Chapter 25
Ender
I can't even look in her direction. How pathetic is that? After all this time, you'd think I'd have my eyes glued to her. Instead, I'm focused on the floor or my phone like a disappointing piece of shit.
The few glimpses I've stolen remind me how perfect she's always been. From the floral tattoos down her arm, to the piercing in her nose, to the new hair color. They're all slight changes that make her seem more like who she was always meant to be. She's grown into herself, and it’s stunning to see.
I can hear pain in her voice when she sings now, a beauty coated in torment. She’s been through things that she shouldn’t have had to endure. I recognized it from the very first few words of her song.
I can't believe I spent the last two years hating her for thinking she just left us.
Why did I never consider that something else had happened?
I reached out. Of course, I tried reaching out.
I'm not a complete asshole. That's what makes this so much more confusing.
I texted her that night. I told her it was ultimately her choice, but that we wanted her to be there with us.
I told her I would fight for her spot next to us because it was deserved.
She's a better singer than I am, for fuck's sake.
When there was no reply, I texted again, saying that if she didn't come to the meeting, we would take that as a sign. I never thought she wouldn't show. Now I'm thinking she didn't show because something happened. I suffered without her, but she was suffering too, and alone at that.
It's no shock that the song she played was breathtaking. She's always had a knack for creating something captivating. There's a piece of her in every one of her songs. It's why we've kept singing some of them for ourselves. Yeah, how about that? We sing songs she wrote.
All I want to do is reach out, pull her in, and hold her. I want to tell her to never leave my sight again because the last time she left, she was gone for too long, but that would only scare her.
Instead, I'm forced to watch as Nix walks over and throws his arm over her shoulder. A soft giggle leaves her as she leans into him, and then he presses his dirty lips to hers. My jaw clenches, and my fists ball up at my sides, while I resist the urge to tear him to shreds.
How dare he touch her like that now that he knows who she is?
I know he said he wasn’t going to stop seeing her, but at least have some kind of respect.
Having him flaunt his connection with her right in front of us makes me want to bury my knuckles into his face.
I want to be the one kissing her. I want to feel her plush lips against mine while I hold her and tell her I'll never let her spend another day alone again .
What the hell is happening to me? If I can't keep myself under control, this is never going to work. There’s this possession I feel for her that I've never felt for anyone else.
My jaw clenches tighter. She can't leave us again.
I won't allow it. Alara Grey belongs with me. She belongs with Nowhere Forever.
Before I do something I regret, I peel my eyes off my bandmate and stalk back to my room.
There's a moment of pacing, followed by dread, and then some clarity. I pull out my phone, dialing Glen’s number, but he doesn't answer. It’s unlike him, so I call again.
I have to call this bastard four fucking times before he picks up.
"Hey, is everything okay?" he rushes out.
"No, everything is not okay. Why the hell aren't you answering your phone?" I seethe.
"Whatever it is, we can fix it. There's no need to worry. You know I've been committed to ensuring your image from the start. Just tell me what's going on."
"Alara."
"Who?" he asks, but there's a special way his tone escalates that tells me he's lying. He knows exactly who she is, but he's playing dumb.
"Alara Grey. You know, the girl who was with us at Vector's Lounge two years ago."
"Oh, her. What about her? I thought you hadn’t heard from her since that night."
"I haven't." That's weird. Why would he know whether or not I've been in contact with her?
"So, what's the problem?" Glen asks, clearly getting annoyed. "Look, I'm kind of in the middle of something. If this is about tracking that girl down, it's going to have to wait until after the tour. She's trash. Not wo–"
"Stop fucking talking!" I cut him off. He's not going to disrespect her like that when he doesn't even know her. I won't allow it.
"What do you need with the girl, Ender? Just spit it out. Clearly, there's something on your mind."
"We saw her today, and we decided she's going to be our new opening act."
"Absolutely not," he states firmly.
"Alara's opening for us, and that's final."
"Nobody even knows who she is." He tries, but I don't care.
"Nobody knew who we were either. You used that to your advantage, and look where we are. Use the fact that nobody knows her. Make her look desirable. That's your job, so do it," I say.
"Can't you find someone else?" he asks, still not getting it. This isn't a choice. "Is she trying to manipulate you or something? That's what this is about, right? You have enough money. Just pay her off and be done with it."
"Glen, if you don't shut the hell up, you're going to find yourself a new band to manage. She's not taking advantage of us. She doesn't even remember us."
He’s quiet. "What do you mean she doesn't remember you?"
"She has amnesia." I sigh .
"I don't like this," Glen tries again.
"Quite frankly, I don't care if you don't like it."
"Fine, but I'll need to hear her sing before agreeing to this."
"No, you don’t. You’ve already heard her sing two years ago. Just get the paperwork ready. She's finishing this tour with us, and I’m sending you a few things I'd like added to the contract. I expect you to keep your mouth shut about them."
"Funny. You're being awfully rude to be demanding I keep my mouth shut about anything."
"Make it happen, and I'll stop drinking," I counter, knowing this is a game-changer.
He's spent a ton of time trying to keep images and videos of me slurring my way through the town out of the media. It might not be the easiest thing for me to follow through with, but if it's for Alara, I'll do anything.
"You’ll stay completely sober?" he questions.
"Yes."
"Fine, I'll draw it up tonight. Let me know when you want to meet up to have her sign everything."
"The sooner the better," I persist, knowing I won’t have to stay sober forever, just long enough to have her paperwork signed.
He mutters something under his breath, but says he will make it happen and hangs up without further argument.
Being the one to tell her this news will be equal parts nerve-wracking and exciting. I want to be the one she runs to and thanks for making all of her dreams come true, but technically, this was Nix's idea. He gets to be the knight in shining armor. Next time, it will be me.
I sigh, walking back out to where I left them in the living room. Nix is sitting on one of the couches now with Alara tucked under his shoulder. She's smiling like it's one of the best days of her life. It probably is.
"I just talked to Glen." I get right to the point.
"And?" Lane asks.
"He's getting the paperwork drawn up for you to sign." I lock eyes with her. "It'll detail everything. How many shows we will play, your salary, and the requirements. There will be rules to follow, but as long as you're okay with them, we will handle everything else for you."
"Wait, just like that?" She beams.
"Just like that." Nix smiles. "I’ll help you with everything you need, don't worry."
"We will all help," River chimes in.
"You just need to pick those six songs?" Nix's hand slides up her leg when he says that, and my eyes are glued to the way he's touching her.
"I don't deserve any of this. I'm basically a nobody." She sighs, and there's a flash of something I can't quite name.
Why doesn't she see that she's the sole focus of every person in this room? Nix isn't comforting her enough. She shouldn't be thinking such negative things about herself. Trust me, I recognize how much of a hypocrite that makes me .
I can't stop myself. My feet lead me across the room, and I crouch down in front of her. My hand reaches out to grip the soft, delicate skin under her chin before bringing her eyes to mine.
"You aren't a nobody." I breathe deeply, and her eyes soften. There's a furrow in her brow as she looks at me. "Got it?" I ask.
"Okay," she whispers. There's vulnerability there, and trust that my words are the truth.
I start to wonder if she remembers the connection we shared, but then she clears her throat and shifts in her seat.
It's a sick reminder that she's not mine.
I correct my momentary slip-up, putting distance between us again.
I turn on my heels, walking right out of the room, but not before overhearing Nix whisper something to her.
"Stay with me today."
Stay. With. Me. Today.
I pause, waiting to see how she responds. While I don't catch a vocal confirmation, she giggles. The same laugh that used to bring light to my life is now determined to slowly tear me apart. Here's to spending an entirety wishing I were someone else.
Momentarily, disgust washes over me. I don't even recognize this weak person I'm becoming. I need to shut this shit down before it really starts to take hold. It's time to flip these emotions off like a switch. Not feeling is what's best for everyone.