Chapter 54
Ender
T he spatula scrapes across the cast-iron pan, flipping the sausage as the smell permeates through the room. My stomach gurgles, clearly indicating I'm hungry, but I can't focus on eating. No, the only thing I'm focused on is a different hunger, one that won't be satiated any time soon.
I let out a sigh of frustration, aggressively flipping the rest of the sausage. Did they really think I wouldn't hear them last night, or do they just not care? Maybe they didn't bother to think of me at all. That's more likely.
My bedroom literally shares a wall with hers. They could have done what they were planning to do in any other part of the apartment, yet they chose to do it on the other side of my fucking wall.
I thought things were going to be different when she moved in. It opened up the possibility of being with her again in the future. I was just trying to find the right moment to see if she wanted that, too. Clearly, she's been spending her time opening up to everyone else.
I hate that I'm so angry, but the fact that they were all participating is wild. All four of them, really? I take a deep breath, trying to center my thoughts, but they only get worse, more selfish.
I'm Ender Storm, some loser who could disappear, and nobody would care.
Maybe I should disappear. Once this tour is over, I could take myself out of the equation and let the four of them live out their happy little lives.
There are plenty of places where I could live in solitude.
All I'd have to do is hire someone to do my shopping.
I wouldn't even have to leave the house.
As tempting as that all sounds, I know I could never follow through with any of it.
The fact is, all of these insecure feelings are rooted solely in my desire to be with her.
Running away or even pushing things away has become a defense mechanism.
I know, it's not healthy. Thanks Mom and Dad for the abandonment issues.
My incessant self-pity isn't entirely on them, but the lackluster amount of love I received growing up was a contributing factor. I was always something my parents could profit from. Even now, I’m still their monthly paycheck.
Yes, my dumbass sends them a stipend every month because I'm a glutton for punishment.
Fucking hell. There's not enough time in the day to try and think about my mommy and daddy issues. I do need to try to figure myself out, though, because it's bleeding into too much of my future .
I flip the eggs this time, determined to finish breakfast so I can take it to her. Somehow, all those idiots left her in bed by herself, and my plan is to take full advantage of it.
A sound from behind catches my attention.
When I twist around, I’m shocked to find her standing there.
My eyes roam up the length of her body, loving the way the jean skirt hugs her hips.
The spatula falls from my hand, splattering food all over the floor, and leaving me wholly embarrassed.
I lean down to pick it up as she rushes over to do the exact same thing.
She’s right there, within reach; her body is so close to touching mine. My eyes flicker down to her lips, wondering what she would taste like as the two of us stay frozen in the moment. An elevated spark of desire holds us hostage like two magnets craving connection.
My cock stirs, and I have to break the tension. Unless I want to have a raging boner in front of the girl I'm trying to impress, I need to get my shit together.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to drop that. I'll get a paper towel so I can clean this up. I hope I didn't get anything on you."
"Hey.” She touches my arm, the warmth from her fingers sending shockwaves through my skin. “It's okay. I can clean it up."
She’s extending an olive branch. I should be nice and take it, considering she’s all I want. I don’t, though. Instead, my pea brain decides to push her further away when I say, “I’ve got it.”
I’m such a fucking idiot .
The memory of the sounds I heard through the wall last night makes me shift uncomfortably.
I bet she has no idea I heard them. If I were any kind of real man, I would scoop her up, place her ass on the counter, and position myself between those beautiful thighs.
I’m way too afraid of being rejected to try that, though.
"What’s all this food for?" The sound of her soft voice brings me from my thoughts.
"I was hoping to catch you in time and bring you breakfast in bed."
Her eyes soften, and she offers a sympathetic gaze. "If I knew breakfast in bed was a possibility, I would have stayed there a little longer."
"Next time I'll have to wake up earlier. Let me grab you a plate."
"I'm going to seem like a total bitch." She winces.
Great. This is the part where she tells me she wants nothing to do with breakfast, or me, or anything I have to offer. Sounds like the exact luck I've had over the last two years.
"Please don't hate me. I just told someone I would meet them at ten. I'm not sure I have time to eat. Can I take a rain check?"
Okay, that's something. She's not completely turning me down.
"Of course." I offer a half smile.
"I mean it. I really would like to spend some time with you. Maybe dinner! Would you want to cook for me? I can tell the others to go somewhere and entertain themselves for the night," she says.
A sigh of relief floods through me. "I would love that."
"Awesome!" She leans in to kiss my cheek. "I'll see you later then? I should really get going. I hate being late."
"Yeah, okay." I turn the stove off as she makes her way toward the door. "Hey," I call out. "Don't forget to take security with you."
She waves one last time before pulling open the door and disappearing, leaving me to my thoughts once again.
I glance around, suddenly losing my appetite.
It would be a shame to let all this food go to waste.
Might as well package it up to see if someone on the security team can find a homeless person to pass it off to.
I’m not a total menace to society, contrary to how it may seem.
The door bursts open as I’m packing everything up, and I turn to see Nix’s annoying face standing there with a bag of takeout in hand.
Sorry, buddy. She’s not going to eat your food either.
I laugh under my breath. He strides past the kitchen, not bothering to say anything before reappearing a few minutes later.
"Where's Alara?" is all he says, like I was in charge of her whereabouts.
"How about you go fuck yourself?"
"I see you're back to your usual asshole self." Nix pushes past me to place the bag in the refrigerator .
"I'm the asshole?" I huff. "You realize my room is right next to hers, right?"
His eyes briefly go wide when realization sets in. "Ender–"
"Save it." I brush him off, not caring to accept any of the pity he's about to offer.
"I'm sorry, okay." He shakes his head. "It wasn't... I don't..."
"It doesn't matter." I sigh. "She went to meet someone. I don’t know who or where. She left right before you got back up here."
I abandon the rest of the things in the kitchen, deciding to retreat to my room instead. I’ll go back out there when I don’t have to deal with him.
"Hey, Ender," Nix calls out, and I pause at my bedroom door. "I am sorry you had to hear that, for what it’s worth."
All I can muster is a nod as I disappear back into the solitude of my room, while the nagging urge to use taps at all the corners of my mind. One drink. One hit. One. That's all I need to feel better.