Chapter Introducing Mrs. Collins
Dear Eliza,
I write to you with bad news. I am no longer with child.
I had the first signs that this was happening a few days ago, and my body has now given it up.
Mrs Brooke tended me with great care, and my mother is now here and will stay a while.
Her absence in Meryton may be noticed. She suggested I write to you.
I do not think she had in mind a full confessional but, if I write to you, I must tell the truth, or else why make the effort at all.
I have always known, as you must have, that this kind of loss is common enough, which always made me think (if I did ever think about it – I hardly did) that the feelings connected to it would also be common enough.
I was wrong. My world feels overturned, and I do not know where to place my hopes now.
I feel at sea, unrooted. Nothing holds meaning for me.
My husband, my home, my friends, leave me cold. I can attach to nothing.
My body is very weak. Mrs Brooke says all situations like this are very different, but mine has taken a lot from me.
I should feel pity for my body, perhaps, and want to care for it.
I feel only anger at it. It has let me down so badly.
I should never have trusted it. I feel empty, Eliza, so empty and so pointless.
I should not write to you in this state, I know, but I know not how else to write.
I am assured I will rally. I assume I shall. If you have any news, I would welcome a distraction.
Yours in friendship,
Charlotte
However, just as Charlotte was preparing to have it posted, she was pre-empted by her friend: a letter arrived from Longbourn.