could banter back and forth to cover it. Whenever the entire group was there, however, it was a little strained, mostly because of Melissa’s presence.

During those times the rest of the group did their best to distract me—whether I was watching the bizarre friendship between Claudia and Beck that was so thick with sexual chemistry, we were all waiting for the entire thing to explode, or whether I was flirting with Lowe or watching Lowe flirt with someone else, or cracking up at the socially awkward crap that Matt said. Beck and Lowe were constantly hooking up with girls, which definitely didn’t bother me and didn’t appear to bother Claudia, so it caused no awkwardness. I did often wonder if Beck was trying to get a reaction out of Claud, though. There was something in the way he studied her when he thought she wasn’t aware of his regard.

I wasn’t interfering. My own romantic life was a mess. I had no right to delve into anyone else’s.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. This is not me. Not to mention the fact that I have a paper due in three days and I’ve only written fifty words.” I turned from the mirror in Claudia’s room, my arms akimbo, my legs splayed. It was an unfortunate choice of body language considering my costume and Claudia immediately burst into laughter.

I was dressed as Supergirl.

Claudia was Wonder Woman.

The outfits were ridiculous and showed off a lot more skin than either of us was used to. It occurred to me that she might be trying to make a point to someone and I’d gotten dragged into the whole thing so she would have me to share in the mortification of it all. Still … I eyed her red and gold bustier and star-spangled blue hot pants and decided the belly top, miniskirt, and cape I was wearing could be worse.

“We can’t go out like this,” I groaned, glancing back at the mirror. “If I become a cop and pictures of me dressed like this get out, I’ll never live it down.”

Claudia grimaced. “Is that all you think about? We’re twenty years old and we’re hot. Halloween is the one night of the year we can feel free to show boobs and leg. And our outfits are cute. More to the point, we need this. The guys are great and all, but we’ve been hanging out with them for nearly six weeks. While they rack up a bunch of temporary romances between them, we’ve been dry. Until now. Tonight is for us.”

“We promised the guys we’d go to their gig.”

My friend shrugged. “We’ll go for a little while. Then we hit the party.” She gave me a sharp look. “It’ll be good for you to hang out with someone who is not Lowe or Jake. Especially not Jake. I can’t imagine how Melissa feels about you two spending time together.” Claud narrowed her eyes. “I’m guessing Jake hasn’t told her. She’s been too cool with you. Either that, or she’s a really good actress. She hasn’t looked at you like she wants to kill you. Not once.”

“That’s because Melissa is nice .”

Claudia snorted. “You make nice sound like a bad thing.”

“It’s not a bad thing. We’re just so different. I don’t see how Jake could’ve loved me when he’s in love with someone so completely my opposite.” I winced as soon as I said it out loud. It had been on my mind the last few weeks, niggling in my gut. Melissa and I were so different, I was beginning to think that it couldn’t have been possible for Jake to be in love with me. My memories, though … well, they liked to argue with that toxic thought.

“You’re nice too, Charley. Melissa’s just really quiet and reserved.”

“And I’m loud and obnoxious?”

“No,” Claudia laughed. “You’re confident and you’re a smart-ass.”

I scowled. “I wish people would stop calling me that.”

“Then stop being a smartass.”

I wrinkled my nose at her and turned back to my reflection. “I feel naked.”

Claudia came up beside me and rested her chin on my shoulder, her grin gleeful. “Aaron is going to die when he sees you.” She lifted her head and smoothed a hand over her hair. “Zach is going to die when he sees me.”

A few days ago Claudia and I were in the Library Bar at Teviot when these two guys sitting across from us started chatting. They were both from southern England and had very cool, very hot accents. They were smart and funny and cute and a lot of flirting had flown across the aisle of tables. It turned out they were senior undergrads and lived in one of the swankier apartments beside the main campus, just up from The Meadows—the park located behind the university.

Luckily, I thought Aaron was funny and Claudia thought Zach was charming and vice versa, so there was no fighting over who was interested in whom. The guys invited us to their Halloween party and before I could say anything, Claudia accepted for the both us, taking down their cell numbers too. In a way, I would’ve been much more comfortable with the whole Supergirl costume if we were heading directly to their party. It was stopping off at Milk on the way that was making me nervous.

And I had every right to be nervous.

We turned up at the bar and none of the guys were in costume—not even a little bit. Neither were Rowena or Melissa.

We walked across the bar, attempting to ignore the grins and catcalls from strange guys and girls, and I fought to keep my cheeks from burning. Claudia giggled at the glare I shot her way. She made the most of the scene we were creating by putting her arm around my waist and a little more wiggle in her hips.

The mischievous twinkle in her eyes loosened me up a little and I chuckled, letting her squeeze me close. As I tried my best to pretend I felt as sassy as I looked, the whistles brought Denver’s head up from talking to Rowena. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of us. I lip-read the words, “Holy fuck,” as they spilled out of his mouth, and that brought all of the band’s heads around, including Jake and Melissa.

I did my absolute best to avoid eye contact with Jake and instead took in the open-mouthed gaga expressions on the guys’ faces. It was pretty funny. Sometimes guys were just so easy.

“Santa finally got my letter,” Beck said as the image of Claudia in her Wonder Woman costume burned into his retinas .

“We need to send the fat man a case of beer,” Lowe added, his own gaze on my legs.

“I won’t be needing my porn tonight,” Matt informed us.

“Oh, Matt,” Claudia and I groaned as Beck slapped him across the head.

“What?” Matt cried, rubbing his head. “That’s a compliment.”

“It’s fucking gross.” Lowe grinned, shaking his head at him.

“You were all thinking it.”

Beck glared at him. “Claud and Charley don’t need to hear that shit out loud, though.”

“What’s with the costumes anyway?” Denver asked, grinning at us. “Other than to provide us all with masturbatory fantasies.”

I grimaced. “Thanks for that. And the costumes are for a costume party.”

“Party?” Beck asked Claudia before taking a drink of beer and sitting back down at the table.

“We were invited to a party on Simpson Loan behind the university so we can only stay for a little bit. I’ll text you the address so you guys can catch up after your set if you want.”

“Sure.” Lowe nodded and then caught my eye. “I get the feeling I’m only going to get to see this once in my entire lifetime, so I’m making the most of it.”

“Me too,” Beck agreed, smiling wide at us. He flicked his eyes casually to Jake and Melissa. “You guys coming with?”

Melissa looked to Jake for the answer and he nodded. “Sure.” Sensing my gaze, Jake looked up at me. I had to admit, I was a little disappointed he didn’t treat me to the almost X-ray perusal Lowe and Beck had. Instead his mouth twitched. “Supergirl? Finally embracing it, huh?”

I rolled my eyes at his boyish grin. “Claudia wanted to be Wonder Woman and she thought that this was funny. She’s very difficult to ignore when she wants something. ”

“She must be very persuasive.” I could tell he was dying to laugh at me.

“Why?” Melissa asked quietly, a little furrow between her brows.

Jake didn’t take his eyes off me as he replied, “Because Charley’s had the nickname Supergirl since she was fourteen and doesn’t like it so much, and then there’s the fact that she never wears skirts. Claudia has performed a miracle.”

Although Jake didn’t see it, I saw the uneasiness in Melissa’s face and understood what it meant. She didn’t like the reminder that Jake knew me well. I didn’t like it, either, but for a completely different reason.

“Why are you nicknamed Supergirl?” Lowe asked curiously.

“Because—”

“Jacob Caplin, you tell that story and I will kill you,” I growled.

Just like when we were younger, Jake found the growl cute instead of menacing and he ignored my warning. “She threw her older sister out of the way of an SUV when she was fourteen, took the impact instead. Broke her leg and ribs. The town started calling her Supergirl.”

“Why do ye no want people tae know that story?” Rowena looked as mystified as the rest of the group. “That’s a great story.”

“Because people make such a big deal out of it and anyone would’ve done the same.”

“No, they wouldnae,” Rowena argued.

Instead of glaring at her, I threw my dark look at Jake, who just laughed. Annoyed at him, I decided to cool off at the bar. I took everyone’s drink order and ignored the comments from other customers—whether sleazy or teasing.

I’d only been standing in line to be served for a minute when I felt a warm body press close. When I tilted my head around, I was surprised to find Melissa looking down at me. I couldn’t read her expression at all.

“You’re not making this easy,” she told me softly, matter-of-factly.

I swallowed hard, feeling suddenly much too hot in my costume. Throat parched, I croaked, “What?”

She sighed and ducked her eyes away. “You’re his first love and you knock people out of the way of moving cars, and you want to be a cop, and you’re smart, and you’re confident, and you have the guys eating out of the palm of your hand every time you open your mouth … and now you’ve gone from pretty to every guy’s fantasy in a superhero costume. I want to hate you.” Her eyes lifted back to mine now. “I really want to hate you, but I can’t because Jake’s the one who wronged you. And maybe that’s part of the problem too.”

Seeing the real pain and concern in Melissa’s expression, I felt a need to reassure her somehow. As much as it hurt me to admit it to her, I found myself saying, “There’s nothing romantic between us anymore. According to Beck, you helped Jake get over what happened. He wouldn’t let me do that for him. I think that speaks volumes. You’re the one he loves.” Every word of it felt like a piece of me was being ripped out, but I pasted on a fake, breezy smile. “As for me, I have an appointment with a hot senior with a cool accent, so we’re all good.”

Melissa studied me, so I kept my smile light until she finally gave me her own shaky smile in return. She stayed with me as I ordered the drinks and helped me back to the table with them. The whole time we walked across the bar together, I felt Jake’s eyes burning into us. Not once did I meet them with my own. I was afraid if I let him look into me, he’d see I was just a little nudge from falling apart .

That’s why, as I settled down beside Claudia with our drinks, I leaned over and murmured into her ear that I wanted to leave early for the party.

“You okay?” she whispered back, scanning my face for the answer.

I gave her a subtle shake of my head. “I don’t want to be here.”

Claudia squeezed my hand under the table, instantly understanding. “We’ll finish these and go.”

The guys seemed a little confused that we weren’t staying to hear their set, but we promised we’d make it up to them another time. Claudia gave them the address of the party and they told us they’d see us there later. I didn’t look at Jake. Not once.

The sight of Aaron’s appreciative gaze when we walked into their party was a soothing balm to the burn in my chest from the heart-to-heart with Melissa. In a bid to get rid of the feeling completely, I got drunk. Claudia followed me right down the liquid path.

We were having a great time, laughing and dancing, the four of us in our own little bubble among the crowded party. The apartment was super swank with an open-plan living space and kitchen, floor-to-ceiling glass windows, and sliding doors that led out onto a balcony big enough to hold a good portion of the partygoers. All that plus free food and booze? No wonder the place was filled with people, most in costume. This made Claud and I feel a little less out of place. Aaron and Zach were in dark suits, hats, and sunglasses—the Blues Brothers. I thought that was cool.

Being drunk, I thought everything was cool .

It was a good few hours later and Claudia had disappeared with Zach, leaving me on the corner of their massive L-shaped couch with Aaron. When he started kissing me, I let him. I was drunk and fuzzy and hurt and confused and his kisses, his touch, let me forget all that. The kiss deepened and I cupped Aaron’s face, holding him to me, silently asking him to keep going. He was a great kisser and the way he caressed my upper arm with the tips of his fingers was nice.

When he finally let me up for air, he murmured, “Wow,” against my lips. I grinned, a little embarrassed that we’d been making out in public. I turned my head to make sure no one was paying attention and felt my muscles lock as I spotted Jake across the room with Melissa. My vision cleared and I suddenly felt very sober. He was staring straight at me, his face perfectly blank. My stomach flipped as he quickly looked away and frowned at something Melissa said to him.

“Hey, Charley,” Beck’s voice called from above. I twisted around to see him standing behind the couch. “We just got here. Do you know where Claudia is?”

I shook my head, frowning. “I haven’t seen her in a while. She’s not around?”

He shook his head.

“Let’s look for her.”

A hand gripped my leg and I looked back at Aaron. “She’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be back,” I promised and stood up, taking Beck’s hand as he helped me around the couch.

“You both had a lot to drink?” he asked, scowling down at me.

“We’re just having a good time.”

“With a bunch of guys you don’t know.”

“We didn’t know you,” I pointed out .

He sliced me an unamused look from the corner of his eyes but didn’t say anything. We searched the balcony and the bathroom, but no Claudia. I was beginning to get a little worried. Claudia wasn’t the kind of girl to lock herself in a bedroom with a guy she barely knew, so I moved down the hall toward the bedrooms with renewed determination to find her.

Just as we were drawing to a stop at the first door, the second bedroom door opened. Claudia strolled out giggling at someone behind her, readjusting her bustier and hair. “I didn’t think I was going to get that back on,” she laughed, still unaware of us.

“I’m a master with women’s apparel,” Zach smirked as he emerged from the room. His chin lifted when he caught sight of us and seeing his expression, Claudia spun around and jerked in surprise.

I raised an eyebrow at her, completely shocked that she’d gone far enough with Zach to lose clothes. It was unlike her, and it hit me that I’d been so busy with my own problems, I’d completely missed the fact that Claudia was going through something too. The tension magically disappeared out of her body and she threw Beck a flirty smile and said, “What? You were the one who said I was a good girl. Not me.” She brushed past us, a confused Zach following in her wake.

I needed to have a serious talk with my girl.

Feeling his tension beside me, I glanced up at Beck. His jaw was taut and his hand clenched his beer bottle so tight, it was a wonder the thing didn’t shatter.

“Beck …” I didn’t know what to say because I honestly didn’t know what was going on between them.

However, I might as well have been a ghost.

“Fuck it,” Beck muttered. He turned and strode back into the party without a word to me .

As soon as I shook myself out of the confusing scene, I wandered back into the party to find Beck had a girl pressed against the wall, flirting his ass off. That boy moved faster than a cheetah.

“Charley!”

Strong arms wrapped around me and my feet left the ground as Matt gave me a bear hug. When he settled me back on the ground, I found myself standing beside Jake and Melissa.

Great.

And Jake wouldn’t look at me.

Double great.

“Having fun, Supergirl?” Matt winked, raking his eyes over me again.

“I will be once you get me a beer.”

Finally, Jake honored me with his attention. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

What is your problem? I’m not your girlfriend! Your girlfriend is standing right next to you. I’m the girl you dumped, remember?

“No, Dad, I don’t,” I answered, my drunken, loose lips about to get insulting when arms came around my waist and pulled me back into a strong chest. Aaron.

“I need to steal Supergirl away for a bit,” he told the group, laughter in his voice. “She needs to rescue me from a dire, dire situation …”

I laughed and let him drag me away, hoping it annoyed the fuck out of Jake. Uneasiness settled over me almost immediately, though, when Aaron led me down the hall to bedroom number one.

I tugged on his hand and he looked over his shoulder. “What?”

“I’m not going in there with you.” I shook my head and tried to pull my hand out of his, but Aaron held tight.

“Come on, Charley. Loosen up a little with me. ”

Annoyed at his persistence and annoyed at myself for giving him the wrong impression, I yanked my hand back. “I’m not sleeping with you.”

Aaron’s handsome face darkened. “Are you kidding me? I’ve wasted all night on you. I thought it was clear that this was just going to be a fuck.”

My ears were ringing with his brutal honesty, so I didn’t reply.

He sighed heavily and brushed past me, leaving me standing there feeling stupid and worthless. In the morning I’d be pissed that I let him make me feel that way, but right then, I was too drunk to push my gloomy feelings away.

Back in the main room Beck was making out with some random girl and Denver, Rowena, Jake, and Melissa weren’t anywhere to be seen.

Lowe and Matt were chatting and drinking at the kitchen island.

Lowe gave me his sexy, flirty grin as I approached. “Babe, you’re killing me in that outfit. You should wear skirts more often. You’ve got great legs.”

I drunkenly cuddled into his side, leaning my head on his shoulder. “Thanks,” I murmured.

His arm came around me, hugging me. “You okay?”

Hearing the concern in his voice, I pressed even tighter against him, trying to bury myself into the comfort he was giving me by just being him. “Fine. Where did everyone go?”

It was Matt who answered, appearing a little awkward. “After you left with that a-hole English guy, Jake got a little moody. Mel noticed. They got into an argument and left. Den and Row got bored, so they left too.”

I was put more than a little off-balance by Matt’s not-so-subtle insinuation that I’d caused some kind of rift between Melissa and Jake. However, it wasn’t just the insinuation. It was the thought that Jake was pissed at me for being with another guy. What the hell did that mean? What was he trying to do to me?

Lowe’s arm tightened around me. “Don’t worry about it, babe.” He sighed. “This party is terrible and I’m exhausted. You want us to walk you home?”

I nodded. Yes. I wanted out of there so I could pass out on my bed and forget everything about tonight. “Let me get Claud first.”

Finding my friend on the balcony with Zach and a couple of his friends, I pulled Claudia aside and told her that I wanted to leave.

“Okay, we’ll go,” she assured me.

I glowered at her. “Don’t think we won’t be talking about what happened with you.”

“Not now.” She brushed me off and called a goodnight to Zach.

Seeing us preparing to leave with Lowe and Matt, Beck abandoned the girl he was with and followed us out of the apartment. Hitting the street, I was glad I had alcohol in my blood to keep me warm in the freezing cold.

“You might not feel cold, but you are,” Lowe said, pulling me into his side. He was only wearing a thin shirt. “So am I,” he grumbled and rubbed a hand over my arm.

Ahead of us Claudia walked between Beck and Matt, Matt chatting away, oblivious to the obvious tension between his companions.

“What happened with the guy?” Lowe suddenly asked.

I curled my lip at the thought of Aaron. “As soon as I made it clear he wasn’t getting any, he dropped me like a bad habit.”

“What a charmer.”

“Mmm.”

He squeezed my waist. “Will you sleep with me?”

I smiled at his teasing question. “Not tonight. ”

His laughter rocked against my side. “That wasn’t a no.”

“I’m leaving my options open.”

Lowe chuckled. “A guy wants a girl, he has to hope to God she wants him back. A girl wants a guy, all she’s got to do is say the word and bam! He’s naked. You got all the power.”

“I am Supergirl.”

He laughed again and kissed my hair. “That you are.”

“And you know … I think it’s more to do with the fact that girls need to be attracted to more than just a penis to want sex. I get the impression straight men are just attracted to the vagina.”

This only made Lowe laugh harder. “You’d be surprised.” He sighed and after a minute quietly muttered, “Jake’s a fucking moron.”

I decided it was best I didn’t ask him to confirm what he meant by that.