Chapter 36
River
T he closer the car gets to my destination, the more anxiety bubbles up in my chest. It's just brunch, but no matter how much I try to calm my nerves, it doesn't seem to work.
My family is complicated. On the outside, we're the typical show up, smile, and leave type. Everyone who sees us thinks of money, punctuality, and high-class living. Nothing will ever appear to be less than perfection, even though each of us has our own flaws.
Lucky for me, I'm one of the few people to be a repeated topic of conversation at almost every one of these forced encounters. One of my family's favorite pastimes is discussing recent articles or rumors circulating online about Nowhere Forever.
You'd think they'd be happy I'm a famous rockstar.
In actuality, I'm a disappointment who sullies the Montgomery name.
Stupid. The whole thing is stupid. I'm the only one of any of them to secure wealth for myself outside of the inheritance our last name affords us.
I've built a life I'm proud of. Thinking about that makes me feel guilty about not being able to open up to Lane about my past .
Glancing at my phone, I watch as the time changes to 10:01. I'm late.
One of my legs begins to bounce up and down, moving faster the longer it takes for my driver to pull down the long driveway to the Country Club. I'm half tempted to tell him to stop so I can sprint the rest of the way, not that it would matter at this point. The damage is done.
I don't know why it even matters. This place is family-owned.
It's literally called Montgomery Estates and Resort.
There's nobody here for us to put on a show for or impress because the only people here that aren't family are the ones being paid to serve us.
As the car finally rolls to a stop, I take a deep breath.
It's time to deal with the people who shaped my entire of my life.
I reach for the handle, stepping out, and remind myself that I only have to be here for one hour. You better believe I will be counting down every single minute of it.
"You're never late," one of my cousins interrupts my thoughts seconds later as he walks inside just behind me.
"Don't point it out," I try to whisper as I stride faster into the country club and turn toward the banquet room. "You're late too."
"Nobody will care about me when I’m walking in next to you," my cousin jabs.
My eyes scan the large room once I make it inside, and my cousin is right. Countless eyes land on me, and I try my best to avoid direct eye contact .
These brunches are always set up the same.
There's one long table with food in one corner and drinks and small desserts in another.
Small round tables take up the center of the room, where everyone sits in their assigned seats.
Only a few people are still standing as I glance up to the small rectangular table that's always placed at the head of the room.
My grandfather, grandmother, and one of my uncles fill their seats, waiting for everyone to settle in.
This uncle, in particular, sits with my grandfather because he is the eldest. There's a hierarchy in this family, and we're expected to respect it.
More things I don't care about because I don't even want to be here.
My eyes briefly lock with my grandfather's when he reaches for the glass in front of him, and his expression falters.
His smile falls to a flat line of disappointment, and his old eyes narrow slightly.
He quickly redirects his gaze back to my uncle and plants his fake smile back on his face like the entire moment with me never happened.
I scurry the rest of the way across the room without incident and pull out my assigned white chair before taking my seat.
"You're late," my father mutters, trying not to make a scene.
"There was traffic. I'm sorry, sir."
"Late and a liar. It's like you make it a personal goal to embarrass me," he says before turning his attention away.
Fifty-five more minutes.
These family gatherings always follow the same schedule. We eat, then everyone walks around to make small talk. It's supposed to be a mix-and-mingle sort of get together in order to keep us all close.
It always ends up being the perfect opportunity for everyone to show off and try to prove how much better their life is than the person next to them.
It's a sad way to live, and it makes me that much more thankful to have a safe place with people I enjoy outside of this room.
Lane, Ender, and Nix have been the best thing to happen to me. Alara, too.
A wave of guilt floods me over the realization that I've been shutting out the very people whom I should be leaning on.
All of the horrors that haunt me are part of a burden that I don't have to carry alone, yet I still do.
I'm just too stubborn to allow that kind of vulnerability again, not after what happened with Alara.
Taking a deep breath, I decide maybe I should be honest with Lane. It's the right thing to do. The only way he and I can move forward happily together is if I allow him to see all the parts of me, even the ones I'm not proud of. It could help with the nightmares.
My eyes fall to the plate that's placed in front of me by one of the servers. I don't have an appetite, but not eating is rude and would be a personal insult to my grandfather. We're expected to be grateful he put all of this together, after all.
"Sit up straight, River." My mother's soft voice floods my ears. "Did you even iron your shirt?"
"There's nothing wrong with my shirt," I mutter before thinking properly .
I know better than to talk back. Forty-nine more minutes.
"I don't know who you are and what you did to my well-behaved son, but you'd better pull yourself together," she hisses under her breath.
My eyes don't dare to peek up from my plate. That will only make things worse. They're not even pretending to enjoy my presence today. It's part of the reason I decided the best way to get through this is by keeping my head down and my mouth shut.
The next nineteen minutes go by rather quickly. Everyone eats their food and talks amongst themselves at their tables. My table is quiet, and I prefer it that way. Quiet means I'm not being ridiculed for something other parents would be proud of.
The servers begin walking around to gather empty plates, and the worst part of the whole brunch begins. Everyone starts walking around. Next to me, family members begin talking amongst one another as I try my best to go unnoticed, choosing to stand off in a corner by myself.
Thirty more minutes until I can leave.
My father glances over in my direction before closing the distance between us again. "I expect punctuality from my son moving forward. Showing up late isn't acceptable in this family. You know this."
I should keep my head down, apologize, and agree with him, but today seems to be a day full of mistakes. Why not add one more to the list? "Why do you always have to be so cold toward me? "
My brows furrow as I take in the shocked expression on my father's face. He composes himself quickly, shaking his head as though I've asked an impossible question.
"There are expectations. You know this. I thought your mother and I raised you better than the way you're acting."
"River," my grandmother interrupts as she and my grandfather move to stand next to my father and me. "We weren't sure you were going to make it today."
"I was barely late," I state, slightly annoyed that everyone is making a big deal out of it.
"Being on time is about respect. Didn't your father teach you that?" my grandfather asks before his head turns to my father.
"I will have a conversation with him," my father states, as if I'm some kind of child.
"Nobody needs to talk to me. I was a minute late. It was a fluke," I rush out.
"I always knew that allowing you to spend so much time with that band would be a problem.
Look at you now, disrespecting your family and talking back to your father.
We have been here for you, supporting you when you made bad choices.
We were the ones who made sure your reputation was kept in line with what is expected of a Montgomery, and you continue to be ungrateful for it. " My grandfather sighs.
"I'm not ungrateful, sir. And I apologize for the error in my behavior," I concede.
"My son knows what this family has given him. Even if he continues to rebel, he is aware of the opportunities he has been afforded." My father makes an attempt to smooth things over with my grandfather.
"Yes, well, it would do him good to remember that. Bands have their popularity. Sometimes success falls as quickly as it is gained."
That's a threat. He wants me to know that everything I have can be taken away if I don't fall in line. If I had a backbone, I would stand up to them all and walk away for good, but I'm afraid of the consequences. My past. It's not something I can just walk away from.
"Come on, love. We should go talk to Joseph. His wife is newly pregnant," my grandmother suggests before ultimately leading my grandfather across the room.
"Don't bring any more attention to yourself today," my father grumbles.
"Yes, sir," I agree as my eyes fall to the floor. It's where they stay for the next twenty-five minutes.