8. Teddy
Teddy
I glare at my prosthetic.
The damn thing might be the death of me, and for how close I came to actually dying, I consider myself an expert.
Knowing I won't get very far if I don't put the stupid thing on, I pick it up and finish clasping it to my leg.
It sits just below my knee, and while I don't fall every time I try to walk on it, I'm still not the steadiest. The doctors say I need to give it time and practice, but it's easy for them to say when they're not the ones missing a leg.
Flashes of fire burn through my memory, and I grit my teeth against the images. They're the only memories I have left of the accident. I wish I could remember how I survived the explosion when none of the other guys in my unit did, but all I have left is the memory of excruciating pain and fire.
My nightmares are the only time I get a glimpse at what happened, even if it’s my fucked-up brain creating false memories. I’m not sure what’s worse, waking up in a cold sweat after dreaming of my guys burning alive or waking up alone, knowing I was the only survivor.
No, the worst thing was waking up in the fucking hospital with no memory of how I got there.
I was told that I sent out a distress call after two IEDs took out our vehicles.
The medevac guys didn’t believe anyone was alive, but because they were thorough, they found me several feet from the rest of my team with a thready pulse and half of my left leg missing.
They flew us out of there immediately and sent me to our base in Germany.
Our best guess is that the enemy knew we were planning an ambush but miscalculated the timing. We think they set up the bombs on their way to their hideout, believing they’d catch us on our way there. Instead, they caught us on our way out. We got our guy, but they got their revenge.
A quiet knock on my front door has my head whipping up. Who the fuck would be visiting me? It’s not like I advertised moving into the house. I’m pretty sure people believe this place is condemned. For all I know, it actually is. It’s not the worst place I’ve ever slept, but it’s also not great.
Curiosity pushes me to find out who’s here, so I slowly make my way toward the front door and open it.
The second I see her dark brown hair, I freeze.
Maybe it was idiotic to believe that I could move to Sonoma and never see Lottie.
Actually, I’m going to blame the cocktail of pain meds I was on in the hospital for my lapse in judgment.
The doctors wanted me to put down a home address. At the time, I didn’t have anywhere else but the base in Lejeune. I could’ve used it, I guess, but I was pissed off about being medically discharged and didn’t have any other options but Grandad’s house.
Whether Lottie still lived in town or not, I knew she was close with her family. Running into her was inevitable, even if I had grand delusions of avoiding her.
And there she stands, looking just as fucking gorgeous as always. Even more so now that she's grown into a woman instead of the young girl I remember. Time has only made her more beautiful.
“Teddy,” she whispers, her eyes wide as she takes me in. I lean against the doorjamb, staring at her through the screen. I don’t want her inside this house, nor do I want to talk to her any longer than it takes to get rid of her.
She doesn’t need to know how fucked up I’ve become. I was battling plenty of demons before the mission. Now, I’m a walking shadow of the man I once was.
“What are you doing here?” The vitriol in my voice causes her to step back.
“I just… I…” She swallows. “I overheard people talking about somebody moving in here, and I wanted to see who it was.”
For some reason, that pisses me off. “So you decided to drive out to the middle of nowhere, by yourself , to see if a stranger was living in this house? Could you be any more stupid?”
She sucks in a breath, and for half a second, I feel guilty.
Then my brain kicks in and reminds me this is for the best. I’m half the man I used to be, and even then, I wasn't good enough for her.
I don't want her to get any ideas that something could potentially happen between us just because I moved to town.
All of that went up in a blaze of smoke.
Not that it was even a possibility before.
Her shoulders straighten as she lifts her head. Pride swells in my chest at her strength, but I shove it back down.
“I just wanted to know what was going on. I needed to know if you were even alive.”
“Well, now you know.” I'd turn around and slam the door in her face, but I wouldn’t be able to do it as smoothly as I’d like. There’s no reason for her to see my weaknesses.
She grits her teeth, eyes blinking rapidly. “Now I know.” Her voice cracks as she turns and walks back to her car .
Ignoring the ache in my chest, I watch her get in and back out of the driveway. I don't close the door until her car is a speck in the distance.
Pissing her off wasn't exactly in my plan. Granted, I didn’t have a plan to begin with, other than false hope that I wouldn't have to see her anytime soon. I definitely didn't think it would be a week after I moved in. Then again, I don't think I could prepare for anything around Lottie.
Meeting her was a freak occurrence in itself.
I don’t like being the asshole in her story. Chasing away her smile is the opposite of what I want, but I don’t have a choice. She’s never going to be mine, so the sooner I accept the reality, the better.
All I need is a place to settle. Somewhere I can live peacefully, without the demons in my head getting any louder.
If I can find some quiet, I might just be able to survive this life.