Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Holy shit. That wasn’t how she’d planned on telling him. But it was the truth. The god-awful truth. And now the words were out there.
After she’d blurted out those five words, she’d dropped her gaze to his chest. She watched the rhythmic rise and fall of his breath, analyzed every detail of the golden skin that she’d kissed not too long ago.
Because she didn’t want to see his expression. Didn’t want to see him look at her with horror. With disgust.
Today had been spectacular. While getting pushed and banged up had been awful, she didn’t regret any of it, because it had led to this.
Being with Xander. Wild sex and making love and all the intimate, mind-blowing moments in between.
Starting the day and ending it in his arms had warmed parts of her soul that she hadn’t known existed.
It had been a truly wonderful and life-changing day.
Then he’d asked one simple question, and she had to go and ruin it.
She could have easily evaded and given him a watered-down version of the truth. But he didn’t deserve that. Hell, he deserved so much better than her.
God, this sucked.
Awkward seconds ticked by, but she couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze.
Then he gently pressed a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. “Freya,” he whispered. “Please look at me.”
When she met his eyes, her heart squeezed with surprise. There was no horror. No disgust. Only concern. And so many unanswered questions.
“Talk to me, Frey. Please.”
For a moment, she froze. God help her, she wanted to, wanted to tell him everything. But fear held her back.
He pressed his lips gently against hers. A quick kiss that was feather-light and calmed her heart with its simplicity.
His earlier words echoed in her mind: “You can trust me. When you’re ready.”
At the time, she’d told him that she did trust him, and that still held true. She just prayed that when he knew the full truth about what she’d done, that he wouldn’t walk away.
She took a deep breath in for courage and then slowly exhaled. His brown eyes remained locked on hers, remained steady.
“I’d just turned sixteen,” she began. Her stomach twisted with nerves and gut-wrenching memories.
“At that point, Axel had laid down some pretty strict rules for me, and I was pushing every boundary I could.” Looking back, the rules were simply a big brother trying to keep his youngest sibling safe.
But at the time, they had been stifling and unfair.
“It was the weekend before Halloween, and there was a party I wanted to go to. Axel said absolutely not. When he went to his room for the night, I snuck out. Earlier that day, I’d parked my car on the street so no one would hear it start up—I thought I was so damn smart—and went to pick up Sarah, my best friend. ”
Her insides squeezed, and she blinked back tears.
So much heartbreak. So much regret. “In the back of my mind, deep in my gut,” she continued, “I knew it wasn’t a good idea.
I’d just gotten my driver’s license, so I knew I wasn’t supposed to have passengers for the first six months, but I didn’t care.
I was so tired of all of Axel’s rules. Be home by ten.
Dress like a nun. No boyfriends. No makeup. No fun.”
Idiot. She’d been such a fool.
“Sarah and I made it to the party—some house in the middle of nowhere between Blanchard Bay and Bellingham.” She recalled some Maroon 5 song blaring on the speakers, and the smell of too many clashing perfumes and colognes and spilled beer combining into a nauseating aroma.
It should have been an omen. “There were kids from our high school there, and a ton of kids we didn’t know.
We were there for about an hour when my brother texted me. ”
Goosebumps rose over her skin at the memory.
Axel
If you don’t get your ass back home this instant, I will drive out there and pick your ass up my damn self.
He’d included a screenshot of her location on their phone tracker.
Shit, shit, shit!
And just so you know, Sarah’s mom called me and asked if she could drop anything off for brunch tomorrow. You know, since Sarah is apparently here for a sleepover. What the fuck, Freya?
Oh, shit! Bile rose in her stomach, and she frantically glanced around looking for Sarah. Spotting her across the room with a couple seniors from their school, Freya rushed over.
“What’s up, girl?” a familiar-looking guy said, handing her a shot glass of who knows what. “Bottoms up!”
Setting her can of beer on a table, she slammed back the shot and winced. Ugh. Whiskey. Gross. “Thanks,” she said with a pained smile and grabbed Sarah’s hand. “I need to talk to you.”
Pulling her friend to the side, she showed Sarah the texts from her brother.
Sarah’s green eyes widened. “Shit. Did Axel say I wasn’t at your place?”
She shrugged. “You know as much as I do.”
“Shit, we have to get out of here.” Sarah pulled her toward the front door and stumbled.
Freya grabbed her friend by the waist, concerned. “How much did you have to drink?”
“Just a beer and a couple shots.” Sarah frowned. “Are you okay to drive?”
Freya nodded. “Only had that shot just now. The beer was nasty, so I was only holding it.”
“Oh no,” Sarah grumbled, hesitating in the doorway.
Crap. The rain had started to really come down.
Grabbing Sarah’s hand, she squeezed. “Ready?”
With a squeal, they raced to her car and jumped inside. Freya quickly started it up, cranked up the heat, and grabbed her phone.
We’re heading back now. I’m sorry.
Have you been drinking?
She grimaced. They were in the middle of nowhere and it would take at least half an hour to get back to Blanchard Bay.
No. Can Sarah spend the night?
No. Take her ass home.
But she’s been drinking! And you know how her mom is . . .
For fuck’s sake, Freya.
Fine. Sarah can spend the night. But I swear to God, you and I are gonna have a serious fucking talk when you get home.
She could feel her brother’s frustration through the phone, and guilt swamped her. Along with a slightly warm and hazy feeling from that stupid whiskey shot.
I’m sorry. On our way back now.
Huffing out a breath, she tossed her phone into the cup holder. She had to get them home.
She glanced at her friend. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” Sarah replied with a sigh, sinking into her seat. “My mom’s gonna kill me.”
She pulled her car into the street. “Axel said you could spend the night. I hope you don’t kill me, but I told him you’ve been drinking.”
“What?” Sarah shot up in her seat.
Freya held up a hand as she turned onto the two-lane highway that would lead them back to Blanchard Bay.
Her eyes narrowed. The rain made the lines on the road hard to see.
“I asked him if you could spend the night, and he said no. So I told him you’ve been drinking and that he knows how your mom is, and so he said yes.
Wouldn’t you rather have my brother know than your mother? ”
Sarah flopped her head back into the seat. “Ugh, God. My mom threatened to ground me until— Look out!”
A deer stood in the middle of the road, frozen in her headlights.
With a panicked scream, she yanked the steering wheel to the right. The car jerked and dipped as they hit gravel and then grass.
Trees filled her windshield.
Crying out, Freya pulled the steering wheel to the left. With her heart threatening to beat out of her chest, the road came into view. She tried to readjust but lost control. The car crossed to the other side of the road. Lights blinded her, and someone screamed. Her? Sarah? She wasn’t sure.
There was a deafening crash.
A tight pressure against her chest had her breath seizing. Glass shattered. Metal crunched. An awful burning scent overwhelmed her.
Her ears rang, and she blinked.
Silence.
Sarah came into focus. She was still in the passenger seat, but her head lay at an odd angle against the dash. A trickle of blood ran down her friend’s forehead. Sarah’s green eyes stared off in front of her.
“Sarah?” she whispered, her throat burning.
Nothing.
Why isn’t she blinking? Why isn’t Sarah blinking?!
Freya’s racing pulse hit panic mode, and she screamed her friend’s name again, begging her to blink.
Another deafening crash exploded, and her body was painfully in motion.
Then everything went black.
“I’d swerved to the right to miss the deer, and we went off the road.
I swerved back to the road to avoid the trees but overcorrected.
An oncoming pickup truck slammed into my passenger side.
Everything was hazy and everything hurt.
I remember seeing Sarah in the passenger seat.
There was metal all around her, and her eyes were open.
She looked shocked, but all the light was gone from her eyes.
” Freya’s chest squeezed painfully tight, like someone was ripping out her heart, like she was back there trapped in her car.
“The last thing I remember thinking was ‘Blink. Please blink.’ But there was nothing. Then another car hit us, and everything went dark.” She sniffed and swallowed past the rock lodged in her throat.
“I killed her. I killed my best friend.”
A sob tore through her. She was vaguely aware of Xander wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. All she could focus on were her memories. Her heart was breaking all over again.
And it was all her fault.