22. Chapter 22
Chapter twenty-two
This was the ideal way to make up for the embarrassment he had caused me last weekend. It felt like the perfect moment as we sat together, his hands gently holding my waist, watching the sun dip below the horizon.
And here we were, sitting in a house where our dreams resided. He said the house was mine, but I also was smart enough to know I signed nothing. Although, it wouldn’t surprise me if my name ended up on the title.
Then he mentioned a future with children, and my heart constricted. A familiar feeling of helplessness and profound loss washed over me. My chest was so tight, I thought I would have a panic attack like Rain had last weekend.
This led us to the moment where I hadn’t planned to break down, yet here I was, in his arms once again. He carried me downstairs to the cozy fire, where tears racked my body, placed me on the couch under a thick blanket, and settled in behind me, tracing soothing circles on my back.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and I knew he wasn’t apologizing for anything he had done. Instead, it was a heartfelt apology born from empathy, an apology for reliving this pain repeatedly.
He sat with me, his hands moving from my lower back to my hair, his touch a comforting dance around me. Leaning back into him, I closed my eyes, recognizing that it was time. I needed to share this with him, to move forward, which had been my guiding principle all along.
I leaned farther back so my back was supported by his chest and took a deep breath, preparing to open up.
“Ember, it’s okay,” Rain muttered. “You don’t have to tell me.”
Closing my eyes, I knew I had to tell him. It was time, no matter how hard it would be. I owed it to myself because there was more than one story I was trying to write today. I wanted to explore our version too.
With my eyes shut, I whispered, “I was pregnant.”
The circles stopped, but only for a moment before they continued. I kept my eyes shut, willing the tears to stay in. He stayed quiet, but I had no idea what his face looked like because I refused to look back.
I think that’s why it hurt me when I needed Maddy, my friends, my dad, my own brother the most because I was going through a simultaneous loss, and no one was there for me. They were all wrapped up in the blame game trying to figure out who was at fault for something that was so obviously no one’s fault.
All I needed was comfort.
“I-I found out the night after the accident. I thought I was throwing up constantly because I was under so much stress, but I realized that my period was late, and I took a test, and sure enough, I was pregnant.”
“Em . . .” He grabbed my shoulders, and I turned around to his deep-blue eyes that held a world of care and concern. I didn’t need his concern now, I needed it back then. Now I was a different person than I used to be.
“Let me finish,” I whispered. He nodded, and I shifted so my feet were draped over his lap, and his hands continued the comforting circles around my thighs. I inhaled as much as my lungs would allow me to.
“I was twenty weeks pregnant when I lost the baby. I’d just found out it was a little girl.” I swallowed, remembering the day I found out she didn’t have a heartbeat. I’d gotten her a little shirt in the mail that day and was so excited to put it in what would be her nursery. It was my first real purchase because coming to terms with being a single parent while grieving was so fucking hard. For a month, I was in denial I was even pregnant, but the more I had to go to ultrasounds, the more real it became for me. I remember thinking she would be my little sunshine in all the darkness.
“I was going to name her . . . Sol.” I could barely breathe as the words came out of my mouth. The only other person I’d ever told this to was my therapist. I wanted to give her a piece of her dad in her name, and it felt so fitting.
“I went to the doctor’s office.” My voice cracked, and the wetness padded the tops of my cheeks. I stared diligently at the circles that Rain kept rubbing on my leg. “I was all by myself, Rain.” I closed my eyes, unable to remember what happened because of the pain that I could feel surrounding me like an unwelcome hug.
“They told me that her heart stopped beating and I was going to have to deliver her . . . sleeping. I had to get so many ultrasounds to confirm what the doctors knew; her heart just no longer worked. It was unexplainable. No one knew why it was happening.” I swallowed so hard that my throat felt raw as the words tried to come out. “The next day, I needed to go in for them to start the labor process.” I paused as my breath quickened, and I knew I needed to get this out quickly before the pain consumed me.
“It was a sterile room. Santiago was there. He was the only one who knew what was going on and held my hand the entire twenty-four hours. I-I wouldn’t be here without him. After I gave birth to my sleeping angel, I went home and spent those four months alone in my room, and I couldn’t get out of bed.” The wetness gathered on my cheeks as Rain’s hold on me tightened.
“I knew that she had to go meet her dad first because of how special he was. She was just ready to rest with him before she had the chance to meet me. But right after it all happened? I couldn’t understand that. I was really fucking depressed. That’s when my dad started to come around a little because Santiago was worried and both of them encouraged me to talk to someone about what happened, especially because I refused to talk to my dad about it.” I sighed.
“Ember, if I had known—” I looked up for the first time since I told my story, and Rain had tears flowing freely, wetting his cheeks.
“You would have what? Come and rescued me?” I chuffed. “We both know at that time you wouldn’t have done anything.”
I sighed, realizing that sounded shitty and I didn’t mean it. “There was a lot of healing we needed to do internally in order for us to find each other again.”
He paused, then slowly brought his fingers up to his face, rubbing away my tears. “I haven’t been able to feel this intensely since he passed away.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I said, wishing I had the same problem, no, instead I did too much crying.
“Yes. I just want to . . . feel,” he whispered.
I wasn’t ready to dive into the arms of anyone right away, even a couple months ago when I first came back to Isles. If you told me I would fall in love with my late boyfriend’s brother, I would have laughed. He wasn’t there for me, and he needed to do a lot more groveling than just one weekend could allow for me to forgive him.
I learned so much about Rain these last few months. The foundation we’d built was steady, strong, and protective. Ash was always meant to be my first love—the one who would take me on a wild ride of sexual experiences and emotional rollercoasters. With Rain, it felt more consistent, and we shared a deep connection. But those were things I couldn’t see until I saw him break down last weekend in front of me.
Sitting on that couch and witnessing him crumble, I yearned to tell him that everything was all right. I had endured and come out stronger, thanks to the resilience I had discovered within myself.
“I’m okay . . . now. I’ve had a long time to process what happened.” I gave him a slight smile. “Like I said, Ash was just that special. She needed to hang out with her daddy first.”
Reaching up, I wiped the tears freely falling down his face. “Shh, it’s okay,” I whispered. “What I said in class earlier, my biggest fear is that I am not able to open my heart anymore to expose myself for more loss because I truly cannot take it after all of this.”
He paused, sighed, and looked up as if the ceiling would rain down all the answers he needed.
“He’s up there.” Rain’s voice was nothing more than a whisper.
I looked up at the ceiling, matching Rain’s movements, as if we could see Ash. My foot shook uncontrollably.
“He’s up there with his daughter—your daughter— taking good care of her.”
Thinking of what it would look like if I saw the two of them again, kicking a soccer ball together or something a dad would do, the corners of my lips twisted into a sad smile before I muttered, “Yeah, he is.”
We sat with only the crackle of fire from the hearth around us as I gained control of my chest, the air slowly making its way back to my lungs.
“I bought this house for the two of us. I-I don’t want to leave you, Ember.” He paused, and as I started to speak again, he quieted me. “I want, er, no, I hope that you are able to write me into your next chapter, because I so desperately want there to be one where we get to live our story together.”
He sighed. “You know, sometimes when you read a book, you have chapters, sure. But there are some books with entirely distinct parts, right? Like, you’ll have Part One in one section, and then you skip a couple of years, and there’s a Part Two?”
I understood his analogy completely.
“I imagine that’s what’s happening with your life story,” he continued. “That you’re capable of loving in two different ways with two different people, and they are just parts of your life. Each section contributes to the whole story, which, in your case, is still unwritten. Somehow, we’re in Part Three now.”
I couldn’t help but ask, “What was Part One?”
“The story of what it was like growing up with your mom and dad.” I chuckled a little, realizing how well I could visualize his comparison.
I shifted so I was on my knees still on the couch and leaned over so our chests were touching. “My mom used to share this saying with me when she was alive. ‘Into the darkness I’ll go, and into the light I’ll be.’”
“Mm-hm?”
With tears still staining our faces, I spoke softly. “I believe you’re my guiding light.” I caressed his face and then rested my forehead against his. “Everything I said in class, I meant it.”
He let out a slow, longing sigh as I lifted my head to meet his gaze, our eyes locking. “I think we need to stop running away from each other. Stop resisting this thing between us.”
I gestured to the house around us. “This is a pretty big grand gesture.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I suppose it was.”
“Was this with the money Mr. Ortiz wants?” I asked.
“Nah.” Rain shook his head. “I bought this house with my own funds. I needed some separation so if anything ever happened, you’d be safe.”
“So, the house is in my name?”
“Yes and no.” He stood up and walked over to the kitchen where he pulled out some papers and set them down on the coffee table next to us. I leaned over as he sat next to me.
“You’d have to sign these to officially make it yours, but it is if you want it. I guess . . . I didn’t want to scare you off again,” he murmured.
My hands grazed along the stubble on his cheeks. In the dimly lit room, the air was heavy with anticipation, thick with a desire that had simmered between us for far too long. Our eyes locked, the connection between them intense, and the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of us.
“I don’t think you can scare me off,” I mused.
My breath was caught in my throat as Rain’s hand, warm and gentle, cupped my cheek. His thumb traced a featherlight path along my jawline, sending shivers of longing down my spine. I leaned into his touch, my heart racing, and my senses heightened.
Rain’s gaze flickered to my lips, his desire mirroring mine, and then he moved closer. Our lips brushed tentatively at first, the contact as delicate as the first snowflake of winter. But the spark ignited something fierce within them.
Finally, our kiss deepened, becoming an addiction neither of us could resist. It was consuming, as if we were trying to taste every ounce of longing and desire that had built up between us. I responded in kind, running my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging gently, urging him closer. Our mouths moved in perfect harmony, a tantalizing ebb and flow of passion, each moment building upon the last.
As our tongues continued their sultry dance, a soft moan escaped my lips, mingling with the low, sensual sound that echoed from Rain.
We broke the kiss momentarily, our lips parting but hovering mere millimeters apart. Our eyes met again, the intensity of our desire reflected in the depths of our gaze.
“I don’t want to do anything you aren’t ready for,” I murmured.
“No. I want this. Us.” He looked me up and down, drinking me in. “I was scared last time because I felt like there was so much unsaid between us but . . . I am really trying.”
“I know you are.”
“Please, Ember. Kiss me.”
Then we came together once more, our lips crashing together in a fiery embrace. The kiss grew more urgent, more passionate, as if we were trying to capture every single moment we’d missed out on. Rain cupped my face and deepened the kiss even further.
Our bodies pressed against each other; the heat of our desire nearly palpable. It was a kiss that felt like a prelude to something extraordinary, a love story written in the language of our intertwined souls.
When we finally pulled away, our lips were swollen, our breaths ragged, and our hearts pounded in unison. We gazed at each other, both lost in the lust.
Rain leaned his forehead against mine, his warm breath fanning over my lips. “Ember,” he whispered, his voice husky with desire, “I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long.”
I smiled, my heart overflowing with emotion. “Me too.”
The words came tumbling out like the true confession they were. I felt every bit ready, nervous, and filled with a deep want for this man. A desire from within my core that stretched throughout my body. A need that was so . . . primal and carnal, yet full of sweet lust and love. Our lips met once more in a lingering, sweet kiss, sealing our fate.
But quickly, our mouths were doing more than just kissing. Our tongues found their place intertwined with each other as I grabbed his neck and pulled one of my legs over his other thigh so I was straddling him.
My hands dug into his coarse dark-black hair as I ground my hips into his, deepening the fevered need that I had exploding throughout every part of my body.
He carefully pulled away, but his hands found their place along my hips.
“Are you sure?” They were the only words he murmured, but with the way his tone sounded raspy, I knew he was starving in the same way that I was.
“Yes,” I whispered.
Our mouths met again, and I grabbed the hem of my shirt, peeling it over my head and exposing the lace bralette I was wearing. I was . . . well endowed, so this choice of undergarment was chosen for comfort, not for being shuffled to a country house where I was going to fuck my . . . friend, or whatever we were calling him nowadays.
I huffed in a laugh, imagining if I called him a friend out loud. What kind of punishment that would get me—or, wait . . .
“What’s got you so distracted?” Rain asked, and I pulled back, a smile twisted on my lips.
“I was just thinking how we’ve been at each other’s throats.” He nodded. His rough, thick lips met the delicate warmth of my skin as he grazed down my neck, leaving in his wake a trail of sloppy kisses.
“Mm-hm?” he murmured as he continued to indulge.
“And I was thinking of how much we’ve had to work to get to this point.” His tongue joined in on the kissing, and I let out a moan. My chest heaved up toward his as my nipples perked with the quick brush of his skin against the delicate fabric that was between us.
“Yeah?” he murmured.
“And I think . . .” I paused because I didn’t know how ballsy I wanted to be in this moment, but then the part of me growing hungry for him was like fuck it.
“I need to be punished for being a bad, naughty girl.”
His lips stopped moving, his breath quickened, and his pulse was so fast it was practically jumping out of his skin.
I looked down at him with a glint in my eye, and the man in front of me was different from the man who held me tenderly just moments before.
“Stand up, Em,” he demanded, and I obliged.
I was in my jeans and red bralette with my very hard nipples while his blue orbs drank me in—devouring every single ounce of me from head to toe.
“Is that how you want this?”
“Yes.”
That was why Rain intrigued me—drew me in. He was this perfect concoction of gentle, sweet, and protective outside the bedroom, but inside, his possessive and dominant side raged.
“When you caught me fucking the girl in the room last year, you were a curious little one who watched?”
I nodded.
“And you want me to do that to you?” he asked, and I nodded again.
“No.”
I moved to take off my jeans—Wait . . .
“What?” I barked out. The corners of his lips twisted up, and there was a mischievous glint in his eyes, but that was the only tell he wasn’t being serious.
“What do you mean, no?” I demanded, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
He got up from the couch and closed the gap between us. “Because when I am with you, I want to show you every part of me, mi pareja. I want you to reach down and pull out my deepest desires and temptations.”
I was so wet it was pooling in my panties, and I didn’t give a fuck how shamelessly I melted into a puddle for this man. “Come here,” he whispered in the shell of my ear, and I obliged, letting his hand slide onto my lower back and wrapping tightly against me.
“You wanna know what I crave deep down inside?” I nodded, yet again.
“You like running, Em?” I narrowed my eyes on him. “You like to make a big spectacle in class and leave, knowing damn well I was going to chase after you?” His face was filled with wanton desire, but his words were laced with a truthful venom.
“You liked leaving me at the house last weekend? Running away instead of staying because you knew that I was going to have to come groveling back? You knew I’d come back on my fucking hands and knees and beg for you?”
He was right. Brutally right. What this had to do with wanting him to dominate me in the bedroom though was where I was struggling to draw the connection.
“That wasn’t my intention—”
“No. I never said that. Maybe you didn’t even realize it until right now, but deep down inside, you love the idea that I have to chase you, don’t you?” I ran my tongue along my bottom lip. “You want to know what fucking turns me on the most? What I crave? What makes the darkest parts of my deepest desire?” His hand glided over my chin as he pulled me up to him.
“Answer me,” he demanded. Fuck, I loved this version of him. I loved how powerful he was.
“Y-yes,” I breathlessly let out.
“You like running away from the feelings you have for me? Do you like denying that you have always been a little curious about me, mi pareja?”
“N-no.”
He leaned down so that his mouth was hovering over mine. “Ah, but you do, princesa. You like the chase, don’t you?”
I mean, he wasn’t wrong. The more groveling he did, the more I fell for him, but I wasn’t about to admit this to him right now, especially when my knees felt like jelly and were about to fall into the puddle my pussy was making.
“Because I fucking love chasing you. I love it when you want me to beg. I love when you watch as I grovel my way back to you.” My lungs constricted. The want growing. “How does this relate to this moment, you ask?”
I didn’t, but I was curious.
“Yeah?”
“Because I don’t want to just turn you around and fuck you like I’d done hundreds of times, Em.”
I gulped. “Wha-what do you want me to do?”
He looked at the door behind us that led through the apple orchards and out toward the edge of the pines. Well, that is what you would’ve been able to see if it was daylight, but in the dark, it was eerily quiet and dark.
His eyes darted back to mine. “I want you to do what you do best, Em. I want you to fucking run, and don’t stop.” My brows were furrowed. I was standing in the freaking living room, in my bralette and jeans. It was cold outside, and the last thing I wanted to do was run around the freaking orchard and forest in the dark. That seemed . . . terrifying.
“Don’t think about it, Ember.” His eyes filled with a lustful sin, not faltering from my face. “Go and whatever you do . . . don’t let me catch you this time.”
I stared blankly at him, not sure if he was being serious, but the moment he opened the door, a mischievous glint shone in his eyes.
And without a second thought, I ran.